Do you feel different about it in your 30s than you did in your 20’s? How about in your 40’s or older? Does having children change the way you feel about the importance of marriage? Have divorces or separations changed the way you feel about it? …
How have your feelings about marriage changed as you’ve gotten older?
r/AskWomen
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I was married until age 34. I no longer feel it’s necessary and I loath the whole wedding industry and also the shady history that marriage has (women were property basically). I think marriage is unnecessary.
The only feelings that have changed regarding marriage is the type of wedding I want. When I was younger, I thought I wanted a traditional, average size wedding. As I got older, I realized I don’t. I want a tiny wedding that’s far from traditional. I don’t even want a traditional wedding dress like I thought I did. I want a normal, pretty dress I can wear again and again and again.
I definitely don’t think children make a marriage more important than a marriage without them. My fiancé and I don’t want kids. Doesn’t mean our marriage will be any less important….No, divorce hasn’t changed how I feel about it. I was picky about who I chose.
When I was in my 20s I felt like I needed to get married ASAP. Now in my 30s I don’t understand why I felt so rushed. This year I’ll be with my husband for 11 years while my peers are just getting married. Neither of those things are bad, it just shows there wasn’t a timeline for it.
I’m (37) currently divorcing my husband of 12 years. I’m open to dating eventually but will never marry again. I will also never purchase property or a vehicle with someone else again.
Just not interested in being legally tied to a person/situation that can so suddenly change and fall apart. It’s just me and my pets now 🙂
20s I really wasn’t ready for marriage at all and I didn’t take it as seriously.
Now in my early 30s I take it seriously, i’m ready and I know what i’m looking for. I was engaged already and was planning a wedding that fell through. So for the next time I know for sure they will be the one.
If I could get married tomorrow to that right person, I would.
i was against it forever and now in my 20s i think i’d want to just elope if i met the right person
At some point I was so against marriage. Met my boyfriend. Dreamt of marriage for a bit then realized i genuinely don’t want to get married. I love my boyfriend. It’s just… well. Financially that’s a lot more to put on my shoulders
I (30) am married 5 years together for 7. Love my husband very much so I feel like this is only worth it with him. But I would NEVER ever do this ever again if something (God forbid) were to happen between us.
I don’t want to get married. Not because I am against the idea or don’t love my partner. I just don’t want a wedding and all the family related drama that would come with it, especially from my mum. I saw the trouble she caused the morning of my brother’s wedding and I was embarrassed to be related to her. I would elope but my partner doesn’t want to as he wants his family there which I underatand but I can’t see how we could invite one family and not the other. It is indeed a problem, but it is a problem for future me, not current me.
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I wanted to be married when I was young and even after my divorce I hoped to find my true love and get married again. And I did.
I am now 54. I adore my husband and we are still in love, married 15.5 years so far, together for 23. And now? I absolutely know I will never, ever get married or cohabitate with a man again.
I never cared about when I was young, im 32 and still don’t care about it lol. I’ve been with my partner for almost 12 years and he similarly doesn’t care. I think we eventually will do a courthouse thing just really for financial benefits if one of us dies or something but to us it’s a piece of paper. literally nothing else is changing
In my 20s I understood from watching my mother date that finding a worthy partner is a rare thing and not a given. So I didn’t want to marry because you don’t need a partner if you want really want a kid and even if you do they may not be at all helpful and may be even more work.
In my late 20s I accidentally found a worthy partner who adds joy and support to my life rather than the guys I saw my mom date and the biodad of mine she divorced.
My partner and I decided to marry when we decided we wanted a kid. It just makes financial sense, and it insures that if something happened to me as the one who earns more, hed have access to all of my funds, life insurance, etc to take care of both of them.
I’ve always been pro-marriage and still am. I was born out of wedlock to parents who were never married to each other and am now married with children and my children’s lives are so much better than mine was.
I still feel strongly that marriage isn’t for me — I just don’t see the need for it. I’m not looking to start a family, and I’m completely open to having a lifelong partner without the formalities.
Basically feel the same. I certainly don’t need it, but it is nice under certain circumstances
Never wanted to get married like my whole life. I was asked around 22 and said no. Raised my kiddo as a single mom. Then around 35 got cancer and had to manage on my own. Now at 41, after being faced with my own mortality, I do feel like it’s beneficial to be married and have a life partner. The companionship and friendship are more important imo having someone to rely on.
Late 30’s. Divorced a few years ago from the man I had been with since childhood. We remain good friends and I recognize that we just got married when we were too young and still had too much growing to do. I think marriage is still valid and good for those who want it. I think the wedding industry is predatory and a scam so, when I get married again, I will not be having a wedding.
In my 20’s I wanted to get married just so that I could have kids pretty much. I had very poor examples of marriage growing up and I believed it to be a pretty terrible experience where the husband and wife are rarely happy and they fight all the time. I ended up getting married in my early 30’s and I love being married to my husband. He’s my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without him. I enjoy him so much and we love our life together. So much so that we might not even have kids because we like traveling and hanging out just the two of us.
It’s overrated
I though i was completely not wife material in my 20s, didnt even wanted to have kids, turns out all it takes its the right person, BUT the person who i though wasnt the right one at all, on the opposite, and now im tied to him forever with my son, thank god we never married. I know now that the problem was them, i shouldnt be wife material, thats so bad to think, if the right person comes along, i definitly want to elope, not having a wedding tho.
