Throw away bc I don’t want the guy I’m dating to find this. So I’ve been dating this guy for around 6 months. He’s quiet, introverted, doesn’t have many friends and is just the shy guy type. I like this about him. He’s fun to be with and I can tell he is never judgemental or 2 faced. We get along really well and have similar lifestyles.
We were talking about our experiences/style of intimacy. He said he hasn’t tried a lot of wild things, he hasn’t had a sexual partner in almost 2 yrs and didn’t have a gf before that. So he’s done mostly just normal sexual stuff. I’m fine w normal nothing wrong w it. I prefer things to start that way. I myself haven’t had any “kinky” experience besides what I’ve done to myself…
I won’t say what I want, but I want to ask him if he would participate in it. He’s a sweet guy, he might say no and I’m afraid to shatter what we have going. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if we never did these things so I could live without it. But I’d love for him to do it to me.
How do I talk to him about this w/o it sounding instructional or pushing him away?
Comments
I would say you’ve gotta talk about the wild side as soon as you’re comfortable being nekkid with him.
We’re all curious now.
What DO you want in bed?
Ask him how he feels about those things. That would be the first question. I guess that some people wouldn’t care? Other people will get offended? Just be normal and don’t step on any problems?
Just talk to him about it. He needs to know because maybe it’s something he would be willing to try
Just bring up your fantasies. You can start tamer. I was more vanilla before meeting my ex. We just talked and slowly tried things. If he’s shy you may have to take lead at first. 6 months is still new, you have plenty of time to work in new things to try.
Drop hints and gauge his response. No need to bomb what you have, but give him a chance to surprise you.
As a kinky girl myself, it’s best to start slow so you don’t scare them away. Just get the conversation going about what turns you on and let it flow into whatever it is that you like, but maybe don’t get into the heavy duty stuff right away. Impact play is pretty common, being a rope bunny, stuff like that- all very tame to start with. I don’t think those things would “ruin” a relationship.
I’m into all kinds of stuff and my husband is quite happy with just vanilla sex. It requires a lot of communication. There’s also a lot of “okay I like this, you don’t feel comfortable, we won’t”, and “I’m willing to try but no promises that I’ll like it”. So just be gentle with how you bring it up. Instead of going straight to a vampire paddle, maybe start with a hand, you know?
I’ll say a prayer for him. You’ll be ok with it now – years from now it’ll be a problem guaranteed. Seen this story and been in this story enough to know the reality.
What do you want to do? Your Anonymous we can’t judge you.
Depending on how important your kinks are to your relationship
I learnt through a series of relationships I had with amazing women but inevitably ended, my kinks, at least some of the time and semi regularly were nonnegotiable for me to be sexually fulfilled.
Now I only date long term, kink compatible people, and I’m much happier for it.
I’m a very introverted guy, was shy, now a days acting shy (or just call me conservative for a more accurate word), but I can be the very other way around if the situation calls for it (others are already talking about explicit stuff for example), then I would be their Quagmire.
my point is, communication, I wouldn’t think it would push him away when you just ask him how he feels about x or y, if you are not trying to force anything then it’s alright, maybe he would be willing, maybe he would think about it, maybe he is not but he certainly wouldn’t be pushed away.
honestly even if simple communication pushed him away, then it is what it is, but I do believe in direct respectful consensual communication and nothing else.
Just communicate it with him. Couples discuss kinks & fantasies all the time and it’s extremely important and healthy conversation to have with someone who you’re becoming or are intimate with. If his body language is uncomfortable or he shuts down just tell him it’s ok if he’s not ready to talk about it. 🤍🤍
It sounds more like you dont want to be judged or scare him off. Because conversations are easy. Reactions are more complex.
My advice is to drop the bomb. It lands or misses. No harm in being yourself as it is still something you want.
I would get it if you were 18 and wanted to space dock. But, after a certain point in life, you just got to go all in. No point in waiting to see if they are the one you want or not.
7+ billion people on the planet. It will be fine either way.
But, I hope he responds in a manner you enjoy.
I would wait and do normal stuff for a while. Later when you are both comfortable then talk about the possibility. Tell him then that it’s ok not to if it’s not for him.
I think if you open up a dialogue with him just asking about whether it’s something he’d be interested in trying, then it might make him feel comfortable sharing something he’d want to try, and also just lead to better sex in general. Also, if you try it and it’s not something you like, then that’s something you can learn!
Just literally discuss it with him if he’s comfortable with it; or perhaps conversely is not??? Communication is key in any relationship…I’m a guy, haven’t had a relationship in years…and by all appearances would probably seem “vanilla” but I got a bit of that DAWG in me… 😆