My mom confessed to me that she had recently messed around w/the man who SAd me as a minor, & I don’t know what else to do

For context, I (30F) was SAd by my stepdad when I was 13, and again when I was 18. I had made a post about it a couple of years ago, here’s the link in case you need to read for more context https://www.reddit.com/r/sexualassault/comments/y8qhw7/this_is_what_happened_when_i_was_sexually/

This is a lot to unravel, so I apologize if my typing is all over the place. A lot has been on my mind, and this issue has been making me angry, worried, and anxious all at once. I will do my best to explain the events that follow to what has happened recently.

Back in 2023, I made a personal decision to create a TikTok video in which I publicly confessed what he had done to me and how my mother had done nothing to address the issue, instead allowing him to continue living under the same roof as me and effectively ignoring the problem.

While I didn’t disclose any personal information, such as names or company names, some family members followed me, and they knew who I was talking about. Additionally, due to my large following, I didn’t realize that my mom’s coworkers, including her boss, had followed me on the platform and seen the video. They know who he is and have seen him. It backfired on my mom while she was at work; her boss, coworkers, and family members called her nonstop, asking if she was okay, or why she was still allowing a monster to be around, or that she was just as bad as him for not doing anything about the problem at the time. A lot of the family on both sides completely cut him out of their lives, including his nieces and nephews. Not to mention, there were a few female family members who had come forward in my DMs to tell their testimonies to me about what he did to them as kids or how uncomfortable he’s made them and their kids feel.

At the time, I discussed this with my husband, and we both agreed not to allow my mom into our house until she stopped supporting her husband. As for him, we’d call the cops if he tried to set foot on our property for any reason. I texted this to my mom, telling her that this was my idea and it’s for the best. I even said to her that we can still hang out at public places, but not at my home or hers. Moments later, instead of calling me to talk about it, she texted a long paragraph to my husband, basically saying that she blamed him for splitting the family apart, that everything was fine until he came along, and that he was keeping me from seeing my family and her. For context, it’s because my husband was the only one who truly listened to me and told me that what my stepdad had done to me wasn’t right, and the fact that my mom and the family have kept this a secret for so long is disgusting and cruel. According to my mom, she had said those things to my husband because she was “upset”. This did break the bond between her and my husband, so even today, he refuses to see or talk to her, even though she wants to apologize. When I saw the text she sent to him, it broke me so much that I told her I don’t want to see or talk to her, and that if she comes unannounced, I’m calling the cops.

There was a 2-week period where I didn’t speak or see her at all. Because I love and care for my mom, it made me so depressed and sad that the separation broke me every single day. After my husband and my grandma spoke to me about maybe considering trying to talk to her and see what can be done, I agreed, and we set a meet-up at my grandma’s house. There was a lot of yelling and crying between her and me. Still, after hearing each other out and her hearing how I’ve felt for so long, she finally apologized and said she’d make changes immediately because the separation hurt her a lot too.

Finally, she put her foot down and told him that she wanted a divorce. This wasn’t the first time he’d heard this, but this time she meant it. We thought he’d do something crazy, but thankfully, he took the high road and agreed to move out of the house and live somewhere else. My mom would update me about the divorce process, including how she’d finally taken him off her bank account, set boundaries when he came over to see my siblings and my nephew (mind you, my sister, brother, his wife, and 1-year-old son lived there), and had a lawyer with whom she’d been discussing past issues with her creepy husband and other matters.

It seemed like everything was going great, and I was finally starting to see some changes. Recently, in February of this year, I went over to see my nephew, but unfortunately, he wasn’t there. It was just my mom and my sister who were sleeping in her room, so I decided to stay and hang out with my mom for a little while instead. As we were talking about how things have been going on our ends, she started acting nervous. I asked her what was wrong. She told me, “Mija, I did something bad” in the weirdest, guilty teenage girl tone I’ve ever heard from her. I joked by saying, “What did you do? Sleep with a man?”

I remember the weird, guilty look she had on her face when she told me that she slept with someone, and then confessed that it was with her creep-husband, but then continues by sugar coating it by saying something along the lines of, “well, it wasn’t sex. We just messed around.” She noted that it was a moment of weakness, that she was feeling a little lonely at the time. Oh, but according to her, it didn’t mean anything, and that she wasn’t going to do it again. I (my siblings included) mentioned to her that doing that has most likely drilled the idea into his creepy brain that the divorce really isn’t going to happen, and that there’s still a chance for them to fix their relationship. She stated that she made it clear to him that that changed nothing, and that the divorce is still happening.

