I 39f, am seriously considering changing my surname (last name). I have zero connections to anyone on either side of my family (mother or father). I am not married and it’s not in my foreseeable future, so I cannot depend on marriage as a ticket to disconnecting from my maiden name.
Backstory: I have a long and sordid history with both sides of my family. I’ve never been very close to either. Growing up, I never felt a connection to any of my family members, they were familiar strangers to me. Drama, violence, traumas, and hurt weaved itself through every family member and it was the legacy passed on through generations. My father passed away 12 years ago and his side of the family became more toxic than ever. I guess because my dad wasn’t around to shield me from them anymore. My mother, the narcissist, wasn’t particularly close with her side of the family, ergo, neither was I. Did I mention, I am an only child? And I don’t have any children either. So it’s just me.
So lately, I’ve been seriously considering changing my last name. Either picking something at random or finding something that means something to me. I’ve also looked into what it will take to do this: paperwork, fees, petitions, etc.. Not to mention having to contact lots and lots of people and places to submit the name change. It looks like it will be a little bit of a hassle and cost up to $500 USD. All of this seems to be worth it to me.
My last name brings me sadness. I am not attached to it any longer. But is this a big deal? Abandoning my final familial tie. Married women do it, why can’t I? Is the hassle worth it?
Has anyone done this without getting married? Has anyone else done this to disconnect from their family?
Any advice or input is welcomed.
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Backup of the post’s body: I 39f, am seriously considering changing my surname (last name). I have zero connections to anyone on either side of my family (mother or father). I am not married and it’s not in my foreseeable future, so I cannot depend on marriage as a ticket to disconnecting from my maiden name.
Backstory: I have a long and sordid history with both sides of my family. I’ve never been very close to either. Growing up, I never felt a connection to any of my family members, they were familiar strangers to me. Drama, violence, traumas, and hurt weaved itself through every family member and it was the legacy passed on through generations. My father passed away 12 years ago and his side of the family became more toxic than ever. I guess because my dad wasn’t around to shield me from them anymore. My mother, the narcissist, wasn’t particularly close with her side of the family, ergo, neither was I. Did I mention, I am an only child? And I don’t have any children either. So it’s just me.
So lately, I’ve been seriously considering changing my last name. Either picking something at random or finding something that means something to me. I’ve also looked into what it will take to do this: paperwork, fees, petitions, etc.. Not to mention having to contact lots and lots of people and places to submit the name change. It looks like it will be a little bit of a hassle and cost up to $500 USD. All of this seems to be worth it to me.
My last name brings me sadness. I am not attached to it any longer. But is this a big deal? Abandoning my final familial tie. Married women do it, why can’t I? Is the hassle worth it?
Has anyone done this without getting married? Has anyone else done this to disconnect from their family?
Any advice or input is welcomed.
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I did it! My father is an absolute POS and hasn’t spoken to me or my sister in over 10 years. 3 years ago we both changed our last names and it was such a healing process. She picked a random name, I changed mine to my long-term partner’s last name. I think it cost me about $200-250 total. One of the best decisions of my life!
ETA- It wasn’t nearly the hassell it sounds like and you don’t have to change everything all at once 🙂
I changed mine to match my family. I thought it was worth it. I felt my birth name was pointless and had nothing to do with me. Now my name means something. I suggest you do it. Your name matters.
Before you change your name make sure the SAVE act doesn’t pass senate bc then you would be disenfranchising yourself.
A friend in college did this. She used her middle name as her last name. It’s nice.
My friend changed hers as adult because her awful stepfather had adopted her & she wanted to cut ties. She went back to her birth name.
Pick something that makes you feel good. Do you have a favorite fictional character or real life hero? For example, I love Elizabeth Bennet from Pride & Prejudice. Or gold medalist Simone Biles. You get the idea.
Have fun with it. Change it to something that brings you joy. Favorite language? What does Strong Heart sound like in French? Little Wildflower in Spanish? Do it. Update us when it happens. If you are US – it is very easy and costs less than a grand.
People change their names without wanting to separate from their family. My niece and her husband picked a new last name when they got married which was unrelated to any family names and went through the formal name change process.
Sigh, in any other administration I would say go for it but I would maybe wait out seeing what bullshit is going to come down the legislation sewer tube regarding identification and names not matching birth certificates.
I’m in my sixties and I wish I had done it the minute I turned 18. I still regret it to this day.