Me (21F) and my bf (22M) have been dating for just over 6 months now. I’ve never felt the way I feel about him. He’s smart, funny, kind and so very attractive. He’s also my first everything aside from kiss. It’s my first real relationship and everything about it makes me a little nervous but that’s besides the point. TIFU by telling him in front of my friends I’ve faked it.
We went out to the bars for the first time him coming with my group of friends. We got really drunk really fast because not only did we pregame but they were having a deal on these massive fishbowl drinks. Now I’m a lightweight and I really don’t go out or drink a lot so alcohol hits me pretty fast and hard. The dancing scene was pretty lame and quite so we ended up grabbing a booth and playing dumb highschool games like “never have I ever” and then we did like a hotseat asking eachother questions. When it got to me there were questions like “have you ever kissed a girl” stupid shit like that. Then it gets to my bf to ask me something and he asks “have you ever faked it” and I just froze.
– So for reference we have a really good sex life. He makes sure I finish and it’s pretty healthy. But there was a time where I just couldn’t do it for some reason it like hurt almost? And he was really really into it and I just couldn’t tell him I wasn’t. –
Okay back to the bar, yeah so I just looked like a dumbass because I really didn’t want to lie when we were all being honest but I knew it would hurt and then I just like looked down and everyone was like “ohhhhh” and everyone instantly felt bad for my bf bc everyone knew he was my first and I just didn’t know what to say but in the moment I like laughed it off and said “there comes a time in every girls life…” but after sobering up we talked about it and he told me how much it broke his trust and how embarrassing it was.
I genuinely don’t know what to do I feel so shitty, like obviously I shouldn’t have said that to my friends and obviously it hurts him. He said that it’s something he’s going to think about everytime we do it now. I explained to him what had happened the one time but of course my friends don’t know that. And one of my girls even went up to him and said “I feel bad…” and I feel so incredibly awful. I don’t know what to do about it, how can I fix this?
TL;DR: My friends and bf were drunk at a bar and I admitted I faked it to him. Now I’m not sure if our relationship is on the line?
Comments
Good news: your relationship is probably gonna be fine if you improve on communication and apologise properly. I suggest getting him a gift, something that actually says sorry.
Bad news: your friends might be trashy about this topic. In future don’t talk about your sex life to strangers lol
You should probably explain to your friends that he’s actually incredibly amazing in bed and that it only happened that one time.
You embarrassed him publicly so you have to go fix the social fallout as well as convincing him that you’re attracted to him. Right now he probably believes you don’t actually find him attractive.
My suggestion: initiate sex a lot with him. Get lingerie, do extra sexy things for him. His ego is shot and you need to do the things that will remove doubt from his mind that you get him off. Usually it’s pretty obvious when a girl has an orgasm though, is he not able to tell when you finish?
Sex doesn’t have a 100% success rate for both parties. There’s going to be times that one (or both people) don’t finish, aren’t gushing about how great it was, etc. It’s normal that you had a time where your body just wasn’t into it.
Now, announcing that at a bar during a drinking game, while drunk, in front of him, and with a group that would know you were 100% talking about him, was not a smart move. You embarrassed him and hurt his pride in front of people, and shared something that was very personal to a group that didn’t need to know. In the future, lie.
Try to explain what I said in my first paragraph to him, after he’s had time to mull this over and process. But, be prepared that he’s going to be very insecure moving forward, and there’s a lot you’ll need to do to rebuild that trust with him.
It’s pretty much his bad for asking the question in that setting in the first place. If anything, he’s the one that should be apologizing because he put you in that ridiculous spot to begin with. Either way, if he didn’t want to be embarrassed by the answer he should not have asked it in front of all his friends.
Most girls do that.
Yeah… That’s going to eat at him for a long time. Like the authenticity of something so special was mocked for all to see. Doesn’t necessarily mean things are over, but how you handle it going forward will strongly influence whether this is a painful humiliation that he puts behind him, or a confidence destroying complex that sticks with him for future relationships.
He also fucked up asking that in public. That part’s on him.
You know you messed up. No malice, no judgment. A learning opportunity in disguise. Just be careful going forward and rebuild his trust with sincerity, and you guys will probably be alright. Best of luck.
Not to come across as a dick but simply giving a man’s perspective on the matter, he’s gonna think about it often and it will bother him. It may bother him into his next few relationships. That type of thing is confidence shattering. I pray that I’m wrong OP and I wish you both the best. In the future whether with him or someone else, don’t embarrass them like that. If that’s truly an issue, correct that in private
To be fair, everyone fucked up. He should have never asked this question in public. You should have immediately answered that it was only the one time so it didn’t come across like he just doesn’t get you off all the time.
I totally get where you’re coming from I could see myself making a similar mistake but the comment you made after saying “there comes a time in every girls life” was definitely the line that did it in for him. I think you guys can work past it with more communication especially because it was a one time thing. Just try and complement him in the future to let him know what he’s doing right and what you like that he does so he can get some reassurance.
He shouldn’t have asked you that if he didn’t want to hear the answer. 🤷♀️
LifeProTip: don’t play immature stupid games like this. Nothing good can really come from it.
As far as what you can do .. as others have said, keep talking with your bf. Improve your communication together. And I’ll add .. stop talking about personal/private shit with others. Maybe promise your bf you’ll make it very clear to your friends about the truth .. as you’ve done here.
It’s this secret stuff between loving partners that eats away at relationships. I think I’m sparing feelings, but the small lies are often found out about. The truth comes out and it’s 10 times worse for the relationship.
You were in pain and you needed it to be over asap, that one time…hurting no one’s feelings. What’s wrong with that? Why are there these secrecy overtones? Honesty is the best policy, even if you can’t see why at the time.
FAFO
I mean, you probably shouldn’t have said that in front of ppl, but it’s kind of his fault for asking such a dumb question in front of everybody at a club for Pete’s sake. He set himself up there, and I can’t fault you for telling the truth. It might sting for a little bit, but he isn’t a baby that needs to be coddled. He asked and he found out…