So, I’m in a situation. I basically have no clothing.
I’m also agoraphobic and haven’t set foot in a mall in over 2 years. I’m trying to leave the house more, but I find my wardrobe is adding to my embarrassment. I’ve been living in whatever sweatpants and activewear I’ve had lying around. My socks are in better condition than the rest of my clothes at this point. I also mostly wear black because I was never good at shopping in the first place.
My body feels like it has changed a lot in the time I’ve been sick, and sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in my own body, so it makes things complicated for me.
I don’t even know where to start. Going to a mall and trying on clothes is not an option, so online shopping suggestions are welcome (I’m in Canada).
What are we wearing in our 30s? Can I still get by with leggings?
Recommendations for how to dress comfortable but also put together?
I have a small frame but I have large breasts so I also can’t wear a lot of what’s considered fashionable (cut outs, built in cups, etc.).
What kind of basics should I be looking for?
I’m overwhelmed. It’s like starting over.
Comments
No one will remember you if you go to target and try on enough for two normal outfits
This is likely an excuse to stay inside as well.
leggings are fine but these days that’s considered too millennial so we like more relaxed athleisure to add to it, like where it’s flared on the bottom or overall looser.
so in that way, wideleg baggier jeans also came back from the 2000s :))) they come in cuter neo styles now too with lil bows and whatever as texture design
if you buy some joggers (like sweatpants) that cinch more at the ankle you will feel and look good too, without the whole leggings anxiety we used to get
buy some new tshirts that fit looser :))
I didn’t feel good after covid years also making me anxious and feeling like my body was an alien through stress but I managed to fix it when I forced myself to accept what I saw in the mirror + I do more skincare again to really love myself more
I’d recommend trying a service like stitch fix. Then you don’t have to think and you can feel confident someone thinks it looks nice
Do you have someone in your life who could go with you? I find it’s a lot less intimidating to clothing shop with someone who can validate what I’m picking and how I look in it.
Leggings are always fine! Target has inexpensive basic tees and tanks that are very flattering. Old Navy also has good basic items! I’d just start with a nice basic tee and leggings, then go from there. target flattering basic tee
Go on Amazon, see what’s trending, and order it to your home.
Leave early in the morning, as soon as the shops are open. I’m not sure what style you’re looking for that matches “well put together” but start small and get yourself some basic pants and a couple nice tops, even light sweaters. Giant Tiger has some decent items for everyday casual, so I’d start there. Walmart too, and Marshalls or Winners if you’re looking for some nicer items.
I wouldn’t recommend a mall given your situation, in fact I would never recommend a mall at all, unless you’re looking to specifically mingle with people and pay exorbitant prices on brand names.
Totally understandable that you’d be overwhelmed with a mall situation! I only have general anxiety and I get overwhelmed by shopping in person sometimes, it can be very overstimulating. If you do end up going or wanting to go with time, it could be best to go during “off” times like during the day in a work week. I usually plan my grocery shopping for then because it’s less chaotic!
But online shopping is honestly where I get most of my clothes anyways and I think if you’re able to send stuff back, it could be worth ordering a few things or different sizes to try on and the ship back what doesn’t work.
I’m 30, work from home, and lean on the casual/comfy end. For me personally, my daily WFH attire leans toward “athleisure.” I love black flare leggings from aerie: https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/0424_5103_073
I also think normal leggings are totally fine!
And I usually pair with a black athletic top (something like this: https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/2696_1195_073 or if you like more full coverage something like this: https://www.ae.com/us/en/p/0441_2469_073).
So I’ll have a base “uniform” of matching black leggings and top, then I’ll add some type of layer if it’s chilly like an oversized Jean jacket or a long leather trench. If I want to elevate it more, I might add a baseball cap, basic gold hoop earrings, and put on a little makeup/make my hair nice.
Trends are all over the place right now but I think a benefit of that is that no one is probably looking too closely at what other people are wearing because there’s such a variety. I can’t keep up with it so I just do what works best for me and lean into my personal style!
For places to order, think Abercrombie has a lot of good basics and has made a come back! Also pretty easy for returns. Another place that has great basics and can be fun to scroll through is Nordstrom Rack’s website.
Congrats on taking steps to leave the house more, but please know malls can be overwhelming even for people without agoraphobia so don’t beat yourself up too much if this step is too soon. I used to have bad panic attacks so my heart goes out to you dealing with this and wish you lots of luck! And I’m sure you’ll look great doing it. 🤗
you can shop online at stores like h&m/zara/american eagle/Gap/Hollister/ mango or even shein etc for sweaters n shirts/ flowy dresses. also a lot of women buy “amazon” clothing which helps bc of the reviews so u can tell whether to size up or down. Either way you need to have some kind of exposure therapy going outside. So what if others are judging what you wear? it’s not really the end of the world and you have to come to terms with that. start running errands bit by bit i’m sure it’ll take some time but you’ll feel a bit more confident each time.
