The story when one of my bullies said “who left this bull in open”, at that time I was fat and when I told this to my elder brothers they couldn’t control their laugh. They did teach the bully a lesson but even today it makes them laugh whenever they remember it.
Used to get weird dreams in school time – 15 years back.
Where my friend used to die in a tragic accident, we used to laugh at this. The few dreams I remember I have narrated to the group, we still share the laughter.
It was the one friend who is my closest one in the group who ends up in my dreams and even I have second wheeled him in my own dreams as far as my memory serves me right.
This was when final destination 3 or 4 had come out, which ever came out in 2010-ish times.
A very crust punk Thanksgiving. It started with my friend asking if their black eye looked patriotic and ended with a naked guy tied to a door and begging to be water boarded with wine while a bunch of African geese get loose around the house.
After having great sex with my girlfriend, I uttered the phrase “you and I are like mycorrhiza”, I am a mushroom (and then I catch myself thinking how it sounds from the outside) and you are a log. We laughed for a long time and naturally there was no intimate continuation.
When my husband ate an edible (legal state) for the first time and kept asking me to take him to urgent care. I asked what he thought they would do for him and he said “I don’t know!…..make me unhigh” lol he hasn’t tried it since and that’s okay
Sinatra promises a guy he will say hello to him so this guy can impress a group of businesses colleagues, when he dies the guy tells Sinatra he’s busy and to come back later.
the time a classmate was told in language class to use “incompetent” in a sentence and he said “you, sir, are a very incompetent teacher” and then stormed out of the room
A guy I went out with from Hinge quacked at me at dinner. I was in the middle of talking, and he just quacks at me like a duck for no reason. I just stared at him, pretended I didn’t hear it and continued talking.
He texted later and apologized and said he thought it would be funny but guessed that it turned out awkward. Didn’t go out with him again.
In college I was in a fraternity – we weren’t your typically fraternity and had guys from all social groups. We had one odd kid we called “Critter” who would just hang out in his room alone whenever we had parties. One night he took some sort of drug and was being social at the party albeit definitely tripping off of something. We came up with the idea to grab a camcorder my friend had and another camera from another guy down the hall and hide in closets in my buddy’s room. We had someone go call for critter and when he came in my friend busted out of the closet with a camera and another guy roll out from under the futon with a camera and we convinced him his whole life had been a reality show. Hahahaha it still cracks me up so much to this day. He was so fucking confused and he started crying. It sounds a lot worse when I type it out but he was fine and laughed about it with us for the next couple of years before we graduated. So funny.
Ok so my husband goes by his middle name, and one time he got a job working at Sears in the auto department. This was back in the 80’s and they wore the personalized overalls, with the sewn on nametag but they never asked what he liked to be called, they just guessed. So his nametag said the wrong name, and he didn’t answer to it so some of the guys thought maybe he was hard of hearing (he isn’t), or some guys thought maybe he was a little slow (he isn’t), and they would yell instructions really loud and pantomime what they needed him to do when giving instructions. The first time he told that story I almost cried laughing, the way he tells it is just so funny that now I tell that story about him and laugh so much each time. God, I love him so much.
The ones that are not repeated because the beauty of it was the timing. So trying to re-create the scenario is like trying to explain the joke. Ya can’t. So the new one-liner will have to do.
My one-liner for the whole story is, “It’s past the point of George.”
The story is from 1992. There are 10 people on the planet who still instantly know what the sentence means. It still has context to make it make sense, every time.
The same group of friends has these one liners:
Tom, you have my keys.
Someone saved my life tonight.
Fire in her eyes.
Got your panties in the tree.
I was at my ex’s house and about to fall asleep and I was in that half asleep half awake state where you aren’t really thinking clear anymore. And I was kinda dreaming so I said “I’m hallucinating. There’s a fucking mammoth” and she laughed so hard I woke up
When I was in a water park sitting on a floating tube in a slow river, my friend wanted to squeeze my ass very hard to get revenge. He went underwater leaving his tube behind him but he went for the wrong guy. I saw the whole scene live of a random 50 year old dude screaming and moving while getting his butt squeezed very hard for a good 10 seconds by my friend. I still get tears when I tell this story.
