Yesterday, I went to a friend’s birthday afternoon party and I am still feeling a bit odd about it. With this particular friend, I cannot shake the feeling that she does not like me any more. We have been closer, or at least that’s what I thought. Now, everytime she asked me a question, she did not even wait for the answer. When I asked her anything, she did not hear me at all. To my present she said: that was expensive. (It wasn’t.) last time she visited me, she left after 45 min and did not even want a glass of water that I offered. I am starting to feel like there is something very wrong with me. Am I the smelly friend? (I am not.) Today she wrote me a text that she hopes we will catch up soon. I feel like answering: but why, if you clearly do not enjoy my company…
Do you guys know that yucky feeling when you are invited out of custom. Did she want me just as a full seat at her party? I am at a loss… but I leaves me feeling sad and not good about myself.
Comments
She texted you, anything in particular is stopping you from telling her about your feelings about the latest interactions and taking it from there?
Is something going on in her personal life?
Does she treat you with contempt?
You could keep wasting time ruminating over this, or you could just have an adult conversation with her. If she tells you something that makes it clear you’re not friends, you can walk away. It’s probably not you, but if you did something to upset her, it won’t get better if you don’t address it. Find out where you stand so you can stop wasting your time worrying about this or spending energy on someone who doesn’t care about you.
Find other friends to spend time with. It’s not like you’re besties, are you? Maybe she’s preoccupied with a lot of things. She texts you, visits your place, hasn’t made negative comments about you, so it doesn’t seem like she has any reason to dislike you. Make friends with other like-minded people and you’ll worry less about this lady.
Why not be direct about it? But without making it about you. Tell her you feel like things have been off with her and you’re worried that something has been going on in her life. Ask her if it’s anything you can help with.
Or if that’s just too stressful, then be strategically busy for every proposed get together and phase her out.
I feel like I write this a lot on this sub—however if a “friend” makes you feel like crap every time you hang out with them, that’s not a friend!
It’s okay to not keep them in your life.
If you are afraid of confrontation and potential drama, just really limit the amount of time you devote to this person.
I’ve felt that way too and I’ve decided that someone who acts like this isn’t really my friend.
Yes, I have someone who was a close friend whos, in the last year, faded out of my life.
I feel they put effort in when they wanted a bridesmaid at their wedding to look popular, but since then almost faded completely and I realised it was me reaching out.
I felt awkward last time we met up as things just felt off, couldnt quite put my finger on it, but its that feeling you described, like a seat filler.
Friendships change. You can either put effort into pulling her up on it, or, accept it as a fading friendship and move on and dont make time for invites that you suspect youll be a seat filler at.
How has she been with other friends? If she was being normal/nice with others then I think you can assume she’s got some kind of issue with you. If she’s going to make you feel bad, then I’d stop making an effort with her and focus on other friends… Or if it is upsetting you, it’s okay to send a message addressing it, saying something like:
“Things have felt a bit off between us recently, I wanted to ask if there’s anything specific that has happened. No pressure or judgement, just let me know if you wanted to talk about it (or if I’ve got the wrong idea!). Take care.”
Sorry you’re dealing with this, friendship dynamics can be really upsetting sometimes.
Some people get off on this kind of petty passive-aggressive behavior. If she has picked up on your discomfort, it’s absolutely on purpose.
The text was her stringing you along.
Sounds like mean girl treatment or she’s just being petty about something she hasn’t talked to you about.
Either way just ditch this “friend” if they make you feel like shit.
Be busy and fill your life with other friends and outings. Her behavior is odd, and it’s like she is trying to trigger you to react by being passive aggressive and rude to you. I would just remove yourself from whatever she is orchestrating. Be cordial to her in public and don’t let her ruffle your feathers. No response is a response.