I don’t want to get too much into it, but my family has had a year and a half cheating scandal going on. It’s been draining for all of us, and a lot of nasty and awful things have been done and said. Today was the last straw for my mom though, she left today and hopefully a peaceful divorce can come from this, but I doubt it.
I honestly think she was just saying awful things to get a reaction outta me and my sister, but she was honestly just lying, like saying me and my sisters were mistakes and not planned ( objectively not true, at least for my sister) or that I’m a college dropout out for just changing my major..? Or that she was always very passive aggressive with my sister.
My mom was a highschool dropout out, and had a baby very young, this isn’t me trying to speak badly of her, but I think she might be jealous of my sister for not being a fuck up? And me to a certain extent? She’s a 4.0 tennis player AND has a job, I’m not as cool as her, but I did graduate highschool and just finished my first year of college up. (It was my last final today, actually)
So, I’m just curious, is it genuinely possible for a parent to hate their kids? I’ve always thought people just kind of always loved their kids, even if they’re shitty, that it’s something innate almost..? But, I’m not a parent, and I know “love” can have all kinds of definitions. But, my sister says she thinks our mom genuinely might hate her, and that breaks my heart. Cus I can’t even blame her
I just feel really shitty to be honest, saying she didn’t love us and that we were mistakes, I’m feeling very burned from school, and it was my 20th birthday last week, but, sadly anyone I want to do something with are busy. Not sure why I’m posting this, just feel like a loser honestly right now.
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Shitty people say shitty things to their kids. You are a delight. Don’t let her words bring you down.
Often, people who became parents at a young age resent their kids for “taking away” some part of their life. That’s unfair to you, you didn’t choose to come into the world. Your parents brought you into the world and their job is to support and care for you into adulthood. It doesn’t sound like they are doing their job.
It’s hurtful to have your mom say things like that. I would never put any burden like that on my child. You are a special person, regardless of your mom’s unkind words. What kind of person says hateful things to their child and then leaves them to pick up the pieces? Take care of yourself and your sister. I hope you have peace.
Unfortunately there are some very terrible people in the world. All of the children abused, neglected, or killed by their parents, they were not loved by their piece of shit parents.
That being said, I don’t know your parents, and I don’t know your mom. It sounds like she has some things to work through though, and she’s projecting her anger on her kids. I think she needs therapy, and yall need a few group sessions as well.
This is coming from someone who had a single mom. She had my brother and I quite young – 17 and 23, but she never blamed us for our existence. If she had regrets she never put that on us. I don’t think your mom hates you though, I think she’s lashing out from a place of anger and sadness.
I’m sorry it’s such a tough time right now! (Big congrats on a successful first year of college, though, and congrats on being done with finals!! A huge first step.
It’s totally possible for parents to not like their kids — sometimes people just don’t get along! Sometimes kids don’t like their parents, either, for very similar reasons. It’s more uncommon for parents not to love their kids (or to hate their kids), but it can happen. Usually because the kid has done something so truly unforgivable that the parents just can’t forgive them (generally somewhere in the felony landscape of legality) or because something is wrong with the parent. Sometimes that’s huge amounts of stress, like a traumatic event. Sometimes it’s a medical issue, like hormones being out of wack or brain tumors. Sometimes the parents just don’t have the capacity to love.
Assuming you haven’t committed any recent unforgivable acts other than growing up and becoming your own person — it sounds like you might be right about your mom being jealous. It must be very difficult to see your children go in and be successful in ways you were never allowed to succeed due to life circumstances. It doesn’t mean she’s in the right (because she’s not!), but it is understandable, and you have a kind heart to remember that. Your mom shouldn’t have said those things. She may come to regret saying those things once she cools down and has time to heal herself. It will be up to you to decide what to forgive her for — and it’s okay if you don’t, too. The old adage is that “hurt people hurt people,” and it’s true, but you are under no obligation to let unreliable people hurt you more.
Be proud of yourself and your sister. Remember that you are so much more than what a person can see in their worst moments, when the world narrows down to a tiny pinpoint of rage and sorrow and suffering. No one sees clearly in those moments, and you are not the person that your mom saw when she said those things.