I (28yo F) have been friends with “Amy” (29yo F) since childhood . I have watched her dogs for her in the past. Amy used to only have 2 older dogs (1 husky and 1 golden doodle)but recently got 2 new dogs. A 1 year old Pomeranian and a shih tzu puppy. Amy is planning a 2 week trip to Europe with her husband to celebrate their anniversary and see his family in Italy for the first time in the 4 years they have been married. She needed someone who is able to stay at her house during those 2 weeks while watching the dogs.
Amy immediately asked me to watch her dogs for her since she trusts me and I’ve watched them for her plenty of times in the past (before she got the 2 new puppies). I told her I was sorry I wouldn’t be able to and initially she said that was fine she could find someone else to watch them instead. Well weeks pass and she still hasn’t found anyone who is able to watch her dogs for her.
She calls me very upset and is begging me to watch them for her. She said if she can’t find anyone she is going to have to cancel the trip. She stated she doesn’t trust sitters on dog watching apps and can’t afford to send them all to the kennels on top of paying for the trip. I told her again that I was very sorry but I wouldn’t be able to do it. I told her I don’t feel comfortable watching 4 dogs at once with one of them being a very young puppy. I know the puppy is going to require a lot of work and have to be let out a lot to use the bathroom. Her house is further from my work than mine and I’m not able to leave during the day to let them out. I don’t think the puppy would be able to be left alone for 9-10 hours a day while I’m at work. I’m also going through a very stressful time at work right now and often feel completely burnt out at the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’d have the energy to care for 4 dogs at this time.
Amy got very upset at me and told me I’m being a bad friend. She told me she is now likely going to have to cancel her trip. She told some of the other girls in our friend group as well and they also agree with her. They all think because I’m not married and don’t have any kids/pets of my own that there is no good reason for me not to watch them. I’m just looking for “excuses” not to help out.
I now feel like a crappy friend and none of the girls are talking to me. I tried calling Amy again to apologize and she has been ignoring me. Am I an asshole in this situation Reddit?
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I (28yo F) have been friends with “Amy” (29yo F) since childhood . I have watched her dogs for her in the past. Amy used to only have 2 older dogs (1 husky and 1 golden doodle)but recently got 2 new dogs. A 1 year old Pomeranian and a shih tzu puppy. Amy is planning a 2 week trip to Europe with her husband to celebrate their anniversary and see his family in Italy for the first time in the 4 years they have been married. She needed someone who is able to stay at her house during those 2 weeks while watching the dogs.
Amy immediately asked me to watch her dogs for her since she trusts me and I’ve watched them for her plenty of times in the past (before she got the 2 new puppies). I told her I was sorry I wouldn’t be able to and initially she said that was fine she could find someone else to watch them instead. Well weeks pass and she still hasn’t found anyone who is able to watch her dogs for her.
She calls me very upset and is begging me to watch them for her. She said if she can’t find anyone she is going to have to cancel the trip. She stated she doesn’t trust sitters on dog watching apps and can’t afford to send them all to the kennels on top of paying for the trip. I told her again that I was very sorry but I wouldn’t be able to do it. I told her I don’t feel comfortable watching 4 dogs at once with one of them being a very young puppy. I know the puppy is going to require a lot of work and have to be let out a lot to use the bathroom. Her house is further from my work than mine and I’m not able to leave during the day to let them out. I don’t think the puppy would be able to be left alone for 9-10 hours a day while I’m at work. I’m also going through a very stressful time at work right now and often feel completely burnt out at the end of the day. I don’t feel like I’d have the energy to care for 4 dogs at this time.
Amy got very upset at me and told me I’m being a bad friend. She told me she is now likely going to have to cancel her trip. She told some of the other girls in our friend group as well and they also agree with her. They all think because I’m not married and don’t have any kids/pets of my own that there is no good reason for me not to watch them. I’m just looking for “excuses” not to help out.
I now feel like a crappy friend and none of the girls are talking to me. I tried calling Amy again to apologize and she has been ignoring me. Am I an asshole in this situation Reddit?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.)The action I took that might be judged is refusing to watch my friends dogs.
2.) I feel like I may be the asshole as now my friend might have to cancel her trip since she can’t find anyone to watch them.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
> She needed someone who is able to stay at her house during those 2 weeks while watching the dogs.
HAH! That’s a hell of an ask.
> she doesn’t trust sitters on dog watching apps
Sounds like she should have invested the time in developing a good relationship with a trusted local sitter, then.
> can’t afford to send them all to the kennels on top of paying for the trip
Well that’s just poor trip planning. That expense is part of it.
