Hey everyone,
I’m a 21-year-old guy, my girlfriend is 20, and we’ve been together for two years. We love each other and have a great relationship overall, but our sex life has become pretty monotonous and infrequent. We’re usually open and honest with each other, and we’ve talked about trying new things in bed, but nothing really ends up happening. We usually have sex about once a week, and it’s always the same.
She’s often tired and doesn’t seem too interested in changing things. I, on the other hand, would like to have sex more often, and not just more frequently, but also with more variety and excitement.
I never pressure her into anything, and I deeply respect her. I have no intention of cheating. I love her too much for that. But I can’t help feeling like this part of my life is unfulfilled, and I’m starting to run out of ideas on how to improve the situation.
Has anyone been through something similar? What did you do? Any advice on how we could reconnect sexually?
Comments
this is me except my husband acts like your gf
21 yo and only having sex 1x a week?
no no no no no
you need OUT of that
Were you aware of this before y’all became intimate?
If not, communicate this with her. If so, then you made a decision that you should either honor or step away from. Intimacy discussions are healthy and if you can’t have it with her, then y’all should seek relationships with someone you can talk to and have a healthy understanding of what fulfills each other.
Then do it to porn or leave tf
Does she enjoy sex when you do have it, or does she think of it as something she has to do to keep you happy?
Where I am at is that we are not on the same page about when we want to. I am more interested in the evening, he is interested in the morning. I am zero interested in being woken up to participate. This was my opinion before we even got married two decades ago. I don’t deny him, but I am not into it because I don’t even want to be awake.
r/DeadBedrooms may offer some insight. i really recommend communicating this to her, and letting her know the importance of sex to you in a relationship. let her know how much it’s negatively affecting you. opening the door to this sort of conversation now will save you heart ache down the road. good luck, OP; wishing you all the best.
If you’re not happy with her sex drive then leave.
Once it’s done, it’s done. If you want relations in a monogamous relationship, you need to move on.
She may have an issue with her hormones. That’s a strange age to be avoiding sex unless she’s just not that into you. Is she receiving pleasure from the exchange as well??
I like to have morning sex. Could help with her being tired at end of day. Maybe watch porn and talk about the positions you are watching that you’d be interested in trying? Ask if she’s interested in wearing a tail? Buy her something sexy and tell her you had to get it for her, you thought she’d look amazing in it. Have foods that are aphrodisiacs like oysters or chocolate?
I’m (20m) in a similar kind of situation with my current partner. We used to have a lot of sex (at least once every other day, sometimes more). They rarely initiate sex anymore, it’s mostly me now. But once I’ve initiated it, they are more than happy to have sex with me.
We usually have sex once a week or so at this point, and I would very much like to have more, but I’m very tired of being the one to initiate it.
We have a very content relationship otherwise, we just both have very demanding jobs and lives outside our relationship, so we both end up pretty tired at the end of the day. I haven’t managed to find a permanent solution other than bringing it up every now and then to remind them that I’d like to not be the only one to initiate it.
The sex we do have is good sex. I’d just like it to be more frequent. So I don’t have any advice, just some solidarity.
Perhaps try listening to Esther Perel’s podcast, Where Should We Begin (find one you like and perhaps the 2 of you can listen together).
Esther is a therapist who deftly and frankly helps couples with sexual matters. You could also reach out to her to discuss your situation. You dont have to struggle alone.
Not all but a lot of women when stressed their libido greatly decreases. Then sex just becomes a chore or another task they have to complete. Is she really stressed?
There’s so many variables, is she asexual? Is she gay? Is she suffering from any conditions (depression, anxiety, trauma, chronic illness etc)? Are you just doing it with no foreplay?
Women also need that emotional connection, like being interested in her and her hobbies etc, and giving her affection without any sexual undertones, men often times will neglect some aspect of their partner and will wonder why they aren’t interested, they aren’t just wanting to fuck, they want to be loved
Best thing to do is just ask her nicely, like hey I noticed you haven’t been too interested in intimacy, do you know why that is? Is there anything I can change or improve that would make the experience better?
Girl right here, just track her cycles and make a better effort when she’s ovulating, not kidding, it works
the most you can do is make her feel no pressure bit explain that you do want it often if she is up to it.
let her initiate and be affectionate with her with no excpectations of anything sexual.
try to take care of your needs yourself.
of all that does not result in you being fine with the situation, the only choice is to break up or be silently a bit less happy
Role plays? Go out for dinners? Sometimes women like to be pampered which would lead to sex. Seems like she doesn’t know much about sex or isn’t interested in sex. If it’s the second latter, you either accept it or move on.