My grandma had this “old lady scooter” and it went so ridiculously fast that she fell off and broke her shoulder (not the funny part) so my dad let my siblings and I play with it. We would whip it around the neighborhood, tie ropes to it and pull people on skateboards etc. this thing literally went fast af. My sister was a lot younger than me so if we wanted to ride together I would sit on the seat and she would sit by my feet on the floorboard and hold on to the handles. Well one night it was time for dinner so we were scootering inside and I got off to open the front door and she accidentally whiskey throttled the scooter and flew past me through the front door into the dining area and flew into the wall. The little engine was still revving while the front wheel, handles, and basket were completely in the dry wall. My dad was in the kitchen making hamburger helper and heard her screaming and looked over just in time to see her zoom by out of control. It’s one of the funniest things she’s ever done and we were crazy kids.
The time I was walking a patient to their room in the ER from triage, and I asked her if the man a few steps behind us was with her. The lady in her 70s said “Yeah. I slept with him a few times and he’s followed me around ever since.”
Husband of 50 years says “yeah, that’s pretty much it.”
😂
The time I got a fancy box of chocolates for my birthday.
My boyfriend is a massive sweet tooth and a few days after my birthday he was home alone with said box. He wanted to try all the chocolates (each one was unique), but he didn’t want to rob me of the experience of trying them out myself… so he took each piece, bit off one half, and put it back in the fancy box.
When I later opened the box and saw the aftermath, he innocently described his thought process. The mental image makes me laugh every time.
The time I had a dream that my supervisor was going to make waffles for the whole morning shift and I check my phone to see a text where my friend sent a Nigel Thornberry gif .
I woke up and see a text of Nigel Thornberry and got super excited about the waffles. Got half way to work then realized that supervisor dosnt work on Thursdays and it was all just a dream.
Oh the night of Agatha, Greta and Sam… that’s one way to continue a perfectly civilised work’s Christmas lunch… by spending the rest of the afternoon in a neighbouring pub… which on the way to I was already demo-ing yoga moves with Daffers with the help of some bollards… I didn’t see the chains in between! So I laddered my tights (but it’s ok cos I always carry spare 😁).
Oh and then there were the medical Sales dudes who decided we were having far too much fun that they wanted to join us… which necessity is the mother of invention… our new names! He came to me first so I picked the sensible name… the girls went rogue which was hilarious.
Then we realised we were a little tipsy and had to find a way to get home (5 miles) which didn’t involve walking alongside a busy A road. So bless him, I called my boyfriend (now husband) and in our infinite wisdom we decided we had sobered up a little in the car singing to Maroon 5, so we decided to continue our pub crawl to our local.
But first a stop in the house to tinkle and that’s when Greta fell over what was left of the wall at the front of our house… all 2 inches of it and went face first into the dirt, legs still moving like she was upright. Agatha has got the filthiest laugh which made the whole situation 1,000,000x worse. As a group we were inconsolable for a good 10 minutes trying to stop laughing.
We all managed to make it into work by 8am the next morning, some of us worse than others and decided to head to the canteen for a bacon sandwich… kill or cure.
I didn’t go on many benders when I was younger so this is a fun memory of silly times with friends.
the streets were flooded and some dude was walking home and he just randomly becomes 2 feet shorter. turns out he fell into a pothole. (i was that dude, i was also 8 years old and only 4ft tall. )
Maybe the second or third time i hung out with someone i was seeing at their friend’s house and smoked pot.
Up until then my experience with it was while i was drinking and i had someone else essentially shotgun it (they smoked, i inhaled it from their mouth lol).
This time however he taught me to do it myself and me, being a “i don’t feel it so i must take more” kinda person, ended up more or less not in control of my body. I remember smoking a cig outside when it hit all at once. I had to sit in his car as my brain went in and out of dreamworld while i was awake. Strangest fcking feeling.
I remember saying that my arms weren’t my own and other stuff. Meanwhile he sat in the car with me apparently trying not to laugh his ass off.