34 and have been with my husband 11 years. It’s a really tough thing to evaluate. We were starting to have some relationship problems around year 4 of being together, and I started to think about what I wanted in my life. We then got pregnant with my oldest and that was kind of it. I was receptive of marriage because my relationship wasn’t horrible, I loved him and “it’s the right thing to do”. I wanted to get married in my 20s I felt like that was the ultimate show of being wanted. Now years later I think my views have changed. I don’t need someone to marry me to feel wanted and accepted. I just need someone to actually understand me or want to. Kids have been tough. Lots of people say young kids put a strain on a marriage and I can definitely agree to that. Not sure what the future holds. Just taking it day by day
I never thought about it much growing up. At 21 it made sense because I liked my guy a lot and I wanted him to be my emergency contact and stay with me in the hospital and do taxes with me and all that. So we got married in a drive-thru chapel. Normal clothes, no rings, no guests, I didn’t change my last name. Never wanted or had kids.
Nearly 23 years later at 44, I still like my guy a lot and I still like that he could stay with me in the hospital when I had a hemorrhaging ulcer and when I got my gallbladder out, and that he could come with me and drive me home from endoscopies. I am still happy to share finances with him and do taxes with him.
I’ve always thought about it the same way when it comes to other people – do it if you want, don’t if you don’t want, and of course it should be open to everyone with no restrictions based on silly things like gender or of course skin color. Also disabled people should be able to get married without losing their benefits. Marry whoever you want as long as you’re all of age.
Laws could be reworked to accommodate more than just two people too. If a polycule all want to be legally joined together let them do it.
Divorce should also be easy and available to everyone, of course.
Married 35 years. It’s hard. Lots of compromises. Lots of letting some things go. As you age, depending on health, it can be challenging. It’s definitely not for everyone.
It was completely off my radar screen while I was in college. I got my Master’s Degree at 23 before I even thought about looking around the dating pool, and I had no expectation about finding anybody appropriate.
But I looked anyway. And I did find him! My perfect partner and I are getting married next mont!
I’m 32, my parents divorced when I was 6, my dad divorced 3 times. I never ever wanted to get married until a few years ago. I met a guy I fell in love with and found myself wanting to have kids and the craving the safety and commitment of marriage. We ended up becoming domestic partners and then breaking up some time later. But the desire hasn’t gone away. I haven’t seen a whole lot of happy marriages but I do feel like I’ve worked really hard on myself, learned how to communicate and self regulate, and am healthy in relationship now. I think I could have a healthy and happy marriage (with inevitable ups and downs) if I found the right partner.
I want to, but then I come on Reddit and get scared.
Teens: I’ll only marry for the deepest love (very into Jane Austen at the time)
20s: Can’t have kids unless I’m married and that hasn’t happen yet so….. (please stop asking me about kids)
30s: Marriage? 🤮🤮🤮 hard pass
I was married at 21 and divorced by 27 (abusive DV situation). I had another long term relationship which ended badly and then stayed single for 7 years. I always said I’d never marry again and enjoyed the peace and independence of being single. However, since being with my current partner I now understand what being in a calm and loving relationship is like and would love to be married. I hate the wedding industry and am very introverted so would never have a big wedding, but a small intimate ceremony for just us and our closest loved ones would be perfect
I never wanted to get married and then I changed my mind after a few years with my now-husband. We got married when I was 28 and I’m 35 now. We have a happy marriage but if God forbid something happened, I would have no desire to remarry. I don’t think it’s necessary or even preferable a lot of times in today’s culture. We have totally separate money and no kids together (he has two adult children and I have 0).
If you are committed and trusting enough to have planned kids, then get married. Unplanned kids will tie you to someone for 18+ years, but not a reason to get married if you can’t live at that person.
People change over the years, and not always compatibly. The person you married at 25 is not the same person you are married to at 35, 45, etc. Your reason for staying married should be good ones: you still partner well and share the same values, it’s better for the kids to stay together (not always, but if you can live peacibly, then together is better), it financially makes sense, you still love each other, you are happy.
Marriage after the kids are grown, staying married should be about happiness: are you still happy together? If the answer is no, then staying married for tradition, because of vows made long ago doesn’t make sense. Go find happiness.
I got married at 21, still married to the same person at 33, and we have one child together. I wouldn’t say I feel differently about it, but I’ve seen a lot more of the world and I don’t think marriage is for everyone or should be the main goal of life. I do feel that it’s important on some level to be married if you’re having kids, mainly for legal protections, but also having kids isn’t for everyone and doesn’t have to happen just because your married.
I’m 29. I used to fantasize about marriage and still want it sort of, but learning how unhappy some people (lots of people if you browse reddit relationship forums lol) are in their marriages, it’s made it less of a priority for me.
When I was in my teens and early 20s, I was too cool to want to get married. Plus I wanted to seem “chill,” you know, cool girl stuff.
But I did actually meet someone I wanted to marry, and married him when I was 30. It only lasted 5 years before I asked for a divorce.
I’m glad I tried it, but I don’t think I’d get married again. I think it’s partially my taste in men that I know they will end up driving me crazy, and partially the problem is me. Some people can tolerate being bored and unhappy better than I can. So I’m not going to be one of those people who has like 5 marriages and divorces under their belt. I learn from my mistakes.
I don’t get how people think marriage means you are more committed to a person or you love them more cause you’re married !! I’ve been married for 33yrs but I’m telling my kids it’s unnecessary!!
I don’t get how people think marriage means you are more committed to a person or you love them more cause you’re married !! I’ve been married for 33yrs but I’m telling my kids it’s unnecessary!!
i never cared about marriage, i wasn’t one of those girls who “dreamed of her wedding day”. i hate attention on me, so i already hated the idea of having everyone stare at me for hours and having to put on this show and such. but the main reasons are that i don’t want kids, i’m not religious at all in any way, and i’m financially independent. my ideas toward marriage haven’t changed at all from when i was young to now (in my 30s). i hear a lot of women advocate for marriage as a protective factor, such as if there are children involved or if the woman is financially dependent on the man, so neither of those apply to me. my partner and i have been together for over a decade and we don’t mix finances (he pays the bills, i save my money and have my own career). so if we broke up there wouldn’t be a big financial interruption or anything. and lastly, from what i’ve seen of marriages, it just seems like a lot. i like knowing that if things ever change we could just go our separate ways in peace and wouldn’t have to worry about paperwork or paying money. just plain old in love and here cause we wana be lol
I have always wanted to marry young—ever since I was 19. Now, at 25, my desire to marry has changed quite a bit. It feels like a scarier concept for some reason. It’s strange how certain I was about marriage even before dating my first and current boyfriend. Now, even though I can’t wait to start my life with him, the idea is somewhat intimidating. I’m not sure where this fear came from. I just hope for the best. I feel like the longer I wait to get married, the scarier the concept will become, or I might start to lose my rose-tinted view of marriage.
