Hi ladies!
I met a man (3 years ago) and last year we went on our first date. We went on our second date a few weeks ago, and it’s been amazing ever since.
I am 33 and he is 37 – we are both ready to settle down!
He is very excited, because he has been asking me out for a while, assuring me I am the love of his life, talking about kids and asking me to spend time with him.
In my younger days I was love bombed by my ex. He wanted me to spend a lot of time with him, and got upset when i didn’t. Wanted me to move in with him, and got upset when I didn’t want to. He promised a lot of things and never followed up.
This time around, my new date is kind of doing the same. But he never gets upset when I tell him I can’t come or I can’t sleep over. He actions everything he says. He said he’d like to travel with me and has been asking me who should book what and where I’d want to go.
I carefully hinted I wasn’t sure if we were moving too fast and this could be classified as love bombing and he told me to let him know if it’s too much.
Obviously, I’m enjoying it and I don’t want him to stop. But I am considering if I am being blindly love bombed again or if we’re just a great match? How do I find out? Whet questions to I ask myself?
Edit: between first and second date we’ve spent a lot of time together as friends since we share a hobby
Comments
You’re the love of his life and you’ve only been on two dates? Thank u, next.
Edit: To respond to OP’s edit, though, she has now added that they spent a lot of time together between their two dates as a friends due to a shared hobby. Based on that fact, I change my opinion – this sounds totally fine / actually really wholesome, given that the love of his life comment is no longer coming out of almost nowhere.
Saying you’re the love of his life when you’ve only been on 2 dates is most likely love bombing.
And persistently asking for things you’ve said no to is also questionable.
Love bombing is used for manipulation, if he doesn’t care when you say no then I would say it is not love bombing
Since you’ve known one another for 3 years and have spent time together between the 1st and 2nd date, it doesn’t sound like love bombing to me.
I’m really put off by the fact that he continued to ask you out after you said no. People can blow a lot of smoke and make themselves look how they want you to see them, but if they’re gonna push your boundaries, they’re gonna have to test that out at some point. So I’m always on the lookout for that. If you’re gonna continue seeing him, I’d suggest paying really close attention to how he responds when you say no or when you set a boundary or when you assert a need or express a desire that clashes with a need or desire he has.
You said he is not getting upset when you say no. This is a good sign. You know him for three years so he k owes your personality so him having feelings for you over that time is pretty normal.
I would wait and see. Someone expressing love and their actions matching their words is what everyone is looking for.
Not everyone’s your ex. Only your ex is your ex. Just continue to take things slow which he himself is agreeing to. He said if it gets to be too much let him know.
I am going to add that my age is 50 so you know I have had relationships and an awareness of how abuse can look.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing and think maybe you’re just scared this could be to good to be true because of your ex. You even said it yourself that he’s responding the correct way, he doesn’t get mad at you if you don’t want to do something he wants. On one hand you tell him you’re worried that this is love bombing and he seems willing to make changes to make you more comfortable but then on the other hand, you’re saying you don’t want it to stop. I’m sure you’re probably giving him mixed signals which is probably confusing him. He seems like a decent guy so why not just have a conversation with him explaining what you went through in the past, what you’re fears are and tell him you want to slow things down. If he truly cares for you, he’ll have no problem taking it slow. Just because something happens fast or feelings seem to be happening quicker than you expect though, it’s not always a bad thing. My partner of 11 years and I knew the very first day we met and hung out that we were each other’s one and haven’t spent a day apart since. I’m sure our relationship looked like love bombing from outsiders and would have thrown off all kinds of red flags today but we genuinely cared for each other and fell in love quick. If I had listened to all the warnings they have today, then, I would have missed out on the chance of being with the love of my life.While I definitely think its good to be cautious, I don’t think you should throw away something that could potentially be a good thing when nothing bad has even happened. Give him a chance but do it on your terms.
*Edited to fix typos
– You’ve known each other 3 years. You aren’t moving too fast.
