I’m really ashamed to admit this and wonder what’s wrong with me. I know this is ridiculous, but I guess that’s what this subreddit is for.
When I was in elementary school, I really liked history and read a lot about it. One day when I was around 11, I fell in love with a not very famous man from the 18th century. It was my first crush ever and it felt innocent at first, but soon I got really obsessed with him. I read all the books I could find about him. But I was not only obsessed with gathering information about him. I really had deep feelings for him, like my heart throbbed and I had butterflies whenever I thought about him. I also started fantasising about meeting him and dating. I wrote romance stories about him. I had really rough teenage years so over the years this love became my anchor and peaceful harbor when the world outside was too cruel, I imagined he was there with me and loved me.
I thought it was just a silly crush which would go away eventually. I always thought I would forget him once I fall in love with a real man. But I’m 26 now, married and I still love that man. I still feel he was absolutely perfect and my soulmate. The mention of his name still makes me smile. And I realised I never loved anyone as deeply and passionately as him. I had relationships with real men and I obviously love my husband, but it was never as all-consuming, pure and perfect. It was always really practical, like I appreciated my boyfriends and I appreciate my husband, but there just wasn’t that feeling of being soulmates. Even when I got married I felt guilty for not loving my husband the way I used to love this man.
Am I crazy? Why am I not able to fall in love with a real person passionately?
Comments
We gotta know… Who is your mystery history man?
You’re not crazy you’re just very attached to the idea of this person. You aren’t in love with him just the image of him you created in your mind to get you through hard times. Sounds like you use this narrative as a coping tool which means it is soothing to you. Real people are real, they’re not always going to match up with your ideal so if you’re comparing real people to imaginary ones it’s natural to end up disappointed. You have to work with people to foster the kind of relationship you guys want and that can mean making compromises you wouldn’t have to make if it were just you. Give and take ya know?
It’s easier to be “in love” with the historical figure than with an alive person. That person can never let us down. It’s all fantasy. What you’ve read about them doesn’t tell you everything about them. Maybe they never washed their hands after using the hole in the ground to poop (I’m not bothering to look when toilets were common), chewed their food with their mouths open, ate their boogers, had STD’s, hit their wife, etc.
Non sei pazza, sei solo umana. Il fatto che tu abbia trovato conforto e amore in un personaggio storico dice molto sulla tua sensibilità e sulla profondità delle tue emozioni. A volte ciò che ci salva non è reale nel senso fisico, ma lo è in quello emotivo. E questo è tanto potente quanto vero. Non c’è nulla di sbagliato nell’aver amato profondamente una figura che ha rappresentato per te sicurezza, comprensione e passione, specialmente in momenti difficili. È una parte di te, e non c’è nulla di cui vergognarsi
have you heard of limerence?
edit: sorry, this sounded very sassy! i think it might be something to look into.
My high school chorus teacher was like this with Johann Sebastian Bach. Dressed up like his wife every year for Halloween. It was a running joke for all chorus students
I’ve been in love with Dickon from The Secret Garden since I was about 7 tbf
It’s limerance and maladaptive daydreaming. It’s a coping mechanism.
As long as you realise the difference between fantasy and reality I dint see any harm in it.
Maybe you’re his past love reincarnated
Why do I immediately know that a real human wrote this and not AI. We are hysterical.
I feel sorry for your partner
Looonnngggg time ago, I had a dream with Anderson Cooper, when I woke up the next day, I woke up with an awful feeling of emptiness and dread. Next thing I knew I was in the grips of severe depression. The only thing that would make me feel slightly better was watching his show. I could dream with him, and the dreams were so real. The depression eventually lifted, but it took him doing what he did to Kathy Griffin for the dreams and the feelings to stop.
this him?
Me with Che💔
Jeff Mangum from Neutral Milk Hotel wrote a bunch of songs in the album In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, about he was in love, or at least obsessed, with Anne Frank. So you’re not alone.
Edit: I just realized that album was made before you were born. I’m going to sit in the corner until I turn to dust now.
I think it’s beautiful OP 🤗 it’s a connection to your first feelings of romantic love!
I have fallen in love with my own 100% fictional characters before. 🙂 It happens. It was so bad last time that I have had to stop writing that story because I can’t bear to put my 3 beloved characters through any discomfort.
🙂 🙂 I am the crazy one 🙂 🙂
Ol’ Ben Franklin still bringin’ ’em in.
It’s easy to love a dead person that never interacted with you; someone who will never disagree with you. But to call that a perfect love? Don’t sell your husband short.
There is a subreddit for people in love with fictional characters and I think they also allow historical figures tho, wish I could link it here but the subreddit is constantly under attack from trolls, if you wanna know which is so you could comprehend your feelings better ask in the DMs, they are very welcoming <3
I love this confession and it makes me feel less weird. When I was in high school I became obsessed with minor long jump skier who I watched in the olympics once. Then a second string quarterback on a bad team. Then a minor character on a minor TV show, the humanoid villain from a video game, a gross old religion teacher, and so on. I also didn’t have the best home life. I still struggle with weird/inappropriate crushes at times but thankfully mine aren’t monogamous like yours and pass pretty quickly!
This is called limerence
you describe your relationship with him as “all-consuming, pure and perfect.” You can’t expect that from a real person- it’s the kind of relationship you can only achieve with someone who isn’t really there to disappoint you or to complicate your understanding of them. You’re not crazy for dreaming like this, but please save yourself the heartache of believing that you really would have been soulmates if you’d lived contemporaneously.
I do genuinely love that the guy you chose was Joseph II, though. Awesome. He’s got way more flavor as a fixation than your average contemporary rockstar 😂
Are you the girl on tik tok who said ,starting at 8 years old ,you had dreams about Dwight Eisenhower doing sexy dancing for you in the club !!??!!!
Us old guys can create any old history we want because we grew up with no social media. I could be a killer a murderer. My father and grandfather were both killers. I can make up any lie to get you to believe me. What I’m saying is don’t trust an old person, gray hair and wrinkles don’t change us at the core.
Lmao