I just turned 38 a few weeks ago. I’ve been a late bloomer to so many parts of my life especially with my career. I finally was able to land a role that I wanted and manifested. I hired a career coach to help me navigate the corporate politics and other aspects of corporate that would help regain my confidence after major traumatic events in my last role.
I started to apply myself into online dating and I’m using much more of my discernment and intuition on these men. My intuition has grown immensely given that I’ve had my own traumatic experiences with different men in the past and I’ve learned to heal from it.
I feel like life is passing me by and now I have these constant worries and concerns that I may not meet the right man. I may not be able to settle down with my own family. I get checked every year by my gyno and I’ve been told that everything is fine with me. I’ve also been told that I’m very fertile. One of the gynos that I have visited a couple of times has told me that she has had patients that had babies at 40+ years old and it’s becoming more common these days. I’m also considering on freezing my eggs at this point because I feel like I’m against the clock now.
I guess I’m writing all of this because it would be nice to have some support and not feel like I’m the only one. I’ve also had to let a few female friends go because of their condescending ways towards me and showing their true colors from not being happy with my small wins and achievements. Life has been hard for me and I’ve overcame so many obstacles spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Overall, i’m still healing and still doing the work on myself, but while
I’m doing this… I don’t want any of these men with red flags waste their time and energy on me, sigh.
I’m wondering if there is anyone out there that could provide some helpful advice on this? If they have or had any friends that eventually got married and had kids close to 40 or older? Any type of support would truly help me ease my mind and not feel like the only one.
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Hey, I can absolutely relate to what you feel, BUT let me share my story with you as we are close in age. I will turn 38 this year too in autumn. I met a seemingly lovely man at age 36, just when I broke up a long term relationship with someone I realized I had no future with. Now that new man was a doctor, very family oriented and was kinda hypnotizing me into a fantasy of an ideal family life together only to end up breaking my heart and nerves as it turned out this man was in a 18+ year long relationship with a 62 year old woman also a doctor. Total narcissist with strong avoidant tendencies. I was completely broken but then right after ending it with him, after a month, I met a man who’s my boyfriend for over a year now. 😌 Planning to soon get married and starting to plan a family together. Both of us are extremely sporty and healthy!
My advice to you is to stay healthy, physically active. Get exhausted by sport and not stress at the end of the day, eat healthy, be VERY selective when it comes to dating. If you feel something is off, go after it, ask to clarify your doubts, and if there’s still no improvement with the guy, just wave adios and move to next!
Also, please educate yourself regarding avoidant attachment styles! Life and time saver knowledge! There will always be a repeating pattern with those poor unfortunate souls, and they will steal your energy, don’t try to save them, move on and search for a securely attached man!
I am sending you healing vibes and strength for this journey!❤️❤️❤️🦾
Just because someone is married with kids, dosent always mean they’re happy.
People think the only path to fulfilment is getting married and having kids like there’s no other option, but it’s not the 1950s anymore that life path is one of many, many options.
I’m 44f, divorced and childfree. My life is full. I have friends, hobbies, a job. I’m happy and fulfilled.
Maybe it’s worth connecting with other single women in your area who don’t have kids, so you can widen your circle and get a different perspective?
If you do really want kids though, you can have them on your own. I’m in the uk and single women are encouraged to adopt, even past 40. There’s also sperm donor and co parenting.
A friend of mine also just had a healthy baby at 44. Yes there are risks, but it’s not impossible.
Don’t panic! You have options.
Don’t let all these crazy tiktoks and influencers tell you women can’t have children after 40 (even women with internalized misogyny are saying that I suppose). This is widespread propaganda by these patriarchal structures and toxic men.
Look I’m just happy you’re still (or now at least) discerning. Many women lose that because they believe the panic around them. They settle for loser men (assholes who don’t want to change and just want to control a woman) and lose decades for that man!
I feel you on life passing you by but please let me tell you being with the wrong man will quickly make things pass you by even faster only you will be too involved into shit to notice. Be glad you have to time and peace to notice. Go forward… if there’s no man stepping up, there is no man. Don’t let them trick you for their benefit! I myself steer clear of any sexual contact so my mind stays clear until I meet the right man. I don’t need no being “dick crazy” and having even just week or months of my life wasted
My mom had me at 38, and that was almost 39 years ago, I have met many women who have had kids over 40, so don’t lose hope of having a baby. Finding the right guy can be more challenging since it seems that men haven’t evolved in centuries, lol.
This comment is intended for the other commented collectively saying go have babies no matter how old you are. This isn’t propaganda-reproducing after 35 carries real and serious risks to both the baby and yourself. Only you can decide if the risks are worth it–but to do that you need to what what they are and not act like biology should be cancelled when it tells you something you don’t like.
https://www.webmd.com/baby/pregnancy-after-35
Not talking about me here (35F and childfree), but I worked with an awesome woman who had a long history of ending up with the wrong guys.
She was on dating sites, not getting many good matches and was fully ready to give up and deactivate all her accounts – until a profile caught her eye. She thought this dude was unreal and seemed too good to be true. But nope, he was seven years younger than her and had a lot of similarities in both values and lifestyle. She got pregnant unexpectedly and gave birth to her first child at 41. At 43, they had their second child. They’re still together AFAIK and doing great.
Hey! I’m 36, single, and waiting for the right person to settle down with. I want kids.
Like you, I was a late bloomer, mainly in love. I’ve made peace with it. We’re all on our own journey. Do NOT let the stress and pressure of society affect your mood. There is no “right” way to do life. You are exactly where you need to be. Focus on making the right decisions for YOU, not for society, and life will be great.
I just turned 38 as well and I’ve known many women to have babies in their late 30’s and up to mid 40’s. I had kids in my 20’s however I’m currently in a miserable loveless marriage. I frequently fantasize about being single. So being married isn’t always great. Good luck on your journey hope everything falls into place. Take it one day at a time sometimes the more you stress and worry the less things you want to happen happen.