Hey all, so this is a weird situation but I need some advice on this. My gf has asked to go clubbing, due to her cheating on the past on me and us just retrying together now I said I’m not comfortable with it. She was sad but she understood. Now she’s hanging out with her friends and are gonna have a girls night over at a hotel, turns out it’s most likely gonna be right in the area of a lot of clubs. I’m rlly u comfortable with this but I also don’t want her to miss out on a girls sleepover. Thoughts?
EDIT:
I’m 19 and she’s 18. This is my first relationship and it’s hard just letting go. I have to see what she chose tonight. But if she makes the painful choice, any advice?
Comments
Run my guy, you deserve better then the games she’s playing with you. 🚩
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
This person has cheated on you in the past.
People do not change.
She sounds young and immature.
Do you think that you could make a better choice?
If she cheated on you already she doesn’t respect you. Leave that situation immediately. Don’t walk but run. She’s gaslighting you and this hotel ordeal is just as you think. Always trust your gut. I promise you. The less bs you accept, the less painful your life’s going to be. Take care of #1 king and don’t look back.
That was your first .mistake my guy. Never take a cheater back. Just dump her ass you deserve better.
She’s asking you permission to go out?
You don’t trust her?
You’re investigating her?
You guys don’t sound like adults
I feel like if she feels like she isn’t allowed to do something that will make her want to do it more…
It sounds like she’s still going clubbing tonight. You two are a couple. Why didn’t she want to go clubbing with you? Were you invited? I think you need to remember why you broke up with her in the first place and move on!
Have you thought about getting off on her cheating? Research hotwife lifestyle, it’s not actually cheating if it’s agreed to. Good luck 🤞
Definitely no. Don’t worry about her missing out. And to be honest if she’s cheated on you…. maybe you should think about an upgrade
You don’t trust her. She’s given you a good solid reason not to. This isn’t about you having a trust problem; this is what trust is for. Your feeling of discomfort is the part of you that actually knows what you need trying to discourage you from being around her.
Why wouldn’t you listen to it? You’d rather be with someone you don’t feel safe around?
Save yourself the mental torment and find yourself a decent woman. There are plenty out there.
Hate to see this but have never seen a cheater change. Also the constant restless this will put you in is not worth it. Take your time to observe how things are going . If you find even a slight hint that she is back at it, run, right away and never look back. But don’t be hasty take yoyr time to be sure.
There is nothing a priori wrong about going to a club with a group, or going to a club without your partner. People do it all the time without cheating. The issue here is a) she has cheated on you and b) you don’t trust her enough (with reason, it seems) to do normal things that normal people can be trusted to do safely. So you need to separate these things and ask yourself honestly whether you can have a relationship with someone you don’t really trust.
if she is going to cheat she is going to cheat
trying to hold her off from clubbing to resist temptation is only going to make her see you as a limiting factor in her life, dw I’ve been there mate
Stopping someone from going clubbing because you don’t trust them is insane controlling behaviour. Either break up with them or let them go to the club and earn your trust.
A girl cheats on you and you reconcile??? Watu mnapanga wapi nguvu za kustahimili huu upuzi??
You should have broken up with her after she cheated. That being said, you can’t control her. “My gf has asked to go clubbing” is already weird. She shouldn’t have to ask permission to do anything, and vice versa. If you really want to stay with her, let her do whatever she wants. If she cheats again, then so be it. You can’t control her actions but you can control your responses to her actions. In a situation of her cheating, your response should be leaving that relationship.
You either trust her or you don’t.
Very few people put the effort in to change after cheating but some do so – She has either changed and proved to you that she has changed, or she hasn’t shown you she has changed.
If you trust her, then there should be no issue her having a girls night out.
If you don’t trust her, leave her. Save yourself the stress and drama.
You are not over the cheating, I doubt you ever will be, break up so you can heal and move on
Dude, if she’s going to cheat on you, she’s going to cheat on you. If you can’t trust her to go to a club (something that has no requirement to start necking off with other people) then you either need to break off the relationship or you need to work on your trust issues.
It may sound as controlling, but I understand where you’re coming from.
Look man, Let her go, people do not change that easily. Save your own sanity and look for a decent partner.