Seconding stitch fix. You do a detailed survey about how you prefer your clothing to fix and what types of styles you like, then you write a little note detailing what kind of clothing you want and need. The stylist will put together a box of clothing for you, then you’ll receive it in the mail a few days later. Keep what you like and send the rest back.
It’s a bit expensive, but also a fantastic option when you’re just stuck and need help getting started.
That being said – leggings are great too!
Here’s what I would recommend. Take a picture of your face in good lighting, give it to chatGPT and ask it what season you are. Or just figure out what colors you’d like to have in your wardrobe. Then look up a capsule wardrobe in that color.
https://images.app.goo.gl/QEwjwZeZ7LLDQypz5
Are you good at mailing returns back? If you are, I suggest Lands End. They have a wide range of sizes, a wide range of comfort vs formality, and lots of breathable cotton options.
Just an idea: Exploring what colors and shapes look best on you before you try to buy anything may help. Youtube has a lot of videos on color seasons, Kibbe, style roots, and style essences. While I take these concepts with a grain of salt, they will help you find a style that is comfortable and flattering for you before you start looking or spend.
Ellie-Jean Royden’s style roots are interesting because it’s about personality instead of coloring or shape, and you get to pick three.
(Edit: I’m not suggesting you pay for these services. The info is available for free!)
I don’t know your budget, but at a decent clothing stores (Laura, Melanie Lynn, for example), the staff are very eager to help and I think would be delighted to put together some outfits for you. I sometimes wish they’d just leave me alone to try on what I brought to the dressing room, but if you mention to them what you are looking for, they will bring items in your size right to the dressing room so you don’t have to weed through the racks.
Even if you don’t end up purchasing much, the experience would at least allow you to see what looks good on you, and once you’ve developed a sense of what you like, you can always buy similar pieces online (be careful with sites like Temu, Light In The Box, etc.) as the sizing can be way off what you’d expect (Chinese sizes are much smaller in general – make sure you look at the sizing charts and measure yourself). Reitmans is good for shopping online, and like Laura, etc., you can buy online and then return stuff to the store if they’re not what you wanted. I’ve found recently that Reitmans doesn’t always have all the sizes and colours I might want but I can generally get every size online except for sale items. For really casual stuff, Northern Reflections also seems to have helpful staff, although that might just be our local store.
EDIT: Apparently I’m a liar and this program no longer exists, unfortunately.
Amazon has a service where you can get clothes shipped to your house, send back what you don’t want, and only get charged for what you kept.
I also have agoraphobia. I hate to tell you to use Amazon because avoidance fuels your anxiety, so my alternative option will be to go clothes shopping early in the day, like right when they open. Very few people are going clothes shopping at 10am or whatever, so you will have a smaller crowd.
I firmly believe minimizing decision fatigue is key here. I think someone else suggested Target. I would too. At least where I am they’ve had super cute, classic clothes lately. Nothing too trendy and nothing too outdated. I’d stick with timeless classics that make you feel good in colors that you can mix and match. Make a list before you go of what you want. Look up people with your body type / shape and get inspiration from what they wear. Do the same for your coloring to help find a palate that works for you.
I saw Lands End mentioned and I second that. You can see the style they lean towards in the product photos, but they have a good range of colors and you could definitely pull together outfits with a darker tonal range. I love their old active 5 pocket pants but they don’t seem to be making them anymore. The sport knit high rise pants look similar though. My lands end knit pants are SUPER comfy and can be dressed up or down. I’ve worn them walking in the woods and I’ve worn them in the office.
I’m not exactly a fashion maven but I’ve noticed that high rise and boot cut it wide leg pants seem to be pretty popular now. A nice fitted blouse goes well with pants like the ones mentioned above and help make the outfit more polished.
Also in Canada and I get a lot of stuff on Amazon. It’s easy to return if it doesn’t fit. And I absolutely love Levi’s jeans. I also have a larger chest so most of the time I just do jeans and a cute tshirt, because other types of shirts just don’t look cute on me. Also, the large majority of my clothes are black because for me that is just easier and I don’t have to think about what goes with what. I feel like I still look “put together” but it doesn’t take me much mental effort. Just the way I like it.
My advice would be high-waisted slightly large pants, belts, and nice tops. It is very trendy right now.
You can go slightly chic or more casual.
Get a pretty-looking pair of sneakers you can walk in for long distances. Pick the belt details to be gold or silver (and match you jewelry).
Tops can be t-shirts, blouses, etc. Sweater should be short enough to fall nicely on your body, or slim enough to go in your pants.
I just bought a pair of flared leggings and its my new favorite throw on piece, big tees or a tank and a button down shirt worn open over it are my quick options. The thing about leggings is you don’t have to look fancy because nobody expects you to! You can even wear a very basic leggings, tee, and hoodie option with some cool sneakers and look just fine and socially acceptable.
Otherwise, try looking into wide leg linen/linen blend pants in black for a bit more of a polished look. Also, dresses are really versatile these days, you can wear them with sneakers, sandals, boots, whatever! They can be totally casual and its so easy to plan an “outfit” cuz its literally one piece.
