Maybe they can learn that lesson and maybe they can’t, but if they can, they’ll have to learn it for someone else because my ass is out the door. Forgiving a cheater is a clown shoes worthy decision.
maybe they had a bad day at work, or maybe they have traumatic memories of losing at games when they were a kid… but ultimately i would realize that yahtzee is just a game, in the grand scheme of things it’s insignificant, and a partner’s loaded dice can be forgiven
I think it depends on the severity of the cheating, relationship dynamics, etc. Dating you for a year and you cheat? We’re done. Married with kids and you cheat ? Dynamic will change etc. It’s a complex question
a cheater deserves a second chance if they’ve genuinely owned up to what they did, shown real remorse, and are ACTIVELY WORKING to rebuild trust. but that’s not something you just give easily tho. it takes time, effort, and a complete change of behavior. if you’re considering it, it’s about whether you can see them as trustworthy again, not just for what they did, but for what they’ll do going FORWARD.
moving on from it? that’s the toughest part. you need space to process the hurt and decide if you’re ready to let go of the past or if it’ll always be in your head. healing is personal, but trust is something that’s earned again, not assumed.
unfortunately i think cheating immediately implies a lack of value seen in the relationship by the cheater. they may make efforts to repair the damage to the trust, but the lack of value to me is the real telling part.
I think there are two ways to look at this. In one kind of relationship, love is based on mutual respect and freedom, where neither partner treats the other as their possession. In that case, while cheating is still painful, it can be understood, addressed, and possibly forgiven if both people truly want to move forward together. In the other kind of relationship, where one partner views the other as their property or expects control, betrayal becomes unforgivable, because it breaks a sense of ownership rather than trust. In those cases, a second chance might not be meaningful.
A cheater might deserve a second chance if they take full accountability, show real remorse, and consistently work to rebuild trust without pressuring you to “get over it.” But moving on takes time—it means processing the betrayal, setting new boundaries, and choosing yourself first, whether you stay or walk away.
A cheater’s second chance comes with their next relationship where they can choose to be faithful instead of a selfish asshole. No one should put up with a cheater.
A cheater never DESERVES a second chance. As a betrayed partner, you get to decide if you’re willing to offer the gift of reconciliation and what boundaries, consequences, and expectations you require for that to happen. They should include professional counseling.
It’s not anyone else’s decision but yours.
They don’t. I’m very open-minded, meaning that I’ll love to be in an open relationship, but if they cheat (they don’t tell me beforehand), that’s it. I’ve been through that before. It didn’t end well.
Rebuilding trust is serious work. Only 20% of relationships survive after cheating. There is a reason.
Feeling safe and secure in relationships, I would say now at 32, is the foundation. It is impossible to have the same relationship. It is going to be a new one based on new and acknowledged terms.
You cannot just take someone back who doesn’t want to change because the old one didn’t work, apparently.
In my opinion, you can’t repair monogamy after a breach in trust like infidelity. Whatever trust you think you built after the breach, it’s substantively little different than the trust that was there before the breach–if one led to cheating, the other can, too. I don’t see how it’s possible to find true trust after cheating; doubt will always be there, and it’ll probably go both ways (A wondering if B would do it again, and B wondering if A might do it to try to get even or some such).
It’s an end to the monogamous relationship; if both partners are capable of ethically continuing in non-monogamy, maybe that’s a potential path forward (assuming the partner who was cheated on would ever even want such a thing with someone who broke their trust). But to answer your question, there is no real way to ‘move on’ from something so fundamentally violating to the covenant of the relationship itself
When they walk through every single argument and every difference that they ever had with the person that they cheated on. Everything has to be dug up, remembered, and reconciled. And even after all that, they have to earn trust. All the while the person that was cheated on has to be willing to maintain patience and certain amount of humility despite having the “moral upper hand”. If someone is willing to go through all that for you, then maybe they actually love you. Given that it normally happens late in a relationship, it’s virtually always impossible.
I cheated on a ex but she took me back but then literally any time we got into a argument she would mention it. She said she forgave me and moved past it but her actions didnt suggest that. I ended up breaking things off because yes I was in the wrong but clearly our relationship can’t be salvaged as we thought but I’m the only one who is willing to admit it.
IMO, never. Personally, that is not something I could ever get past. BUT, Everyone is different! For me, cheating is not something that happens on accident and there are several steps that lead to that and you can stop at anytime. You are making a conscious decision to cheat on your partner, when you could just end it and move on.
There is no real generally applicable answer to your question. It really comes down to their actions and your relationship. Its really up to both parties how to proceed.