He drove us back to his dad’s where he was living at the time and it took every fiber of my being to walk across the yard, up the steps, and past the living room where his dad was sitting, all while trying my damndest to seem “normal but tired.”
I sunk into that bed for a couple hours while he tended to me.
I can’t say that it was exactly fun at the time but my now-husband laughs anytime it’s brought up. I do appreciate that he didn’t laugh at me at the time tho even though he wanted to, so it’s all good lol
I have a garden office and a place out the back where I can have a quick piss break rather than having to trek into the house each time. My wife occasionally looks out of the back door and if the two activities coincide she will point and laugh at me.
One day I glanced out of my office window to check there was no-one parked in my driveway and nipped out for a slash. Halfway through I see a figure in the doorway so I turn and wave, holding my still-pissing todger and laughing.
At that point I realise it’s not my wife, but a friend of hers who has come to say goodbye for a few months to go to a different country. She’d parked out of sight of my window.
Thankfully she never came back and stayed aboard. I can’t stay here if she comes back.
This one time a friend of mine abroad came back home from a night of partying and drinking. He woke up the next day, and couldn’t find his wallet, so ofcourse he started panicking looking for it everywhere. Couldn’t find it so of course he started prepping himself mentally to replace all them cards and stuff. For some reason bro remembered something, he apparently had ice cream last night. Anyway an hour or so later he tells us in the group chat he had found his wallet in the freezer. I could not stop laughing.
When we were all still young and drank way too much, we were having a bonfire one night, and of course, drinking to excess.
My now-husband was sitting in a plastic lawn chair and did something that caused one of the chair legs to break off. But he was leaning forward in the chair, so he hadn’t noticed that he was missing a leg yet.
Husband-to-be’s best friend got up and gave my husband a huge high five. This pushed him back in his seat, causing him to fall backwards. The other chair legs broke off and he slammed to the ground.
It was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. But then, for bonus points, his drunk ass couldn’t figure out what happened, so he spent the rest of the night afraid of high fives and telling everyone that a “high five attacked him.” God I love that beautiful idiot 🥰
There was an older lady going through basic training with us. It was winter in Missouri and she was from Puerto Rico. So we’re doing a field exercise and we’re sleeping in our tiny tents with our assigned battle buddies…. well, it was cold, like maybe 30⁰F, middle of the night and she’s gotta go to the bathroom. She doesn’t want to walk in the cold to the porter john, so she takes care of business while staying warm, doesn’t tell a soul. The next day, everyone packs up, heads back to the barracks and starts cleaning their gear. She’s off in a corner with her sleeping bag, being real secretive and just weird. As we’re cleaning, our Drill Sergeant comes into the bay to make sure we’re doing the right thing and not sleeping…. He spots her, being weird, and asks her, “what the fuck are you doing private?” After what seemed like forever, we all found out that she had shit in her sleeping bag because it was too cold to walk to the john.
From that day forward, we were awoken by a Drill Sergeant, “Wake up, Echo Company. PT formation in 15 min. Full winter PTs because it’s shit your pants cold outside.”
That was almost 15 years ago. I don’t remember her name, or her face. But I do say, whenever it is 35⁰ or colder, it is shit your pants cold outside.
Can’t really tell it anymore since it was mostly funny from both perspectives, but the time I accidently ate a pot brownie when a friend of mine had her medicinal stuff turned into some just to say she had had one.
I’m in the navy and a submariner. This story probably requires a lot of context to be funny to you, but I hope you enjoy it.
We pulled into Japan once after a very long underway and everyone who could went out into town for a night of drinking and fun, as we do in the navy. One young man who was 19, we will call him Perkins, went out with his mechanic brethren and got absolutely shit faced. Mind you, he’s about 110 lbs. I had to stay on the submarine that night. Ut I was asleep when this all went down. Perkins eventually stumbles back to the boat way after curfew and his buddies somehow got him Into his rack. At around 1am Perkins wakes up and decides he needs to shit, so he heads for the bathroom that’s down a flight of very steep stairs. Problem was, he was completely naked and definitely extremely drunk. He falls down the stairs, knocks himself out, and shits EVERYWHERE. the watch standers that walks around the boat all night eventually makes his way around to that area, sees it, turns around, and walks into the bunkroom. He goes to one of Perkins’ buddies rack and loudly yells into it “Hey, man, go get your boy before someone who cares has to.”
