Before you all come at me: Yes, I know some families are horrible. No, I don’t call people out that went no contact with parents/grandparents/siblings that were abusive nor people that have no living family members nor adoptees.
I talk about the times when people come at you with „chosen family“, especially when it comes to topics like loneliness, existential fears, fears of the future, of aging, of sickness, of not being able to take care of yourself in all aspects, of having no companion etc.
The chosen family won’t take care of you like letting you live with them when you get terminally ill/have an accident and cannot care for yourself anymore ever etc. They would never. The „chosen family“ might help you out when you have like a broken leg, when they know that in a few weeks you stop being a burden, but they would never do it when it’s chronically with no possibility of getting better when the „chosen“ family has its own real family.
No matter what they will always prioritize their parents, siblings, romantic partners and especially their own kids. No friend will ever make you the same priority as their own kids.
Just think about an hypothetical situation when something happens like war, natural disaster, whatever and you all have to get out asap. If you have a car with four sits, they would be the person you would immediately pick up. If they have a car with four sits, they wouldn’t give you a sit that would be for their SO, their kid, their sibling, their parents. They would leave you to die.
So while this person might be your priority, because they’re your chosen family, you will have a whole queue with people that will be their priority before it’s your turn.
And they will never be your lifetime companion like your romantic partner/ parents/siblings/grandparents. Heck, in some cases even aunts/uncles.
It’s simply delusional to think that especially when you’re like on your mid 20s or older.
And yes, I know that they’re nuns/monks for example, but that are people that signed up to live together till they die, so most of them will through being more estranged from their families and closer to the other monks/nuns that live with them. They also all will never have their own romantic partners and kids so this is a dynamic that almost never happen „in the wild“
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Friends are better than family. You get to choose your friends if you get stuck with a shitty family you’re kinda fucked
This opinion only works if you have a good family. I know several families that do close to nothing for someone compared to their friends.
That’s an awfully long post to say you have shitty friends
My chosen family has done all of this.
I think you just have or are a shitty friend.
I dunno man, my family is straight white trash
This is why I don’t have friends, I have family.
I agree. I have no family now and have heard friends say we are your family if I ever mention negative feelings around this. Its simply not true. They are good friends and they would/do help me. But in a disaster situation they would be looking out for their parents and kids.
Idk what “chosen family” you have, but they absolutely SUCK! Mine would 1000% take care of me if I was dying, heck, I’m struggling to care for myself due to illness rn and they are the best people ever. We chose each other for a reason. And we will stay with each other for that same reason.
It’s interconnected. As long as your friends will choose family and not friends, they will be less reliable as friends.
I would die for my best friend
Meanwhile
I cannot wait for my uncle to meet the maker ❤️
>The chosen family won’t take care of you like letting you live with them when you get terminally ill/have an accident and cannot care for yourself anymore ever etc. They would never.
You know my birth family wouldn’t do that either, right?
There’s nothing that my birth family would do for me that my close friends would not; unless you include stealing my identity and running my credit into the ground. Then that’d be about the only thing
OP, you need better friends, my guy.
You’re right, my friends cant replace the abuse from my dad, how great is that!
Someone had the privilege of having a good family. The rest of us actually have to stick together and care about each other.
100% agree
Isn’t a family you create with your partner also a chosen family?
I think most people can face disappointment from friends and family.
I have 4-5 lifelong friends that I would consider to be chosen family. Far too many people befriend someone and then act like they’re family after a couple of years.
So what’s the point of this post? Guess we better all pop out a couple of kids asap in case we get chronically ill!!
When you say your friends won’t take you in when you need help b/c they have their own families, but what about your siblings who have their own families? You think it’s guaranteed that they will also take you in. I think you are a bit naïve. Just because they are blood does not guarantee anything. They may not welcome you with open arms and take care of you since they have their own struggles.
Each person is different and their connections to friends and family members are unique. I can see where it is an unpopular opinion.
I kind of agree, I think the only way this works well is if the friends/chosen family live together or in close proximity (multi-family house, next door neighbors, same neighborhood etc.), part of being a family is living with/near the person so they can help out in times of need, provide emotional support, provide physical support, companionship etc.