I (45M) am planning to marry my now finance (39F). We have been together for 3.5 years.
I met her when she was 36. She’s never been married and dated a lot. Like, a real lot, pretty much all from online dating. After she got out of college (she was 22) she had one 3 year relationship, and a four or five 6 to 9 month relationships, none made the year mark.
It came out the other night that she and her girlfriends all kept a list of sexual partners, consisting of first names and dates. I’m number 80. Eighty. She’s had sex with 80 different men. And that doesn’t even count guys she just hooked up with. The men on the list are men she had sex with. Some were boyfriends, the majority are guys she dated for a week or two or were one night stands.
Even though she’s beautiful and sexy and successful, I’m floored. She says I never lived “that life” because I married in my mid 20s and was married for 15 years and was faithful. She considered that a bit of her “wild and crazy period” when she was living like the characters from Sex and the City”.
This seems like a HUGE and reckless number to me. I’m curious of people’s points of view. What do you think? Am I just insecure (I’ve been with a small fraction of that many people), or is this a gigantic number of sexual partners to have in your mid thirties?
TL;DR: My finance got around for a lot of years with a lot of guys and I’m taken aback. Am I being unreasonable?
Comments
That’s nasty
No, you can have whatever preference and boundary you want.
Yes. You are wrong.
She was in her mid 30s when you met her. Did you really not expect her to have a whole life, a past?
You suck. I can see where this is leading. Your controlling jealous behavior will end in divorce IF she marries you.
It doesn’t sound like she hurt anybody. Sure, it’s a large number but that’s fully in her right. Hopefully she was practicing safe sex.
She didn’t do anything wrong. But if it bothers you then this might be a sign of incompatibility due to different view points on sex. She is your fiance. Can you be with her and not hold it against her? Not resent her? If the answer isn’t a resolute "yes" for both questions, then maybe you shouldn’t be getting married.
Sounds pretty normal to me in this day and age…
Women don’t need petty men who shame them for enjoying sex in their lives.
That is a lot of dick….miles of it.
Yes, you are entitled to feel this way.
There is a reason no man wanted to put a ring on that.
Studies have shown that women that have a high body count never really form a true bond with their partner when they do decide to settle down.
I honestly wouldn’t marry her
If she was safe and is tested and clean it shouldn’t really impact you imho.
If this is a dealbreaker to you that’s acceptable, no one needs to be in a particular relationship if they don’t want to be, but it’s a you thing not a her thing imho.
She’s 39. Say she lost her virginity at 18 (a very high guess these days) so that’s only around 3.8 people per year.
It’s easier if you break it down that way- and with the way dating is these days you’re practically incapable of dating someone for more than 3 week without having sex with them (social pressure etc etc).
I think that number sounds perfectly reasonable for her age.
You’re definitely a prude trying to force down your idea of values down and n someone else. So yeah you are wrong
How is it reckless? It’s only reckless if she didn’t use protection. It’s fine if you’re a bit uncomfortable by it but there’s nothing wrong with that and you’d be surprised how many people have a high “body count”. Some people are just more sexually free and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that but it’s understandable to be a bit uncomfortable if you’re not used to that way of living. If you have questions you can always ask her, but don’t go at it in a judgemental way. It’s just a different way of living and that’s ok. I know a lot of people in their thirties with numbers over 100- both men and women. It’s just up to you how much of a big deal you want to make this but you can’t change her past
My only concern is health. If she’s free of STD’s and you love her, maybe talk to a therapist to figure out exactly what insecurities the “80” are triggering for you. Best wishes!! (Edited spelling mistake)
Well, she sowed a lot of wild oats, but you’ve been with her more than three years, and I assume she’s been faithful to you. Given her history, the fact she’s been faithful (assuming that’s the case) means she values you, and her past behavior isn’t indicative of anything troublesome. So, assuming you love her deeply, I’d make peace with her "wild child" period and feel content that she chose you to be monogamous with. [Note: That’s not to say I don’t appreciate your reaction to the body count, but take comfort that you’re satisfying someone who’s "beautiful and sexy and successful."]
