So my girlfriend and I have been together for just under a year. We don’t live together and both work full time and we are exclusive, as far as I’m aware.
About a 3 months ago, I notice my girlfriend spending a lot of time on the phone with her “friend” Jesse. She says that Jesse is a good friend and that’s it. However she often spends anytime she can on the phone with him, even when her and I are out. Their conversations don’t lead me to think anything but about 1.5 months ago, my girlfriend says she’s going to visit Jesse who lives two states over. I can’t go cause I have to work.
Of course I tell her that I’m not comfortable with her visiting a male friend out of state but she says that Jesse is just a friend. She will be staying at his place but Jesse is also a single father of 2 young boys so my girlfriend assures me nothing will happen. Despite me voicing my opinion, my gf takes the trip and shares her location to put my mind at ease.
She returns a week later and we move on with life. However, about two weeks ago, my girlfriend asks me to go to our local Target to pick up an online order she had placed. She tells me she ordered shampoo and a few hygiene items. I agree and go to pick up her order. When I get to the customer service counter and give them her name, they bring out a bag with a pregnancy test in it. Shocked and confused, I tell them that this what she ordered. I check the name and phone number attached to the bag and find it matches my girlfriend’s number so it couldn’t have been another girl with the same name.
They bring out the bag with the items she told me to get and I leave without asking more questions about the pregnancy test.
Shocked and confused by this cause there was no real way that I could have potentially impregnated her (we use protection) I later ask her why there was a pregnancy test at target in her name.
At first she says she has no idea and she did not order a pregnancy test. I asked her to show me her target app to prove it and she says that it was probably her sister since her sister uses her target account to order things sometimes. She also claims that women sometimes use pregnancy test to regulate their PMS or for other things other than to determine if they’re pregnant. I don’t know shit about how this works but she assures me that she’s not pregnant and that test wasn’t a sign of her cheating when she was on a trip. The other night we go out to dinner and she makes it a point to prove that she isn’t pregnant by ordering a few cocktails.
Am I wrong for accusing my girlfriend for cheating on me while she was away? I’m so paranoid but also don’t have real proof that she did.
Edit: needed to clarify the part about the pregnancy test .The pregnancy test was part of a separate online order. She asked me to pick up her online order at target which she said consisted of shampoo, deodorant and some lotion. When I went to the counter and told them her name, they brought out the bag with the pregnancy test. I said this isn’t what she told me was her order so they checked again and brought out the second bag with the right stuff as previously mentioned. After checking the info off both bags, I confirmed that both orders were under her name/account so I believe she secretly placed an online order for a pregnancy test and planned to get that later while asking me to get her shampoo. The pregnancy test was NOT in the same bag as the stuff she asked me to get.
Update: I never saw the pregnancy test after that so I don’t know if that truly was an order she made by mistake or if her sister used her target account to order that got herself. However I did bring up the fact that her sister lives about 20 minutes from her and has a target much closer to her so why would she place an order for a pregnancy test and have the pickup location further from her house? Even if her local target was all out, I find it hard to believe that her sister would order a pregnancy test under her account and pick it up near her house.
Updateme: so I went into a panic last night after reading all the comments so while she was out at work last night, I went to her apartment (she gave me a key) and found her iPad. I tried putting her birthday as a password and to my amazement, it worked. Yes I know what I did was dishonest but I had to know if she cheated on me. I looked at her messages and confirmed that she INDEED had sex with Jesse while on this trip. I’m so devastated and was a nervous wreck last night. My next move is to figure out how to break up with her and tell her how I found out. Thank you all.
Comments
Dude she cheated.
Women don’t use pregnancy tests to regale anything
Don’t be an idiot
You are not wrong. If she’s not honest why are you still there??
Updateme!
On the breakup.
Time to ditch the gf and hit the gym
NTA. at that point it would be easier to wipe your hands off and break up with her.
One point of fact: "there was no real way that I could have potentially impregnated her (we use protection)" – ah, more people get pregnant who use protection than you will ever know.