Through text, I spoke to my sister-in-law about it, asking if she knew about the incident at the house. She tells me that yes, it did happen, but this wasn’t the first time, and that lately he’s been coming over to the house A LOT. According to her, almost every night, he’d come over uninvited throughout the evening, say that he’s coming over to see my sister, brother, and nephew, but is only coming over to see my mom. My sister-in-law, my grandma, and I can see through the facade that he’s only coming over for my mom. She tells me that before, my mom would allow him to stay over when he purposely got himself drunk. She lets him sleep in her room “on the floor” like some weird slumber party, and that, after the “messing around” issue, he now sleeps on the couch in the living room and won’t leave until the next day around noon. Mind y’all, throughout the morning until the afternoon, my sister-in-law and my 1-year-old nephew are home alone with this creepy man, while my mom, sister, and brother go to work. Creep-husband has a job, he owns his company, but never goes on time at 9 am, and dares to ask my mom for money from time to time. My sister-in-law had told me before of her testimony of him doing something creepy and uncomfortable to her, and that she’s always creeped out whenever he comes over. She’s tried talking to my brother about it, siding with me and all, but tells me it leads to him getting angry and them arguing about it, and now she doesn’t like bringing it up to him because she doesn’t want to fight with him. And yes, my brother knows about what his creepy dad did to his wife; she’s told him before. But according to my sister-in-law, he told her to keep it a secret and not tell my mom, because if that were to happen, she’d make sure to keep creep-husband away, and he doesn’t want his father/son relationship to become bad.

When I went over to the house yesterday to drop something off for my mom, thankfully, creep-husband wasn’t there. However, I stayed a little while to talk to my sister-in-law about it and to see my nephew. It angered me when she told me that lately she’s been having nightmares of him touching her wrongfully. At this point, she knows that she and her son don’t feel safe in that house. Finally, someone understands what I had to go through for years.

Believe me, writing all this down right now has got me fuming. For 3 months now, this whole situation and the lies have been eating me and her alive. I can’t stop thinking about it. I can’t stop having trauma nightmares of him again. I can’t stop crying and worrying about my nephew and my sister-in-law. It’s like my siblings and mom don’t see the problem at all, and all they want is to be one happy family again.

In reality, I can’t do anything about it. I don’t live there anymore. They’re not kids, they’re adults. That house is under Creep’s name, so he can come and go as he pleases. He’s threatened my mom before; he’d sell the house without informing her and my siblings. He’s threatened many times to end his life for her. Thankfully, he’s done nothing physical to her and my family, but to be real with y’all — he’s given death stares to those who tell him to calm down or step away. He’s gone to prison for smuggling drugs and even lied about it to his parents and others that he was innocent. He’s been arrested for many DWIs in the past. He’s taken drugs (cocaine primarily) and almost died from it. He tried fighting my uncle and grandfather when they were taking my mom, my siblings, and me to safety and away from him because he was drunk and acting very hostile. He’s intentionally caused a near-physical altercation with a group of young guys and girls because they were parking a little too close to his vehicle one time, and I had to be the one to break the fight up and apologize to the group. He once scared the living hell out of a woman on the road back when we were kids, that he sped and followed her (with my mom screaming at him to stop, and my sister and I in the back crying in fear) and started throwing things at the female driver. According to my grandma, he had once prevented everyone from coming to see my mom and I when I was a baby, that he purposely locked the gate up (we used to live at his parents’ ranch back then), and my grandma had to dig underneath the gate to get in and take me somewhere safe.

I do not care what happens to this creep. I do care about what happens to my family and nephew, though. And I’m deeply terrified that if he can do all of what I just told y’all, he probably can do even crazier things.

I’m unsure what to do anymore. I’m unsure whether I should tell my mom directly about what he did to my sister-in-law. I don’t know if doing that would cause a fight between him and my sister-in-law; the last thing I want is for them to separate. I’m also uncertain about whether I should report the incident to the police at this point. I don’t know if talking to my mom about all of this again would help, or if she’ll listen. She seemed not to listen and has kept this creepy secret from me for a whole year, so I doubt talking will do any good.

I know for certain that I no longer wish to go to that house. It doesn’t feel safe to me anymore, knowing that he could still be asleep on the couch. I don’t even know if I want to talk to my mom; what she said to me, and now that I know the whole truth, I see her as this disgusting, lying, delulu woman. Hell, with Mother’s Day just around the corner, I don’t even know if getting her a gift is a good idea either.

If there’s anyone who’s gone through something like this, please, I need advice on what to do, or if there’s anything I can do at this point.