This is a tough post to make personally because I care a lot about my place in society. Finishing school mid way through last year and attending university this year has been a horrific transition. I really don’t understand why I am currently like this, at school I was really happy I knew people well, I knew my social skills was by no means perfect but it worked. Right now I just feel all that social skills I’ve built through the years disappear. There’s friends I genuinely really like and some of them put a lot of effort into trying to talk to me. But I can always feel it’s a bit awkward. My conversations just aren’t smooth. I struggle having a topic which people enjoy. This has hurt my confidence badly. I just don’t know how I can be a person people would like to casually talk to. I seriously don’t mind facilitating eventhough it’s not a good habit. But being around people in general is much better than being around no one, in any circumstances.
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I’ve moved from my mom and my dad’s house multiple times across Houston so I went to over 6 different schools. I never had a phone growing up so I couldn’t keep in contact with anyone I met so never had friends long term more or less a couple of months at best. After I hit 22 I moved to Michigan and I still don’t know anyone here besides coworkers that we went out and did things. My job recently let me go and people who I thought were friends never messaged me or followed up so I’m back to knowing zero people. I’m a big online gamer and I’ve met some amazing people over the years. I have 3 close friends and a semi big friend circle that we’ve made. We talk daily and so happy I’ve met them. I have social anxiety to the point I can’t go shopping by myself and recently finally went to the doctors and getting put on anxiety medication. I know how you feel and I’ve been there before. If you’d like to be friends I’d love to be yours haha (as corny as that sounds). No one deserves to be alone.
You comments says you have friends that talk to you. Instead of finding a topic to talk about ask them about what’s going on in their life.
I use Google translate to message sorry
Humans are meant to be social creatures but look at the irony of being surrounded but tons of people but not having someone close enough that I could confide in and trust with my life. It’s been that way with me for as long as I can remember, I could relate your post hooman. I find it hard to connect with people that are as the same age as me, and it feels like I’m constantly trying to walk around eggshells , trying to seek their validation as we’re sharing a conversation, brainstorming topics that they would enjoy to keep the chat going. I’m not going to lie but it’s excruciating and I want to stop being that way, it’s also extremely awkward for me to go upto people and talk. I wish we could all transport in a time where you could just become friends over something as simple as sharing a candy. If you can add social anxiety to the mix then well let’s just say that it is a recipe of a disaster. Making friends shouldn’t have to be this hard right? Can we all just make a chat group or something? It’s nice to have a friend, I guess..😭🥲
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I’ve chosen to drop everyone I once called friends, im not joking, I have nobody to turn to. But ive been sober for 1.5 years now and the experience of hanging out with yourself, sitting with your thoughts, addressing your demons, accepting yourself is something everyone needs to do especially in such a distractive, overstimulating world. Theres a difference of being alone but not being lonely. And your recognition of your situation is the start of getting to know a deeper truth. Message me if you wanna talk about anything.
Me either. I’m happy with none at this point. It always seems like I was the one putting in the effort for my friend group just to be ignored. I would always wonder what I did wrong or am I really that awkward to be around. I tried to find another but at my age people have their solid friend group and typically don’t want to add. I see people all over my FB going out with their friends and having fun, I just got used to being left out. It was really hard at first cuz I wanted that so bad, but I’ve learned to accept you don’t always get what you want.
It’s not so bad once you learn to be happy alone and happy for others who have what you want.
So, I have the most boring interests compared to most people. Right now, I’m fascinated by the rhetorical discourse and extra discursive elements around cookbooks lol. I’m also a homemaker/parent who doesn’t get out much, but when I do, I’m either hanging out at child activity centers which are primarily only frequented by moms, or I’m going to school. My field is English education, and all of my class’s demographics are women. I’m a guy, but I’m also a bald guy with a beard and tattoos. Needless to say, I struggle to “casually talk” about anything with anyone. Feeling like you have no true friends because of that is projection.
If you have people that genuinely try to talk to you, then you should ask yourself why—why would someone put effort into talking to you if you’re as socially inept as you say? It’s because your social attitude has nothing to do with obtaining or maintaining “true” friends. True friends like you for who you are, not how well you conform to a social standard.
While I too am in university, I’m old as fuck—I’m in my mid 30s. I’ve had friends that I thought were “true” friends, but I realized the distinction between liking someone for their social aptitude and liking someone for their interests, background, or character (which could be argued is a vague enough term that also includes social aptitude, but in this case, I’m using it more as a catch-all term for personal style, body language, etc. conformative or not).
None of my friends can relate to much about me, but that’s not what it’s about. If all my friends are super relatable, there is no dynamic. There must be division if there is uninity because, according to rhetorical theorist, Kenneth Burke, “Identification is affirmed with earnestness precisely because there is division. Identification is compensatory to division.” I think the same can apply to friendship as well. Your differences are what makes a friendship with you compelling, not the similarities. You wouldn’t go to a rock concert if the drummer played at your level, would you (if you hypothetically were concerned about such things)?
Anyway, imma get off here before I write a dissertation lol
Don’t have much to say but I just want to say that based on the thread and your comments, i am in the same situation as you hah