I (38f) just found out that I am pregnant for my best friend (40m) of 25 years. We dated for a while in and after high school, but eventually found our own partners and just remained friends. Unfortunately his wife passed away a few years ago and my fiance passed away a year ago, so with that in common, we very easily found our way back to each other.
I tried for years to have a child but after 35, I just thought it wasn’t in the cards for me and didn’t think anything else about it. I recently quit smoking and lost some weight, and I think that must have been the magic combination….
I don’t know how to tell him. I’m excited.. kind of…the unknowns are the reasons for the hesitancy. We live a few hours away from each other and we both have really good jobs, that neither of us want to leave. I really don’t know if he never wanted to have children or if it was just hard for him and his wife to conceive. I just don’t know how this is going to work.
I’m not saying anything to anyone until I go see an OB this week to make sure the 2 tests are accurate. I also had an ectopic pregnancy in my early 20’s so I also want to make sure everything is ok in that respect.
This could ruin a 25 yr friendship or it could go really well…
Any suggestions on how to tell him would be greatly appreciated. (From guys and gals)
Comments
Would this be a terrible idea? First tell him you’re pregnant and let him get excited and generally happy. Then say the second part. Hopefully it’ll go well.
But if his first reaction to hearing you’re pregnant is to say ‘uh oh is it mine?’ maybe you might not want to say the second part.
This is all assuming you decide to keep it.
I think you either need to go visit in person or at least phone him to tell him over the phone, and then go see him. Depends on how you think he’ll react.
Simply tell him and allow him to process this same as you are doing. This is a life changing news. Try not to have preset expectations as to his reaction. Just share the news and let him know you are ready to have a discussion when he is ready. Congratulations I hope this goes your way.
[deleted]
This may be the best thing that ever happened to both of you. Embrace it! Congrats.
Ask him to sit down and tell him you have news that you’re not sure how he’ll take. Then tell him what made you take a test and that it’s positive. Tell him that it’s a complete shock because you weren’t even sure that you could have children. Reassure him that he’s the only one you’ve been with. And then ask him if he has any desire to commit to raising a family together for the rest of your lives? If he doesn’t, that’s ok, and you can decide whether you want to do it on your own or not.
Congratulations!! I hope it works out for you and that he’s happy but regardless, I’m happy for you to have something you wanted and didn’t think was possible. He will do what he does but you’ve got this either way 💗
Pretty simple if you want to keep the child, keep the child as long as you’re financially able to do it on your own. I wouldn’t worry about him quite yet. But if you two actually want to try and make a relationship work, don’t do it because you’re having a baby. do it cuz you two actually want to be in a relationship. Now the next part would be obviously you need to move closer together. Or try seeing each other and see if something works but I definitely would not move in together right off the bat just because you’re having his baby. And who would move to who? would you go to hi? Would you be able to get another job where he is? Would he move to you and can he get a good paying job in your area? I wouldn’t do any moving for the other person until you have another job lined up and secured. There’s a lot to think about if he’s even receptive. he might not want children. But I guess all that will wait till you find out if everything’s okay with the pregnancy and that you are pregnant.
I mean he had to realize pregnancy was a possibility if he didn’t use any birth control and neither did you. So it’s not out of the realm of surprise
Keep the kid my parents were the same age as you when having me and it was great
I would start with how you feel about it and if you want to be a mom and if you want to stay pregnant first. Confirm the pregnancy and then go from there. I would definitely have the conversation in person and explain that you were not aware in was in your cards as you had so much trouble getting pregnant after your ectopic in your 20’s. Then he can choose if he would like to be involved or not. I would not force him to. Also, if you still want him to be around but he doesn’t want to be in a dad role, maybe he can be more of an uncle role? Not everyone wants to be a dad. Especially if it wasn’t something they were expecting
Communicating with him is the best option. Hopefully everything goes well with telling him and with the pregnancy. Congratulations and best wishes.
Congratulations 🙂
I don’t have any advice as far as your friend, but I just wanted to say that I’m really happy for you and I hope that all goes well at your OB appt!
First, Congratulations Mom ☀️
He won’t leave you or his child 🥰
Happy Mother’s Day! Tell him. It’s going to be okay. Congratulations!