– Traveling together after you’ve known someone 3 years, even if dating for a short amount of time, is safe and normal; particularly since we are close to summer
– He doesn’t get upset when you say no and is not manipulating you
You shouldn’t let a past relationship stop you from enjoying this one and giving this relationship a chance. That doesn’t mean ignoring red flags, but there aren’t any.
If the guy is honest and open, take that as a win. You’ve known him and have friends in common for 3 years. This is not a rando who is telling you that you are getting married and having kids the 2nd time you’ve seen each other.
Since you’ve been friends for 3 years I’m less concerned, BUT you need to be acutely aware of EVERYTHING he does and says. Like does he ever “joke” about mean things about you or about your insecurities? Does he try to take time away from your friends, family, or pets? When you tell him no how does he act? Has he ever yelled at you or anyone he knows? Have you ever seen him angry? Has he ever thrown something or broken something in anger? Does he joke putting down other people or women in general? How’s his relationship with his family and friends? Does he have good long term friends?
Traveling with him will be very good, pay close attention to if he dumps all the mental load on you or treats you like an equal partner. Do you feel safe when you’re with him or does he walk a block ahead of you and blames you for being slow? Traveling puts people on edge so it’ll be good to see how he is, and just even if you have the same travel style ie some people like to be lazy and do nothing at the beach while others want to see every tourist site and get little to no sleep, so figure out if guys fit that way.
Be your genuine self, don’t change for him, see how he fits in your life or if he’s just trying to squeeze you into “woman accessory” slot in his.
Keep the communication flowing and make sure you’re aligned when it comes to pace, expectations, and how much you’re both investing emotionally. You don’t necessarily need to pump the brakes if it feels right, but staying clear with each other is essential. Ask yourself: Does he maintain the same energy when I set boundaries? Does he handle “no” with grace? Is his excitement backed by steady, respectful behavior over time?
Savor the connection, but stay grounded. Let time do its work, it always shows you what’s real.
You find out the difference by taking your time. If things are moving too fast, you pump the brakes. You stick to your boundaries and you pay attention to his responses. Right now he’s respectful. Does he stay respectful? Is he consistent?
Your post doesn’t make it clear how much time you spent together before dating.
You’ve known each other for 3 years — so like, knew each other as acquaintances? Friends? You said you spent time in a hobby. How frequent?
These details matter.
The thrust of the question is “has this person actually interacted with me enough to reasonably know and love me?” People who are thirsty for love or who have never experienced healthy love usually struggle to know what the answer to that question is. Those details matter for answering that question.
Lovebombing is strategically manipulative. This guy just sounds either desperate, excited, or anxious lol.
How much time did you spend with him before you started to date? Why the time gap in the two dates? You only went on two dates how can you be the love his life ? Can you give more information on actions he has done ? When he is asking about traveling and who should book, does he want YOU to plan and pay for a vacation? Do you have good and lucrative career , business, or come from a family that is financially comfortable? Some men want to financially benefit from women especially when he is not in the position he desires to be in life.
How well do you truly know him ? From what I am reading it seems something is off. But maybe I need more information and context to form an opinion. If a man has known me for three years I would wonder why the sudden interest? Why the rush to go on vacation together after 2 dates ? He is 37, why didn’t he settle down at younger age? What is his dating history. I would have many questions.
Sometimes men resent you after years after telling them no and you suddenly say yes. They love bomb then play lose interest and ghosting game as form of revenge. Be careful if any man love bombs you because they move so fast to point you can’t think if the relationship works for you or if you truly like him. Once you invest so much time and effort , you feel obligated to stay. This is how women get trapped in relationships they don’t want to be in and never wanted in the first place.
My advice to you is to have boundaries and keep your options open and date other men. Do not be exclusive or rush to commit to him.
I was going to say if you only went on 2 dates in 3 years, that would definitelyyyy be love bombing. BUT then I saw your edit, and if you’ve regularly hung out platonically the last 3 years, then it sounds like you already know each other more, which makes it seem less love bomby! If you’ve enjoyed the time together thus far, then it sounds good! I assume after your first date you weren’t sure about each other and kept it platonic until now? Feelings take time to develop so it’s still a cute story!