Four of the buddies get up, go down to find him covered in shit, laugh, gag, and get to work. 2 of then pick Perkins up by his hands and ankles and throw him into the shower while the other two start cleaning up the shit. After he’s rinsed off, they carry him back up the stairs, still sleeping, to his rack and tuck him in. The next day Perkins has taken it upon himself to clean the entire bathroom and stairs area, then do all of the maintenance that department had for the day like a good little sailor. Everyone could tell he wanted to die from the hangover, but nothing official happened from the incident. “Shit Ass” was his nickname for a while after that.
i was walking down the stairs after school ended and i fell so bad but also stood up so fast in order to save myself from embarrassment just to look back and find all my 2 friends were right behind me all the time .
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The story when one of my bullies said “who left this bull in open”, at that time I was fat and when I told this to my elder brothers they couldn’t control their laugh. They did teach the bully a lesson but even today it makes them laugh whenever they remember it.
a long time ago, a man had a beard
some people loved it, so they banded together to form Organisation XIII
others hated it, so they killed him and he T-posed
his name backwards is ‘suseJ’
Used to get weird dreams in school time – 15 years back.
Where my friend used to die in a tragic accident, we used to laugh at this. The few dreams I remember I have narrated to the group, we still share the laughter.
It was the one friend who is my closest one in the group who ends up in my dreams and even I have second wheeled him in my own dreams as far as my memory serves me right.
This was when final destination 3 or 4 had come out, which ever came out in 2010-ish times.
The time I mistook a mannequin for a person
A very crust punk Thanksgiving. It started with my friend asking if their black eye looked patriotic and ended with a naked guy tied to a door and begging to be water boarded with wine while a bunch of African geese get loose around the house.
After having great sex with my girlfriend, I uttered the phrase “you and I are like mycorrhiza”, I am a mushroom (and then I catch myself thinking how it sounds from the outside) and you are a log. We laughed for a long time and naturally there was no intimate continuation.
When I actually ate the whole thing of wasabi thinking it was avado
When my husband ate an edible (legal state) for the first time and kept asking me to take him to urgent care. I asked what he thought they would do for him and he said “I don’t know!…..make me unhigh” lol he hasn’t tried it since and that’s okay
Sinatra promises a guy he will say hello to him so this guy can impress a group of businesses colleagues, when he dies the guy tells Sinatra he’s busy and to come back later.
I tried to throw a frisbee to a friend but it hit his beer bottle into his face, so the frisbee and the bottle hit his head and he went AAAUGHHH
Idk how it’s possible but I did it lol. The best part is that he had just talked some trash about me being bad at throwing it.
the time a classmate was told in language class to use “incompetent” in a sentence and he said “you, sir, are a very incompetent teacher” and then stormed out of the room
John Coxe
[ Removed by Reddit ]
There was a rather sensitive bit in my high school. One day someone threw a baguette at his head. He cried and went home.
A guy I went out with from Hinge quacked at me at dinner. I was in the middle of talking, and he just quacks at me like a duck for no reason. I just stared at him, pretended I didn’t hear it and continued talking.
He texted later and apologized and said he thought it would be funny but guessed that it turned out awkward. Didn’t go out with him again.
In college I was in a fraternity – we weren’t your typically fraternity and had guys from all social groups. We had one odd kid we called “Critter” who would just hang out in his room alone whenever we had parties. One night he took some sort of drug and was being social at the party albeit definitely tripping off of something. We came up with the idea to grab a camcorder my friend had and another camera from another guy down the hall and hide in closets in my buddy’s room. We had someone go call for critter and when he came in my friend busted out of the closet with a camera and another guy roll out from under the futon with a camera and we convinced him his whole life had been a reality show. Hahahaha it still cracks me up so much to this day. He was so fucking confused and he started crying. It sounds a lot worse when I type it out but he was fine and laughed about it with us for the next couple of years before we graduated. So funny.