Not wrong. She’s gaslighting you with all those ridiculous excuses.
Plus, she went on the trip and stayed at his house even though you said it made you (reasonably) uncomfortable. Very disrespectful.
I’m not a fan of hers.
women use birth control to regulate periods, not pregnancy tests.
Go with your gut, some pretty weak excuses. Hate to say it but seems like she cheated
She cheated, didn’t use protection and thinks she is pregnant. Or your BC failed and it’s yours. Women do not use a pregnancy test for anything other than to see if they are pregnant :source, I am a woman.
Edit – italics for added sentence
Broski she fucked Jessie I’m sorry but she’s just trying to cover her ass.
I’m sorry but unfortunately she’s lying to you. Like everyone else here is said women don’t use pregnancy tests to regulate their time of the month.
They use birth control pills or they could even use an ovulation kit to be able to help track their cycles better. But a pregnancy test does nothing but determine whether or not you’re having a baby.
The fact that she immediately came up with multiple reasons why the pregnancy test could be in the bag should tell you all you need to know.
She’s been having an emotional affair with him for quite a while and when she went to visit him it became physical. Start making sure your finances are separated and make plans to move on with your life.
She cheated. Women take pregnancy tests to see if they are pregnant, and for no other reason.
You hopefully understand that birth control fails pretty regularly. So it is not unusual for unexpected pregnancies to happen even when you use “protection.”
The pregnancy test itself is not proof of cheating. However, it doesn’t seem that you trust her and her choice to spend a week at another man’s house should have been a deal breaker for you.
I’ve never taken a pregnancy to regulate my periods.
If getting on birth control – new form or just to begin, they make you take a pregnancy test. That’s usually done in practice or in a lab.
The fact alone she doesn’t respect boundaries with this guy especially talking when your around is not OK.
Anyone who thinks "we use protection" means can’t possibly be pregnant really is just showing their ignorance. But people who write fake stories like this usually are ignorant.
She may or may not have cheated but your birth control method also could have failed, leading her to need a test. She’s most certainly lying to you about why she bought the test as the only reason a woman ever needs a test is to see if they are pregnant, never to regulate their period. This is what makes her story about Jesse more suspect. I’d press her more on this as something is off here.
I have never heard of using a pregnancy test to regulate PMS. That makes zero sense. How does peeing on a stick help with hormonal changes and cramps? Oh right, it doesn’t.
There’s nothing in a pregnancy test that will regulate hormones. They test hormones not regulate them.
Don’t worry, he’s.just a friend.
Who happens to be single, perhaps didn’t have sex since ages, perhaps had the kids at their mom, and she was visiting him, nothwithstanding you being uncomfortable (so she also doesn’t care about your feelings).
She is playing you hard. Don’t be naive please.
If she thought your protection had failed, she could have just said that.
Instead she gave you that weird song and dance full of lies and gaslighting.
Time to consider another path.
She worked way too hard to deceive you about it.
She could definitely get pregnant even with the use of contraceptives. That said, this is all highly suspicious
Sure, the pregnancy test could have been placed in her order by error, but then she’d have just shown you the app to prove she didn’t order it and wouldn’t have blamed her sister.
She also wouldn’t have lied about women using pregnancy tests to regulate PMS – this is absolutely not the truth and you should be insulted by this lie. The only thing pregnancy tests are used for is to determine if women are pregnant. That’s it. She has changed the story like 5 times, and you want to believe her so much that you are starting to believe her.
Her having cocktails proves nothing except that the pregnancy test was negative.
She went to stay with Jesse despite your reservations about it, lied about the pregnancy test, and is making you think you are paranoid for thinking she cheated – without protection, probably.
If you had sex with her, you could have impregnated her. No protection is 100% reliable.
That being said, women don’t use pregnancy tests for anything other than to determine if they are pregnant. Peeing on a stick can’t regulate anything. She’s lying, and in a way that makes it seem she thinks you’re an idiot. Don’t prove her right.