I mean I know marriage cannot come without conflicts, but some conflicts scare the shit out of me.
I’m happily married. And I choose to be, albeit it is work. However, I don’t think marriage is the end all be all. Some people want that for themselves, and others don’t. And that is completely fine! Society makes us all believe that we have to hit these certain check boxes to be deemed “successful” or “normal” and I just think that is wrong. It’s your life. Do what makes you happy and live it the way you want!
When we first got married, we saw love everywhere. But as we focused on making a living and trying to build a better life, things started to change. We threw ourselves into work, and the arguments began. They became more frequent after we had a child. He started to think that taking care of a baby wasn’t that hard — just feeding, changing diapers, and the baby would sleep again. Meanwhile, he believed that his job of earning money was much more exhausting.
Thankfully, we both stayed calm enough to sit down and talk things through. We came to understand each other’s struggles. Personally, I believe that a child growing up without the care of both a father and a mother would be at a huge disadvantage. If it weren’t for that belief, I might have already divorced or separated from him
I was married until I was 37 (married at 19, with him for 5 years before that). I appreciate the people my age who have good relationships with their spouses, still. It’s not easy dating or trying to find someone at this age, with kids and life and everything. And being able to make it through that with a person you still like for that long is a big deal.
That said, I am not sure that I want to get married again. I know there are benefits to it, but I am not sure I need those benefits, especially the longer I live alone and handle my own life. I’ve been dating someone for 5 years, but we don’t live together or blend anything. I kind of love it.
When I was younger I did NOT want to get married. My high school sweetheart proposed and I laughed. I ended up getting married to someone else because we had a kid and I was never truly happy about it and the marriage was awful. Abuse, adultery, etc After my divorce, I swore never again, until I got back together with the sweet high school boy. He asked twice more over the years and then told me if it meant that much that we didn’t get married, he would be happy as long as we got to be together. He’s so good to me and would do anything to make me happy, and we are going to be together forever, so suddenly being married didn’t scare me anymore.
I got married at 22, and I’m now 46. While I wouldn’t choose exactly the same wedding now, I wouldn’t go back and change a thing. The main reason we got married was for the legal securities before combining finances, making big purchases, and bringing new humans into the world. There have been times in the last 24 years that have been stressful, times when we were closer to roommates than a couple, and times when things felt like they were falling apart. Each time, we looked at what we had, pulled up our socks, and worked on the issues. There have been so many more times when we’ve appreciated the security, enjoyed the partnership, and reveled in the love we share. I know there are marriages that stop working and common law relationships that last forever, but for me, I prefer the contract, both legal and social, that binds us together.
I dreamed my whole life of getting married, and then was married for five years and would not recommend haha. I’m not completely opposed to the idea, but I’m happily two years into a new relationship and have no plans to change anything up. At this point marriage just feels like getting the government involved in our relationship, instead of keeping it between us two and choosing each other every day because that’s what we want.
I feel that most people want the wedding and think the marriage will be easy. It’s not. I wish more people didn’t get married. You can still have a committed relationship without a piece of paper. I have been happily married for 25 years. I hemmed and hawed about actually getting married or just being together. I am glad I made the decision to marry my husband, but I wish more people would take that time. (Granted, my time debating was a couple of months.)
We’ve been married for 8 years now and we’re still crazy about each other. We became married by common law while it was still allowed in our state so we are 100% legally married; taxes and insurance and everything! Just never had a wedding because it seemed wasteful and money could be better spent on our home together. We could have gotten a $60-$80 marriage license but there was already a free option, so….
I am very grateful to have a partnership where we both cook and clean. And over the years it feels like things have only gotten better and better! His gets really exhausted in the summer and I get seasonally depressed in the winter, so we both know to step up for the other during those months but it’s an equal share the rest of the time.
I don’t have any romanticized ideals about marriage, probably because my mother divorced twice and remarried 3 times before I was born and her 3rd marriage was clearly loveless. It’s just not for everyone but some people still feel like it’s only socially acceptable way to live away from your parents. I just enjoy the tax and insurance benefits, and I was lucky enough to find a guy who treats me like a true equal. I think we would be just as happy if we weren’t married.
the older I get, the more I get it. I feel like I understand how valuable a fulfilling and healthy partnership is as the years roll by.
im okay with getting married, its more i dont want a wedding, i dont love the pressure of being the center of attention and the wedding industry is so overpriced, also weddings just seem to make everyone crazy
i never wanted to get married, i’m 40. even when i was younger i had no interest in marriage. i think it also had to do with the the fact that i never wanted children so i never saw the point of getting married
In my 20s I had a romanticized and unrealistic view of marriage. Married my husband at 35. Now in my 40s, I realize this is way harder than I thought it would be, but I would absolutely go back and marry him again. I love being a team with him and am so proud of all we’ve overcome and built together.
Swore I wouldn’t get married when younger. Met husband, waited too long to marry him partly because of that. Now our marriage is the best part of my life. I do think marriage is very important especially if you are planning kids, though it didn’t happen for us.
I got with my husband young but we waited a long time to get married. Took us a while to even move in together. We took our time. No rush.
Been together close to 20 years now. No regrets. One child and very happy still. Waited to have a child as well.
