I am autistic and so is my partner. We are both low supports needs and I’m diagnosed by a MP and he is self diagnosed. We are just normal people. I hate certain smells and have specific sensory no no’s. Same with him. We have a very straight forward approach to almost everything. We don’t sugarcoat much and are entirely authentic and unmasked with each other. Love him so much and he’s my person .
We are both very neurodivergent and he’s one of the only ones who gets me. He is kind and authentic and we are both observant homebodies with similar energy levels and social batteries. I’m a bit more quiet than him in group situations but more willing to go out and socialize (he might take convincing to go or we will just do it a different day). Meanwhile, I become a huge yapper with him around and I feel like he’s one of the only people who just lets me speak and avidly listens!! I think we are both smart people who just happen to get exhausted easily and struggle with working something like a 9-5.
He has some problems with actively listening, he’ll be nodding along and saying “yeah. Mhm” and act like he’s listening, but then he has no recollection of what I said and I have to repeat myself. In the past he’s said I need to be better at getting his attention because of his autism but now he says he’s trying to stop using it as an excuse (his words lol) He also recently started a new medication that helped quite a bit.
Another thing we’re working on is when we have conflict and I’m upset, I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts and reflect on how I’m feeling before I can speak to him about it. He thinks I’m like pissed at him though and kind of spirals, so I’m working on making sure to let him know that I’m not angry at him or giving him the silent treatment, I just need a second to process what I’m feeling and thinking. Idk how much that has to do with autism, but he says it’s a factor so I’ll trust him lol
And finally, he pokes and tickles me and makes fart noises quite a bit, he says they’re stims. Sometimes it’s very overstimulating for me though and I need to tell him to stop. Other times though it’s playful and fun
Overall, happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve been in and wouldn’t change it for anything
I am engaged to someone on the spectrum and absolutely thrilled with him.
I previously only dated neurotypical people. I was admittedly a little hesitant about my current partner at first because his social skills weren’t the best and he didn’t seem to know how to talk to my friends. But over time I realized that his good qualities blew the social stuff out of the water. He is deeply empathetic (despite stereotypes about autism), loves me like no other partner has, is ridiculously smart, is super reliable, and has a huge heart.
Also, I actually found one unexpected and huge benefit to dating someone on the spectrum: He isn’t influenced by his peers. None of that toxic masculinity stuff that many of my exes displayed is seen in my current partner. He doesn’t measure himself up to other men or pay any attention to people like Joe Rogan or Andrew Tate. He just follows the beat of his own drum and focuses on doing what is right. I don’t know if that’s due to autism or him just being a great person, but I don’t really care. I’m just happy to be with him.
We both have extreme sensitivities but we communicate a lot about them and find work around that make each other happy. Our relationship can take a bit of work but it’s not stressful, we just take a lot of time to be patient and understanding towards each other.
We are both have audio sensitivities, so we tend to put on headphones while the other is engaged in a loud hobby. We food prep together for certain meals because they like to have things a certain way and I prefer a certain way. We also have appliances that help us do certain chores, to make it easier.
I don’t like getting my hands wet so they do those chores for example. I don’t mind the feel of powders or dough, of dry fabrics, and such so I do those ones.
Mod note: please refrain from using mental health related terms or diagnostic labels casually.
Do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people’s mental health situations; or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour even when talking about yourself. More information about this rule can be found here.
If you’re referring to someone (yourself or others) who has been formally diagnosed by a medical professional, please make sure your comment reflects that.
We broke up two weeks ago, but it was awful. Anytime he did anything wrong he blamed it on having autism. Anytime I called him out on something I was called ableist.
I have autism, and ADD which has not been taken out of the DSM so it’s classified as ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until an adult after my supervisor suggested I get tested. Growing up was very hard for me socially and emotionally as it was hard for me to make friends and connect emotionally.bbblccfzWe met on tinder actually or bumble can’t remember, I was on both back in 2019. We bought a house last year, I came with 2 kids that he loves, plus 2 cats, and he came with 1 cat. I somehow convinced him to let me foster with a local rescue, so now we have 4 cats. However we currently have 2 bottle babies.