Assuming she started having sex when she was 18, that’s only around 4.5 new partners every year. Considering she spent approx 5 years total in relationships, it’s probably closer to 6 new partners every year. Which is pretty reasonable for an adult woman who doesn’t have any hangups about sex.
You are wrong and should figure out why someone having consensual sex bothers you so much.
Edit: you probably have had sex more times than her, considering many of the 80 were one time experiences.
You can have whatever preferences you want.
But 2 things. 1) personally I wouldnt throw away a relationship with someone who I think is worth marrying at the age of 45 without at least trying to mentally work through it. Talk to her, talk to a therapist, talk to friends, take time to process. 2) it’s a very high number but not insane really. Im a man but was at number 18 when I met my wife at 22, so extrapolating that out also gets pretty high.
YW why do men always get a pass on how many sexual partners they have but then when it comes to women they have a problem with it
You can have whatever boundary you want, but you’re quite immature if you believe body count matters. You loved her before this information. What has changed? Quite literally nothing. It was her past. Everyone has a past, and men are fools to believe women can’t enjoy sex, and sleep around. Did she give you any STDs? No? Then get over it, you’re being idiotic.
If you are going to treat her differently, judge her, hold it against her, or weaponize it in arguments do her a favor and don’t marry her. She doesn’t deserve that type of treatment.
You’re not wrong for feeling that way personally, but you are wrong if you’re judging her for it, which it sounds like you are
If she was a guy, her friends would be high fiving and cheering.
You been asking this to different subs for a year dude. Break up before the wedding if its still bothering you this much
Are you having sex with her?
Oh, but you think she’s wrong/bad/gross because she had sex with someone before you?
You should break up. She deserves better.
Get over it or get out.
You’re allowed to feel however you want, but she’s an adult making adult decisions. You have no right to question how she has lived her life.
It depends on how you view sex and relationships. If you view sex as just a physical act with no emotional bond then it doesn’t matter what the number is.
But if you view sex as an intimate act where you share yourself completely with the other person then it’s a huge number.
Personally for me I’ll never understand the former because that’ll make me change my view of women. So that’s a huge ass body count.
Homie you spent 3.5 years together. at any point, did it ever occur to you to find out. if you were sexual compatible/ had same morals in dating?
You’re wrong if you marry this girl knowing you have these doubts.
Idk why but this post reminds me of that Tupac song I get around. He also said loose lips sink ship. The irony.
I wouldn’t marry someone who had been inside 80 vaginas. That’s a turn off.
But I’m assuming she also slept with you within a week or two of meeting you and you were ok with that.
So? After looking for all that time she chose you. Take it as a compliment.
The only real question is whether or not you love and trust her not to sleep with 80 more people. You should be her last. As someone else said, get over it or get out.
I don’t think it’s a big deal, but if it shocks you this much I can’t see you being able to let it go and refrain from throwing it back in her face judgmentally later on.
I mean, unless her hooha was badly damaged and/or she carries an STD – what difference does it make having sex with 80 diff men or sex 80 times with a few people?? None really.
You either accept it or not. And if you choose to stay, you need to figure out WHY the high number affected you so much you had to make a reddit post about it. And then maybe don’t make her feel guilty for having a history before you – that doesn’t make a happy marriage.
Geez dude you are 45 years old.
You have known your fiance for years, you knew your fiance had never been married and was sexually active all those years. I don’t know what you expected. 80 lovers for someone in their late 30s with a normal sex drive who has never been married sounds normal to me.
You can have a reaction, and only you can say if thats a dealbreaker, but you don’t get the moral highground.
Assuming a hypothetical starting age of 18, that averages to 4.5 people a year before meet8ng you(so I guess 4 + a NYE every second year?). That’s not so many really, especially if she is someone who enjoys sex. Presumably you want that trait in a partner to some extent?