Not sure if we had done things sooner if that would have changed anything. But waiting for us worked and we’re both very happily in love. We also didn’t do a “wedding” didn’t see a point. Saved money. We went off to our favorite vacation spot and did it there. Then a couple days later had a big party and called it a reception haha
My mom had a nasty marriage and divorce from my dad. Claimed she’d never marry again but she did. Not much better unfortunately. She realized she didn’t want to be alone and I know she settled. Now it’s just kinda them and not a happy marriage. She’s his 4th wife 🙃
I’m in my thirties and never been married. I used to think I’d probably get married, but now I’m glad I never have. I probably never will.
When I was younger I hated the idea of marriage, the historical aspect of being given away by the father as though im property. I also disliked the idea of the forever being tied to a person, if it goes bad its hella expensive and sometimes messy to get out of. Plus, spending a ton on money for a party for other, no thanks.
However I’m 30 end of next year (I’m pretending I’m not) but now I’ve shifted a lot of that thinking. I’m now I’m my healthiest relationship ever, somebody who doesn’t bring me dread at the sight of them and know I’m wanted, loved an appreciated. The kind of man, being tied to forever sounds perfect rather than a horror story. I’d see my dad walking me down an aisle more as him being with me with an significant step in my life rather than ‘your problem now haha’. Since he’s stood next to me in all other significant things I’ve had.
As for the money, I’m still in similar thinking. I’d want a celebration to symbolise our love, the way we want to, not for the benefit of others. I won’t go into debt for it, a small wedding with those we care about being their is enough. A dress that makes me feel pretty, some comfy docs since I already live in them, make it nerdy, some rock/metal music. Diy some bits but I love DIY anyways.
As for proposal, I do want to be proposed to rather than me asking him. I feel bad as I know women can ask too. It’s just something I’d like. I think it’s more the aspect of knowing he’s ready for that step, too. It’s not about getting a ring. I’m getting some of my late nanas jewelery restored, inclduing a few rings, I’ve already said I can get one sized accordingly and he could use that. I love the man and I can’t wait to call him my husband.
However, I do understand a piece of paper or ring doesn’t define love. We are as happy now as we will be married. But to me, it’s an important part I want to experience, even if it’s let’s go down to the courthouse and elope.
I grew up in a toxic household with two married parents who disliked each other. My dad was the whipping horse for my mom and I essentially became a version of him. I always thought marriage is just what everyone did when they got bigger but when I got engaged in 2013 (I was 22) to my oldest kids’s dad (now ex), I realized I didn’t even want to get married. I didn’t feel excited to plan it and it seemed more like a hassle. I’m 5 years in with my current SO and I’m in no rush to get engaged. I would prefer to elope somewhere pretty years down the line if we choose to get married. I have a kid with my current SO and my stance on marriage hasn’t changed or been affected by my kids at any point. I just don’t think marriage is necessary for a healthy committed relationship, and it just makes things harder if the relationship goes south.
While I still think that marriages can be wholesome, it only works if you’re valued as an equal, a teammate, rather than subservient.
Theres a lot of men out there who view relationships as a luxury tool for status, and they do not value women whatsoever. The woman is merely a means to bring forth the children they want and as an assistant to their needs/pleasures. Marriage can be completely onesided (IF he does not view women as an equal). And some women get more obsessed with the milestone than the reality of picking the right man.
So overall if youre too caught up in the fairytale, youre contracting to become someone’s slave. And if you seek a best friend and teammate capable of carrying their own weight, it can be a joyful experience.
Ha – I swore I would never get married and absolutely no kids. Held firm on the no kids portion, but ended up meeting someone at age 45 and have been married for 12 years now. Love him to pieces. However, if something were to happen to him (which I would be very upset about), I can promise I’d remain single afterwards. Having him in my life doesn’t “complete” me – I was already complete, he just adds to the happiness and joy of life I already felt.
They haven’t. I’ve never been interested, I’ve never been married, I’m 15 years into a happy, permanent relationship and still not interested in being married. It might be the prudent thing at some point, but that’s thinking logistically and legally, not emotionally. I don’t lack for romance in my life, marriage just isn’t what that looks like for me personally.
My feelings on marriage have not changed since I was a teenager; if it happens it happens, not a goal.
My relationship with my husband has not changed with a piece of paper tbh. We’d still be mad for with other without legalities.
We don’t have children (by choice) so I cannot speak to the damage or boon children may cause.
I want to be married for tax benefits. But I’m cool with not having all the bells and whistles. The wedding industry takes advantage of the happiness of others
I feel like people discard too easily so it’s terrifying having that legality over your head of marriage, with it comes a lot of connected things so it’s actually scary.
I think you can’t underestimate the legal benefits/requirements in terms of insurance/tax/death/medical choices.
I see it as a symbol of committment but I don’t consider it essential to my life.
I never wanted to get married, but now I feel a bit more chill about it. Still not something I really need, but if it’s important to my partner I would do it now.
I always wanted to get married and I am happily married now. But if my husband passes away or we divorce, I will not remarry or get in another long term relationship. My husband is wonderful and I genuinely don’t think I can find another man that can take his place in my heart.
I was married for eighteen years, two years separated now with two middle school kids.
I am so grateful for my new life out of marriage. It’s a terrible social construct and does way more harm to our communities than good. If humanity makes it thru this current epoch, we’ll certainly leave the marriage institution behind along with the other systems of patriarchal colonialism and imperialism which have done us dirty over and over.
I always wanted it so badly growing up and even in my 20s. Most people I knew got married in their mid-20s. Now I’m in my 30s, I would still like to get married someday but more for legal and financial reasons. Also, I don’t put marriage on a pedestal like I used to. Im grateful for my relationship, but I’ve had a lot of time on my own without a relationship and am really glad I experienced many things independently. Over that time, I built a strong friend support system and community and I’m really glad that if I were to get married, I have a good balance between relationship, friendships and outside community activities. I still have yet to live with a man though so my thoughts could and probably will still change.