My partner tells me sometimes when I do my weird quirks that it’s okay “you’re acoustic.” It’s our running inside joke. Lol I hate folding laundry when it’s fresh out the dryer, if I do I have to use lotion otherwise I’ll gag. If I’m out in public or just anywhere basically, someone can say a word and it usually makes me think of a song to which I’ll sing because why not!!!? Some of his biggest complaints are it takes 3 days processing time for me to counter when we have a disagreement, which I’m working on. It’s hard for me to compute a counter or discuss my emotions. I can’t find words, not sure if that makes sense?
In the beginning I never felt so loved. I could see him studying me and learning everything about me, and he was also a big love sponge. He’s been diagnosed as autistic with ADHD, but over the years, though he loved telling other people about his amazing family and kids, he couldn’t manage to prioritise us above whatever he wanted in that moment. By which I mean if one of the kids were sick, he’d be frustrated because he was busy with something else, or if the house were a mess but he wanted to sleep in I’d be the one cleaning, as if I asked him for help he’d scream at me.
When he eventually went to couples therapy with me, he blamed his angry outbursts as autistic meltdowns, even though 2 of our kids are autistic and I know what a meltdown looks like.
The kids wanted him out, and we’re divorcing now.
What I’m saying is his issues weren’t autism related. He was an abusive man who used his diagnosis against me and the kids. My autistic kids finally saw through his behaviours after I’d been making excuses for him.
We broke up. He is a good person, but we fundamentally had different ways of relating to each other, others and the world which led to a lot of misunderstandings and the slow end of the relationship.
perhaps the most intelligent person i’ve ever met, which really attracted me in the beginning. as the relationship evolved, compromises stopped pretty quickly. i think he simply wouldn’t get the concept of a compromise. because he was more comfortable with things being done a certain way, they had to be done his way all the time. never mine.
he wouldnt understand physical love language. didnt like to have any form of physical contact with me when we were sleeping next to each other, kissed me with no emotions because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you meet your girlfriend. sex was the exact same thing, over and over again. everything felt cold and mechanical tbh. he would get upset if my eyebrows were plucked slightly differently, if my hair were cut shorter than usual. we’re speaking 4-5 cm here, i didn’t show up with a pixie haircut.
for him, love was a text first thing in the morning and a text before going to bed. we had entire fights where he was panicking, very sad and disturbed, and telling me he felt like i didnt love him. why, i asked. “you don’t text me in the morning”. like none of the other things i would do mattered.
everytime we met, i would stare at him very lovingly and would be met by “what ? why are you staring”. it’s like, no matter what i was expressing, it felt like i was staring at him with two soulless ping pong balls instead of eyes. eventually, it sucked my sould out of my body. he didnt see how much compromises i made for him, i guess he thought this was just expected and normal, he hated to talk about my emotional state and never needed to talk about his, so i started bottling it all up.
then we had a big talk. the world is mostly non-autistic people. he is autistic. that is unfair, because on many occasion he will feel like he doesnt fit in and have to make efforts to fit in. but he would force me to live in a way that was comfortable for him, while it isn’t for me. what he is missing in social skills doesnt mean we have to supress mine to be equals. it’s like if you were to have a dinner date with a person missing one arm. do you show patience and compassion and eat your meal the usual way, or do you tie one of your arms behind your back so you, too, must eat using only one hand ? that’s how it felt like. i dumped him and he couldn’t accept it because “he loved me”. well i didn’t anymore. it was a really tough breakup cause once again, i had to adapt to “his language” to make my point. it felt like what i needed to say never got off my chest. it was pointless to say it anyways, he was not getting it every time i tried and would get very upset and confused. never again tbh, it’s not for everyone and it’s definitely not for me
My husband is diagnosed as autistic.
We met way before the diagnosis, it is his first relationship and we basically grew together in a fast moving love story. We bonded a lot about our shared nerdy interests, from Warhammer 40K to TTRPGs and games.
I always knew communication was difficult sometimes, he was pretty introverted, going to events was not his cup of tea and he needed his routines. So when the diagnosis came everything clicked and made sense, and it helped with our communication, how to cope with meltdowns and so on.