Really have a think about what actually matters to you, and whether the relationship is worth expiring due to your holding her past over her. You might consider whether she’s overlooking some things fr9m your past as well. Maybe as a divorcee you don’t come across as taking marriage vows seriously, for example. Maybe if you have kids she’s overlooking the constant need to be involved with your ex.
Noone is shiny and new after their 30s, nor should they be.
Finally, if you leave her, you don’t get to blame her for it, unless she lied outright which would be a completely separate issue.
Do you love her? That’s really all that should matter. She had a life before you, she enjoys sex, why does a number even matter to you. I met my partner when I was 21 we’ve been together now for 25 years at 21 I had already had a lot of partners he had only had 1, it didn’t affect our relationship one little bit. I’m certain if I was still single at 36 I’d probably have around 80 partners. Get out of your head and just enjoy your relationship and future marriage.
Think of it this way… out of all those guys, she picked you.
IMO it’s not necessarily the high number. It’s given fact that she had and wanted so many different partners over her life, can she be content with only 1 going forward. My fear would be that she would miss the variety and cheat or just divorce to go back to her old ways.
Also the fact that besides you, she has been unable to maintain a LT relationship. This reinforces, in my mind that she will eventually move on.
Eh. If she’s STD free I’m not sure this is that big of a deal personally. Men wouldn’t be shamed for this.
Did she use protection? Does she have any stds?
Those are honestly the two questions that matter regardless of how many people a person has slept with.
Her personal life before she met you is her business, and the only thing you are entitled to is the answer to the two questions above.
If the relationship has been working, I recommend counseling. If you can’t see past her history, end things.
Is that a lot of partners? Yes.
But why do you care?
Do you think it’s an indicator of future bad behavior? Do you feel like you can’t please her? Do you just feel like it’s gross? Do you feel like sex is precious/sacred and should be reserved for someone special?
If she makes you feel better than all 79 of those dudes then marry her.
but if you feel like the very last among all of them, then bail.
If you are uncomfortable with your fiancée’s past, break up with her. It is better to break up than to live your whole life unhappy. You have been in the same dilemma for a long time (I read your previous posts) and you should have broken up or accepted your fiancée’s past.
I love how they said it’s in their past but keep a book of it.
Truth is she will always compare you to others, she will run through the highlight real, you will fall short in some aspect of sex because you can’t compete with others. She will day she is with you for more than sex aka it’s not the greatest but she loves you for other reasons type shit.
You want to be just another log in her journal than keep going…
I wouldn’t marry her. She is 39 and really has never been able to hold a long term relationship. And while someone in their 30s will have a past, that would be just too much for me. I don’t do hookup culture. I don’t want a partner who has opposite views on the subject. It’s more than ok to want a partner that holds the same values as you do. You are investing your time, energy and money into this relationship. Don’t move forward if you have any questions on it.
Yes. The discomfort you are feeling is misogyny. Work on yourself.
Here’s a take:
What’s your sex life with her like?
Because if it isn’t something bordering on banging an enthusiastic nymphomaniac hooker, then shortly after she hitches her wagon to your star, the sex is going to dry up, and her #80 will be in the rear view mirror after 82, 83, 84, 80×10^3……
And if she isn’t a bang master, what did she learn from 1-79??
What is the real reason this bothers you?
Clearly it bothers you and looking past it will be something you have to do if you want to continue. If deep down you know you can’t, then call off the wedding before she becomes your wife. Not saying completely leave her.
80 is a crazy number in my opinion and although everyone might say it’s her life and body, soul ties do exist. The energy exchanged between over 80 people is kind of crazy. This goes for man or woman. Humans period.
But marriage is about forgiving. If you truly love this woman, then hopefully you can get over this and practice the first of many moments of forgiveness needed for that long journey of marriage.
lol cry baby
Op, how many times have you had sex? You now know she has had sex at least 80 times. Where as you were married 15 years, probably 12 years of let’s say weekly sex. 52 times 12 is over 600 times. So you have had more sex than her, should that be an issue for her?
