I’m not usually the type to ask for relationship advice online, but I feel completely lost right now and could really use some perspective — especially from men in their 30s or older who’ve been through something similar.
I’m 24, and I’ve been in a serious relationship with a woman who’s 33. We met at work a few years ago and have been together for about 2.5 years now.
About a year ago, she started bringing up the idea of having kids and moving the relationship forward — engagement, marriage, the whole future. I love her deeply, but I’ve always kind of avoided those talks or responded without much excitement. Looking back, I can see how that probably made her feel uncertain and hurt. She’s been incredibly patient, but now we’ve hit a breaking point.
Last night, we had a really honest conversation. She told me she can’t keep going without clarity. She wants kids by 35 or 36 — and if I can’t commit to that timeline, we may need to part ways. That thought alone crushes me. I don’t want to lose her.
At the same time, I’m an ambitious entrepreneur. I’m still building my future, and my life feels anything but stable. I’m not even sure if the business I’m running now is “the one.” I feel like I need a few more years to grow, to really become the man I want to be — and I’m scared that starting a family too soon might slow me down or put me in a place where I’m not showing up as my best self, for her or for our future kids.
So here I am: caught between love and timing.
I’m not asking if I should stay or leave — I know that’s something only I can decide. But I would genuinely appreciate some real insight from guys who’ve lived through similar crossroads. Will I regret staying? Will I regret walking away, even if it’s for what feels like the “greater good” for both of us?
The love is real. That much I know. But I don’t know if that’s enough.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
Timing can kill something that’s otherwise real. If you’re feeling this torn already, staying might turn into slow resentment. But walking away will hurt too… just in a cleaner, quicker way.
Don’t stay out of guilt. Don’t leave out of fear. Whatever you pick, commit to it fully. That’s the only way you’ll find peace either way.
I hate to say it but I think it might be best for you to part ways. You are on different timelines for the relationship. The reality is, your girlfriend likely is running out of time to start a family, and if you’re not on board for kids in the next 2-3 years it might never happen for you two.
If she doesn’t get to have kids, she will be hurt. If you feel pressured to have kids before you’re ready, you will resent her. It’s inevitable. Best to part ways amicably and meet other people who fit your timelines better.
If you don’t want kids and she does, that’s not something you can compromise on. If either of you sacrifice that to stay with the other, 9 times out of 10 you will probably end up splitting up or in an unhappy relationship. You need to tell her what you’re thinking, don’t give her the impression you want to have kids if you don’t. This is a choice that only you can make, these are just my thoughts on it. Do what you can for YOUR happiness.
You’re at different ages and stages (literally, in this case.) Her biological clock is running out and the chances of pregnancy are dropping already at 33, while you’re just getting started in your adult life. If you can’t even have those important future conversations, you’re definitely not ready for them.
Having been in the reverse position (I was 28 and he was 39), I think you should part ways. (He has a child now, I still don’t want one.)
Next relationship you get into, know that those alignments on wanting marriage and kids should be a very early conversation you have so you’re not wasting time.
(62 and childless) I prioritized my career until my 40s (full time job + founder of struggling startup) Do I regret the choice? No. Well, not much because earlier 40s I found a lady with a kid and connected. The kid was a pre-teen at the time. My lady and her X were cordial around the kid. The kid is in the LBGTQA+ community, the X is super religious but was somewhat tolerant (his 2nd wife family was not, tried to “fix” the kid). So who does the kid turn to (even in their 30s)? Me. I skipped the diapers[CHEER!]. I skipped grammar school [I regret missing this] but I got high school and college and life after.
My lady shares my dream. I am not sure who was happier when I achieved it. Since ’69 I have been chasing the moon, I have stuff on the moon now (early 2024). She was literally dancing with excitement on both launches.
If your career is your dream and all else is secondary, then the choice is clear. When you get over hump and have time, find a woman.
She may be “the one” but there is another lady out there who meets all things she has plus dances at the excitement of your dream.
You don’t need to restrict yourself to answers from guys. Anyone who’s been part of something similar, or observed it in people close to them, can provide insight.
More importantly, the issue here is so obvious I’m a little puzzled you didn’t mention it. You’re on different timelines because she’s almost 10 years older than you! At your age, this is a massive gap.
Clearly, you’re doing a great job of thinking this through, but if this is the first time the topic of kids has come up, this should have been covered a lot sooner (probably by her). When people wait too long, it becomes an ultimatum, which is best avoided in a relationship.
Buddy, you both are in different parts of life and if she wants kids in 2 years from now or even now and you are unsure if you can be the father a child needs then you got to break up with her, she’s 33 and she obviously wants to be a mother and be married.
Time to shit or get off the pot. If you are not willing to commit now, ok. But turn her lose so she can find her guy. When I started dating my wife, I wasn’t looking to get married , but within six months I new she was the one for me and we have had 43 happy and fulfilling years together
Listen, all is not lost, she may say she wants to have children by a certain timeline but she has to understand that she chose to be with someone much younger and it may not go the way she exactly wants.
Women are having babies into their 40s, if she takes care of herself she has a good decade to have kids.
Having said that, you never know about your business, my brother opened his own business 3 yrs ago and wanted to give up so many times and he didn’t and now it’s a success, so in a few short years you too can be in a more secure situation.
I think you should keep going hard at working and set a deadline to how long you will wait to get pregnant. I think it should be a compromise and I think setting a real tangible goal will be reassuring.
I would say by 36 yrs old you will start to try for a kid. If you really really don’t wanna lose her a still feel the same way when she’s 36 but you’re not in the ideal financial situation you had hoped for you bite the bullet and have a baby.
All I can say is don’t do anything that you don’t want to do because you will regret it. I can understand her point especially since she’s in her 30s but at 24 I know I wasn’t trying to have kids yet even though my gf at the time was talking marriage and kids, I just wasn’t ready.
Kids don’t slow you down, you do. Keep kicking and marry that woman if you truly love her.
She’s being honest about her wants and needs, and if you guys aren’t on the same page, you can’t expect her to sacrifice and waste more of her time with someone who can’t give her what she wants. It’s selfish. It’s also not fair to you, if you don’t feel ready for kids. Sadly, I say if you guys cannot come to mutually agreeable terms, you part ways and move on to find the person who’s on the same page. Hopefully, you will find that person. Walking away is always a risk. Good luck.
If you’re excited about having children with an older woman who will almost certainly leave you and take custody…go ahead
If you’re not a total moron, perhaps you’ll see through this nonsense
As a fellow entrepreneur who was in your situation… It’s time to let her go and move on. It’s slightly her fault too for dating a 22 year old at age 32 when she wanted a family. What 22 year old knows what he truly wants in 10 years?
Apologize to her. Dm me if you want to know what my situation was like
This is why being over 30 and dating under late 20’s can cause a lot of issues. Totally different stages of life.
It sounds to me like you don’t want kids just yet. I think I can safely say I speak for everyone with any amount of sense when I say that it’s a terrible idea to have kids to save a relationship/keep someone. Always be completely honest and you can’t go wrong, things tend to work out when you’re true to yourself and others.