I know I’m not alone, I found out that the guy have been dating a year has another relationship besides mine.
I’m totally in love with this guy. It’s making it so complicated. He tells me the other girl doesn’t mean anything. Blah blah blah.
I don’t want to let go.. Don’t want to be without him. I know it’s wrong. I know I should let him go.
Why does my heart say to wait it out.. don’t let this other girl win him. She doesn’t even know about me. He says he told me the truth because he loves me so much. He just needs to find a way to end it without hurting her.
Why is it so hard to find a good guy?
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If he lied to you for a year about something so fundamental how can you trust anything he says?
Throw the whole man away.
Even if you “win,” you’ll never be able to shake the thought in the back of your head that tells you he’s going to do the same thing to you that he’s doing to her. Because he will.
He’s a piece of shit
>don’t let this other girl win him
He’s been lying to you both this whole time… he’s not exactly a prize.
You’ll lose him the same way you got him…so…do with that what you will
Let it go.
If he wanted to end it with her he would have already.
That would not be winning, tbh. What makes you think you deserve this kind of guy?
IF he does break up with her (because they always say they’re gonna break up with them, but they never do), then she’ll be the one winning, not you. He is not a prize, and he’s shown you how he’s moving.
If he’ll do it with you, he’ll do it to you and if are aware of the other person he’s with and you stay despite knowing, you fucking deserve it.
Walk away. This is a ticking time bomb. It’s not normal. Have self respect.
Your heart says to wait it out, because the alternative is to believe what’s in front of you, and therefore feel the heartache. Your instinct protects you from acute pain, but it won’t serve you in the long run. Deep down, you know this. It sucks, but you gotta trust yourself to endure it.
Genuine reason why it’s hard for you to let go? Here it is. Women are conditioned socially, religiously, morally, and even in STORYTIME when they’re tiny babies that “our prince will come.” That “someone will choose us and they’ll be everything we’ve ever wanted.” In some sects, it goes one step further and flat out tells women “you can be loved for the rest of your life, so long as you let your man lead. He’s going to take care of you. He’s going to protect you.” And so on, even though there is a ton of evidence that proves men do not do these things–they leave sick partners and when women are in danger it’s other women who come to their rescue more often than men, etc.
It’s programming. You–just like me, just like millions of other women–WANT to believe that we are worthy of love, and our worth can only be proven if someone (usually a man) loves us. Why don’t we already believe we’re worthy of love? Because we’ve been taught that we aren’t whole in and of ourselves. There’s a “missing piece” out there and we need to look-look-look-PANIC until we’ve found it. And if you lose it, it’s only proof that they’re right–you’re not worthy of love.
You want to wait it out because on some level you want him to prove this narrative to you–that he will pick you over someone else. You use the phrase “don’t let this other girl win him.” If she wins, then you’re unworthy of love (which is obviously not true, but that’s why you phrased it that way).
You want to believe you’re special, but he’s already shown you that you aren’t. He’s lying to your face and you would rather believe the pretty lie than the very obvious truth, which is that…if you were that special, he wouldn’t need anyone else AND/OR he would have dumped her the moment he got together with you AND/OR he would dump her IMMEDIATELY now, instead of making excuses.
If you cheated on him, he wouldn’t stay. The only person he thinks is special in this relationship is himself. And the irony is, he’s no prize yet he’s got you tying yourself up in knots to “win” him.
Don’t judge, but I went almost 5 years without knowing he had an 8 year relationship with another woman. Long story short, it’s hard to let that go. I feel ya!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this…it’s so hard finding out you’re the other woman.
He may “love” you, but he sure as hell doesn’t respect you (or his primary girlfriend). And honestly, I wouldn’t trust that he loves you either.
Your heart says to wait it out, because I think part of it wants to be “chosen.” That someone loves you so much, wants to be with you so much, that you’re so much better than another woman, that he’ll choose you over her.
Your heart says to wait it out because, partly, you’ve invested a year of your time, energy, and emotions into this guy…so surely something must come of it, right? But usually, all that comes out of it are memories and heartbreak and regrets.
But really hon, if he wanted to break up with her…he would have found a way to be rid of the relationship by now. He doesn’t want to hurt her by breaking up, but he’ll hurt her by cheating- emotionally, physically, mentally with another woman? He says that because he doesn’t want you to think he’s a bad guy, because he’s hoping you’ll accept that he’ll never truly be yours and continue to give him the girlfriend treatment.
I went through something in my early 20s. Only difference is, I was involved with the guy first…but he ended up marrying an acquaintance of mine and lied to me about it for years. When he finally told me the truth…he said the same bs “she doesn’t mean anything to me.” Along with, “I only married her because I needed financial help starting my business and her family provided that. You’re the one I want, the one I always wanted.”
It was all bullshit…it was all manipulations to get me to continue sleeping with him.
Your guy is doing the same thing. It’s so hard to be in this position, but you’ll be better off in the long run by walking away before you waste any more on him.
If he’ll cheat with you, he’ll cheat on you.
No judgement here, just curiousity. Why are you in love with this guy? What is it about him that’s so wonderful?
That’s not your heart, that’s your ego.