No one can answer “am I wrong”; it’s all up to you. Everyone has a history … it’s up to you to decide what’s ok and not okay. Some would say she’s a hoe and is incapable of love. Others would say it’s fine as along as it’s in the past. TBH, before getting married, two things you should do. First get a prenuptial agreement protecting your assets, investments, retirement, etc.. that you are brining into the marriage in the event of a divorce. Second, goto couples counseling as a tune up to work through anything and everything before getting married; especially focusing on communication.
Good luck !
Your fiance deserves better.
She’s exactly the same person now as she was before you knew, absolutely nothing has changed except your knowledge. Why does it bother you? What actual difference does it make given that you fell in love with her and proposed to her while this was true? The only thing that’s changed is the fact that you now know.
Bro why does this bother you so much? Stop being insecure. You’re the one who’s marrying her, locking her down. Either end it, or accept it. Nothing else you can do.
You want her to be a vintage Star Wars figure n the unopened original package, yes?
Like so many others have said, her number is reasonable considering her age and the fact that she hasn’t been married.
Do you love her?
Does she love you?
Then put your calculator away and enjoy your life
In my late 30s, I started a memory list of sexual partners I enjoyed between 18 and 38, it came to 44 that I could remember. At 38, I got married for the third time and that was the end of my “body count”. I never asked my wives about their sexual pasts, I was only concerned about the present. All three of my wives knew that I had been a “hound”, and they never questioned me about it.
I did finally discover though, on reflection, that my sex drive was the downfall of all three of my marriages, my mind never stopped “lusting” after other women, and though I never cheated physically on any of them, I never really gave them complete devotion, as I should have.
I don’t think there’s anything “wrong” with her “storied past”, and I don’t think you have a justification for jealousy, but I would suggest counseling for both of you before you commit to a lifetime of monogamy.
Lmao gross
Sir, your fiancee lived a whole life before she met you. Who and how she dated really isn’t your business. How she’s behaved since you two became a couple is. If you can’t deal with this, you need to break up with her. She deserves better than your judgement.
Everyone has a past get over it or leave
You’ve not said she has a history of cheating which, in my opinion, would be more of an issue. However, only you know if this body count is something you can live with or not.
Ive gotta tell you is a high number but there are women with far higher numbers. If a woman is sexually liberated, and she doesn’t look bad, she has chances every night, hell, every morning given how horny we guys are. For guys its more difficult, but women’s high numbers are rarely admitted by the woman because society sees it differently. If a man sleeps around he’s a player, if a woman does it, shes a whore.
But all in all, if you took a honest poll amongst attractive women, those numbers would rank her in top half of the draw but nowhere near CL places.
Dude I hope both of you get tested for sti
In a row???
Not wrong. Consider this though… You move on as does she. Does it matter if she finds someone who is accepting and tolerant of her past? What is that person has low standards but both of them are happy? Would it matter if she was unhappy for years after you two broke up that her past mattered? What if it broke her?
Consider your own needs. Would you still feel you made the right choice staying with her because of her nature, her personality, kindness to others and everything else she brings to the table? Is the hurtful part more that you tried multiple times to get laid and were not as lucky as she was, or that you had higher standards than she did when getting physical with someone?
Are you comfortable starting over and being on a mission to find someone with a low body count (low by your own standards)? Dating is fun but it’s also frustrating, getting so far and building up hope only to be let down by red flags or discovering something disappointing like who they voted for. It won’t stop you from playing the field, seeing who else is out there, doing your own exploration and having fun, making up for lost time. There are plenty of women out there, single and divorced, who still have standards but yearn to get out of dead bedrooms.
Who says you have to get married too? Why not remain living together while seeing how things go with your fiancee? If she stayed faithful this long that’s a sure sign she can go longer. You can use this time to get your own therapy, and couples therapy if you go that route.