It’s the most caring and healthy relationship I ever had. And he’s the most loyal partner one can imagine. There has never been any doubt about cheating, lying or whatever.
He can’t work due to his mental health, so he is taking care of our home (he’s a very tidy, clean and organised person, especially compared to me who’s coming from a household where cleaning and tidying was an unknown concept, so he taught me basically everything about it) and has my back while I bring in money working with people with mental health issues.
He always jokes he has his personal social worker, and it’s kinda right, and I don’t mind tbh. I’m the person knowing him best and the only person he’s feeling secure enough to unmask.
We’re married, together for 15 years, and are each others sword, shield, rock and home.
We both have Asperger’s, so it was something we were able to connect over. He’s a good guy, you just need to be direct because most of the time he won’t get the hint. I’m the same way, but I still sometimes forget.
She started liking me first and she basically charmed me with her personality and her absolute love and hyper fixations on things even if I don’t like those things
it can be difficult but if there is love and acceptance you can build a very warm relationship the main thing is to be patient not to expect typical emotional reactions and to learn to speak very directly without hints then many things become easier and trust grows.
My partner is autistic and he has taught me so much about being patient and not dancing around things. I grew up in a family where when someone was mad at you, they’d pull the silent treatment.
With my partner, he cannot tell if I’m angry or not if I were to go silent (mimicking what my parents did which is something I know now to be a big no no). He will ask me “are you actually mad? because I cannot tell” and it made me realize that my parents did this to garner a reaction and groveling. This is something I dont want for my relationship so I make sure to tell him if I am upset or not.
He grew up in a very plain-cooking family and I grew up first generation with a ton of good food. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t him just being picky. It’s more that he grew up not having these foods and now that I’m introducing it, the textures are weird to him since he hasn’t had them in his 27 years at the time.
Comments
[removed]
[removed]
I am autistic and so is my partner. We are both low supports needs and I’m diagnosed by a MP and he is self diagnosed. We are just normal people. I hate certain smells and have specific sensory no no’s. Same with him. We have a very straight forward approach to almost everything. We don’t sugarcoat much and are entirely authentic and unmasked with each other. Love him so much and he’s my person .
We are both very neurodivergent and he’s one of the only ones who gets me. He is kind and authentic and we are both observant homebodies with similar energy levels and social batteries. I’m a bit more quiet than him in group situations but more willing to go out and socialize (he might take convincing to go or we will just do it a different day). Meanwhile, I become a huge yapper with him around and I feel like he’s one of the only people who just lets me speak and avidly listens!! I think we are both smart people who just happen to get exhausted easily and struggle with working something like a 9-5.
He has some problems with actively listening, he’ll be nodding along and saying “yeah. Mhm” and act like he’s listening, but then he has no recollection of what I said and I have to repeat myself. In the past he’s said I need to be better at getting his attention because of his autism but now he says he’s trying to stop using it as an excuse (his words lol) He also recently started a new medication that helped quite a bit.
Another thing we’re working on is when we have conflict and I’m upset, I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts and reflect on how I’m feeling before I can speak to him about it. He thinks I’m like pissed at him though and kind of spirals, so I’m working on making sure to let him know that I’m not angry at him or giving him the silent treatment, I just need a second to process what I’m feeling and thinking. Idk how much that has to do with autism, but he says it’s a factor so I’ll trust him lol
And finally, he pokes and tickles me and makes fart noises quite a bit, he says they’re stims. Sometimes it’s very overstimulating for me though and I need to tell him to stop. Other times though it’s playful and fun
Overall, happiest and healthiest relationship I’ve been in and wouldn’t change it for anything
I am engaged to someone on the spectrum and absolutely thrilled with him.
I previously only dated neurotypical people. I was admittedly a little hesitant about my current partner at first because his social skills weren’t the best and he didn’t seem to know how to talk to my friends. But over time I realized that his good qualities blew the social stuff out of the water. He is deeply empathetic (despite stereotypes about autism), loves me like no other partner has, is ridiculously smart, is super reliable, and has a huge heart.