I always wanted to get married, since I was a little girl basically. My parents have such a strong, equal and loving marriage that I’ve always longed for the same. They have a sense of partnership and safety that it’s truly enviable, I’ve seen that in other marriages very few times.
That said, I dreamed of the whole big, white church wedding lol very idealized and superficial. I never thought much about the actual aspects of marriage.
Now I am in my early twenties, and while I have still some romantic notions of it, it’s a lot more realistic. I want a man who really feels like a partner, it doesn’t matter if we get married or not, but I want that safety and security of knowing we can lean on the other. I think that’s a lot harder to find.
When I was young I didn’t rlly know how I felt about marriage because my parents had a bad relationship always fought everyday, wanting a divorce but stayed for financial reasons. I was scared of marriage but now I’m 28 I’m ready for marriage just with the right one.
I’m happy.
Before I saw it as being in love. Now I see my marriage as love, being in love, but also.
Being married to me now isn’t about me or him. It’s about us. There’s something bigger than our own interests.
I try to put him first. He tries to put me first. We fail all the time, but we still have this thing: we are both working for the good of the other.
We all constantly think of ourselves all the time so it can be a challenge to put someone before yourself. It works when BOTH parties are doing this. It’s not always 50/50 at the exact moment in space. Just like life, it’s not always fair. Sometimes…. Many times, he picks up slack for me and I for him.
It’s a decision. Daily. The older we get the more I learn about love.
So. Still happy. Sometimes annoyed bc I’m
Human… but happy.
Romanticised it in my 20s. Realized it is hard work i my 30s.
45 and never married. I don’t know guys, doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. I’m just not the kind of woman that men are into.
57M widower. Was married 35+ years
My current S.O. (who is a widow) and I have both decided we will not get married. But do plan on spending the rest of our lives together. It’s just not financially responsible at our age for our children.
Yes, I do not wish marriage on anyone.
I will never get married. I got engaged in my 20s and decided I didn’t want a wedding because I think they are a huge waste of money and I hate being the center of attention. Engagement ended after 3 years but now that I’m in my 30s I have decided that both weddings and marriage are bad and I’m way more into the idea of a life partner with no stupid legal ties and a bunch of spare cash to vacation with.
Not interested. Getting more disinterested in it as I get older. More so after listening to Dear Clementine podcast. I just don’t want to tie myself legally and financially to someone that way. Too much risk
I don’t yearn for children so it makes dating easier for me because I’m not watching my biological clock. If there’s no kids, I don’t really feel like I need to be married. I do want marriage but these guys are dumb so I like a good exit plan just in case.
Been married 31 years. Love my husband and the life we’ve built. If something happened to him, I don’t foresee myself getting remarried because I’ve spent my entire adult like as part of a couple. I don’t want to have to figure out my place in a different relationship. Plus, less laundry 🙂
when i was a kid it thought its what i had to do. then i got a little older and i was so against it in my 20’s. then my friends started getting married. i wasn’t against marriage i was anti-wedding. i’m 30 now, and i’m still anti-wedding. i feel like i’m already married to my partner. i think a lot of it is about security- which is something i have with my partner.
I never romanticized marriage – I wasn’t a girl who dreamed about her future wedding or husband at all. When I did marry we wanted zero fanfare, we both dislike the wedding industry and think it’s bizarre and have sat through other family marriages with bridezillas, also I‘m a busy person and have zero time or interest in worrying about what color napkins should be. In my humble opinion too many couples get so caught up in the fanfare and concern about what their wedding looks like to other people that they end up not even enjoying their own wedding with each other. Although when we divorced we still were able to be a close loving family and enjoy celebrating our daughter together, I will never marry again. It’s not for me. I do not wish to be automatically slated into the role society puts wives in, where people feel entitled to shame me for things like not doing my husbands laundry for him, never stopping to consider that I was breadwinner and we were both fully comfortable with our own labor arrangements. I love my independence and freedom too much to ever be willing to have to ask a judge if I can dissolve my relationship ever again and there is ZERO chance I’ll ever deal with a spousal support request again! Or co-mingle finances again.
I don’t know that I ever seriously wanted to get married when I was younger, maybe abstractly; maybe part of that was the couple of guys that I really felt strongly about turned out to be just not good for me at all.
But now that I’ve gotten older I am so incredibly grateful that I never got married. Never say never, I suppose, but I don’t know that I ever will.
As a queer teenager, I saw marriage legalized nationwide (US based) and largely felt obligated to get married eventually simply because those who came before me couldn’t. As a result of denying marriage to certain couples, I heard so many stories of couples suffering immensely, especially in the event of a medical emergency or life altering accident.
Now in my mid twenties, I still view it largely as a contract that affords two people rights otherwise reserved for “family” as defined by any given state. To me, it was never romantic so much as protective of the legal rights you and the person you love most should have to one another and your shared life in your hardest moments.
I live with my husband because I love him.
I’m married to him to give us both spousal rights. There are different financial rules in regards to our pension plans and retirement plans when you’re married vs common law in death that can save thousands in taxes, penalties or proving it by law. We also own a home together, and if one of us dies suddenly there’s less fighting to, again, access rights since we don’t currently have a finalized will.
We also have children together. And as the woman, I’m taking a higher risk of losing more if we were to ever break up outside of marriage in terms of alimony and spousal support as I would end up being the default parent (just due to the nature of our jobs at this point in our life).
I view it as a business transaction more than anything at this point. Don’t get me wrong, I love him, but we didn’t need the marriage certificate to prove that.
I was always uninterested in marriage until age 38 or so. At that point I realized all my friends were married and therefore had someone to prioritize above everyone including me. Not that I’d expect anything less! That’s just how it goes. But it made me realize that the only way I’ll ever be someone’s first priority is within a relationship, and if I’m going to build a life with someone I want that to be within a legal framework. Luckily I don’t want kids so there’s no time crunch.
