Alright folks,
recently, I reconnected with my former best friend in the world. we were absolutely thick as thieves in high school and did everything together. they were my kindred spirit and I really loved them!
we had a huge falling out many years ago because a mutual friend of ours was spreading rumours about me that I was a liar, and they decided to believe our mutual friend over me. I had no chance to defend myself, as my best friend completely cut off all communication with me. it was devastating but I did come to realise that our friendship probably wasn’t the healthiest, and although it was so hurtful at the time, I moved on, lived my life and to be honest, found better and healthier relationships!
about a year ago, this former bestie of mine messaged me wanting to catch up over a meal. I accepted and we had a lovely dinner together, reminiscing, catching up on old times and where the years have taken us. At the end of the night we parted ways (she just said a super quick goodbye and abruptly left) and I have hardly heard from her since!
just this week, I received another message from them, wondering if I’d like to catch up again. I’m honestly not sure how I feel about it or what their motives are. It’s strange.
so wise folk, what would you do in my situation???
Comments
Yes if you miss them and want to be close again. No if you can’t trust them and feel they will drag you down.
Do you want to? If yes, then do. If no, then don’t.
Just ask them. Why are they rekindling?
Have you discussed the abrupt termination of your relationship at all?
Or asked, out of curiosity, without anger, what motivated her to reach out after all these years?
Or are the 2 of you awkwardly pretending nothing happened?
I’d want to know why she wants back into your life, even somewhat…no part-timers or fakers!
i believe you know the answer to your question already 🙂
This had to be very traumatic and I can not imagine how hard it was
But I have to ask, did they apologize or just ignore it? Not even bring it up?
No apology, you did nothing wrong
No way I would let someone like that back in my life
Your best friend is supposed to have your back through thick and thin.
You two against the world
Um, you say: “our friendship probably wasn’t the healthiest, and although it was so hurtful at the time, I moved on, lived my life and to be honest, found better and healthier relationships!”
So why would you want to reconnect? The past is past, and the present is better. Don’t go back. No need to be rude or anything, you just don’t (ever) have time to get together. They’ll get the picture.
She wants to sell you Amway.
Happy you were able to reconnect but why are you referring to him or her as “them”?
No!
People change. You have and she likely has too. Given how things ended, you have every right to feel a little guarded. If you’d like to see where this friendship goes, take it slow, trust your gut. She broke your emotional trust in siding with the mutual friend, so if you want to re-establish a friendship, you should be smart about it, take your time and if she’s worthy of your trust, make her earn it back. If she has ulterior motives they will present themselves to you, and if not– hey you’ve rekindled a friendship.
We only have 1 life to live. Do it
You’ve avoided talking about the elephant in the room with this best friend. Personally, I’d want to know why after all these years they have a desire to reconnect. I reconnected with my best friend from high school a few years ago. I married young and had children and lost all contact with her when she took the college path. First thing I did was apologize for not keeping in contact all those years. I deeply regretted it and now we have a great relationship meeting for lunch a few times a year. We live about 2 hours away from each other. Relationships take work. If you want to continue with your friend, you need to be honest with each other. Only then will you know if you should continue to keep the friendship going.
Doesn’t seem like it was some big drama a year ago when you reconnected so why find it strange and suspicious this time?
“Hardly heard from her” meaning what exactly? You reached out? She touched base?
I think it doesn’t have to be that big a deal – it either feels like a pointless exercise to you or you see some point in going through with it.
You might as well keep going until you have a reason not to. Everybody needs some friends.
What’s the worst that can happen, it doesn’t work out? If so, you are no worse off than now. I have tried to reconnect with several old friends over the years.
Childhood best friend – met up with him after about 15 years, didn’t work out.
College roommate – had a falling out, made an effort to contact him again, stayed best friends until he died.
High school best friend – reached out to me after 25 years, still in contact, he & his wife stayed at my house not too long ago.
You need to write down everything your remember, not that they will remember things the way you do.
You have to ask the hard questions of people, it’s that simple.
You’ve both changed. Perhaps you can have a healthy friendship now. If you’re going to be suspicious, though, avoid her.
I reconnected with my childhood (9-16) BFF. Then she reminded me of all the toxic reasons I cut her off in the first place. Peace has no price.
I have several old friends. We occasionally chat and share some facebook stuff but after all these years we really don’t have much in common. If we met on the street it would be friendly and a 30 min coffee visit every once in a while would be fine but trying to revive the old feelings? Probably not.