Ok so my husband goes by his middle name, and one time he got a job working at Sears in the auto department. This was back in the 80’s and they wore the personalized overalls, with the sewn on nametag but they never asked what he liked to be called, they just guessed. So his nametag said the wrong name, and he didn’t answer to it so some of the guys thought maybe he was hard of hearing (he isn’t), or some guys thought maybe he was a little slow (he isn’t), and they would yell instructions really loud and pantomime what they needed him to do when giving instructions. The first time he told that story I almost cried laughing, the way he tells it is just so funny that now I tell that story about him and laugh so much each time. God, I love him so much.
The time I couldn’t stop laughing at a graveside ceremony.
The ones that are not repeated because the beauty of it was the timing. So trying to re-create the scenario is like trying to explain the joke. Ya can’t. So the new one-liner will have to do.
My one-liner for the whole story is, “It’s past the point of George.”
The story is from 1992. There are 10 people on the planet who still instantly know what the sentence means. It still has context to make it make sense, every time.
The same group of friends has these one liners:
Tom, you have my keys.
Someone saved my life tonight.
Fire in her eyes.
Got your panties in the tree.
I was at my ex’s house and about to fall asleep and I was in that half asleep half awake state where you aren’t really thinking clear anymore. And I was kinda dreaming so I said “I’m hallucinating. There’s a fucking mammoth” and she laughed so hard I woke up
When I was in a water park sitting on a floating tube in a slow river, my friend wanted to squeeze my ass very hard to get revenge. He went underwater leaving his tube behind him but he went for the wrong guy. I saw the whole scene live of a random 50 year old dude screaming and moving while getting his butt squeezed very hard for a good 10 seconds by my friend. I still get tears when I tell this story.
My grandma had this “old lady scooter” and it went so ridiculously fast that she fell off and broke her shoulder (not the funny part) so my dad let my siblings and I play with it. We would whip it around the neighborhood, tie ropes to it and pull people on skateboards etc. this thing literally went fast af. My sister was a lot younger than me so if we wanted to ride together I would sit on the seat and she would sit by my feet on the floorboard and hold on to the handles. Well one night it was time for dinner so we were scootering inside and I got off to open the front door and she accidentally whiskey throttled the scooter and flew past me through the front door into the dining area and flew into the wall. The little engine was still revving while the front wheel, handles, and basket were completely in the dry wall. My dad was in the kitchen making hamburger helper and heard her screaming and looked over just in time to see her zoom by out of control. It’s one of the funniest things she’s ever done and we were crazy kids.
The time I was walking a patient to their room in the ER from triage, and I asked her if the man a few steps behind us was with her. The lady in her 70s said “Yeah. I slept with him a few times and he’s followed me around ever since.”
Husband of 50 years says “yeah, that’s pretty much it.”
😂
That one where I tripped on air and apologized to it. Classic me!
The time I got a fancy box of chocolates for my birthday.
My boyfriend is a massive sweet tooth and a few days after my birthday he was home alone with said box. He wanted to try all the chocolates (each one was unique), but he didn’t want to rob me of the experience of trying them out myself… so he took each piece, bit off one half, and put it back in the fancy box.
When I later opened the box and saw the aftermath, he innocently described his thought process. The mental image makes me laugh every time.
The time I had a dream that my supervisor was going to make waffles for the whole morning shift and I check my phone to see a text where my friend sent a Nigel Thornberry gif .
I woke up and see a text of Nigel Thornberry and got super excited about the waffles. Got half way to work then realized that supervisor dosnt work on Thursdays and it was all just a dream.
