Casual sexism I encountered today: after telling a sales guy which apartment I was interested in, he asked me to confer with my husband and let him know which apartment I was interested in.
I am single, had done all the communication so far. The fact that he clearly didn’t listen to anything I said before is worse than the assumption I need to talk it over with a husband before confirming to him.
Ladies who bought their own first house, any tips on how to navigate?
Comments
Call that shit out and find a new sales person. I found a woman when looking for a realtor and she was fantastic.
Yes.
Men hate it when Women laugh at them.
This is when you do it.
Laugh in his face.
Get up and walk out.
Don’t look back.
Spend your money where you are treated with respect.
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Hire a woman.
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When I was buying my condo and went in to get pre-approved for a mortgage, the bank employee looked at my accounts and asked if my husband had helped me with my savings. I was, and still am, single and bought my place with my own money. I went to a different bank.
Don’t be afraid to replace any realtor that doesn’t value you. Shop around for both realtors and mortgage companies and don’t be afraid to walk away. It’s an exciting time and easy to get caught up in that excitement and miss things that are red flags. Ask tons of questions and don’t stop asking until you understand the answer. If at any point they act like you are an inconvenience, walk away. If you are told x was updated on y date, ask for paperwork to prove it. If they can’t provide it, treat the information as false. Google maps are your friend because they archive pictures of the potential home and can give clues as to the state of the neighborhood and house over many years. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not. Always, always trust your gut.
I bought two houses on my own. Zero men involved. I recently closed on the sale of my second house and was taken aback by how many times my husband was referenced… I’m solo, always have been. Nothing about the house I was selling screamed “a dude lives here”. My name is the only one on the seller’s agreement, the mortgage, everything… but the buyers were asking if my husband was going to make the final decisions. Might be a long wait since he doesn’t exist.
I’m not necessarily young so I’m used to people assuming I have a husband somewhere and what I typically do is just correct them in the most matter of fact way. So when I’m asked if my husband is making any decisions, “There’s no husband. I make all the decisions.” Or when I’m asked where my husband and I are moving, “I don’t have a husband but I’m moving to X with my three dogs. Just us.”
I don’t think you ever get away from it entirely even in open minded communities. Instead of getting annoyed, I choose to take extra pride in being able to say that everything I’ve done is because of me… my parents didn’t give me anything, I don’t have a boyfriend/partner/husband pick my up half of anything, just me. That’s not to say there aren’t occasions where it’s irritating but at the end of the day I get to high five myself for doing things that others assumed I needed a man for.
I found realtors who listened to me and never questioned whether a man was involved after I explained what I wanted. If they weren’t able to respect my wishes, they’re out. If I needed a minute to think about a decision, I would say that. If I didn’t like what was happening, I would tell them… and a couple times I told them over text and I think that’s ok too. You’re allowed to communicate in whatever way works best for you… and don’t ever hesitate correcting someone if they ask if they should wait for a husband or boyfriend!
I work on the mortgage side of things. If you can put 25 percent down, you’ll get better pricing for your rate.
Get a mortgage broker but ask what their comp level is. I would walk for anything above 2%, and really I’m looking for 1.75% or less. Some won’t share this – shady- I’d walk. Where you go to get the loan doesn’t matter much – focus on the rate and pricing, loans get bought and sold all the time.
See if the person can show you a table of the pricing being offered. Many times they’ll just give you a single rate. They don’t show you how there are multiple rates offered and what impact that has on your payment and apr.
What country are you in? Do you have the option to hire a woman? I’ve always only hired women realtors, doctors, dentists, attorneys etc.