> Amy got very upset at me and told me I’m being a bad friend.
Yeah, well, she’s an entitled animal hoarder. Who needs FOUR pets? What hole is she trying to fill?
> I’m just looking for “excuses” not to help out.
You have self-respect. That’s all you need.
NTA. Your friend shouldn’t have planned a trip without a set plan for her dogs. If we plan a trip, the cost of a kennel is factored into that. You don’t owe her this at all.
NTA. Her dogs, her responsibility. The fact that you do not have pets or kids does not entitle her to your time. Presumably she is a responsible adult who should have factored pet care into her trip planning instead of assuming that you would “save” her in a clutch.
NTA, I pay over $100/day to have a sitter stay and watch our two dogs. It’s lot of work, thus the nearly $1000/week price. She’s crazy. Not a friend. Entitled and selfish.
NTA she needs to accept responsibility for her need to have that many dogs. Too big an ask. If she totally puts it on you, she is NOT a friend!
NTA: Offer to buy her trip so you can go to Italy with her friends and she can stay home and look after her four dogs.
NTA. The friends who are on her side have just promoted themselves to dog sitters because it’s apparently such an easy job.
NOOOO she is !!! Also does she pay you ?
Nta no one is entitled to your time
NTA and all the other friends can come up with a schedule where they all pitch in to help. One can take the mornings, another the mid-day, and another can take the evenings. Problem solved.
NTA. She’s the bad friend for treating you like crap and trying to force you to watch her dogs. She should have thought about things like trips and pets before she got them. Not your problem, she’s not much of a friend.
Her failure ro plan and her need to have more dogs than she can handle year round don’t make the dogs your responsibility. You can do better than any of these so-called friends.
NTA!!! You are NOT a bad friend. She, OTOH, is being manipulative at best and mean at worst.
In no way are you responsible for her dogs OR whether she goes on her trip. Her dogs; her trip & arrangements!
Hope you can stick to your guns (and boundaries)!
Why don’t the other girls in your friend group offer to help out?
NTA
We just canceled a vacation because our normal pet sitters are going to be on that vacation. We didn’t give them shit. They’re our pets, and we alone are responsible for them.
NTA. Your friend is, however. Her 4 dogs are NOT your responsibility.
NTA That is not an easy job. I had 2 seniors dogs and got 2 puppies. I did not make any plans to go away at all unless I rented a vacation house and took them with me. The 2 senior dogs passed away. The puppies are 2 years old now. When I go away I board them. When I visit my family on the holidays we bring them with us and board them for a day or 2 by my family, especially at holiday time. They have a great time at the Kennel playing with other dogs and I don’t have to worry about them at my families house during a holiday meal. She needs to board them.
NTA
NTA. What she does with her dogs while she is on vacation is not your problem. Her reaction shows she is a user, and the group doesn’t value you. Let her know that you’re glad the group feels that the job is easy, they’ll be able to help her. You need to cut these people off, they are NOT your friends. Moving on completely is probably for the best.
Nta: people need to get a refresher course on understanding the word NO. You are not obligated to do this favor just because she wants you to. Doesn’t matter that you’re single. You shouldn’t even have to give an explanation. No! You don’t want to do it, there is now extra dogs etc, still just no. People get all upset because “ you’ve spoiled their plans”? Why are they depending on you before they even asked?
NTA
She’s not a friend. She expected you to be a doormat, and is now putting her piss poor planning and preparation on you.
If the dogs are so important that she has to cancel her trip because she can’t find a live-in sitter, then she should have planned better.
Not having pets to look after does not mean you have the time available to sit her dogs, it means you don’t want the responsibility or to commit the time to care for pets, and that includes someone else’s pets
The friends that think you are being unreasonable can get together and figure out how to split the task between them.
NTA, she’s asking you to do WAY more than she should.
I had a “friend” like this. You’re friends as long as you have something they want. Ditch all of them.
NTA That is a HUGE ask, she is not respecting YOUR responsibilities. I sometimes do PAID sits for a friend, she asks me Months in advance, and she also has an alternate sitter in case I cant. Dont give her explanations, she will just argue with you and it is not her or anyone elses decision whether you can manage 2 weeks with her 4 dogs. He may have to cough up to board them if she cant trust a sitter. I would be tempted to tell her you will be out of town part of the time she is gone. wtf tell those friends they can just take their pets and/or kids to her house for two weeks.
I’m sensing a sudden conference, work commitment, or family emergency where you can’t watch her dogs.
