We had been talking and I asked him about what his fantasies were. Since we’ve been together we’ve tried some new things, and we’ve both done some firsts together but nothing out of the ordinary. So when I asked him if he had any other things he wanted to try and he suggested a threesome, I was a little surprised. We’ve been together about a year and a half, he told me that it’s all men’s fantasies to have a threesome, and he has thought about it way before me. I asked him who he wanted to do that with and he said no one in particular. Since then I’ve felt a bit self-conscious and have felt a little less attracted to him, and immediately felt my desire recede.
I also have sore emotions because at this point, he is aware of my boundaries with opening things, and I feel if he had thought first he’d know that I would have felt upset about him suggesting that to me.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
Here’s the thing with fantasies you don’t need to do them. You hurt your own feelings by asking a question that could have an answer you didn’t like. Just tell him it’s not something you would want to do and that’s the end of it.
i mean it’s okay to feel surprised, but u did ask and he was honest. a fantasy doesn’t always mean it’s gonna happen or that he needs it to happen, talk to him about it
If he brings it up on his own again as a serious request, tell him you’d love to. Then pick another guy.
I have fantasies that excite me but I’d also never really want to do…everyone does. Now if he starts pressuring you to have a threesome and won’t stop asking you when he knows it upsets you then it’s a problem. But you did ask, and he was honest. I’d just say I couldn’t do that and move on. Hopefully he doesn’t keep bringing it up that’s when it becomes hurtful of him.
It’s pretty regular. It’s a fantasy of mine too, but at 51 it hasn’t happened, and probably won’t. That’s okay. I also have a fantasy of winning a lottery. That’s why they are fantasies. Likelihood is not there.
I feel like that’s every man’s fantasy, but I would never want to try it as I know it’s a risk that I’m not willing to take.
I actually don’t get the threesome fantasy when you are in a relationship, or more acurately in a monogamous relationship. I wouldn’t have a problem with it when I’m single, but I’m a posessive mf and I wouldn’t like my partners concentration being on another woman that much.
I think if I was in a relationship where this was being discussed, it needs to be fairplay. If he wants a FMF threesome, I get a MFM threesome. And lets be honest, a woman can much more easily take care of 2 guys at once, than one guy take care of 2 woman.
Was he just telling you his fantasy or asking you to consider it? To me, those are two different things. It doesn’t sound like he has plans to do it or has pressured you for it. I know my husband has fantasies I wouldn’t want to do and vice versa. Neither of us would ever pursue them out of respect for the other.
Wanting a threesome (or just having that fantasy) doesn’t mean he wants you less or that you aren’t enough for him or that he would even go for it if given the opportunity. Sounds like you need to have another more in-depth conversation with your boyfriend.
I have fantasies about owning a stable and multiple horses. But the reality is that I probably wouldn’t enjoy it as much as I imagine. It’s simply a fantasy and will stay that way.
Nah, a threesome IS NOT every mans fantasy, gtf out of here. I get off on monogamy and the lovey-dovey shit, thank-you-very-much
Fantasies and realities are different. My wife and I are adamant that we will NEVER bring in another person, but it can still be a fun taboo topic to tease and talk about in the right mood, but it 100% does not have to happen irl. Set these boundaries, discuss what is comfortable to talk and muse about but set the expectation for reality.
Don’t ask questions that you’re not equipped to be answered.
Tell him to pick out some handsome stud to join you
it is a pretty normal fantasy for guys to have, but also pretty normal for women too…As a bi female having both sexes in one bed is a major yes from me, but not everyone is bi and some folks really enjoy monogamy. You are straight (im guessing) so if you were to want a threesome it would probably be with two males (im guessing). If i were you I’d toy around with the fantasy in your head a bit and then share it with your guy; You may see him grow super uncomfortable with the idea especially if you explain that you want his hot guy friend or your hot nextdoor neighbor (who is a guy) as your third partner. Your boyfriend might be horrified by the idea after you propose your version of his fantasy and If he isn’t open to it remind him that with his threesome fantasy you would have to act against your natural attraction and get down with a chick so why can’t he do the same for you and your fantasy? This deep delve into his fantasy could be a way for you to more deeply understand your boyfriend and men in general, show your boyfriend that you are genuinely trying to understand his desires while exploring your own, and it also could be a sneaky way to shut any unwanted future threesomes down.