You can still be happy, but don’t depend on another person in your life to keep you happy.
It’s never going to stop bothering you so it’s time to end it.
My opinion is yes.
What choices another makes is theirs.
Yours are yours.
What choices made now and what agreements you have together are all that matters.
You can look at it like this if you want.
From all her experience and life, you make her happy.
Not naively, not uninformed.
That counts.
Dude, you guys are 40 years old and she was never married, that number seems pretty normal for somebody who was seriously dating for all that time. And she’s right, it’s different when you spend your 20s married.
But I don’t see why it’s an issue anyways, what does her past matter if you are her future?
You didn’t “just find out” her dating history—your first post was 250 days ago about this, almost verbatim…
You’ve made 9 posts in the last year asking about if your finance’s “body count” is acceptable, upset that she sees sex for pleasure and you see it as an act of love, and you see the amount of her sexual partners as classless.
In all of your posts, you are stuck on her number—nothing has changed. The general consensus is you’re insecure, work on it or break up. Why are you still with your fiancé at this point? Does she know you feel like this about her because of her sexual history?
Personally, I think it’s immature to throw away this relationship when she’s been a loyal partner.
That’s a totally average number of partners for an attractive woman who’s not particularly conservative sexually. I don’t see what the problem is.
Kudos on supplying a TL;DR; I think it’s dying off sadly.
I like to thunk of body counts but I like to think of them as experience
Well I mean at least she is honest. You are up here saying I just found out and that is a lie. You didn’t just find out. You have known. You found out when she was your girlfriend.
So either tell her this is an issue or marry her. Maybe seek some therapy.
You are all judgy about her sex life, is she judgy about you having a failed marriage?
80 is an insane number dude lol
Yes, you are. If this was guy friend, you’d be high giving him. Your gf wasn’t married & didn’t cheat on anyone. Stop the double standard.
You don’t love her
“Just” found out? Your first post about this was over 8 months ago. There is no immediacy to that. If you can’t get over the fact that your fiance has slept with way more people than you 8 months after first learning of it, you need to let the poor woman go.
If you don’t like it then don’t marry her. Choices are to accept it, or breakup.
Seems like you are holding lots of resentment over this.
Don’t ever get married.
Breaking up is easier that way.
You’ve posted about her way too much my dude if your bothered by all these things with your gf this bad it’s time to find a new gf
Shit post.
So?
"Just found out" why do you lie when your old posts are available to see?
Assuming she lost her virginity at the same age I did, she’s been sexually active for 24 years. That’s 3 and a third partners per year.
Her choice. Let it go.
You could choose to look at it like she just auditioned a bunch of guys and you passed the audition and she wants to settle down with you. Either way, move on or let her move on.
You need to break it off if you can deal with it. Are you jealous? What really bothers you. My count is high. Not as high as hers. I was SA when I was little and had a very toxic childhood. When I went to college I had a fuck it attitude. If men can do it why can’t women. It was the result of SA I am sure. It was also the sex and the city era where sex was very glamorized. I have been with my husband for 23 years and married 17. It has NEVER been an issue for him. He has been with like 9 people. In the big scheme of life it doesn’t matter. Neither of us have ever been unfaithful. It’s not fair for you to hold her past against her. See a therapist and figure your feelings out. Don’t torture her with your issue. Honestly I wish I could talk to her and tell her to move on. She deserves a man who won’t hold her past against her.
I Will not argue about the number, if it’s normal or no. But I will say, she is honest, at least. If you plan to marry her, she’s someone who you love, and unless she cheats on you, I don’t see where is the problem. But if it’s bothering you now, it probably will bothering you forever
Don’t care about who came before, care about who comes after (should be NO ONE (sans polygamy or whatever))
I think this is a bs post because how are you engaged but didn’t know your partner’s history until now? But I’ll roll with it: What are you going to do about it? Break up with this "sexy and successful" person you love for things she did before she was even with you? Only you can say if this is a dealbreaker for you, but the whole idea that unmarried men can/should sleep with as many people as possible but unmarried women shouldn’t is obviously sexist.