When a guy was possibly raped. I went to college with a guy, he went to a party, got black out drunk, woke up naked next to a girl. She confirmed they had sex, he told his GF immediately, and she dumped him. Through the grapevine, we heard she was feeding him drinks the whole night and she began to stalk him after to date him. A couple of us think she got him drunk to have sex with him, but I’m not sure how because I get whiskey dick after 3 or 4 drinks alone.
Very strange situation, this was 20 years ago, he moved on and is married with kids. He stopped drinking and going to parties for a while after that
They can have a second chance by being faithful, with their next partner. Move on by finding someone else who values trusting, and loving relationships.
Well, depends on how serious, if they just shared a kiss I would perhaps allow a last chance, but if it was more then you should stop seeing the person. Also, just block the person if they keep annoying you
Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s up to you to decide if you love them enough to live with it. Walking away from someone you love is earth shattering but I value my self respect more than anything. Speaking from personal experience here.
If staying with a cheater makes it hard for you to love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love someone else? Can I get an Amen up in hurr?!
I could never give a cheater a second chance, my trust issues are too severe for that to be any kind of a healthy relationship for either of us afterwards.
The thing with cheating is that it rarely happens out of nowhere. It’s the end result of countless poor decisions leading up to it.
For example texting someone who you know is flirting or expressing interest is not outright cheating. Thus many people feel safe doing it. However, engaging in that type of behavior makes it that more likely to happen.
It’s like the classic girls trip to Miami. It’s not cheating, but there is a high likelihood that it could occur. We shouldn’t be foolish in thinking nothing would happen.
If my partner would start exhibiting behavior that could lead to cheating I’d talk to them about that first. There are boundaries and signs of respect in a relationship. If those are crossed and they end up cheating then sorry there is no second chance to that.
When they take full accountability without making excuses and alter the behaviour, or when they get a massive pay raise, or when they get breast implants.
If it helps, I was a piece of shit while dating my now wife. Cheated numerous times. Broke up and got back together a few times. The last time we decided to get married. We have been married for 14 years and I haven’t cheated one time since. She luckily gave me a chance I did not deserve and it worked out.
>When does a cheater deserve a second chance? How can you move on from something like that?
You move on by accepting and appreciating reality as it is.
This is something many people just aren’t willing to do. They’re fixated on a version of reality which is different, on reality as it should be, as they want it to be, but struggle embrace reality as it actually is.
Let’s say I have bad diabetes and have to have my leg amputated. Should I forgive my leg and give it a second chance? Or should I accept the fact that I have lost a leg, embrace the disability, and get either a prosthetic leg or wheelchair and learn to live with a disability?
You’re not the first person to be cheated on and you certainly won’t be the last. But see the more you personalize it as this person cheated on ME, the more you’re going to be hurt and suffer, maybe even dipping into self-pity.
Get this…
You have no true friends
People come into your life for different reasons. They’re seeking fun, pleasure, they have needs, expectations, desires, they want you to be a part of their life. This is what makes many friendships and relationships symbiotic and transactional. You have something I need and want and I have something you need and want.
But see nobody else is you. Nobody else is walking through your life along your path or going through the same experiences with the same perspective as you. It’s both unrealistic and naive to expect another to walk the same path as you in life throughout and stay with you. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but such relationships are the exception.
See you can be around many people and feel lonely. You can be alone and feel complete. The difference is awareness.
Most of the relationships you become involved in, whether you call them friendships, partnerships, situationships, whatever, are based on symbiosis and transactions. It’s all well and good when expectations are being fulfilled and needs are being met, but when that ceases to happen many people will move on and leave.
This is essentially what happens when you get cheated on, right? You had something with someone, they had the opportunity of something with someone else, and they chose them. See the other thing to keep in mind is that someone’s word is only as good as their actions. What is the value of any sort of relationship with someone who’s thoughts, words and actions don’t match up or align? How can you trust such a person?
I’m not suggesting being bitter, cynical, hateful, or foolish. I’m suggesting being aware and also the fact that acceptance and appreciation usually gets you further than forgiveness and setting yourself up for more deception by giving second chances to the wrong people.
ETA: All cheating scenarios involve three people lying either to themselves or each other. Keep in mind that any lie needs two people to exist, a teller and a believer.
So first you’ve got the person who cheated who lies to both the original partner and the affair partner. Then you’ve got the affair partner who is participating in the deception by believing that the relationship is honest and legitimate when it isn’t. Then you’ve got the person being cheated on, who believes that they can give someone a second chance and lies to themselves that the relationship is exactly the same. It’s not. In cheating on someone the whole relationship becomes a lie.
Now you can give someone a second chance if you’re prepared to make believe that you have the same relationship as before when it isn’t. It’s a make believe version of the previous relationship. You might think this is acceptable for you. I don’t.