I personally don’t think it’s necessary. It depends on what you’re looking for. It can benefit you greatly if your looking to structure things a certain way, taxes etc. I look at it more as a partnership agreement…it must mutually benefit us both in a way that makes sense and aligns with our goals.
I’ve been with my husband for fourteen years, married for five (yes, we waited nine years to get married). We don’t have children and never plan to. He was the first and only person I seriously dated as an adult.
I’m very happy with him and our life. For us, being married is usually easy – we’re of similar temperaments and balance each other out most of the time. I think if something were to happen to him, I don’t know if I could remarry. I find most men insufferable and I’m not soft or sweet enough to deal with most of the bullshit that would come with dating again.
I’m only 20 but from the marriages I’ve seen and current culture in marriage/dating. I think responsibilities need to be a lot more evenly split and people are getting too loosey goosey.
As a kid and teen I was like oh everyone gets married. I don’t think that should have to be a goal of everyone’s or expectation and people should stop asking others why they aren’t married yet or hound on relatives who aren’t.
I think generally husbands get away with doing a lot less than the wife. Especially if kids are involved. Most dads don’t know their kids school grade, teachers names, grades, have never signed or read a field trip form, don’t know any medical information, only go to appointments their wife has asked them to do, etc. Most often I see guys only do their career and maybe a few things around the house like take out the trash. But Wives I see them doing all the planning, appointments, staying in touch relatives, planning holiday logistics, do basically every logistical thing for their kids, they do all the cleaning—like every house and parent job besides mowing the lawn and maybe they do the dishes after dinner. Also a random house fixing.
I think that’s ridiculous. No way am I ever getting married if the man can’t clean his own stuff and do his own laundry. I don’t want kids so that stuff isn’t an issue. All that is sometimes just preferred dynamics but overall I think the expectations should be more evenly split. If a wife wants to do all that, fine. But to put all that on one person is bull.
In marriage and dating culture I see a lot of people who just want to have fun and not be fully committed. That doesn’t work for most people. Most people can’t do the loose commitment without having some sort of issue. Basically dating and not calling is dating sounds like a lack of commitment and red flag. I understand people including me can get nervous about an official relationship, but you can’t be kissing or much less sex, and not call it a relationship.
There’s very rare and few personalities that I can see being huggy and a lil more touchy feely with their friends and genuinely not feel or mean for it to be romantic. But again, very rare personalities and people.
I don’t love cohabitation. People can do what they want but I’d personally never want it for my relationship. I understand marriage is usually just seen as a paper so the government understands yall are married, but to my eyes marriage is so much more than that. It takes and means so much more to separate your lives when you have truly made everything you have each others, imo. It’s also something between God, but if you’re not religious then it is a lil more of just a piece of paper. To me, Cohabitating and non-labeled dating is like one foot out the door or making it easy to escape if you want to. I don’t understand why somebody wouldn’t want somebody who wants to confidently, openly, and commitedly be with you. Why would u want to be with someone who is shy about it or doesn’t care enough or have passion to want to make you theirs in a concrete way. To just say YES this my girlfriend and I am dating her. YES this is my wife and we are whole heartedly and legally each others. There shouldn’t be fear around either of those things if they are somebody worth your time or worth being with.
My brother is going through a divorce. It’s the less expensive kind. I forget the term. They were legally married and everything. I think even though it’s not wtv the full divorce stuff is, it still holds more to denounce your marriage than just go separate ways when not married. Cohabitation couples ofc will also have heartbreaks and familial effects and maybe some property or financial issues to figure out for a bit. But with marriage whether it had a wedding or not, you made a very obvious blunt commitment legally, perhaps spiritually if that’s you, and emotionally to this person. To love them and commit to them to rest of your life and to work through any problems big or small. Then to separate is basically saying you broke one of the biggest promises you made in your entire life.
There’s ofc situations where divorce is better than staying married, but usually I see it in people who could have saved their marriage and chose not to fight for each other.
Didn’t think marriage was for me in my teens and my twenties since I’m bi and nonbinary. Just feel like an institution that had a long historyof excluding people like me and quite binary.
Still believe in bulding a strong and loving partnership. Been with my person since we were 20. We got married last year (29) for cultural reasons since our families are conservative Asians and he needed to go abroad for work and I needed the spousal visa.
Now, I’m 30…and marriage is weird. I love what we have together, but I hate being called and identifying as a “wife” or “spouse.” Hate the identity of being a married person..and the expectations and assumptions, often gendered, that family members and society will often place on you.
But…I also don’t HATE it at the same time? It surprised me since we’ve always lived and made decisions as life partners (e.g. balancing our individual careers, where we choose to live) I just figured getting legally married wouldn’t change a thing. But…I hate to admit…it really does feel different. It feels even more serious and committed now, but not in a bad way, in a good way. And…I kind of hate that I dont hate it. That I kinda like it…and I’m like wtf? What’s wrong with me?
Most people don’t understand what marriage is in my opinion. I’m 15 years in and still learning everyday. The fun part is when you snap out of it and realize what life you may have passed up on. Fomo is serious for married people.
Right now, my wife and I are regrouping as we both realize we took each other for granted all these years. We also got married at 25 so we took life and time for granted, as well. With the kids being older, we’re able to get out more, with each other and our own groups.
It’s surely a work in progress, but like I said most people don’t realize that marriage is more than the song and dance at the wedding. It is the merging of 2 souls indefinitely. Everything you do, every choice you make impacts each other in amazing and horrible ways until death or separation do you part. Some people are great at the balance of self care and spouse/partner care. It is an endeavor not for the weak minded or hearted. I only wish it on those who truly take the time to realize what they are getting into and still say yes. But the bottom line is, it takes 2 to tango correctly a nobody likes getting there toes stepped on. It’s a delicate dance to the end, but it can be beautiful when you’re on the same page.