That a different guy every other month over a 14 year period. Think of it that way. It’s not a lot
Your posting history says you’ve been upset about this for about a year.
Get over it, and grow up.
Or
Don’t get over it and find someone else.
https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/average-number-of-sexual-partners
All those saying 80 is normal need to do some research.
Most studies show the avg person is around 10 partners in their life.
For example, according to a 2015-2019 CDC survey, the median number of lifetime sexual partners for men and women aged 25-49 was 4.2 and 6.3, respectively.
Lots of people posting that 4-5 a year is normal and that’s not remotely true
Who cares? She’s planning to make you her last lover and that’s all that matters. You sound insecure as fuck my dude.
Dude she’s into you. Just get tested and make sure she does too and get over yourself. Women enjoy sex too.
You’re being insecure. Plus it’s in the past, there’s nothing that can be done about it now. If it bothered you now, and it’s definitely something you can’t get over you might want to end it as you’ll only carry that feeling into your 2nd marriage that will fail. This is apart of accepting the "bad" with the "good" in a person you want to marry. Are you the type that thinks it’s ok for a guy to have a body count of 80 as opposed to a girl or would you feel the same about a guy?
Wow. A woman in her mid-thirties who has never been married had a lot of sex partners before getting together with the person she plans to marry. Shocking. /s
Either be fine with it, genuinely fine, or end it. What’s not fair is to believe she’s done something wrong and marry her anyway.
Yeah, it does sound like insecurity talking. I don’t understand why the number makes a difference. Is it that she is more experienced with multiple partners? Is it that you are number 80 on the list? Is it the list?
I’m in a long term marriage but we’ve had sex much more than most people who hook up. Is it that it’s with one person that makes the amount of sex different?
You need to ask yourself these questions and be honest. It doesn’t matter what I think, I’m not marrying her.
If you can’t get past this, then you need to break up because it’s not fair to either of you to have this hang up. If you can’t do the work to figure out why you are so insecure about her number or that you find you don’t want a partner who has had that many sexual partners. You need to do that before you marry her.
It’s not fair to her that you judge her life and it’s not fair to you to try to be okay with something you will never be.
I do see comments where people have looked at your history and it seems this has been a hang up for you for over a year. Have you gotten therapy with a sex positive therapist for yourself? If not, you should.
You can’t stand on the fence, you are wrong for that.
How would you feel if this were your guy best friend? Would you feel the same or be impressed? I knew a guy that did this and all the guys around me that saw his list of about 50 women last I saw were impressed.
Yes, if this is true, you are wrong.
Is she still sleeping with other men now? Or keep them around as friends?
No, then what are you worried about?
Would she be right if she had a problem with your lack of experience?
If she picked you after 80 guys you should be flattered. If it bothers you move on.
it sounds more like a compatibility issue if you are that hung up. I don’t really care about a number, but I care more about having a similar sexual past to my own. But also, I mean, I’m not going to pry either lol
Everyone is different, but if your differences are causing you insecurity, then just break up, man. Don’t marry someone you feel weird about.
If it bothers you, then move on. It is what it is. I do think keeping a list with names and dates is weird as hell; I don’t think about the people I’ve slept with in the past so I wouldn’t have a keepsake list. Especially if I am dating someone for years like she has been. I’d be careful being high and mighty about this one though; she seems pretty normal-ish to me.
And she has chosen to be with you!!!! Over all those guys. As a decent looking girl it is very easy to hook up as much as you want. I’d insist on std/hiv testing. Think of it like this. Would you be as upset if she spent as much time, one on one, time , with a kid or childhood friend , family member, art project, or parent? Sounds like she and her friends were competing at the time.
