I’ve been broke for months. Like, counting change at the gas station broke. But I have one friend who’s always offering to pay for things—lunch, movie tickets, coffee—and it makes me feel awful every time.
So one day, I made up a story. I told her I got a remote job that pays really well, and that I’ve been saving up and doing great financially. She was so happy for me. She even said, “That’s awesome! You’ve been so quiet about your wins.”
And now she doesn’t offer to pay anymore… because she thinks I’m fine.
I did it to stop feeling like a charity case, but now I feel guilty. I miss her generosity, not because of the free stuff, but because it made me feel cared for. And now I wonder if I pushed her away with my pride.
So yeah. That’s my confession. I lied just to keep someone from being kind to me.
Comments
Are you looking for advice? Or for someone to validate? Happy to do either
It’s ok. There are way too many who take advantage of other’s kindness. If you want to tell her then I think she’d be ok, just be truthful. I wouldn’t get mad at a friend if they lied to me for that reason.
I’ve been the friend with nothing and the friend that makes the most. They wouldn’t offer if it was a bother. I’m sure they’re doing it because they genuinely enjoy hanging out with you and don’t want to miss out on things because of your financial situations. You obviously have a great friend that values your time very highly, I would just be honest.
I’ve always been like your friend, had people close to me feel the way you did about it. It sucks to know that the intention had the opposite effect…
Bro. How about this. Stop spending money except for necessities. For a year. Kills me to know how much you just wanna be equal with others and not be a leech . Don’t do that to yourself
Every relationship brings something different to the table. While she might pay for some things, you have to recognize and validate what it is that you bring to the relationship. Both are equal. I have a friend who is financially strapped. I want to do things with her so I’ll pay. But I don’t mind at all because being with her gives me the freedom to be my goofy and silly self. She’s there to always make me feel good when I’ve been stressed with my crazy life. It took a bit to get her to accept my generosity because of her pride but it was a conversation. I just had to make her understand that what she provides for me is priceless. Be vulnerable with your friend. It will only bring yall closer.
I can understand why you lied to her. Can you maybe think she offered to pay because she knew your struggles but really really wanted to hang out with you?
With this lie, she will be asking you to hang out, expecting you to be able to pay for yourself, and you will have to lie more by making excuses as to why you cannot. Eventually, she will stop asking. She might even think that you hung out with her because of what she could provide for you. I do NOT think that you ever wanted to have to take her generosity, btw, but I do think you never want her to think that.
You should come clean ASAP. I bet she is a great friend (based on her excited reaction and saying that you “never talked about your wins”) and if you explain your prideful actions, she will understand. Maybe try to suggest no cost adventures that you can do together instead.
I have a steady income, most of my friends don’t. When I can afford it, I make sure they can enjoy things with me without them feeling bad. I want their company and I want to share experiences with my friends. If money is not an issue for me, I wouldn’t want them to feel bad when I’m the one offering! I wouldn’t if I couldn’t afford it and all my close friends understand that about me
Ah, the ol’ “lie to keep your dignity intact while secretly longing for free coffee” move. Classic. Nothing says “I’ve got it all together” like a fabricated remote job and a side of guilt.
That was dumb
this is sitcom level shit, straight up.
Moral of the story: tell the truth lol
Read the above and felt this for the opposite reason. I’m the one who pays for my friends that are unable to or even that work hard. I want to. I’m blessed but never want them to feel less than. I’m sorry you feel bad and I just admit to my friends that I can’t let a hardworking friend pay for my lunch when I’m able to easily. Come clean. Just tell them how much you miss them and you thought you had a lead so you wanted to repay their kindness. Ask if you could walk or do stuff that won’t cost either of you money. Tell her that you value her ! She clearly values you ! Money isn’t a problem when you both are clear and you have amazing appreciation and intentions.
She was sitting in the lap of her boyfriend in the front seat while another friend drove. Back deat 3 friends. They were hit by a drunk driver blowing a stop sign. Everyone was wearing a seat belt, except her. She went through the windshield.
My best friend is so much like this. She genuinely enjoys just getting gifts for people she’s close to☺️ seems like the same case here
Trust me…. They knew
Rookie mistake. You got sugar mommies and daddies but sugar friends are really rare. Since you don’t have to do anything
Always accept someone’s generosity it makes them feel good
Blessings. Receive them when. They are given genuinely with love. Yeah, you need to come clean. You messed up lying. It’s never wise to lie to those who love you. A conversation that required your pride as you articulately called out WAS the problem. Now it is your pride AND LYING. Make amends and earn their trust back. I don’t think it’s over, the relationship. In the words of RuPaul…”Don’t fuck it up”…again. You maybe younger, thats ok. We all were. Learn and grow. We are more than our mistakes. Maybe see a therapist or seek free resources online if you don’t have insurance. Get into nature. Feel the wind touch your face. The sand or dirt on your feet. Smell clean air, recharge, and find your peace. You’re not broken, you just wander off the path a little ways. You can get back! 🌈