She is lying. Women don’t use pregnancy tests for anything other than to check if they’re pregnant. She cheated.
Dude, you know she cheated so why are you still with her? Dump this POS and move on!
Updateme
… She 100% cheated. Sorry my dude thats a lot of red flags.
I think lying about it and saying she didn’t order one when she clearly did is all the proof you need
Updateme!
How does a pregnancy test regulate the period???? Genuinely curious to know because that’s a new one for me. Yes she is totally being shaddy about it.
Also you can get pregnant on protection. My oldest is proof of that.
Trust your gut
Updateme!
Call her friend and ask him
When I was on BC I didn’t get a period at all, when I went off it my period was irregular for a long time… so I pretty much have always bough bulk pregnancy tests and took them periodically just to make sure. Birth control fails all the time. But her denying ordering it at all is the red flag here.
Condoms are not 100% effective.
That’s not how orders work.
Women do NOT use pregnancy tests to determine anything but pregnancy.
Ovulation tests are for ovulation.
I’d say nothing is wrong if you feel off and you are using protection and you take a test.
If your partner asks, it’s an "Yeah. I know it’s unlikely, But, I haven’t been feeling right and it’s not 100% so I just want to ease my mind"
That genuinely happens.
The random and blatant slew of lies one after another after you found out, however, would indicate something is wrong.
The funniest part of this to me is sharing location to put your mind at ease, she’s gonna be at that dudes house bein fucked why would the location make you feel better
Lol That comment about pregnancy tests should have you leaving her alone.
If she truly believes that, she’s stupid.
Her being honest would have been less suspicious. Lol.
No offense she doesn’t seem to give a shit about your feeling anyways because she just walks over you when you voice them.
Cut the losses.
She told you that pms lie banking on your male ignorance. The only thing you get with a pregnancy test is essentially a paper that tests for the pregnancy hormone. All you do is pee on it. As you consume nothing, it changes nothing in your body. She lied to your face and you have proof of that. Kind of makes one wonder what other lies she’s been telling you. There’s no coming back from a set of lies like she’s been telling you, the level of disrespect is too high. It’s time to pick up your self respect and move on.
Updateme!
Lmao I’m a women and we definitely don’t use those to regulate anything other than if we are pregnant.
Even with protection you should realize you CAN get her pregnant. Those protections fail all the time they aren’t %100 for a reason.
Still I’d put money she fucked Jesse too.
NTA
The only birth control that’s 100% effective is abstinence. Please don’t be ignorant. That being said, go get an STD test cuz she’s definitely cheating on you.
Using protection means nothing. That being said her obfuscation is concerning. It’s time to talk. After dinner before anyone has a drink sit down and tell her your concerns. Tell her the lying will destroy the relationship quicker than the cheating. Once you get the story you’ll have a decision to make. I’m guessing they had sex so you need to figure out if you can forgive her.
She cheated and is trying to gaslight you. Leave her.
>About 3 months ago, I notice my girlfriend spending a lot of time on the phone with her “friend” Jesse. She says that Jesse is a good friend and that’s it. However she often spends anytime she can on the phone with him, even when her and I are out.
To begin with if she’s more invested in talking with this "friend" while you’re on a date or hanging out together, that’s a Red Flag. She is prioritising that "friendship" over you both spending time together. It would have been a different thing if there was an emergency, but from what it sounds there was none.
> She will be staying at his place but Jesse is also a single father of 2 young boys so my girlfriend assures me nothing will happen.
That’s a BS explanation. Just because he has 2 kids at home they won’t have the opportunity to do something. Couples who have kids, still make an opportunity to have sex.
>Despite me voicing my opinion, my gf takes the trip and shares her location to put my mind at ease
She was staying at his house, so how sharing the location would have put you at ease when your issue was her going to meet her single male friend and staying at his house?
>we use protection
No birth control is 100% reliable, there can still be slip ups.
