This has been on my mind lately, and I figured this might be the place I can truly say it out loud.
About five years ago, I went through a breakup that really messed me up. It was my second serious relationship, and honestly, it left me feeling drained. The first one had already chipped away at me with emotional manipulation, and the second, well, that one ended in betrayal I didn’t see coming.
At the time, I was working full-time as an accountant, climbing my way up in a pretty male-heavy environment. I noticed how often “friendly conversations” from male coworkers or clients would veer into uncomfortable territory. I was constantly navigating the minefield of being polite but firm, friendly but not too friendly and I always walking that tightrope.
Then one morning, while getting ready for work, I spotted an old ring. On a whim, I slipped it onto my ring finger. I didn’t think much of it, until that week, I realized people’s behavior changed.
The glances became shorter. The comments died down. The questions about my relationship status? Gone. It was like I had cast a spell of invisibility over my personal life, and I liked it.
What started as a one-time thing became a daily ritual. That ring became my shield. It wasn’t about hating men or never wanting love again. It was about reclaiming a sense of control in a world where I felt constantly cornered or judged.
Five years later, I’m still wearing it. I’ve healed a lot since then, but the ring stayed. Not because I’m hiding, but because it reminds me of the strength, I had to rebuild myself quietly and on my own terms.
Maybe one day I’ll take it off for someone who’s genuinely worth letting in. But for now, it stays right where it is.
This probably sounds strange to some, but to me… it was survival.
Comments
Many other women do this as well!
I once spread rumours in my workplace that I’m engaged. It was really indirectly and no one knew that i was the one who spread it.
In the hindsight, the rumour got so famous that my bestie was mad at me for hiding it from her
So five years later no wedding, and your still wearing the ring? Are you literally the only woman in the company? You’ve made no friends that might ask about it at all?
Awesome! Not awesome that you have to do this, but awesome that you found a way to get the control you need.
Same. I’m the new girl in a small town. I tell everyone I have a husband at home and wear a wedding band set.
Sounds like you could add this to r/lifeprotips 🤷🏻♂️ hope you’re doing better and wish you the best going forward🫶🏻
Hey unavailable is unavailable whether you’re with someone or not. Keep healing!
It just really sucks that you still have to rely on a nonexistent man for protection from other dudes who want at you.
Same, but for 20 years 🙂
No criticism implied, but the only people you’d be disincentivizing from talking to you are the ones that you want to talk to in the long run.
Assholes and Fboys won’t think twice whether you have an engagement ring or not. The ones that would go for a meaningful relationship will.
Well, you won’t find someone else if everyone who sees you thinks you’re married
I’m so happy you found a way to keep them away. Inner peace is priceless
Hey, I do this too, but it’s very nice and made of actual gold
If you were a man it would have had the opposite effect.
well, if it works for you, there’s no harm in it. You’re just signaling “not available“ in the simplest way which is the traditional reason for the ring in the first place. unfortunately the rings can on occasion attract attention as well but seems like it’s working the way you want it to.
Just remember….not everyone respects marriage……
a lot of women do that, or go to a wedding band straight away in order to get more respect in their work environment. it sucks that it is still necessary, but you’re not alone, OP
I’m married, been with SO for 28 years. When he proposed, he traded a 1/2 carat ring he’d bought for previous gf for a 1/4 carat set, he tried to return it and they said they’d trade down, sigh. And for 10 years when men saw that lil ring it just emboldened them. I would say hey look I’m married and they would ask if I was happy etc like wtf. eventually I bought myself an upgrade, an estate piece that looks much bigger than it is. I immediately noticed that men were mesmerized with it, stare for a bit and then leave me alone. Hubby says it’s in my head but I’m convinced the bling is intimidating to them haha. So if you do this, get a big fat CZ.
Funny, as a man, I got hit on way more after I got married and wore a wedding ring than I did when I wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.
And I wear a fake ring to get women’s attention and it works lmao
My last ex girlfriend (now wife, she loves this association) wore a ring while we were dating.
