I’m 31F, single and no kids. I live alone and have a career. When I get together with my extended family I feel like I’m being ignored or no one really wants to talk to me. They will talk to my sisters and cousins and ask endless questions about things that they’re doing, but never me. I always try to spark up conversation and I’m usually pretty open. But idk maybe it’s just my family? I’m just kind of venting but curious if anyone else experiences this.
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Why do you think this has anything to do with you being single?
I am single, childfree, and never ignored. I go find kids to harass if I get bored.
Oh man I end up being the fixation of my family and am the only one without kids and only recently married. I think they’re all curious about my freedoms, travels and things they’re not able to do.
But I also have a lot of hobbies and am regularly posting engaging in them so maybe it sets up easy topics. I’m certain they talk about me behind my back cause I’ve been asked about settling down and starting a family a million times, but it’s more of a confused curiosity than a leprosy thing 🤷
I haven’t noticed this in my family (or from my in-laws) with respect to married vs. single people (insofar as the single members of my husband’s family have always gotten plenty of attention – maybe even a little more attention than they’d prefer), but there’s a big, yet understandable gap once kids come into the picture for sure; then, the conversation veers heavily toward the kids. I don’t mind this at all, but OP, I’m sorry that your family ignores you in this way. That’s super uncool!
My extended family is the same and I’m the same age. I feel like they don’t take me seriously bc I am single without a family, so I go ignored. I’m not really sure why that is.
At least you don’t get seated at the kids table lol
That’s where I get put- jokes on them, I like it over there
That’s really terrible. For what it’s worth, you’re the one I’d most want to talk to at these gatherings!
Why do you think this is about you being single with no kids? Are they only asking about the kids or the spouses?
I’m single, no children. My entire extended family wants me to have a platform to speak about myself and my job 😂
I try to keep my mouth shut, they won’t have it. So instead at 40, I hide behind my mom or older sister so I can be ignored. 😂
If it bothers you that much, the key is not to go to these extended family reunions lol. Most people there don’t really care that much because these are distant relatives they barely see. You might be reading into them caring more about other people, it’s easier to ask people who are essentially virtual strangers with kids about what’s going on because they see whatever child updates are on social media or whatever.
I have two kids, and my family does this to me. All they care about is cats. I avoid them.
I think you’re comparing yourself to your sisters and cousins. You are important and have things going on in your life too but it’s ok to enjoy family time with your presence and not a lot of conversation.
I’ve experienced this in certain group settings, even with work events sometimes
In my experience, people have certain topics they’re used to discussing. And they gravitate towards people they can discuss that with…
And each group has things top of mind. They’re building their new relationship, making investment decisions, figuring out parenthood, financial struggles, new to dating etc. It’s too much effort for them to empathize with folks out of their orbit. And political correctness has obviously helped form relationships across groups but mostly in workplace settings. Not at personal events where everyone’s focus is to just have fun, or get out without too much drama
Even though single people numbers everywhere have increased, we’re still often the minority. And if we’re not following the script of the poor old spinster, people still may not know how to interact with us
And demographically at events and whatnot I think the couples and young people still form the majority so they don’t have to go out of their way to form bonds I think
Mostly I’ve found I’m successful if I follow their scripts and ask them about their lives, but it’s rare for someone to understand my situation and see me. I don’t think it’s something we can control!
I also think single females with a strong career have the best possible position. Only below happily married lovebirds. You’re focusing on you, and you have the means to do that. And humans gravitate towards people that make them feel better about their lives, not people who make them feel worse 🤣🤣🤣
When I go, which is rare, I only go for my niblings. I spend most of my time running around with the kids. I also take a book. If they aren’t going to talk to me, Imma visit with my imaginary friends. IDGAF.
Some of my extended family only cares about themselves. It could be that and not even the fact that you’re single.
I don’t go to anything where I would be treated that way. It doesn’t matter who the people are.
You can and should choose self-respect even if it will make you more unpopular.
I am super old compared to you, but as such I have a full measure of DGAF. My advice? Stop going. If they ask why, tell them you have better things to do with your time than to be ignored.
SAME! I am the oldest of five- all four of my younger siblings are married and two have kids. I feel so ignored after family parties. I used to really enjoy them but now I cry on the drive home every time. It’s really hurtful to me. The only solution I’ve thought of is to limit the time I spend at these parties and spend more time with people in my same boat.
My husbands family is the same and I’m not single, and I am a mother of one (five years old). None of them speak to me. None of the women. One male cousin of his. No one attempts to get to know me. I am invisible there.
I would never go to an event I didn’t enjoy more than once. Why are you still hanging out with these folks? Like, the reason doesn’t matter – if people make you feel uncomfortable, or less than, the just…. don’t go ?
As far as I remember, I have been always ignored in any family, so I kind of used to it and enjoy being invisible
Same thing sort of happens to me 32F. They will ask me questions but often I find they become disinterested midway through when Im speaking and then what I’m saying gets interrupted as if I wasn’t speaking at all in the first place. 💀
Not just your family, believe me. (I no longer attend; guess why.)
Oh yes and I’m the black sheep. People in my culture are just openly rude asf. I honestly don’t participate in any family events – not that I’m invited often anyways. The women that marry into the family inevitably fight with their partners (male cousins of mine) and then they’ll say f u to his entire family therefore I’m not longer important. Like wtf?
It’s just misogynistic. Don’t ever let people know how upset you are.
Among my aunts and uncles, I don’t feel ignored because they’re genuinely interested in my life.
I will say my cousins make me feel left out because most have kids and are partnered. Beyond the obligatory greetings, it’s mostly crickets.
What are you talking about with them? What are they talking about? Is your family traditional? Do the women in the family have jobs?
Usually, even if your life is totally different from someone else’s, you can still listen to what the other person experiences and talk about stuff. Unless you have deep regrets about a “path not taken”, a path the other person took, and is being laid out in front of you. That hurts. That’s apparently not the case for you, but maybe for them …
I stopped going!
Pretty simple: I don’t go to family events. It’s gotten to the point I don’t even get invited to them anymore. I stopped after a particularly awful Christmas where everyone got drunk and ganged up on me. In years prior, I was always the one who took care of the person who got ganged up on, and for whatever reason, they decided to turn on me finally. I noped right out of that and haven’t done a family holiday since.