Hi mom and dad,
I am currently in grad school. I find myself struggling in ALL aspects – academic personal and social. This quarter I had two really important courses and I got the lowest in the entire class in both of those. It’s been 4 weeks since the term started and I have done nothing but be in library all day for most of the time. I barely went out but I still bombed the subjects. I don’t even know why I am struggling in every single thing. I didn’t struggle this much academically in my undergraduate. I had 3.7 in my undergraduate. Now I wonder how did I even get that GPA. Makes me wonder if I am spent academically and this is the best I can do?
There are a lot of struggles that I can’t seem to fram but all that I can tell is the fact that my family will never accept me for being gay is eating me inside out and I can’t seem to shake that feeling off. Although I have my parents I would never consider them as ppl to go and talk my problems too as a result it’s been a long long time since I properly spoke with them. I don’t know how to navigate life when I feel like an orphan. I have NO ONE to go and talk to, I hav a couple of friends but I feel too ashamed to go and talk. I sound like a broken record at this point but I never thought I would struggle this much having NOBODY to talk to. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I am not just cut out for academics.
I don’t know how to process this going forward. Previously I was in a well paying job a dead end job and during that time I so badly wanted to go to grad school to learn and be challenged but it looks like I don’t like being challenged even though I can recognize that. if anybidy here did grad school in engineering can I pls talk with you for sometime to recognise what I am doing wrong?
Thanks
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Okay, I did grad school for engineering, so I’m gonna run through a list like an engineer.
your username needs to be updated. Your brain will believe what you tell it about yourself, so don’t participate in your own sabotage. Even if you can go from negative-to-neutral, that’s a start.
It’s time to stop thinking about your intelligence like a scarce resource. This is work. Grades are a reflection of how your process is preparing you for assessments – they are not a measure of worthiness. Your process is not currently working well. So talk with your professors, explain your methods and ask for suggestions. Then do those new things.
your heartache over your family is crippling you, and needs to be dealt with as the #1 priority. This is exactly what a therapist is for. Our university has mental health professionals available for students, time to find out if yours does as well.
it will not always be like this. Some day in the future, this will be but a small blip on the story of your life. I’m rooting for you!