A lot of these posts are just dumb
Not a story but the photo of Paris Hilton kissing a woman’s belly thinking she was pregnant when she wasn’t. God it gets me every damn time
the story of hitchbot
A shirtless guy once complimented (or catcalled, idk, i was barely paying attention) me and I panicked and said he had a nice shirt
then speedwalked away
Oh the night of Agatha, Greta and Sam… that’s one way to continue a perfectly civilised work’s Christmas lunch… by spending the rest of the afternoon in a neighbouring pub… which on the way to I was already demo-ing yoga moves with Daffers with the help of some bollards… I didn’t see the chains in between! So I laddered my tights (but it’s ok cos I always carry spare 😁).
Oh and then there were the medical Sales dudes who decided we were having far too much fun that they wanted to join us… which necessity is the mother of invention… our new names! He came to me first so I picked the sensible name… the girls went rogue which was hilarious.
Then we realised we were a little tipsy and had to find a way to get home (5 miles) which didn’t involve walking alongside a busy A road. So bless him, I called my boyfriend (now husband) and in our infinite wisdom we decided we had sobered up a little in the car singing to Maroon 5, so we decided to continue our pub crawl to our local.
But first a stop in the house to tinkle and that’s when Greta fell over what was left of the wall at the front of our house… all 2 inches of it and went face first into the dirt, legs still moving like she was upright. Agatha has got the filthiest laugh which made the whole situation 1,000,000x worse. As a group we were inconsolable for a good 10 minutes trying to stop laughing.
We all managed to make it into work by 8am the next morning, some of us worse than others and decided to head to the canteen for a bacon sandwich… kill or cure.
I didn’t go on many benders when I was younger so this is a fun memory of silly times with friends.
the streets were flooded and some dude was walking home and he just randomly becomes 2 feet shorter. turns out he fell into a pothole. (i was that dude, i was also 8 years old and only 4ft tall. )
I once was forced to take a dump in my own back yard because a deaf guy was locked in our only bathroom.
Someone shit on my tent…not just a little bit
Be at a sushi restaurant, the owner/head chef is my neighbor
Army guy on vacation, getting drunk, talking loud, everyone can hear that he was stationed in Okinawa. He tells the chef his order in Japanese
Chef- that’s great… but I’m Korean
Maybe the second or third time i hung out with someone i was seeing at their friend’s house and smoked pot.
Up until then my experience with it was while i was drinking and i had someone else essentially shotgun it (they smoked, i inhaled it from their mouth lol).
This time however he taught me to do it myself and me, being a “i don’t feel it so i must take more” kinda person, ended up more or less not in control of my body. I remember smoking a cig outside when it hit all at once. I had to sit in his car as my brain went in and out of dreamworld while i was awake. Strangest fcking feeling.
I remember saying that my arms weren’t my own and other stuff. Meanwhile he sat in the car with me apparently trying not to laugh his ass off.
He drove us back to his dad’s where he was living at the time and it took every fiber of my being to walk across the yard, up the steps, and past the living room where his dad was sitting, all while trying my damndest to seem “normal but tired.”
I sunk into that bed for a couple hours while he tended to me.
I can’t say that it was exactly fun at the time but my now-husband laughs anytime it’s brought up. I do appreciate that he didn’t laugh at me at the time tho even though he wanted to, so it’s all good lol
I have a garden office and a place out the back where I can have a quick piss break rather than having to trek into the house each time. My wife occasionally looks out of the back door and if the two activities coincide she will point and laugh at me.
One day I glanced out of my office window to check there was no-one parked in my driveway and nipped out for a slash. Halfway through I see a figure in the doorway so I turn and wave, holding my still-pissing todger and laughing.
At that point I realise it’s not my wife, but a friend of hers who has come to say goodbye for a few months to go to a different country. She’d parked out of sight of my window.
Thankfully she never came back and stayed aboard. I can’t stay here if she comes back.
My brother and I tricking our babysitter into taking us to see “Team America” in theaters.
Watching this poor old woman try to explain the puppet sex scene to my dad is one of the highlights of my life.
This one time a friend of mine abroad came back home from a night of partying and drinking. He woke up the next day, and couldn’t find his wallet, so ofcourse he started panicking looking for it everywhere. Couldn’t find it so of course he started prepping himself mentally to replace all them cards and stuff. For some reason bro remembered something, he apparently had ice cream last night. Anyway an hour or so later he tells us in the group chat he had found his wallet in the freezer. I could not stop laughing.