I’m 32 and I do not want to. To me it’s a trap and I don’t want to do it. Much like with the kids thing when I was younger I thought for sure I was going to do it. I was always called the most maternal of my friends and we all thought I was going to have kids and get married and whatever. But the older I got the more I was like no I don’t like the thought of this at all. But I didn’t feel comfortable saying it out loud because there was still some stigma when I was in my younger twenties. Now it’s so popular to say that I can literally shout it from the rooftops and someone would still probably be like yeah me too. Which is great. I’m all for decreasing stigma.
I’m 54. I’ve been married more than once. I’m happy with my current husband, but definitely married way too young (25) the first time. I wish I had waited and let myself keep developing as an individual. So much pressure in our 20’s to have it all figured out back then.
When I was younger, I thought I couldn’t be a forever gf and had to be a wife. That relationship taught me titles don’t matter but the quality of the relationship does. I am happy with my bf now. At times I think I’d be honored to be called his wife but I don’t need a ceremony, ring, etc. if that day ever comes. We’re happy and that’s all that matters.
I’m in my 40s and I’ve never been married. I used to want to be married and to be a mother more than anything. As I’ve gotten older, I see how miserable women are in those roles. So my feelings about marriage have definitely changed. My parents divorced when I was young and then my dad got remarried pretty quickly and was married for nearly 40 years which ended in divorce a couple years ago. That’s probably influenced my feelings as well.
My feelings about my own marriage become more positive the longer we are together. I absolutely adore my husband and love him more the longer we are together. If anything ever happens to him, I won’t remarry because there isn’t a man out there who could compare to my spouse.
My thoughts on marriage in general as I age are:
Parents do a shit job of raising sons and they enable them to be bad partners
Women need to stop picking and staying with bad partners. Women need to have more self respect and leave losers. And yes, being a lazy husband makes you a loser IMO. Also, a husband is not a good father if they are a bad partner to their spouse and stay with them. Women need to stop accepting the idea of taking on the mental load.
Lastly, love is NOT unconditional, that leads to an unhealthy dynamic in a relationship. Love yourself, know yourself, be your own person, know your boundaries and be ready to enforce them.
Absolutely. In my 20s I put this overwhelming pressure on myself to get married before 30. I ended up getting married at 29.
I’m now 37 and think the whole idea of marriage is overrated. We are still married, but I think of it more as an outdated trend that really did not change a thing about the way we are.
Got married in my late 20s. Looking back, I was so young and naive. I thought being married meant you were on the same team for your future. I was a sweet summer child.
I’ll never get married again. I’d like companionship, but now I know you never truly know someone so tying your finances to them is a huge risk. Picking a partner now is much different—in my 20s, I was looking for whirlwind and chemicals. Now I know that whatever your partner hasn’t dealt with will become your problem.
I dont want to be married. Not ever again. And it’s not necessarily because the men I have been married to were assholes. It’s actually about having the ability to make my own decisions and be in control of my own life without impacting somebody else’s destiny.
My marriage is a unicorn. A type of marriage I didn’t even know existed because I never saw a healthy one. I thought people tolerated being married and you had to get married. The next generation isn’t getting married and I think it’s awesome. I felt so much pressure from society to get married and have kids and some how that’s broken for them and I’m happy for them. I saw ugly marriages and divorces.
Yes. I was raised like all little girls to believe that romance and ultimately marriages would be beautiful. Now that I am way older, I know that most marriages stink and bringing kids into it is an even bigger mistake. It’s a societal norm which dictates two people are stuck together irrespective of differences that may arise later. Another thing that I have learnt regrettably late is that one shouldn’t really jump into it, if not ready or else be prepared to make the biggest/costliest mistake of your lifetime.
I’ve been married 10 years (together for 14) and it’s amazing to me. Because I have the best husband I could ever ask for. Having kids has made it slightly harder to make time for one another but we take what we can get!
We work well together in our dynamic and he’s my best friend. It’s not peaches and cream 100% of the time but we resolve things really well. And we never get bored of each other.
I got married in my 20s. I learned money is a really big deal. I always thought caring about money or income is shallow. It’s not. Money is important and if youre not in a good place financially with your partner your freedom in life is compromised. That and living together. Living together with someone is a big deal. It’s another one of those “I love them. It won’t be a big deal” things. It is. If i ever want to get married again, living together is going to be a huge barrier for me to overcome.
Before I got married, it was just about love and commitment. Now, romance or relationships are high risk and require high standards. No more looking past red flags, tolerating things that ultimately won’t serve our growth. Marriage is NOT the thing to dive in the deep end with.
When I was in my early 20’s, I had this very strong desire to get married to my then boyfriend. We’ve been married since. I love him but we’ve had many problems over the years that caused me a lot of stress. I don’t know why I wanted to get married so badly, especially since I never wanted kids. Once I hit 30, I started thinking I was really stupid for wanting to get married so badly in my early 20’s. I wish I had learned to be happy on my own. I wish I would have learned how to depend on my self, emotionally, mentally, and financially. Had I learned to do that, I probably never would have gotten married.
I never had big feelings about getting married. I don’t think I need it to be happy. But I do think i want to get married if I want to have kids just for their security because they would be my dependents.
Now that I’m almost 30, I’ve definitely felt my perspective on marriage shift. In my early twenties, I was pretty much in the “meh, marriage is overrated” camp. Honestly, based on what I’d seen growing up and around me, it felt more like a cautionary tale than a goal.
But lately, I’ve found myself in a different mindset. Not necessarily the “right” age, but maybe the right headspace. I’ve started wondering if maybe marriage isn’t the outdated institution I once thought it was. Maybe it’s just been poorly marketed to me. Like, with the right person, the right dynamics, it could actually be… kind of lovely?