Consent is a two-way street and everyone should feel comfortable and free to share their fantasies inside a consenting healthy relationship which is why you shouldn’t kink shame him for wanting such a natural desire because once you start Kink shaming he will find other ways to discuss his desires whether it be online or with a friend or even with another woman…
Set the boundary and let it be that. If he insists or pushes, make it clear it’s a boundary. You don’t have to partake or anything like that.
So you weren’t asking about his fantasies, you were specifically asking for ideas on how to spice up your love life, and he suggested something he already knew you wouldn’t be into.
It’s completely understandable that you’d lose attraction for him. He’s basically reminded you that he’s not actually monogamous and you are. And that’s a serious sexual incompatibility. Incompatibilities, by their nature, break relationships.
Why does the idea hurt your feelings? You should probably explore that a little bit. What specifically upsets you? Not judging. Truly asking.
i mean this is a bit of a self-inflicted wound, considering you asked him about his fantasies and he was honest. i’d be more bothered if he brought this up himself unprompted. seems like it’s merely a fantasy and he doesn’t have anyone in particular in mind, like he says. if you were down for it, you could make it happen, but since you’re not, i’m doubtful he’d push for it to happen if he cares about you.
someone who fantasizes of a threesome in a relationship does not belong in a relationship
When you asked about fantasies, what were you expecting him to say? Genuine question
it is not all men’s fantasies get out of here with that bullshit. My bf who i’ve been with for almost a decade has a hard no on threesomes. He doesn’t want to do it with someone else besides me nor does he want to share me. He doesn’t see the point of them at all
two guys and a chick? go for it.
You asked a question. He gave an answer. He did not name any names, he did not say it was something he was interested in perusing currently, and he did not say it was something that was required for him. It’s fine you feel the way you do, but it’s definitely a you thing and not his responsibility. He didn’t cross a boundary of yours by answer your question very generally.
If he’s made no move whatsoever to have a 3some, then it’s just something that plays in his head and has for years with nothing of the sort happening.
To quote the great Prince: If a man can be found guilty for the thoughts in his mind,
then give me the electric chair for all my future crimes…
RIP Prince.
It’s like this, cat: what fo you think a hetero goes through dating and marrying a bisexual? The person is attracted to both genders, and is maybe experienced with both genders. But if they state they’ll be faithful to a solitary partner then it’s about the faithfulness, not the sexuality. Is he the faithful type?
liking the idea of a threesome doesn’t mean he’s less attracted to you, doesn’t mean he wants to cheat, and doesn’t mean he wants to open his relationship at all.
So it’s not weird that you’re upset by the answer. Because it can feel like you’re being told you’re enough on your own. But you did ask, so you gotta be prepared for an answer you’re not 100% psyched with.
Do not allow him to pressure you into okaying one. If he tries, dump him honestly. You are not obligated to indulge his fantasies. Do not let him talk you into that or polyamory or anything of the sort.
If it helps any sometimes the idea of a threesome has less to do with “getting a hall pass”, or being dissatisfied with your partner, or even like the mechanics of what’s happening in a threesome. I think alot of people view it as a powerful affirmation of their masculinity or desirability. Like I’m so hot 2 people are willing to share me. It’s not amazingly healthy of course, but if you guys discuss further and that’s at the root of it, there are plenty of ways for you two to make him and you feel extra desired.
you’re right to be worried. leave him if he insists. this will guaranteed not end well
A threesome isn’t every man’s fantasy but it is the most common fantasy, and in general group sex is an extremely common fantasy across the board. It’s not wrong that it bothers you but you might want to recalibrate your expectations.
Break his ego by saying you agree to threesome but ONLY if it’s 2M1F and not the other way around.
Don’t ask questions if you aren’t ready for the answer….
You’ve had plenty of comments saying the same thing I would. He is just stating a fantasy which you asked for and, as long as he doesn’t try to push a boundary you set, he did nothing wrong.
But what I really want to say is that I hope you don’t feel like you are less than enough. I can guarantee that it has nothing to do with you. It isn’t because he wants someone better or anything. It really is just the general idea of an exciting, taboo, act. It may even be that it excites him to share that experience with you.
It’s kind of unfair to ask him and then be mad.
And to be honest, just about every dude you have ever been with or will ever be with has fantasized about having a threesome. It doesn’t mean there’s someone else specific that he wants, or that you’re not enough for him.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to 👍
This is the equivalent of him cheating on the OP in a dream and waking up mad.
Most men fantasize about having threesomes