That sounds like a lot to me, but I guess I’d also keep in mind that she was 36 when she met you. Idk when she first started having sex, but probably as a teenager, so to make the math easy on myself, let’s say 16. So she’s been sexually active for 20 years. 80 partners divided by 20 years is 4 partners a year, on average. She had a couple longer relationships in there, so a couple of years she would have had more like 5-6 partners while others would only have been the 1. You said that most of these partners were short term (a few weeks or even less), so for most of her adult life, she’s had sex about 4 times a year. It’s actually not much sex, but it does add up to a lot of partners. I guess what it comes down to is do you love and trust her or not.
So if she has been sexually actively since Age 19, she’s averaging an astonishing 4 men per year?!
Fuck off, you insecure men.
Guys do this shit all the time but when it is a female people judge get tf over it. She can fuck as many men as she wants just like a guy can fuck as many people as they want. Every guy ever expects women to have a low body count why the double standard?
For those saying that I’ve posted this a few times, you are definitely correct. Yes I was married and faithful for 15 years, had three kids, and was blindsided with a divorce during Covid.
I was never a fan of casual sex in my life before marriage or divorce. It made me personally feel icky, as sex for me for whatever reason has a sacred part to it, it’s not just about carnal pleasure. I guess I’m a sensitive guy.
My baggage is that I come with three kids and an ex wife that is definitely a lot to handle. This is my fiancé’s baggage. Even she agrees that it is a VERY high number, a number that she would not be proud to admit to anyone, let alone those closest to her, and she was mortified that she let it slip in conversation while tipsy. The list came out later.
When I first found this out 2.5 years into the relationship (I did not expect her to be a virgin, and assumed it was 20 or so including her relationships because I thought that was a normal clip) I did in fact almost end it. I was crushed. The feeling came from a place of questioning her morals, a place of insecurity, and a place of fearing that if she was that promiscuous, what would stop her from continuing her promiscuity?
After some therapy (single and couples) and conversations with her I do feel better about it. It doesn’t consume my brain every minute of every day anymore, but it definitely flares up from time to time, almost like a panic attack. The thoughts of her being with these guys and seeing the actual list of 80 names and dates makes my skin crawl… “Dylan 4/1/18, Simon 4/2/18, max 4/7/18, Rich 4/20/18 and then 6 months of nobody before the list continues. These feelings just come from out of nowhere. Totally fine for a month, and then boom!!! I had posted it in the sex, relationship and retroactive jealousy forums, and someone suggested a more broad forum and “Am I Wrong” seemed like as good a place as any.
I really was just coming here for some insight into what is normal for people dating. Are there 35 year old women among us who have been with 80 or more men who are willing to share and say it’s super easy to do? Just looking fiord perspective is all.
If she has no STD’s then I don’t know what her past has to do with anything. You love her, you want to marry her and now you’re going to shit can everything because of something she did before she met you. If you couldn’t handle it you shouldn’t have asked.
Why does it matter ?
Lots of sex doesn’t mean it was any good.
Also – she’s chosen to be with you. You not any of the others. Why are you so insecure ? She wants to only have sex with you ?
Look you are not wrong for feeling this way !!!
Let me be clear valid feelings
But YOU ARE WRONG .. !!
Here’s my spin on the situation and it comes down to these things
Then break up / call off the wedding / find another woman who maybe been with 10-20 people since Junior high school
Or which you won’t do thus bcuz you haven’t
Forget all about her past
Good luck
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with that, your girlfriend likes sex and is OK with casual sex. The number wouldn’t bother me personally, but on the other hand I do get that that is an insanely high number despite what people are saying in this comment section for some reason
https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/the-ideal-number-of-sexual-partners-for-men-women
Realistically I know I’m unusual in that I’m a straight guy who doesn’t care how many people my gf has slept with, so tbh if you decide this is a deal breaker I wouldn’t say its that unusual
4-5 different people each year for decades is insanely high (man or woman) and I find it very bizarre that everyone is like 🤷♀️
In two decades she never had a relationship last over a year? That’s a red flag. I’m shocked she’s been with OP for as long as she has.