You mean pregnant BY your best friend… Pregnant for your best friend means you are carrying your best friend’s baby for her
I don’t have much useful to say apart from, congratulations! I hope all goes well, whatever happens make the best of whatever situation life throws at you 😎
Meet up and share the news face to face. Maybe at home or a place away from ppl. My husband and I conceived a very much wanted child and upon learning I was pregnant our emotions were all over the place. I’m so glad we were alone to process such news. Best of luck and may you have a healthy pregnancy and delivery
You need to talk him asap. Are you in a position and want to keep the child and raise as a single mother? You need to have thought through all possible,outcomes before the conversation. Probably not a phone conversation. Hopefully he will be excited.
RemindMe! 1 day
Congratulations!!
Meet up and share the news face to face…after the obgyn appointment. No point in putting yourself and him through the stress of what to do if the pregnancy isn’t viable.
Congratulations!! I really hope it goes well for both of you!! The sooner you tell him, the better. He might need time to process it (give him a choice on how much to be involved) and just see where it goes.
Start with confirming your pregnancy. Then decide what you want to do as far as keeping the pregnancy without his input because you might be doing it on your own and you need to be sure of what YOU want. Doing it alone is very difficult but possible if you have strong support and the proper means to provide. If you decide to keep the baby then sit him down and tell him about the pregnancy, what you have decided adding how you never thought you could get pregnant after decades of infertility. That you’d ideally like him to be involved with raising the child but you understand if he doesn’t want to. However you have to decide together what the plan for the future is going to be like as it won’t be okay for him to be in and out of the child’s life confusing the child. Give him a long time to decide if he will be all in even if he won’t be in a fatherly role but he has to decide before the baby is born.
Insist that he still support you and baby during the pregnancy. He can do this by going to some doctor appointments especially the important ones like the 20 weeks anatomy scan and the first ultrasound as those can be scary ones too if he’s not sure about what type of role he wants. But any type role he chooses he must support you in getting ready for the baby to arrive by helping you get new clothes, furniture, baby items, etc. That’s an important part of preparing for the baby and important things for providing support to the baby.
Hopefully he’ll be able to be your support person in the delivery room but if not express how much it would mean to you to have him there anyway for the birth. He’ll regret missing the birth of his child.
Again he can opt out of fatherhood but not out of providing decent support for the child. Don’t let him be a deadbeat that provides only a check and thinks that he is supporting his child by doing the bare minimum. Decent support involves more than the bare minimum even without being involved in the child’s life.
Oh and CONGRATS! I wish you all the luck. Have a happy and healthy pregnancy!
I’ve never heard it said like that.i.e, pregnant ‘for’
We need an update please
Do it in person
Buy a beautiful gift blx and place some baby items,
small wooly socks, a small tooth brush..
Give him and see his reaction
this might take time to process, ( set camera secretly ans record the precious moments )
Good luck OP
my heart thinks, he will be over the moon…
do updste us
I really hope everything goes well with your baby and the relationship.
Congratulations! Best of luck!!! Hoping for the outcome you want!
Congrats
His wife?
Congratulations! I hope everything is going well!
Keep us updated
If possible, tell him in person as soon as its confirmed – but don’t put off telling him if in person isn’t possible. It will take him time to process so give him time too – but keep talking. Hopefully you will figure it out together. Congratulations and good luck!
Wow, that’s a profound and life-altering revelation. Discovering you’re pregnant with your best friend of 25 years introduces a complex mix of emotions and considerations.
First off — congratulations. No matter what comes next, this is a moment you never thought would happen, and it deserves to be acknowledged.
Now to the real stuff: Tell him in person if you can, or at the very least, over a calm video call. Keep it simple, grounded, and vulnerable. Something like:
“This wasn’t planned, and I know it changes a lot — but I wanted you to hear it from me first, because of how much you mean to me. I just found out I’m pregnant, and you’re the father.”
Then pause. Let him feel it. Let him react. Don’t fill the silence with panic.
You don’t have to have every answer right now — you’re just letting him into your truth. From there, you can figure out together whether this is something you co-navigate or if it’s something you handle on your own. Either way, it’s your body, your choice, your power.
And if he’s really your best friend of 25 years? He’s gonna lead with love — even if he’s shocked.
You’ve already lived through loss and pain. This? This could be the next chapter you never saw coming… and maybe it’s the right one.