She called it a “flea collar.”
Lol guys do this too but to mainly attract the slutty home wreckers
I thought I was the only one who did that. I don’t anymore because I’m now in the beauty industry & my coworkers are mostly women. I used to work for years in a car dealership so it was very male dominated. It was just easier to have a ring on to avoid getting hit on from coworkers and clients. I think you’re smart to do that.
It’s not uncommon for women to wear rings as a means of protection, especially in countries where men are far more aggressive/dont take no for an answer. A friend of mine used to wear one and tell creeps that her husband would beat the ever living fuck out of them and they’d usually cower away. Didn’t work 100% of the time but it did help. Protect yourself in whatever way you see fit.
It does not sound strange to me at least, but I’m also just a random internet stranger.
When I was in my early twenties I started wearing a wedding ring, even when I wasn’t even in a relationship because I was constantly getting hit on by 14 and 15-year-olds.
I was 21 and I got asked not to homecoming by a 14-year-old in front of all of her friends. I still feel bad about that.
So wear it, and screw what everybody else thinks.
I did that for more than a year after breaking an engagement.
If it works don’t fix it
This will get downvoted to hell. but this has an opposite effect on men when men wear a ring. Women come out of the woodwork to hit on a married man. oh what a world and the webs we weave.
Girl, I totally get it, kinda did the same thing when creepers wouldn’t take a hint, so props to you for finding a clever solution that works for you…
When I started my plumbing apprenticeship (I’m a female) I couldn’t wear my engagement/wedding rings. Two months in I tattooed them on my finger. Makes a huge difference which is sad, but stops the nonsense before it starts 🤌🏼
I did this as a teller because people made me extremely uncomfortable. No harm done.
This looks like some villain’s backstory.
Powerful Ring. Taking complete control of the environment. Obsession.
I love this!
I did this when I got pregnant…except it was a wedding ring. The only ones I explained it to was HR (they wanted to add husband to my insurance policy and change my tax status). HR consisted of 2 “old maids” (never married, one was painfully shy, and the other didn’t like men), and one girl who had been abused in her early 20s and had zero interest in dudes.
When I left that job, I kept the wedding ring on my finger…even up and until the day I met my now-husband. I took the ring off that night, and there he was. OP needs to be careful, because a really nice guy might be waiting around the corner but might back off when the ring sparkles.
If the ring reminds you of something positive, maybe switch it to a different finger, or to your other hand, if you feel like you want to look for sex or romance. I have rings that remind me of things I’ve accomplished in life. This is why some people wear class rings from high school or college.
If you don’t want to find a partner right now, or ever, there is nothing wrong with that. You have no obligation to anybody to have a partner. “I don’t want to” is a perfectly valid reason not to have one.
Haven’t we all?
Tbh any guy worth letting in isn’t gonna entertain dating you while you’re wearing a ring.
It’s frustrating that this was the answer. As a single woman who has been through SA and many other relationship traumas, I deal with an outstanding amount of inappropriate comments and unwelcome advances myself, far too often. I’m glad you found a simple way to heal in your own space and time. There’s still a long way to go, though, isn’t there?
I just wore my ugly face. Not a peep from anyone. Ha
I wear my grandmother’s wedding ring (with her and my mother’s blessings) for this very reason. It is a simple gold ring. No stones or designs of any kind. And I love that I can put it on my ring finger when I want to be ignored, have an “out,” or be taken more seriously by others. When I want to be “available,” I just switch it to my middle or index finger and it just looks like a fashion choice 🙂
I’m just gonna say this the main people who will respect the ring are the good people. The dicks and assholes will still try and get with you. My wife gets hit on all the time and her response is always I’m married and then they respond “okay but I just think we should hang out sometime, do you want to go out with me.” She shows me these messages and so many of these guys just ignore the married part.