I’ve heard not the best reviews of stitch fix. Seems quality has gone down, and where they used to have human being stylists I think a lot of it has been automated, yet they will still send you things you didn’t really ask for or specifically said you weren’t interested in.
A good place to start might be r/abrathatfits because if your sizing has changed, an ill fitting bra is going to make you less confident in whatever tops you buy.
Order loads of clothes in different sizes from one brand – try Abercrombie, Gap, Old Navy, Aerie – then invite over (or Facetime) a trusted and encouraging friend. Have a try-on party and pay attention to how the clothes feel on your body and how they make you feel when you look in the mirror.
As for what clothes to choose, I’m 33F with a large chest and instantly feel comfortable when wearing boxy t shirts, boxy sweaters and oversized button-down shirts – and barrel pants (elastic waistband!!), drawstring pants or leggings. Finding the right bra to wear is a huge part of what makes me feel less embarrassed, so I’d also try on your clothes with a couple different bras to see what feels good (Aerie has great comfortable bras and bralettes).
Last tip – give yourself 3 words that you want your clothes to be before the shopping and try-on process: e.g. comfortable, flattering, utilitarian, slimming, multi-season, unique, versatile, timeless, modest… deciding on a few personal words as your “compass” will help you feel less overwhelmed as you search.
We’re cheering you on! Have fun with it! <3
I built my wardrobe starting with something called a “wardrobe capsule” which is a wardrobe made up of 20-30 or so pieces that all go together. You can Google “how to build a capsule wardrobe.” One added element to this is picking your colors, so it helps to Google “what is my color season?”
I get so overwhelmed at malls nowadays, and most of the time, they run out of my size!
I just started following an clothing influencer on instagram that was the same height and body type as me. She has an “Amazon storefront” and I use what she has to create outfits now.
Good luck on your outfit journey!
Hey OP, not agoraphobic but I’m not a fan of trying on clothes in stores. I find I have better luck shopping online and being able to try stuff with what I already own. As a Canadian I like to shop from aeries, amazing and I find most stores are actually easy to order and return from now.
I would suggest you check out r/capsulewardrobe since you say you have very little, they can help figure out key pieces so you can have versatile items and get a full new wardrobe with few pieces. You also sound like you might be interested in a casual chic wardrobe, try typing that into Pinterest to see what type of clothing you like and find comfy but fashionable. Casual chic tends to be a lot of comfort clothing that’s just styled well together. Accessories can really help bring an outfit together, cute shoes, a belt bag or sunglasses can go a long way. And finally, try to do your colour season analysis. There’s websites and subreddits to help with this, this will help you figure out what colours suit you vs which colours will wash you out. My entire sense of style has completely changed since learning what colours look good on me.
Best of luck OP!
Some stores have a personal shopper service. You send some pictures of outfits you like — Pinterest is good for this — and then they fill the dressing room for you based on your measurements. In the U.S. Nordstrom’s, not sure for Canada. A friend went to Jeans Jeans Jeans and they pick out the jeans for you and evaluate the fit.
In Canada – reitnans online. They have petites, plus, tall, curvy and an excellent return policy.
Old navy is more casual. Same return policy and size range.
I spent 2 hours at our small city mall the other day waiting for a phone repair. It’s a terrible place. Don’t go.
If you have money on hand for an initial output you can order a number of different sizes and styles of jeans from Old Navy and return mlby mail the sizes and styles that didn’t work for you. All jeans are so stretchy now, they seem to be more comfortable. Jeans and a t-shirt is so classic that you really can’t go wrong with it. Well fitting jeans and a white t-shirt with hoop earrings and sneakers seems to be a pretty classic uniform. Get several colours of the t-shirt. Cropped sweatshirts seem to be a thing now.
To be honest…I’m perhaps not the best to be giving fashion advice now that I think of it. A few years ago I decided to stop caring about what is fashionable and just wear what I think looks good on me, which is jeans, graphic T-shirts, hoodies and Converse shoes haha
Nordstrom has an online stylist shopper situation. Basically you can virtually have a stylist look at your clothes and style you. I think you pay a fee, but I have been looking into it after having a baby. You can also look into the websites where you choose your age, favorite colors, and how you’re looking to dress, and someone will put together a box for you, send it to your home, and you keep whatever you buy, and send the rest back.
Casual wrap dresses and high-waisted pants (jeans, trousers, whatever you like) work for basically every body type and every occasion imo
I don’t physically go into shopping malls anymore. I would recommend measuring yourself (there’s YouTube videos on how to get accurate measurements) and then use those numbers to shop online. Most places have free returns. My current fave is Simons and Uniqlo for basics.
I had been going through a yoga pants and comfortable shirt phase ever since Covid lockdowns and gaining weight. In the past year, I’ve started following some IG accounts of women with similar body types and clothing styles I like, and then I search their LTKs for things I want to try. I hate shopping in stores, and have finally found some comfort in online shopping and dressing for my body type. My wardrobe had really leveled up because of this.
What do you wear to work?