I’ve known these people for years. We’ve been through middle school and high school, and now we’re all drifting through our “young adult” years. I used to think we were close and that they were my real friends. The kind of friends who would be there when things get tough.
But now, I’m not so sure. And it hurts more than I thought it would.
It started small. Casual comments. Snide remarks. At first, I brushed it off. They’re just joking, right? But then it kept happening more often, more cutting.
One friend would casually mention how I’m “too quiet” and how that makes me “hard to hang out with.” Another would talk about my clothes like they were a joke. Every compliment was laced with something that made me feel like I wasn’t enough.
And when things go wrong, I realize just how fake they are. When I needed someone to talk to after a breakup, they barely texted me back. But when they needed something a ride, a favor, validation they were all over me, acting like we were the closest friends in the world.
But the worst part? They still make me laugh. They still know how to pull me in and make me feel like I belong. And that’s the catch.
I can’t leave them because I miss the version of myself that I thought I was with them.
I keep telling myself, “Next time, I’ll speak up.” Or, “Next time, I’ll distance myself.” But every time we hang out, I get sucked back in. They know exactly how to make me feel like I’m the problem like I’m being too sensitive.
I keep thinking I’ll be fine. That it’s just a phase, that things will change. But they don’t. And every time I stay, I feel a little more like a stranger to myself.
I know they’re not my real friends. I know I’m being used. But I’m scared of what will happen if I finally break free.
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BREAK FREE! I went through this same exact situation. Middle school friends to now adulthood at 33. I can honestly say that cutting them off has been the best decision ever. My mental health is better. I’m happier. I’ve made new friends that treat me better and genuinely care. I know it’s hard because of the history but it’s 1000% worth it.
I’ve had a fake friend group before and they were technically my only friends which is why it took so long to leave, but at some point I just knew my worth and knew I had to stand up for myself to be heard . They all have me either blocked/unfriended now after I spoke up for the first time and honestly I couldn’t give 2 f**ks, your life will be much better without them and I know I’ll find better people in my life anyway
LEAVE. i know it’s scary but it’s not healthy being around people who bring u down, id rather have 0 friends or one real friend, then a group of fake ones.
They are not the only people in the world. Fear is hard to face. Fear of confrontation and of being alone. But letting fear dictate your social life, you will always be a prisoner. It sometimes feels impossible meeting new people. Especially when self esteem and confidence isn’t your strength. Best advice I can give you is lean into your hobbies and what you enjoy. Find public place that share these hobbies meet ups. Make sure to set boundaries plenty odd people out there. It won’t happen over night. The more people you meet the easier it gets.
I had the same situation and was in the same position. I had talked about it and someone told me to let myself grieve this friendship as it was, “You’re being used and emotionally sidelined by people who don’t seem to see your worth, not because you aren’t worthy, but because they’re not capable or willing to treat you with the respect and care you deserve.” They do not have the maturity capacity to actually recognize and appreciate what you bring to the table. One question for you would be would you really want to stay and hang around individuals who do not value you or treat you as you deserve to be treated?
Been there done that !
No friends or relationship for over 20 years now !
Dunno why I’m still here really
By letting go of the fake friends, you will create space in your life for real ones. And the real ones are the ones who matter. They will be reciprocal, not using you. FWIW I started making my real friends in my 20s and 30s. The ones I know I can call. The ones who will reach out to me. Who actually care. That is gold. Good luck, OP!
Talk to them!! Tell them gently and clearly how you’re feeling, and how their actions are affecting you. don’t put all the blame on them, just talk. If they keep doing it after that? Fuck them
I believe many of us go through this kind of thing—in your age, you haven’t quite determined YOUR voice which takes time. You hang onto them for familiarity rather than real comfort. This brings back some painful memories of my own. You can remain friendly without spending so much time with them. Find your voice. Be okay with taking time to find real friends worthy of you.
I was a part of a fake friend group when I was in high school. Me, my sister, our lesbian best friend and this guy that we knew from the wrestling gym where we were training for professional wrestling. Everything was fine until we brought this new guy into the group. Suddenly, the lesbian friend and the new wrestling friend was starting to hang out with each other more and pushing the rest of us out. I never understood this. I never understood why it was that they kept leaving us out. Until a recent allegation came out about said wrestling friend stating that he and said lesbian friend were having an on and off sexual relationship with each other behind the scenes. So not only were they fake friends, we had a fake lesbian in the group. The age gap between these two did not help either 😨
I was a part of a fake friend group when I was in high school. Me, my sister, our lesbian best friend and this guy that we knew from the wrestling gym where we were training for professional wrestling. Everything was fine until we brought this new guy into the group. Suddenly, the lesbian friend and the new wrestling friend was starting to hang out with each other more and pushing the rest of us out. I never understood this. I never understood why it was that they kept leaving us out. Until a recent allegation came out about said wrestling friend stating that he and said lesbian friend were having an on and off sexual relationship with each other behind the scenes. So not only were they fake friends, we had a fake lesbian in the group. The age gap between these two did not help either 😨
U must let go I had the same happen for years known since 2015 a 3 man group we all had good moments and bad moments but definitely looking back at it now I’m happier now than I was with that all that toxicity and negativity and when I found new friends I found them to be much better and more supportive it actually feels like how friends should be with new ppl I’ve met long story short none of them hit me up for anything anymore after 6 years 🤣
Middle aged lady here. I am friends with one of my friends from childhood/ teen years now. We discuss how damaging our friend group was. One in particular. Break free. Find your true friends now. I may be at the end of my life and the friends here for me are true. One I met when we were babies. Most I met at work the past ten years. The friends I had growing up were not by choice. We lived on the same street or we had known each other since preschool. It wasn’t until I broke away and moved across the country I learned we had very little in common. Find your people now. It’s ok to let go of your past.