Not quite the same, but I switched to a band of rings with a larger stone so it’s more apparent than what I usually wore, which was just a simple band. It works quite well in networking events to not have to do the dance of “flirting or networking”, which is a shame because the stone definitely gets caught on things where the band didn’t. :c
Gotta do what ya gotta do! I feel safer when I wear my wedding ring for all the same reasons you mentioned
You married yourself. That’s pretty cute
it’s funny because I put on a fake engagement ring when I want to get interest from women – it always works.
I had to do that starting a server job near a sketchy motel in my hometown. I was 16. Started wearing a ring and I noticed not as many greasy old men would ask me to come to their motel or to their big rig.
I would tell them I was 16 and in high school, never worked. But the idea that I had a husband at home sure did.
Lol. Same. Some men don’t even care and still approach me with it on. It’s crazy.
I had a “decoy” ring many years ago that I wore when going out with friends to avoid male attention. One night I went out with a group of friends and ended up chatting with a friend of a friend at the bar. He nodded at the ring and asked who the lucky guy was… I told him there was no guy, I just wanted to go out with my friends, without some AH hitting on me all night.
I married that guy.
When you’re ready, you’ll be ready, and when it’s right, it’s right.
Worked the other way for me. When I was married and wearing a ring I’d get hit on from time to time. Now I’m divorced with no ring, nothing.
I’m not a full-time fake-ring wearer, but when I go car shopping, buy a house, take my car to the shop, interview for a new job, go out for a girls night etc. I do wear one.
Guy here and I found a simple polished metal ring at a previous job. Claimed it when it went not picked up. I’m open to dating and all that but it’s a symbol of my promise to me to be better. To look forward. Whenever I am interested in someone or going on a date I just wear it on the other hand/finger or leave it at home.
I wear an actual wedding ring and guys love pointing it out and saying things like “Your husband doesn’t need to know…”
I understand but wouldn’t you miss out on the one by him/her seeing the ring ?
I did this after a bad breakup too. I framed it a little differently, though. I chose to see it as being married to myself. It was a conscious decision to always choose myself first, something I was never really good at. It helped a bit, but it probably would have helped more if I wasn’t in my 20s and not such a dumpster fire.
I’m glad it’s worked for you, but there’s a potential downside. We guys learn early to look for rings. The good ones among us move on. I assume you can figure out the rest on your own.
You’re a lesbian….. men are insufferable….. it’s okay… the grass IS greener
I’ve seen guys pull that same trick. Girls LOVE a man who’s already in the middle of marriage.
If a girl pulls the trick. The hypocrisy is on full display. Guys won’t even know. If he don’t exist. Guys don’t want to fight for another males prize.
But if I put on a ring right now. I’d be getting absolutely crazy looks from cougars.
i’ve been with my partner for 4 years. we aren’t engaged but for the past two years i’ve worn a ring that could be mistaken for an engagement ring for this exact reason. it keeps the men away
just wanna say wow you’re a really good writer! this was so well composed and expressed 🤗
I really don’t think you are alone in this one.
Single dad of now grown female. Good
For you I seen first hand how bad men can be
HIMYM summarized this perfectly https://youtu.be/lKY0HItgGt0
I understand completely. If it gave you space to heal there’s nothing wrong with it. I’ve done it myself.
I wear a fake engagement ring when I go to shows or festivals because it tends to keep the creepers away, there’s always a special few but we can handle one ever so often, totally feel the vibe
Cast it into the fire! 🔥
It was an engagement ring: you changed the way you engaged with the world! I think that’s really cool.
I don’t need an ring, I’m invisible anyways
Good. Keep it on. Save it for the rest of everyone.
Good to know i should shoot my shot even if they wear a ring, thanks op! /s
If a man really has ideas about things, he usually doesn’t care if you are married. Just my experience. But if it’s working for you to keep the men with some integrity away from you, carry on.
Dang so wearing a wedding ring basically gives you the perspective of being propositioned from a dude’s side. It basically never happens! 😂