That said, I still feel like I haven’t “unlocked” that level yet. You know in video games where you need to beat one boss before the next area becomes available? Yeah, I’m still working on the stable relationship stage. Marriage is somewhere on the map, but it’s fogged out for now.
That being said, I’m way more open to the idea than I used to be, as long as it supports the life I’m building. I still want to chase my own goals and dreams, and ideally be with someone doing the same, where we hype each other up along the way. If that’s what marriage can look like, then hey, maybe it’s not such a bad level to unlock after all.
Close to marriage with my son’s father. He didn’t want to marry me. So I left. Actually got married, and now divorced. I still want marriage, but in a sense of foundation with someone, I want something different from traditional marriage. Idk. It’s just a feeling. But I would love to be called someone’s wife and feel that I’m something to that person. I’m in my late 20s.
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I used to be very anti marriage. I got pressured into it over a long period of time by my now ex husband. Now I’m a little older, and a little wiser, and I’m with someone I genuinely love – who treats me really well, I would love to get married again, but he won’t. It’s not the end of the world, commitment is commitment
I was engaged at 22, left the relationship two years later and don’t care for marriage anymore. Can’t find a logical reason to spend that much money for one day.
I was married for over 15 years. And I swore I would never do it again..
Then I met the love of my life, and I was really happy knowing that we had each other and marriage didn’t matter. We knew we were going to be together forever. He was on the same page after his own divorce.
About a year in, we both kind of changed our minds on that, and it became ‘well, if we’re going to be together, why wouldn’t we just go ahead and get married?’ and eventually we got engaged. I can’t wait to marry him.
So what’s changed as I’ve gotten older are my priorities. I want to grow old with this man and I want the wedding. As he put it, I never knew I wanted to grow old until I knew I wanted to grow old with him. Marriage to him makes sense.
I’m still young and not married yet but seeing all these failed marriages make me not want to get married anymore.
I’m so glad I didn’t stick to my earlier plan of being married by 27. My 30s have taught me that those self-imposed timelines are unnecessary.
It’s okay to take things at your own pace and focus on the bigger picture of marriage, which is about stability and finding the right partner, not just having a pretty wedding.
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I never had strong feelings about when I’d want to get married, except that I promised myself I wouldn’t do it before 30. Then I actually turned 30, and I was like, “Whoa, I am WAY too young to even think about marriage!” I’m 36 now and still feel that way—like I’m still just a kid and couldn’t consider doing something so serious. Maybe in my 40s or 50s I’ll feel like I’m finally old and mature enough, but I also think it’s possible I never will.
When I was younger, I used to believe in the whole marriage process, also having kids etc. The typical ‘this is what life should be’. As I got older and learned the value of money, and learned how much somethings cost, and started questioning why some ppl do things, started seeing how some societies don’t need you to marry to be considered a lawful partner, my views of marriage have drastically changed. I now find it unnecessary, expensive, a whole fucking waste of money, including the engagement ring. I rather save that money for a nice vacation or a downpaymwnt on a house. Show me you’re smart by not blowing thousandsssss on a single day or a single ring. I now live happily with my partner of almost 7 years, with no plans of a wedding, only to register as a legal partner eventually.
Didn’t buy into the Disney dream at 10 years old and definitely not buying into the Disney nightmare at 41!!!! I always joked about marrying myself and when I saw a segment about women doing that, I became inspired and plan on having my own little ceremony 😁
I got married at 26 (6 years ago) and had my first and only child at 27. I love my family but I would never, ever get married again. You just don’t know what you don’t know.
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I just got married at 32 and I think it’s the best age to get married. I changed drastically as a person from 20 to 25 to 30 and waiting so long, I found a person who is basically me but a male version and he is genuinely my best friend. We are weird together 99% of the time and being ourselves so genuinely and accepted is amazing. He’s a better person than I could hope to be in 3 lifetimes. If you marry at all, it should be like this where everything feels easy. We have never fought in our 3 years as he listens without getting defensive and actually makes an effort to change.
We eloped, wanted big marriage with small wedding and were not willing to take on debt just over a one day party. And we both have agreed we will divorce if one of us has a massive medical problem that won’t financially bankrupt the other, but still have every intention of taking care of one another through such an event.
Marriage was practical for us, not out of love alone.
But damn do I love him 🤣.
Yeah I am on the fence if I ever want to be married
Always wanted to meet someone, get married and have kids when I was younger. Never met anyone, barely dated and never felt attractive. Over time, life just happened and now I’m too old for any of that. I think I simply accepted it and stopped being sad about it. I live my life doing whatever I want and enjoying the stuff I love. That’s about it really. In my 40s.
When I was younger, marriage seemed like the ultimate proclamation of love. Like, if someone was to propose to me, they must love me more than anything. I married at 19, had a daughter also at 19, and then a few years later, while 3 months pregnant with our second daughter, he left me for the woman he had been seeing for over a year behind my back. We divorced, obviously, but even after that, I would always convince myself that I NEEDED to be married, like relationships were great but if we didn’t get married what was the end goal? Did they not love me enough?
Eventually, I stepped back and re-evaluated my life, what I actually wanted vs what I convinced myself I needed, took a few years to just be a mother to my girls, and now, in my 30s, I’ve been in the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had for 5 years this September, and I no longer care if I ever get married again. He loves me and I love him and we don’t need to spend a bunch of money, or have a ceremony with special clothes to make that love real.
If you’re married, the person who presumably knows you best can make medical decisions in the event you are incapacitated, and ou for them. As a female, marriage can protect you financially if you have kids and he wants to leave you for someone else. That’s about the only upside for the institution I can think of for now.
The down side is that as a woman, you are expected to hold down a job, take care of the kids, cook and clean house, and be a freak in the bedroom. You’re also responsible to provide all the gifts and cards for not only your side of the family, but his as well. It’s a lot
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