Also, I actually found one unexpected and huge benefit to dating someone on the spectrum: He isn’t influenced by his peers. None of that toxic masculinity stuff that many of my exes displayed is seen in my current partner. He doesn’t measure himself up to other men or pay any attention to people like Joe Rogan or Andrew Tate. He just follows the beat of his own drum and focuses on doing what is right. I don’t know if that’s due to autism or him just being a great person, but I don’t really care. I’m just happy to be with him.
My partner and I are both on the spectrum.
We both have extreme sensitivities but we communicate a lot about them and find work around that make each other happy. Our relationship can take a bit of work but it’s not stressful, we just take a lot of time to be patient and understanding towards each other.
We are both have audio sensitivities, so we tend to put on headphones while the other is engaged in a loud hobby. We food prep together for certain meals because they like to have things a certain way and I prefer a certain way. We also have appliances that help us do certain chores, to make it easier.
I don’t like getting my hands wet so they do those chores for example. I don’t mind the feel of powders or dough, of dry fabrics, and such so I do those ones.
[removed]
The story is I met a human being I liked and then I fell in love with him and now I’m happy. The end
[removed]
Mod note: please refrain from using mental health related terms or diagnostic labels casually.
Do not speculate, armchair diagnose, or label other people’s mental health situations; or use terms for mental health issues as judgments, slurs, or synonyms for toxic/abusive behaviour even when talking about yourself. More information about this rule can be found here.
If you’re referring to someone (yourself or others) who has been formally diagnosed by a medical professional, please make sure your comment reflects that.
They’re sexy as fuck and i wanted them so i pursued them and then we started dating and now its been 2 years
We broke up two weeks ago, but it was awful. Anytime he did anything wrong he blamed it on having autism. Anytime I called him out on something I was called ableist.
I have autism, and ADD which has not been taken out of the DSM so it’s classified as ADHD. I wasn’t diagnosed with autism until an adult after my supervisor suggested I get tested. Growing up was very hard for me socially and emotionally as it was hard for me to make friends and connect emotionally.bbblccfzWe met on tinder actually or bumble can’t remember, I was on both back in 2019. We bought a house last year, I came with 2 kids that he loves, plus 2 cats, and he came with 1 cat. I somehow convinced him to let me foster with a local rescue, so now we have 4 cats. However we currently have 2 bottle babies.
My partner tells me sometimes when I do my weird quirks that it’s okay “you’re acoustic.” It’s our running inside joke. Lol I hate folding laundry when it’s fresh out the dryer, if I do I have to use lotion otherwise I’ll gag. If I’m out in public or just anywhere basically, someone can say a word and it usually makes me think of a song to which I’ll sing because why not!!!? Some of his biggest complaints are it takes 3 days processing time for me to counter when we have a disagreement, which I’m working on. It’s hard for me to compute a counter or discuss my emotions. I can’t find words, not sure if that makes sense?
[removed]
[removed]
He dumped me
[removed]
In the beginning I never felt so loved. I could see him studying me and learning everything about me, and he was also a big love sponge. He’s been diagnosed as autistic with ADHD, but over the years, though he loved telling other people about his amazing family and kids, he couldn’t manage to prioritise us above whatever he wanted in that moment. By which I mean if one of the kids were sick, he’d be frustrated because he was busy with something else, or if the house were a mess but he wanted to sleep in I’d be the one cleaning, as if I asked him for help he’d scream at me.
When he eventually went to couples therapy with me, he blamed his angry outbursts as autistic meltdowns, even though 2 of our kids are autistic and I know what a meltdown looks like.
The kids wanted him out, and we’re divorcing now.
What I’m saying is his issues weren’t autism related. He was an abusive man who used his diagnosis against me and the kids. My autistic kids finally saw through his behaviours after I’d been making excuses for him.