>At first she says she has no idea and she did not order a pregnancy test. I asked her to show me her target app to prove it and she says that it was probably her sister since her sister uses her target account to order things sometimes
Her sister might be using her target app sometimes, however how does her sister’s order was amongst the product that were ordered by her? It’s hell of a coincidence that both of the orders were somewhat placed at the same time for the pick up.
If I may ask, how is her interaction with this "friend" after coming back from the trip?
If you were a single parent who spent "a lot of time on the phone" with a person of the gender you are attracted to would you invite them to come visit you from two states away? Just to be "friends"? Just to hang out? You could just stay friends on the phone, no?
That is a lot of time to spend on the phone with just a "friend", no? Have you seen any of the communication?
I’m thinking they got into a semi-emotional affair and took the opportunity to turn it physical. I do not think that is an unreasonable deduction given the behavior of your SO upon return.
She wouldnt need to give you 2 excuses about the test if she didn’t actually order it. Either it’s a mistake /her sisters or she’s using it to regulate her period (which is not a thing my the way).
She must have wanted you to know, or she would not have asked you to pick up her pregnancy test.
1) birth control is for regulating periods. Not pregnancy tests.
2) emotional cheating is a thing. She’s neglecting you in favor of talking to/spending time with her ‘friend’ despite your discomfort. That’s not ok.
3) if her sister used her account to order a pregnancy test, it would have been in a different order, not in her bag.
That said, no birth control is 100% effective, so there is a real way you could have gotten her pregnant if you’ve had sex.
The pregnancy test isn’t a sign of her cheating but her reasoning is. Pregnancy tests don’t regulate anything. Her changing stories and excuses are all you need to hear to know she is hiding something from you.
Taking a pregnancy test in itself wouldn’t be suspicious. Sometimes women are late for no obvious reason, and taking a test is better than freaking out. Plus if you’re in an area where abortion rights are limited, the sooner she finds out the better.
HOWEVER. She lost the benefit of the doubt for me when she got all weird about it and didn’t give you a straight answer. Even if she didn’t cheat, you two don’t trust each other and aren’t treating each other well. It sounds like time to move on
Updateme!
If this is legit, she cheated.
But wy do I question this one? Well if she did cheat and ordered a pregnancy test she sure wouldn’t have sent you to pick it up.
And by the way, it appears they brought the bag out twice. And you didn’t say what the apps showed. Also if she used the test and a day or so later you two go out and she has a drink that means nothing if the test showed her she wasnt.
90-10 on this one.
Dude you’re being gaslight in every way. There are ovulation tests under other brands that also make pregnancy tests, but nobody uses a pregnancy to regulate their pms?? That’s not a thing
Edit to add: just in case. Ovulation tests do not regulate your period. They let you know when you’re ovulating. This has nothing to do with pms.
>She also claims that women sometimes use pregnancy test to regulate their PMS or for other things other than to determine if they’re pregnant.
That is the biggest load of bullshit I’ve seen on this site all week.
>cause there was no real way that I could have potentially impregnated her (we use protection)
Please, please stop having sex if you believe this. Do you live under a rock?
The lack of honesty is definitely concerning, as I (34F) have never known of or heard about women using pregnancy tests to regulate periods.
I have many times, however, heard about birth control failing and pregnancy coming from it. The only 100% effective method of birth control is for no sperm fluids going anywhere near vaginas. Rare stuff happens.
Updateme!
Regardless she should have respected your boundaries about this Jesse guy clearly she values him over you and that should be enough
Not Wrong – She tried to hide it. She tried to feign ignorance. She tried to lie about it. She then gaslit you about it. She cheated.
If she respected you and your relationship, she would have not gone to see said friend and let alone stay at his house. You set a boundary, and she disregarded your feelings. "He has 2 young sons, so nothing would happen." What a weak attempt to console you. Yeah, he has two kids, but what if they’re at their mother’s or his parents? She said this to allow herself to not feel guilty because technically, she didn’t lie… he has 2 sons. Then she’ll claim that the mother or his parents wanted to see the kids last minute… one thing led to another… she’s so sorry. Gross!
