I recently turned twenty. I had to retake my first year of law school for a lot of reasons. Some, being that my mother got seriously sick and i had/have to take care of her, i was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), have been working towards managing it, staying sober and healing from growing up in a dysfunctional family with an abusive & absent father.
With therapy and help, i’ve recently been able to go back to uni, which is something i struggled with a lot the past couple of years, but i might have to retake my first year (again), and i really want to get this bachelor’s degree because it alignes with what i want to do later in life.
I feel behind, constantly, like i should be farther in life than i am and it leaves me feeling like i am never enough. People my age, and my friends, seem to have no issue conciliating college, work, health, family life and pleasure.
The hardest thing for me has been managing GAD. It’s getting easier, but it’s a bumpy road and it is exhausting. It feels like i have to constantly piece myself back together, struggling to even do the bare minimum and keep afloat, while other get to actually live their lives.
This post may be a little vague and messy, it’s hard to put things into words for me. I know that feeling behind and the fear of missing out are far from being unique experiences, and i was wondering if any of y’all overcame similar situations and had any tips on how to handle it ? I am feeling a little lost. Thanks in advance !
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I get what you’re going thru. I used to call it quarter life crisis. When you’re in that state it seems like everybody has it figured out except you. Most people are going thru the same even if it doesn’t look like it.
Do you feel you’re missing out on things you actually want or what other people have? In other words, are you clear on what you are really about, what you value and so on?
As someone that struggled with gad and panic attacks from 19, I know the struggle of school. I managed to do full time work and school, at 31 now I have my mba and a good job. My advice is to try CBT for a short period to learn coping then stop CBT therapy, because coping forever is an absolute waste. Your anxiety isn’t just a medical condition, it is the result of environmental factors that you must address. Until you face those, the anxiety will not go away. As you conquer the gad and work your way into your mid to late 20s, the depression will set in harder for the time lost and the experiences you wish you had. Honestly still in this phase somewhat but starting to move on.
My GAD was paired with PTSD, so it might not be as applicable, but I found the trauma therapy modality called Somatic Experiencing immensely helpful for anxiety. It focuses on helping you to learn how to regulate your nervous system, which is what is going crazy when you’re experiencing bouts of anxiety. Also helpful was IFS (Internal Family Systems) because it helps to rewrite the negative self-talk or self-image and helps to re-parent yourself away from that dysfunctional upbringing.
Totally normal. And you will never fully see others’ anxiety and frustration, so I wouldn’t base your internal anxiety on others’ words and appearances. Some of the most challenged folks show confidence and stability as a coping mechanism.
Try lifting weights based on a program you find interesting, or try joining a martial arts gym (jiu jitsu, Muay Thai, boxing, etc.), and don’t let yourself quit for six months. That’s what I did and it severely reduced my anxiety, more than talk therapy. Good luck.
You are not behind the curve, because there is no curve. Everyone is doing it differently, and everyone can get to their own life goals a different way. You might feel like, numerically, you’re two years behind, but that’s honestly nothing in the grand scheme of things. Every single thing you’ve experienced is growth. You’re a few years wiser and more mature as you head into college, you’ve also had a little more experience with introspection and facing hard times. If you think about it from a certain perspective, you’re actually positioned far better than others who have not had to struggle in life yet, dealing with GAD. I’m in my 40’s and still deal with existential dread every day. It gets easier, there are tools to manage it, and I am happy. You’ll be fine friend.
Dude you are 20. That’s young as shit and you are doing all of the right things to handle your problems. Keep going to therapy, it sounds like you are making progress. You are way ahead of most people and the other stuff will fall into place if you keep pushing. Keep at it, you got this.
Don’t compare yourself to other people, they have stuff going on you would never know about and the front people put on the outside is different from what they are dealing with.
Consistent exercise helps massively with GAD in my experience.
What I learned growing up is that everyone takes a decade off at one point or another
Most people do it in their 40s with their midlife crisis
Some do it in their 30s while they’re raising kids
I did mine in my 20s while I was drinking and healing from abusive parents
You may be behind now, but while your friends are all taking a break to raise their kids or when your friends all go through their midlife crisis, you’ll be continuing to progressive life and ways that they may have done in their 20s
** just an idea about raising kids. I don’t mean that raising kids is a break. But parents who advanced their careers and their 20s and had kids late 20s tend to plateau and their 30s while they manage the existential crisis of being independent being the parental figures not living with their past trauma and all of those things which I have already done so that when people have kids, it’s a little easier to be a parent, although not easy because you’ve done a lot of the hard work before hand
Shit, man, lots of people white knuckle it and get through school, early jobs, etc. then have a total breakdown.