Individual
We broke up. He is a good person, but we fundamentally had different ways of relating to each other, others and the world which led to a lot of misunderstandings and the slow end of the relationship.
my ex and it was a nightmare.
perhaps the most intelligent person i’ve ever met, which really attracted me in the beginning. as the relationship evolved, compromises stopped pretty quickly. i think he simply wouldn’t get the concept of a compromise. because he was more comfortable with things being done a certain way, they had to be done his way all the time. never mine.
he wouldnt understand physical love language. didnt like to have any form of physical contact with me when we were sleeping next to each other, kissed me with no emotions because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you meet your girlfriend. sex was the exact same thing, over and over again. everything felt cold and mechanical tbh. he would get upset if my eyebrows were plucked slightly differently, if my hair were cut shorter than usual. we’re speaking 4-5 cm here, i didn’t show up with a pixie haircut.
for him, love was a text first thing in the morning and a text before going to bed. we had entire fights where he was panicking, very sad and disturbed, and telling me he felt like i didnt love him. why, i asked. “you don’t text me in the morning”. like none of the other things i would do mattered.
everytime we met, i would stare at him very lovingly and would be met by “what ? why are you staring”. it’s like, no matter what i was expressing, it felt like i was staring at him with two soulless ping pong balls instead of eyes. eventually, it sucked my sould out of my body. he didnt see how much compromises i made for him, i guess he thought this was just expected and normal, he hated to talk about my emotional state and never needed to talk about his, so i started bottling it all up.
then we had a big talk. the world is mostly non-autistic people. he is autistic. that is unfair, because on many occasion he will feel like he doesnt fit in and have to make efforts to fit in. but he would force me to live in a way that was comfortable for him, while it isn’t for me. what he is missing in social skills doesnt mean we have to supress mine to be equals. it’s like if you were to have a dinner date with a person missing one arm. do you show patience and compassion and eat your meal the usual way, or do you tie one of your arms behind your back so you, too, must eat using only one hand ? that’s how it felt like. i dumped him and he couldn’t accept it because “he loved me”. well i didn’t anymore. it was a really tough breakup cause once again, i had to adapt to “his language” to make my point. it felt like what i needed to say never got off my chest. it was pointless to say it anyways, he was not getting it every time i tried and would get very upset and confused. never again tbh, it’s not for everyone and it’s definitely not for me
My husband is diagnosed as autistic.
We met way before the diagnosis, it is his first relationship and we basically grew together in a fast moving love story. We bonded a lot about our shared nerdy interests, from Warhammer 40K to TTRPGs and games.
I always knew communication was difficult sometimes, he was pretty introverted, going to events was not his cup of tea and he needed his routines. So when the diagnosis came everything clicked and made sense, and it helped with our communication, how to cope with meltdowns and so on.
It’s the most caring and healthy relationship I ever had. And he’s the most loyal partner one can imagine. There has never been any doubt about cheating, lying or whatever.
He can’t work due to his mental health, so he is taking care of our home (he’s a very tidy, clean and organised person, especially compared to me who’s coming from a household where cleaning and tidying was an unknown concept, so he taught me basically everything about it) and has my back while I bring in money working with people with mental health issues.
He always jokes he has his personal social worker, and it’s kinda right, and I don’t mind tbh. I’m the person knowing him best and the only person he’s feeling secure enough to unmask.
We’re married, together for 15 years, and are each others sword, shield, rock and home.
[removed]
We both have Asperger’s, so it was something we were able to connect over. He’s a good guy, you just need to be direct because most of the time he won’t get the hint. I’m the same way, but I still sometimes forget.
She started liking me first and she basically charmed me with her personality and her absolute love and hyper fixations on things even if I don’t like those things
[removed]
He loves audible stims and I have misophonia so…. Rough lol
it can be difficult but if there is love and acceptance you can build a very warm relationship the main thing is to be patient not to expect typical emotional reactions and to learn to speak very directly without hints then many things become easier and trust grows.
My partner is autistic and he has taught me so much about being patient and not dancing around things. I grew up in a family where when someone was mad at you, they’d pull the silent treatment.
With my partner, he cannot tell if I’m angry or not if I were to go silent (mimicking what my parents did which is something I know now to be a big no no). He will ask me “are you actually mad? because I cannot tell” and it made me realize that my parents did this to garner a reaction and groveling. This is something I dont want for my relationship so I make sure to tell him if I am upset or not.
He grew up in a very plain-cooking family and I grew up first generation with a ton of good food. I didn’t realize that it wasn’t him just being picky. It’s more that he grew up not having these foods and now that I’m introducing it, the textures are weird to him since he hasn’t had them in his 27 years at the time.
[removed]
[removed]