My family moved us from Egypt to Canada in 2014 and to add context, both my parents are physically, mentally, verbally and emotionally abusive and my older brother has been an hardcore addict since I was 12. My family was very well off at the time and I had an amazing life before moving to Canada when it came to my friends and extended family, I had sooooooooo many friends that helped me keep my mind off of how bad things were at home, but that all changed when we moved here. We were all isolated from our loved ones and the abuse reached an all time high. My younger brother smoked bud that triggered psychosis and went on medication for around five years. I ended up meeting a narcissistic abusive drug dealer who I thought I “loved”. I ended up getting addicted to substances. I was in that relationship for five years and he isolated me from everyone, even people back home. My family got bad advice from our immigration consultant and sold the business that we came here to start and ended up losing everything, including our permanent residency application applications. I lost my grandparents, my uncle my aunt and I couldn’t even go back for funerals I can’t even type this out without crying my eyes out. After my grandma and my dad, I died my dad decided to take my older brother and go back to Egypt. I haven’t seen my dad or my older brother in four years…
My mom, younger brother and I then became refugees for reasons I don’t wanna disclose but that’s definitely means I can’t go back home.
Two years ago, I decided to get clean and it definitely saved my life and around that time. I’m my current boyfriend who is amazing but has an avoidant attachment style. I’ve worked really hard to have a normal life, but I still live with my mom and my younger brother who started getting into drugs, putting holes in walls and almost choking me to death one time. My mom is a complete enabler. I know this because she enabled me when I was an addict so it is extremely triggering living in this household. I have two jobs yet I still can’t afford to move out. I’m extremely burnt out, have no friends, feel like my boyfriend doesn’t have the emotional bandwidth to deal with his own feelings, let alone mine.
I feel like I’m literally in purgatory and have this void of absolute sadness that I can’t seem to cure. I can’t stop crying 24/7. Especially lately idk if it’s because of the burn out or depression or what but I need help to stop crying all the time
How do I stop myself from balling my eyes out 24/7
r/Advice
Comments
Yes you do need help! Sounds like you were brought into a bad situation that never ended. Yes life in Canada isn’t cheap/easy. But there are programs that help you stay clean and help you get on your feet. Not sure which province you live in but reach out to those agencies and seek the help/support you need.
Try and find a better, more paying job. Learn a skill (for free) through all the different government programs.
You can do it
you’ve gone through so much, start saving money up and move out as soon as you can. As for the bf, you both should take a break so as to not drain each other out. Drugs are bad and even though you were a past addict yourself, doesn’t mean you should allow your younger siblings to get addicted and ruin their lives either. Other than that, I really am sorry but idk what to advice.. change of scenery may help perhaps. Best wishes for you
The BEST thing you can do is get clean and stay clean! That’s very hard because you have to do it on your own and fight some demons. But it will be absolutely the best thing for you. Try to see if you can get into a program there must be programs that can help you find you own place because you’re in such a bad situation at home. Don’t get involved with people who hurt you in the way you have been hurt because that is what you’re used to from childhood. But it will not help you and only make things worse. When you have the time and headspace try to work on your traumas. All the best to you, you got this!!