-NSFW tagged only for language and general safety statements-
This sounds dramatic, but I’m sitting on my bathroom floor crying because I didn’t get my instacart (uber eats?) order. First world problems I know, let me give some context.
I’ve been living alone, with my 2 cats, since the new year started. My husband moved ahead of us to a different state, I stayed here to finish school and ride out our lease. I was scared at first but over time got used to it and got comfortable. Too comfortable I guess.
The move is happening in 2 weeks, and I’ve been packing like crazy. As things get messier and more chaotic I’ve been losing the space and time to cook, opting instead to eat small grab-and-go type snacks from the fridge or ordering takeout.
Friday night I ordered a little fast food dinner, courtesy of my husband, and had it delivered while I kept packing. Instacart will show your driver’s name and a photo once they’re assigned to your order. I immediately called my husband and asked him to stay on the phone with me. I try not to be judgemental, but my driver looked… do people still say sketchy? Super gruff looking white man at least in his 60’s. Just someone that absolutely looks like they’re drinking budlights the entire time they’re delivering and would definitely harass any woman in the general vicinity.
In my delivery instructions for any type of delivery service, I am always extremely specific about my location. [Building number] is all the way in the back on the left, [door number] is 2nd floor on the left, [character] welcome mat in front of the door. I’ve had packages end up all over the complex before so it’s easier to just get the specifics in before the fuck up happens.
Guy sounds like he comes up the stairs outside as quiet as possible. I hear him outside the door for a long time. I’m chatting about cat stuff with my husband waiting for him to leave. He messages something to the effect of “do you just want me to stand out here” even though I have in my drop off instructions to just leave it. I texted back that he could leave it and I would grab it in a few minutes. He sent a jumbled message that said something like “I want your door” and I waited much longer than I probably needed to to grab my food.
I was rattled a little but whatever, I have anxiety. Texted some friends about it being weird and moved on. Until I went to order again earlier. I had the thought of the delivery driver and what if he got my order again. There’s no way right? Wrong. My stomach DROPS. I know I only have gut feelings to go off of here, but I also know ignored intuition can get you killed or worse.
I call my husband again and try to be chill while waiting for my food. Guy arrives and texts, says he has my food, I say he can leave it, he says okay have a goodnight. I give it a good 5 minutes before going to grab my dinner (with my pepper spray in hand because I’m a baby). No food! Great. How did I know some fuckery was going to happen. I’m still on the phone with my husband so I run downstairs to see if maybe it got left outside. But that logically doesn’t make sense if he delivered it without issues 2 days prior. I’m already spiraling because I don’t want to have to call and confront him, but also I’m so hungry. Tried to get husband to call, but it would only send my phone number through because of account privacy.
I call and let him know that my food wasn’t out there. He says “but I delivered it and left it right on the [character] mat!” and then repeats my building and door number back to me. I agree and say yes I do live there but my food was not there. We go in circles 3-4 times with him continuing to say my address. In the middle of everything I hear him ask someone if they took a picture. Another man says “no because she likes to set it to meet at door and then have you leave the food outside.” Like this was a common thing I was known to do, even though this was only my second order. It gave me really bad vibes, just the ick in the bottom of your gut type of vibes.
I said I would call instacart and hung up. I got a refund but like… I’m still hungry! I’m crying because I’m hungry and frustrated and scared to report him or order anything again because I’m worried he’ll harass me. I know I’m moving in 2 weeks, but I feel like for the next 2 weeks I’ll be constantly worried about my safety. I had been pretty confident until now, and I was quickly reminded that my city is in the top 5 most dangerous in my state.
I’m just having those overwhelming feelings of thinking about what it’s like to be a woman and what we all go through and how ridiculous it all is. Every solution my husband presented me I turned down because I felt like it was unsafe. It’s 10pm now, I felt it would be unsafe to venture out to other buildings and look for my food. I’m also worried about driving to pick something up, what if those guys are in the parking lot. I definitely don’t want to order again since apparently he’s the only one delivering at this time of night. I’m scared to report him because he for sure knows my address after he repeated it so many times, and if he gets in trouble and gets pissy he could show up.
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I had something scary and similar happen once, and it creeped me out enough that I no longer order delivery.
Can you just go pick up your food for the last two weeks instead of having it delivered? If you genuinely think someone is lurking outside, you can call them police and see if they can do a driveby.
So you made assumptions about him and judged him to be a terrible person based on nothing but a photo, and then got yourself worked up into a sobbing panic attack over something you… made up? Because he wanted to hand off your first order to you and likely accidentally sent an auto-corrected jumble text? He probably left your other order at the wrong door, he only was at your door once before and probably didn’t remember bc dudes got like however many orders to drop off per day.
Can try ordering direct through a different place? Another service? Or some ready to eat / microwave meals preemptively to next afternoon? Trust your instincts. Regular interactions do not go how that man acted. I stopped when something similar happened, that is a normal thing to do when something sets those alarm bells off. Hate that we have to. Be safe.
I’m sorry this happened to you but you also need to remember that the people doing these gig jobs (instacart, uber eats etc) are usually economically desperate and could not care less about anything but making sure they get paid so they can pay rent and eat. They’re essentially grocery slaves, we can have an entire conversation about how exploitative the contract working system these companies employ is, but the bottom line is that this person who’s doing your deliveries is likely also in a really shitty spot themselves and does not deserve to be castigated like this when he hasn’t *actually* done anything to harm you besides fail to deliver your food.
They likely talked about your delivery habits because workers like this need to be able to memorise the instructions of the people who are ordering from them, because if they don’t they’ll get removed from their (usually) sole source of income.
You have every right to be upset it didn’t arrive, and im glad the app did the right thing and refunded you, but you really shouldn’t treat the people who are trying to hand deliver you all the stuff you order as bad people just because you get the ick from them. I get that usually trusting your gut is the safest thing a woman can do to survive, but sometimes that intuition can lead to catastrophising which in turn leads you to projecting malice on to people who are just trying to get by.
I hope you’re able to get something to eat and feel better soon, just please remember that the people delivering you all this stuff are humans too and are often in far worse living situations than the people they are delivering to. Give them a bit of grace.