When we were all still young and drank way too much, we were having a bonfire one night, and of course, drinking to excess.
My now-husband was sitting in a plastic lawn chair and did something that caused one of the chair legs to break off. But he was leaning forward in the chair, so he hadn’t noticed that he was missing a leg yet.
Husband-to-be’s best friend got up and gave my husband a huge high five. This pushed him back in his seat, causing him to fall backwards. The other chair legs broke off and he slammed to the ground.
It was probably the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. But then, for bonus points, his drunk ass couldn’t figure out what happened, so he spent the rest of the night afraid of high fives and telling everyone that a “high five attacked him.” God I love that beautiful idiot 🥰
Gerbil amrageddon
Google it and find the yoytube clip
There was an older lady going through basic training with us. It was winter in Missouri and she was from Puerto Rico. So we’re doing a field exercise and we’re sleeping in our tiny tents with our assigned battle buddies…. well, it was cold, like maybe 30⁰F, middle of the night and she’s gotta go to the bathroom. She doesn’t want to walk in the cold to the porter john, so she takes care of business while staying warm, doesn’t tell a soul. The next day, everyone packs up, heads back to the barracks and starts cleaning their gear. She’s off in a corner with her sleeping bag, being real secretive and just weird. As we’re cleaning, our Drill Sergeant comes into the bay to make sure we’re doing the right thing and not sleeping…. He spots her, being weird, and asks her, “what the fuck are you doing private?” After what seemed like forever, we all found out that she had shit in her sleeping bag because it was too cold to walk to the john.
From that day forward, we were awoken by a Drill Sergeant, “Wake up, Echo Company. PT formation in 15 min. Full winter PTs because it’s shit your pants cold outside.”
That was almost 15 years ago. I don’t remember her name, or her face. But I do say, whenever it is 35⁰ or colder, it is shit your pants cold outside.
Can’t really tell it anymore since it was mostly funny from both perspectives, but the time I accidently ate a pot brownie when a friend of mine had her medicinal stuff turned into some just to say she had had one.
when I walked face-first into a wall of windows in front of about 80 random people
I’m in the navy and a submariner. This story probably requires a lot of context to be funny to you, but I hope you enjoy it.
We pulled into Japan once after a very long underway and everyone who could went out into town for a night of drinking and fun, as we do in the navy. One young man who was 19, we will call him Perkins, went out with his mechanic brethren and got absolutely shit faced. Mind you, he’s about 110 lbs. I had to stay on the submarine that night. Ut I was asleep when this all went down. Perkins eventually stumbles back to the boat way after curfew and his buddies somehow got him Into his rack. At around 1am Perkins wakes up and decides he needs to shit, so he heads for the bathroom that’s down a flight of very steep stairs. Problem was, he was completely naked and definitely extremely drunk. He falls down the stairs, knocks himself out, and shits EVERYWHERE. the watch standers that walks around the boat all night eventually makes his way around to that area, sees it, turns around, and walks into the bunkroom. He goes to one of Perkins’ buddies rack and loudly yells into it “Hey, man, go get your boy before someone who cares has to.”
Four of the buddies get up, go down to find him covered in shit, laugh, gag, and get to work. 2 of then pick Perkins up by his hands and ankles and throw him into the shower while the other two start cleaning up the shit. After he’s rinsed off, they carry him back up the stairs, still sleeping, to his rack and tuck him in. The next day Perkins has taken it upon himself to clean the entire bathroom and stairs area, then do all of the maintenance that department had for the day like a good little sailor. Everyone could tell he wanted to die from the hangover, but nothing official happened from the incident. “Shit Ass” was his nickname for a while after that.
Gotta love sailors.
i was walking down the stairs after school ended and i fell so bad but also stood up so fast in order to save myself from embarrassment just to look back and find all my 2 friends were right behind me all the time .
Finding out that my friend’s childhood dog was named after her boyfriend’s sister’s ex-boyfriend’s dad.
Not just had the same name, was named after.