I went through the same thing dude its crazy to hear about someone else going through that. People at that age are just shitty. I was quiet too, my “friends” would also make snide remarks about me but i always brushed it off like you said. My advice is to just break away from them because they will turn their backs on you. At least thats what happened to me. My mental health tanked due to realizing all of it and they just left me behind to seethe and suffer. My advice is to leave them behind, and be yourself. They havent shown you that they’re worthy of your time and friendship clearly. I thought my buddies in high school would be with me into my adult life but i talk to none of those people anymore
Focus on yourself, you’ll find a loving group of pals. Could take a month, might be a year or two but you gotta get away from them man.
Good luck dude
Find better friends, then dump the fake ones. Don’t mingle the two groups… if that is a risk, dump the fake ones first.
Sorry but this doesn’t exactly sound as compelling as you maybe think it’s supposed to, imho(?)
How could you possibly imagine NOT leaving a situation as hopeless and meaningless as what you’ve described …
Aw… sorry for you op. No one is perfect, we all have our flaws. Friendship is recognising that and being quick to forgive. One of my flaws is that I expect others around me to be psychic. I should say what I want instead of making them guess…then hating them for getting it wrong. Not everyone is going to be a ride or die bestie, some people are great just to catch up with, pass on the gossip, helping with a computer glitch, dancing with… one person doesn’t have to be your everything. One of my friends is pretty crap at everything really… except she makes me howl with laughter… so she’s a keeper. One friend was totally rubbish when my relationship broke up… but man her taste in clothes and her patience when I needed to look great for a first date…makes her invaluable. What I bring to them is just as varied and so we rub along. My Mam taught me that friendship is for “a reason, a season, or a lifetime “ and in my lifetime this has been proven many times over. Friendship is never wasted, it’s there to get you through a certain period (like many of my university friends), to show you something or… sometimes it’s forever. I hope this helps.
Same thing happened to me, if you don’t stand up for yourself your letting them think that your an inconvenient necessity.
As you get older, losing a lot of the friends and bonds you had growing up is just the way it works. Try not to take it personally and just expand your circle, plenty of new friends to be made everyday.
Stop being pathetic and leave. Obviously you do not feel good when you are with them and they don’t make u feel good. Why stick around? Better to be in no company than bad company. Do what makes you feel good not bad good.
OP. I have been in the same place. Being body shamed by the same people I used to call my closest friends. It’s been 4 years now… I still can’t forgive myself for enduring all that bullying and being friends with them…
I regret it a lot!
It was as if, I chose them… Over myself. And I would never want that for someone else. Not even my worst enemies. That not only pulls myself in an abyss I can’t come out of… I am also, putting myself in the hands of fire burning, aching yet not even making a sound.
It’s been 4 years since I stopped talking to them… I still haven’t confronted them. I am still friends but in name only.
I haven’t made many new friends but I am at least at peace with myself. I miss my older version too, but it was necessary to protect that innocent younger version of myself too.
Think of yourself like it’s your own younger sister. Did she deserve it? What have she done to deserve all this? Nothing, right? Then love her… And nourish her… Make peace with yourself.
I only have one person I call my friend now. She’s the bestest person in the world for me. She never ever tried to disgrace me or sugarcoat her words. She made me face reality and helped me become a very happy person myself. Whenever I talk to her, I just feel as if, I am talking to some fairy— a literal angel sent by God.
That one person is enough to make my day from the worst to a good one. It’s been only 6 months since I have met her, but I have and my parents have seen changes in myself. True changes.
I started speaking out. I started to live in the present. I am an extreme introvert and don’t like to socialize, so I am happy alone. But if you can’t… Find things that can engage you.
Your future you is waiting for you to make the right changes and take the right chances for her. She deserves it.
And if you are feeling down, you can dm me, if you want to.
And don’t forget, sometimes you find the right person in the places you would never expect to.
What’s a better feeling… laughing and having a good time for a few hours or constantly feeling sad that you’re not being treated well by your “friends”?
No judgement here. I have been in the same situation with most of my “friends”. It’s lonely realizing I don’t have and real friends.
So.. you’re finally awake! Now u can actually develop some real security within. But.. that might be tough as well.. pain either way. But one path adds suffering to the mix.
Sometimes we outgrow friendships and that’s okay. It doesn’t have to be dramatic or a parting of the ways, but it’s better that you depart from this group somehow. Your self worth is improving and you can now see what may have been more of an issue all along than you could see at the time. You can fun and be friends with them but don’t take them seriously. It sounds like you need really more mature adults as the friends you can trust for advice and (whether you want to or not, many dont) become less available. See who calls you and who doesn’t. Don’t let it hurt. They were part of who you once were and helped you become that person by fitting in with them, and because of that you could evolve even further. Some friendships are seasonal. Some are for life. Start finding the ones for life 🙂 it can also be hard if you all live in the same town bc it’s weird running into each other but if you find a way to manage that pls let me know because I’m hot or cold