Open your eyes and leave. If she is pregnant, get a paternity test before signing anything. Drinking some cocktails doesn’t prove shit except she’s willing to give said fetus fetal alcohol syndrome to ease her cheating, weak mind.
Well trust her until you can’t..
Mention to her, going to see your single male friend out of state for a weekend and a pregnancy test shows up after.. you see why I’m suspicious, right?
A few drinks to prove she’s not pregnant? Bullshit; she’s just not planning on having that child.
Ummm we don’t use pregnancy tests for anything other than determining if we are pregnant.
Protection isn’t 100%
She lied. People don’t lie unless they are hiding something.
You’re showing your lack of basic understanding of contraception success with your comment about it definitely not being possible that you’ve impregnated her, but her behaviour is what’s making this suspicious.
She lied either way ? Either she was using Pt to regulate her period ( which is bullshit btw) but she at first said she hadn’t ordered it and that it was a mistake? The app should confirm whether she did order it and if she did then she lied. On a balance of probability I would think she probably cheated?
OUCH! Ok. GF is not being honest because pregnancy tests do not help regulate periods, birth control does. Nor does the use of ANY kind of "protection" prevent pregnancy. Accidents happen all the time. The only real way to prevent it is total abstinence. Any, lying about buying it is sketchy. But her buying a test isn’t a concrete implication that she cheated on you. Could be she bought it because she thought she was pregnant by you. This actually happened to me 23 years ago. I went on vacation to take my 9-month-old daughter to see my parents and while gone realized I’d missed my period, so I bought a test while I was there, and it came up positive. My kid’s dad upon finding out instantly decided I’d cheated on him while staying at my parents’ home for the two weeks I was visiting {I did find out he cheated on my while I was gone though}. Upon the birth of my son, I requested an immediate DNA test to prove he was my son’s father. So yes, YAW by jumping to conclusions, and accusing her of cheating.
Yeah something fishy…. she had a failed pregnancy test than drank…. I’d put her in the streets…. She chose to go and stay with the “friend”…. If she’s staying at the guys house what good is sharing her location?
Protection isnt 100%. In fact condoms fail quite regularly. So never assume its impossible to get her pregnant. her behavior for denying it of course is fishy. To be honest your mistake was not ending the relationship when she decided to go live with a guy for a week.
Yes it could be yours . Protection only works like 97%
You are very, very wrong, and apparently very ignorant. I do hope you know that the ONLY 100% effective method of birth control is abstinence. Hell, even with surgical sterilization, it’s still possible to get pregnant! Not probable, but still possible. So, unless you and your girlfriend haven’t had sex in MONTHS, then she has every right to keep track, and test herself.
Time for a look at her messages…..
Okay, so, she’s lying BUT you can 100% get pregnant even with using protection.
Women use a pregnancy test for one thing. To see if we’re pregnant or not. They have no other use. She’s skirting the issue and that really makes it look like she’s lying.
Hi, I use condoms, have them pull out and have an IUD and I still got pregnant 🥴
I’m not sure which line is funnier…
>Shocked and confused by this cause there was no real way that I could have potentially impregnated her (we use protection
Or
>She also claims that women sometimes use pregnancy test to regulate their PMS or for other things other than to determine if they’re pregnant
Either way…
Updateme
How would she feel if you visited a girl for a week out of state?
She cheated and why would anyone use a pregnancy test to regulate your periods? I’ve never heard this in my 35 years of having periods
Wait are you kidding?
2 of my 3 children were conceived using condoms.
You absolutely could have gotten her pregnant while using protection. But she could have told you the truth instead of giving you a lie, and a back-up lie. The fact that she is lying tells me that she and Jesse are more than just friends.