Trust is key to a relationship, you either trust that she’s not going to do anything and is okay to go out with her friends. Or you don’t trust her and it makes you uncomfortable and you need to end it, move on.
She’s already cheated in the past and now she’s having a girl’s night at a place people flock to to get laid? Have some self respect man.
Break up. If she was willing to make sacrifices to put your mind at ease to earn your trust again, that would be one thing.
But the fact that she’s straight up lying about going to the club (and at a hotel instead of one of their houses?) means she doesn’t actually care about earning back your trust.
She’s playing you for a fool. Break up.
You can’t live your life in fear of your partner cheating when she’s out without you.
You will drive yourself demented, it’s not healthy for your mental *or* physical health, it’s a lot of stress.
Hotel room can easily become the nearest club without you being told – she may come under peer pressure from her friend group.
I get that you love this girl, but she has cheated on you.
While you have outwardly accepted her back I can see, however, that you are struggling with trusting her in your heart. This means you are just going to spend your days waiting on the other shoe to drop.
Is this really what you want from a relationship?
My ex cheated on me. I don’t drink or go clubbing but she loved it. We split, she got back with her ex, they got married, they had a kid, they had many domestics and it went to court and are now divorced.
After we split I met my gf and everything felt different. Views were the same, neither of us drink, compatible immensely. Been together 11 years and married for two.
Do not settle for cheaters. My dad said ‘only a dog goes back for its vomit’. Ex did that and now she’s got a messed up life. Run from this red flag mate. Otherwise you’ll be so blind by red that all you’ll see is white.
Good luck.
It’s likely her friends are egging her on ‘just tell him we are going to have a girls night at a hotel’. She wants her cake and eat it too. Tell her if she goes, you will be gone when she gets back. My husband and I met at a club but once we got together, the clubbing stopped. A club is an in person dating app. People go there to meet potentials. I know I used to work at a club.
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If your steady wants to go clubbing with her girlfriends trust me she wants to fuck other guys. Why else does she want to go clubbing without you for?
Ask her if you can come clubbing with her…I bet she says no. (I had a GF who did the same…and that’s exactly what she was doing- fucking other guys.)
She’s already cheated on you as you said, so that’s that. She doesn’t respect you, and she likely has no self-respect, and it won’t stop. End it now because you will get hurt again otherwise.
The fact that she cheated, you forgave her and still stayed with her and now she wants to again do sth which makes you uncomfortable and she doesn’t care??? Ummm. Not saying to leave her but you should for sure respect yourself more. This is a very toxic move on her part.
Why are you in a relationship that doesn’t have trust. It’s the club today. It will be the gym next year. A coffee shop after that. You are going to cause yourself so much mental stress. Just date someone you trust.
Open relationship or leave. Don’t live your life in anxiety.
oh man a cheater will cheat no matter where she goes, i used to be extremely paranoid of girls i went out with who would go clubbing because deep down i knew they would get with other guys. girlfriend rn goes clubbing in a different city and i don’t feel paranoid at all because i have no gut feeling because i truly trust her.
trust your feelings, remember that we’re survival machines and your brain is telling you that something is wrong.
She is allowed to go clubbing without permission, the real issue here is that you don’t trust her. Not saying it’s your fault, if she’s cheated before then she has broken that trust you once had, but your relationship isn’t going to work if you don’t trust her. You can stay with her and hope the trust is rebuilt over time, but that really isn’t a guarantee, or you can try to move on as painful as it might seem
If she cheated on you and she is still doing weird shit like going out clubbing with friends break up with her. Find out if she goes to the club and end it right there if she did don’t let her hurt you more
Nah this has to be satire I’m not taking the bait
I honestly can’t fathom dating someone you can’t trust. What is wrong with you people?
Time to leave the relationship
How old is she? Is this normal behaviour for her with her friends or has she done this in the past with them?
It’s unusual for adult women to have sleepovers unless there’s a reason/special occasion.
If the answers to these questions don’t give you reassurance, I’d have a conversation with her (aim for soberingly direct and assertive in approach) about this sudden ‘new’ interest she has in clubbing/staying out overnight and that it is (and rightfully so) making you question her commitment to you, which is something you arent prepared to go through with her again.
