I’m 21 and trans female to male. Ive been on hormones for 5 years and had top surgery 3.5 years ago. I look completely male and nobody has suspected anything in the last 3 years. I don’t typically tell people in my life and some people who have known me for over 4 years (and see my shirtless every day) still aren’t aware that I’m trans or gay.
I am attracted to guys and have started using a dating app. I don’t have it in my bio, but previously I’ve tell people in the first few days over text before meeting them.
I’ve chatting to a 20yr old for the last week and just realised I forgot to tell him. I’m potentially meeting him tomorrow for a hike. Do I tell him tonight, tomorrow on the hike or afterwards over text?
I’m not worried for my safety if I told him on the hike but I usually prefer to tell people when they aren’t trapped with me for the next few hours haha.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts
Comments
It’s good that you’re thinking this through! If you usually prefer to tell people before meeting, sending a quick, honest message tonight might be best. That way, he has time to process it, and there’s no pressure during the hike. It also shows respect and transparency. Good luck!
I hope it goes well!
I love your honesty! if I were you, I’ll just tell him right away, don’t be afraid! Be you and let them adjust. 🙂 The right people to be in your life will stay, life is too short to be the person you’re not.
When it comes to sharing your story, it really depends on what feels right for you. Since you’ve been chatting for a week, it might be nice to share before the hike so he has some time to process everything without feeling rushed. You could frame it casually, like, “Hey, just wanted to share something important about myself before we meet up.” This way, you’re opening the door for an honest conversation while keeping things comfortable.
Best to be transparent, then he can let you know if he wants to continue with the date.
You should probably put it in your bio. People deserve transparency in relationships.
This is an unhelpful answer but do what feels right and comfortable. I’m glad that you aren’t worried for your safety (though that should be the bare minimum). If he passes the vibe check and you think he’d react ok, either of those options is good! Telling him the night before gets it quickly out of the way, telling him during the hike might start an interesting deep convo (if that’s what u want) and telling him via text is fine too. It really depends.
” soon to be man”
Sometime between when you meet and when you have sex.
If you didn’t get to hell him tonight, call before it’s time to leave and maybe let him know. Then he won’t feel misled after you spent the day together. And while you are only worried about the awkwardness, you should always be a little concerned about safety when meeting a new person in a secluded area, no matter who you are.
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