I am still in shock about this. I (36f) lost my father (77m) the day before my birthday in January of this year. I had quit 2 of my 3 Jobs to be his full time caretaker. Around November (this last 1 before January) we started having sewer problems. The basement flooded. We gutted everything, got the kids new everything, re finished our basement. Then the sub pump broke in December and the basement flooded again. We had switched everything to metal so easy clean up. In January we got quoted $14,000 to fix our sewer line. We are broke broke. Like 1person income minimum wage, paycheck to paycheck broke. My husband lost his job last week of November, so it was just me because he got hurt. My father was super sick and he called me when he was dying. I made it there in time to speak to him and hold his hand before i had to start cpr waiting for the ambulance to get there. He didn’t ever wake up and the next day I had to make the decision to pull the plug (with my brothers in agreement). After he passed I had to put all of my feelings aside and went full time in my part time, got a $10k loan to cover the funeral cost (holy crap funerals are expensive!!). Needless to say, getting the sewer line fixed was pretty low on my priority list. I went into a major depression/auto pilot for the next 3 months. My husband is finally healed and is back to work but reality crashed down on me and I decided to make my health a priority. I really have been focusing on Dr appointments for me, therapy, diet and exercise. Anything to help cope.
My oldest daughter (15f) told me tonight that the last time the basement flooded, she didn’t clean her room. For 4 months, she has lived in a still wet, moldy floor covered in clothes, blankets, trash, and I don’t know what else cause I stopped paying attention to what I was putting in trash bags. We had to cut the bottom 2 feet of her entire room off. Door, drywall, and bleached everything else remaining. Now we have to replace the boards and it still doesn’t fix the dang sewer.
How do people afford anything?!
My husband and I both have jobs and are just trying to pay off everything while keeping our heads afloat.
I feel so bad that I was so lost that I didn’t see my own child drowning in depression right beside me. This girl is my strong oldest kid. Sometimes I forget that the oldest kids take on to much responsibility and have to be made to take a break. I feel so guilty. I just can’t believe she was living like this. How this was ok? I wish she had just told me. I would do anything for my babies. I know I was going through stuff but I would have dropped everything if she had just told me she needed help. She’s in my bed currently, because there is still more to do to hers tomorrow. She feels guilty because we are doing thus cleaning on mothers day but I just said, I can’t celibrate being a mom when my child isn’t living in a healthy environment. What I want for mothers day is to know my children are safe, clean, and know they are loved. Otherwise what would be the use of celebrating at all.
Comments
Hey mama it’s okay. She told you and now you can move forward together. I’m sorry shit has been tough. As an oldest daughter please check in on her she might be afraid to put more on your plate but in my experience sharing the hard moments makes it easier. You’re doing awesome don’t let it beat you.
Shame and guilt are useless emotions. She didn’t tell you because she sees how hard you are working. And doesn’t want to add. But she didn’t know what to do. Forgive yourself. And love on your daughter. And family.
I agree on, how does anyone pay for anything. It’s an outrageous time we live in. You’ve had a very heavy load. And are doing your best. Grace is deserved.
Look into 12% hydrogen peroxide and baking soda to halt all mold growth. It’s been my secret to fighting mold. You have to make it unlivable for the mold to create spores and you do it by creating a PH level impossible to survive in. Use heavy duty gloves.
Bleach do NOT kill bleach. For a quick solution look into vinegar. You can also purchase the chemicals companies use to remediate mold and apply it yourself. Please make sure to kill the mold before fixing the walls.
I don’t know if this helps because I don’t know about your insurance company, but have you talked to them?
If that’s not a thing, do you have a church? Some churches have people who do work at a reduced rate (or take installments) for people in need, especially if they are in a bad spot due to no fault of their own… or if that’s not a thing, either, maybe create a go fund me?
I hate that last option because they take 3-4% off the top, but if nothing else helps, it may be a viable way to get your life back together.
Good luck!
Someone once told me that most mothers worship at the shrine of guilt. I still do for sure.
girl, don’t be too hard on urself. u’ve been thru so much, and u can’t catch everything all at once. it sucks but ur doing the best u can for ur fam. just keep supporting each other.
How did you not notice your daughter was living in a wet room full of wet clothes on the ground and mold. That’s wild.
I say this very gently but fixing the sewer line has to be a top priority for you. You’re just racking up bills and throwing stuff away over and over until it gets fixed once and for all. I know you know this but I just want to recognize how important it is.
Get more quotes and shop around. And ask contractors about financing. Sometimes they have a zero interest financing deal they can offer.