I know lying is bad. But sometimes you have to consider what story that ‘friend’ is going to concoct to make you look bad in front of your mutual friends if you decline. In this case, it seems like it’s already starting and she’s trying to turn everyone against you.
For this reason – lie. Make it so that you can’t be questioned.
I would tell her ‘I’ll think about it’. Then call back an hour later and say you can’t believe it but your mother needs you to drive out and see her…. etc etc).
The only assholes are your friends taking her side. 4 dogs is a lot of dogs, it’s further from work and expecting a puppy to go 9-10 hours without being let out is ridiculous
Nta. It’s unfortunate she can’t afford the 2 week European trip. I can’t either.
NTA
YOU are not a bad friend.
SHE is a bad pet owner.
Who the fuck gets two new dogs while planning an overseas trip?!
Answer – extremely entitled people who think the world revolves around them.
Please, I hope you don’t change your mind and watch the dogs. Sounds like she can’t afford a sitter. Why didn’t she ask before she booked the trip??
i have two dogs and they are pretty easy to take care but even i know they are needy. i would never expect my best of friends to take care of them for two weeks. that is a very big ask and you should not feel bad.
NTA She should have thought about the fact that she had no one to watch 4 dogs before getting two more. Few people would want to do that. Tell her other friends that they can each take one.
NTA how about appreciation that you helped her in the past? Anyone that asks for something should still be ok if they say no. She has the money for four dogs and an expensive trip; I think she won’t starve if she finds a service or kennel. The not married and no kids bias/expectations are crap – been there – those people suck. They aren’t really friends.
NTA. Since she’s treating her dogs like children she needs to be a responsible parent and secure suitable accommodations that don’t include you or skip her trip.
Don’t accept an ounce of the guilt that she’s trying to lay on you for not watching her four dogs. The four dogs are her responsibility. You were kind enough to watch her two other dogs many times before like you said so that she didn’t have a plan for her dogs is on her. This is not your problem. Don’t feel bad for a second.
NTA I don’t understand how AMYONE.is saying it’s your fault she didn’t find care for her dogs. FOUR.sogs is a huge responsibility…… Even two dogs is a huge responsibility…..
Not only that, staying at someone else’s home for two weeks,.ewww eff that. I wouldnt want to do that ever. That’s terrible.
That’s literally a whole 2nd job for 2 weeks.
NTA.
Expecting someone who works full time and commutes to work to look after four dogs is ridiculous. Your friend should have thought about who would take care of these dogs when on their trip. She should have delayed getting the two new dogs until after her trip rather than just going ahead and expecting everyone to fall in line with her plans.
Why do people think if you’re single or don’t have kids you’re at their disposal to help them whenever they want? Stick
To your guns, these are HER dogs, you are not responsible for them. And tell your friends that they can feel free to dog sit.
If the other friends have an issue they can do it. You have the reasons a puppy can’t be left 9 10 hours a day on top of that her place is further from ur work and ur stressed from work.
And taking care of 4 dogs 2 puppies and 2 older is on top of what ur dealing with is stressful
She should’ve planned ahead instead of waiting last minute and the fact she recently got 2 new puppies and one being very young isnt good either because. They need to socialise and wouldn’t be good to leave 2 older dogs alone with a very young puppy especially a shitzu alone
This person is not ur friend nor is the people in the group chat
She should of got the dogs after the Italy trip or saved money for them to go to a Kennel but even then a very young puppy at a kennel isnt a good idea at all
I’m sorry but u need to find some better friends
Because these people are not
She’s a shitty friend for trying to guilt you into her responsibilities. She can cough up the cash and board them.
NTA. It gets multiplicatively harder each dog a person adds. Ofcourse they probably aren’t crate trained so boarding them would be a terror.
Amy can cancel the trip if she chooses and enjoy all her dogs.
NTA. She probably balked at the cost of a full-time pet sitter for four dogs, especially when you’ve done it for free in the past. She also conveniently forgets that the job is now bigger, the number of dogs having doubled, and with a puppy in the mix.
Take care of yourself first. I don’t see the friends who agree with Amy lining up to help out. They know that two weeks of sitting four dogs is a job that should be paid and is a HUGE imposition.
Not having children or pets shouldn’t make you the designated carer, especially not for free. You’re being kinder to her dogs than she is.
NTA.
Is the trip actually booked?
Because I have to assume no responsible pet owner would ever book a trip without already having plans in place and funds available for their pets to be cared for, so there is no trip, there’s nothing to cancel.
If she’s already booked the trip then your friend is clearly not your friend.
NTA
I’d ask every friend who agrees with her why they don’t offer to help if they think it’s so easy.