Please get the ex-gf to write me about how a pregnancy test helps regulate PMS. Seriously, I need this magic in my life. I’ve been dealing with PMS for decades and no one has ever shared this secret with me
Also, smart money says she and Jesse screwed a lot while she was out of town
You’re not wrong
So it’s not hers and didn’t order it, her sister might of ordered it, it’s to regulate her period (LIES b.c does not a prego test). Her making up multiple terrible lies is almost definitely saying she’s screwed her Bff Jesse lol. Have you talked yo or met Jesse? He would prob lie but who knows maybe he thinks you are her bff like he is to you. If she did nothing wrong then she wouldn’t of lies over n over bout pregnancy test. Lastly, grown women in serious relationships do not go on trips states away for slumber party’s PERIOD! They got something going on
Lol im sorry, wtf does it matter if she shared her location while off visiting her guy friend out of state? You already know she’s With her guy friend out of state.
So, for me the big question is, is she pregnant
No way this is real.
If it is, and she’s dumb enough to have you pick up an order containing stuff she wants to keep secret, and you’re dumb enough to believe her bullshit excuse?
You deserve each other.
NTA…
Promote her to an ex girlfriend.. she deserves it
Respect yourself dude
Nope. I mean, I take a pregnancy test once a month even though I’m on birth control just for peace of mind. But if she’s got multiple excuses that’s odd.
First of all, a pregnancy test doesn’t do anything except show if you’re pregnant or not. PMS has nothing to do with a test.
Then it’s a "mistake", then it’s "maybe her sister"… No. That’s not even how online ordering works. It would be two separate orders because why would her sister add a pregnancy test to her online cart and then just leave it in the cart for the next time an order is placed?
So, she, didn’t order it, them her sister might have ordered it, then sometimes women use it it regulate their PMS. A good liar picks one story and sticks to it. A bad liar keeps making up new lies to see if one sticks.
You’re not wrong. She’s playing you for a fool.
She cheated dawg. Stop being delusional and face reality.
She’s fucking lying. Pregnancy tests are only to find out if we’re pregnant! They can’t be used to track our cycle or any other bullshit she fed you.
She traveled out of state to go fuck Jesse & now she’s finding out if he got her pregnant or not OBVIOUSLY!!!!! She’s over you, she wants him. It’s obvious what’s really going on. I know you’d rather believe her lies than face the truth but Jesse & your gf could give you diseases, including incurable ones!!!!! Dump her NOW!!!!!! I’d bet money on her going back to Jesse’s once you tell her it’s over & she needs to move out..
Dude, you are a sucker. She is cheating in front of you. Time to dump her. Like yesterday
lol…dude
She went and stayed with a single guy and her sharing her location with you made you more comfortable?
Are you really this dumb? She cheated on you. It almost seems as if she did it so brazenly as to make you break up with her. she just doesn’t want to be the bad guy
Dude she cheated she’s just happy she isn’t pregnant. Kick her out and move on. Those tests didn’t regulate anything they are there to say if your pregnant or not. The fact the reason for it changed multiple times is key.
She ain’t worth this drama. Break up. She’s lying to you bro.
She fucked Jesse without a condom. Probably repeatedly. You should’ve known at least the first half of that before she even left on the trip.
She’s fucking the other guy…
Sounds very likely she cheated
Surely this is rage bait. How stupid would she have to be to send OP to pick up her pregnancy test order? That’s absurd.
"Despite me voicing my opinion, my gf takes the trip and shares her location to put my mind at ease."
This part is hilarious. "I’m going to be fucking him at his house, but at least you’ll know where I am."
You know what you need to do; doing it the sooner is better than later.
Because the longer you wait, the longer it will be before you find someone better!
Good luck
She’s not worth it… she is a habitual liar and she will tell you it was a drunken mistake when you know it wasn’t ….. leave the iPad your key and a not saying hope Jessie was worth it
She definitely cheated, now accuse her!! Then kick her out!!!!!! NW Updateme
What you didn’t wasn’t dishonest at all, she is that one who broke your trust by cheating in the first place and it is better that you break up and find someone better
And you are not the asshole
I would’ve broken up after she went to someone of the opposite sex house. This is crazy LMAO. "He is just a friend" sure and if you go you will be just a friend too.