Attorneys have a very high rate of alcoholism and mental disorders, with young lawyers being the worst off.
They don’t get help, if at all, until they have already left a trail of destruction, and when it’s much harder to recover. They deal with stuff at 35 or 40, or 50 for that matter, that you are getting through right now. It’ll be long in your past when they are just starting to try to deal with their issues that have bitten them in the ass.
You are SO far ahead of many, maybe most, of your peers, by dealing with this at 20, you have no idea!
You’re doing GREAT. Don’t be fooled by outward appearances. Do what you have to do, and you’ll find out that you were the lucky one. 🙂
There are no “right” choices in life. There is no road map that will automatically lead you to happiness. Every choice you make is one open door with many left shut. You can lament over the doors left shut, but in doing so you are left standing in the doorway, unable to move forward. Doors are not known to be locked until we grab the handle.
I’m sorry about the anxiety. Your feelings are always valid. Proud of you.
Old man here – it took me 6 years to get through college. I paid my way as I went and I graduated with a degree in Economics just so I’d have the degree. Then I went into an industry that I didn’t need the degree. So do you and don’t worry about the time. It’s not a race. Plus you’ll get more out of working part time during school and full time over the summers than you will in school.
As for the anxiety. Face it head on. You walk right through that shit and when you’re done, turn back the inner eye and review what it was that you were anxious about. It’s usually an internal fear of the unknown and hopefully you’ll learn to ignore the feeling as just that – fight everyday to go through the anxiety and one day you may come to realize it doesn’t have power over you. It’s like being afraid of the dark, how many times does sleeping in the dark and nothing bad happening to you make you realize the uselessness of the anxiety? 360 nights? maybe 1000 nights? but one day you’re just not afraid of the dark. You may even realize that you like the dark.
Live and Fight for your freedom from anxiety. It’s a life worthy of you!!
Though feeling a year behind at 20 seems like a lot (and as a percentage, it is sizeable) it’s really not that big of a deal. If you’re following a path you enjoy, it’s the right path.
Additionally, the people around you probably do struggle with those things, they just don’t show everybody the lows the same way you always have to experience yours.
All the best with love,
Don’t be so harsh on yourself. You are doing a lot. So young. Give yourself some time.
Also have GAD, also feel like it’s slowed me down and kept me from paths I wanted to take. But I still graduated, still got a master’s, still got a wife and a house and a career.
Good on you for working towards managing your anxiety that comes from outside sources. It’s a great first step with anything. Definitely continue with sobriety, it has helped my anxiety insanely.
One thing you need to realize, YOU ARE ONLY 20!! And your current situation was caused by you needing to take care of yourself and your mom. Thats noble and you should look at that positively. I’m her your mom appreciates your help more than you know!
With school, can you take 1-2 less classes? It would lighten your load and give you more time for yourself and your work. Do what is best for you and don’t put yourself on anyone else’s timeline. It’s your life and that is what matters.
When you’re feeling behind try to keep in mind that you haven’t had the normal go at life. Don’t be a victim but realize you’ve had some hurdles to overcome and are still overcoming some of them. People you might compare yourself to might have much more stable life or whatever it may be helping them. So it’s not fair for yourself to compare like that.
Your life, your path, and your self are what matters.
Get advice from people you notice are doing things how you would like to do, take small steps to improve all aspects of your life and you will get where you want to be. Start small even if it’s just making your bed or stretching every morning.
Learn to be grateful for your life and situation. all aspects. We get to live each day. When filled with gratitude for each moment it’s hard to be anxious and depressed.
And you aren’t behind at all. I’m in early 30s and have no degree and am restarting my life currently. I’m thankful for the life I have and look forward to the future. You can too! I hope any one of my words helps. Good luck! You have the power to change your life 🙂
I started a brand new career at 35, then came out at 38.
Yesterday was the best time to start something, and today is a very close second. You have so much time ahead of you, so just focus on what you can influence in the here and now. Momentum is built slowly.
You’ll get there before you know it, I promise 🙂