Personally, I would tackle this head on with her so that she questions her own intentions and behaviour. It will give her a chance to have perspective and reaffirms relationship boundaries. At that point, she has a choice to make and you will need to be prepared to follow through and commit to doing what is necessary.
Bro..my cousin is almost 40 with 2 kids. His ex-wife always wanted to “have fun” and thought he was boring. She always went to clubing, parties even without him. One year before divorce, she was going out in weekend trips with her friends “girls only”. At least that’s what she told him it’s happening. In reality she was having an affair for about 1,5 years.
We can’t take the decision for you, but if I were you (already being cheated) I would run and never look back.
Don’t waste your years with wrong people.
The cheating aside, holding your partner back from doing what they want to do is not a partnership. Your relationship cannot thrive like this. It is better to part ways.
Dude being with her after cheating on you makes you a clown. She doesn’t respect you. Dump her asap. She probably never stopped cheating.
Leopards don’t change their spots. She we will cheat again for sure
Girls night….clubbing….staying the night…hotel…. cheater…. uh nah nope. Thank her for the life lesson and then find relationship number 2 then 3 then a dozen more at least before you find someone not complete trash.
Split up. You rightly don’t trust her and she isn’t having a sleepover in a hotel, shes having a night out. Sleepovers happen at a friend’s house not a hotel.
If you can’t trust her to go hangout with friends you shouldn’t be in a relationship with her. Nor should you be trying to control her behavior because you’re uncomfortable. Either find someone who you trust or let her live her life and accept the risk. This sounds like a deeply unhealthy relationship imo.
You took back a cheater, it’s like reheating old McDonald’s fries in the microwave, it’s just not worth it .
Jesus I remember when I was young and insecure.
Don’t trust ur mrs she will cheat anyway.
Imagine her telling her friends “soz can’t go club cuz he said no. We will stay in a hotel room and not leave” LOL
Either finish with her…
Or man up, back yourself, have a good night babe.
Years from now you’ll realize it wasn’t worth sticking with her through this. She’s cheated on you, broken that all important trust, and you’re hanging on. When it comes to cheating, some do get through it and can move on.. That’s the minority though and even then, the trust is never 100% again. I don’t know how old you are but I imagine you’re a young guy, and you’ll hear this a lot more from others. You’re young, there is no reason nor need to stick with someone who has already done something like this to you.
There’s a lot of truth to the bit of once a cheater, always a cheater. Once a person has broken that wall, it usually doesn’t stop at just once
I remember when my GF planned a “girls day”. She told me at the last minute before her “girls day” commenced that both girls are now inviting their bfs. I was stuck at work. My intuition tells me shit went on but I have no proof. To give some insight friend #1 has been cheated on B4 and most likely attracts those kinds of male figures. Friend #2 idk much about her but I know that birds of a feather flock together. I’m now in the process of hiring a private investigator to do my bidding for me. Good luck.
Girls night in a hotel bro come on, shes lying. Shes already cheated dont trust her
“Hey all, so this is a weird situation but I need some advice on this. My gf has asked to go clubbing, due to her cheating on the past on me…..” that’s as far as I read…. what are you doing? LMAO
If she cheated before she doesn’t deserve your trust
No point in dating someone you don’t trust.
Just say your goodbyes.
Go improve yourself before your next relationship.
Enjoy your next relationship.
“Retrying”. Brother go find a new woman. It’ll be tough not having consistent sex for a minute, but trust that’s better than sharing your girl. Those friends + her is a bad combo.
Bin her off mate, it’s really not worth having that thought in your head every time she’s out. And actually those thoughts will turn worse.
You will spiral mentally if you stay in a relationship where she already cheated on you 🚩🚩. She belongs to the streets.
Heal first(you’ll need to learn to trust again) and you deserve someone who respects and values you.
Just leave her already. Wtf do you even put yourself through all of this. Theres a million other options for you out there
She’ll cheat again. She’s not “the one” so if you want to stay with her just know it’s for fun and don’t catch heavy feelings. Use protection so you don’t catch something for life and don’t get her pregnant.
Work on having abundance of choice when it comes to women.
Stopped reading at cheating. She is scum. Let go.