Relationships are like mirrors. Cheating breaks the glass. You may try to glue some pieces of the glass back together, but it remains cracked. At some point, you forget what you looked (and felt) like in a clean mirror.
It’s tough to undo what’s been done. Guilt and anger from bother parties never truly go away completely.
No, because they wouldn’t have cheated if they valued you.
If you cheat, you have already decided that the relationship is worth losing if you get caught.
Forgiveness depends on your own self-worth and boundaries. However, you also don’t know if you move on and will pick up another cheater. It’s not like someone new is going to tell you they were a previous cheater.
There are many factors to consider, like divorce, custody, division of assets, splitting friend groups, etc. Some consider a major divide of lifestyle to be just as damaging as the cheating itself.
The burning question later on is, why did they cheat? Is the relationship already fundamentally broken? How long have you been together, and do they agree that you were committed? Do they have a long line of selfish actions? Did they crave something the relationship didn’t offer? If you had a dead bedroom and refused to be intimate, the cheater might have been trying to fulfill unmet needs.
Anyone who thinks a single one-line answer is sufficient to cover the complexities of the situation doesn’t understand the depth that can lead to the problem. My parents stopped having sex and after a few years, cheated. He still loved my Mom and the kids, but she lost interest in anything physical. This all came out years later, but they both admitted the relationship was over when the intimacy ended, but were trying to stay together for the kids.
I don’t think a cheater does deserve a second chance. They have a chance to find someone else and make a relationship work in the future…and that’s their chance.
The reason? Their presence in my life would turn me into a paranoid fool.
Deserve? Never. If someone chooses to forgive then that’s on them. I’d never be able to get the vision of the girl who’s supposed to be faithful getting railed by some dude out of my head. Even worse if I know the guy.
I’m about to get downvoted to hades, but I think it depends. I have been cheated on and while it does suck, there is always 2 sides to the story. People who cheat likely are either not meeting their own needs or there is some kind of inefficiency in the relationship. This doesn’t excuse infidelity, but merely understanding it can provide a lot of relief and sometimes compassion.
Whether or not the other person is willing to also take accountability and also do the work is their own right and choice to do so
IMO, it depends on the reason why they did it, and whether or not they take accountability for it.
cheating is often the result of some inner trauma that has been buried deep within and a lot of times people are unable to take a look in the mirror and accept the reality. Rather than address the issues and work on themselves, they’ll blame everything else for their actions which is why you’ll often see the behavior get repeated. Not always, but often. I think the “once a cheater always a cheater” saying is a reasonable defense mechanism, but is not always true. People can change, but that comes down to whether you believe them, and you can move past their mistakes.
Well, as with most things, there’s a spectrum. Did the cheating involve watching porn one time (some people count this), a drunken snog with a stranger followed by immediate admission and remorse, or a three year long physical and emotional affair with a secret baby?
You’re going to get a lot of “Once a cheater; always a cheater.” here. There is a large portion of reddit that doesn’t do nuance in relationships well.
If it was a one-time, drunken or high occurrence and the cheater immediately shows real remorse and change without getting caught, it’s possible to rebuild the trust. Difficult but not impossible.
But the important bit is the “without getting caught.” That can be the first step in rebuilding trust. They could have gotten away with it but confessed first. That shows real remorse over the act and not for just getting caught.
And the behaviour that led to the drunk/high one night stand needs to change. That’s the thing reddit seems to ignore. “Cheating is always a choice.” Yeah, but drugs and alcohol impair decision making. So the bad decision was going partying with the wrong people which led to the sex.
All that being said, if it was an ongoing affair or they show no growth or don’t change the behavior that led to the cheating, it will never work. Just walk.
People might “work through” cheating in a relationship.
But the trust is gone forever. There is no getting it back. Every time that person does or says something out of character , the cheating memory will rear its ugly head.
Maybe I’m crazy in my thoughts, but I have a unique view of it. Taking them back is a separate answer but how can you move on – that’s where I’ve had the realization.
Unless the person who cheated on you is some kind of psycho or wants to hurt you – if you are dating someone, they care about you and don’t want to hurt you. It’s important to understand that.
Something was missing from the relationship. If they could fill that missing thing without hurting you, they would have chosen that. Every time. A lot of relationships don’t have the language to address what is coming up. Cheating often follows that.
So, I’ve forgiven my ex’s that cheated. I haven’t gotten back with them. But, in my heart, I understand that if there was an option to do what they did without hurting me, they would always choose to not hurt me.
That and realizing I didn’t lose a partner who wouldn’t cheat on me, I lost a partner who would cheat on me. So, in the end, I’m better off – I’ve found peace in those of the past.
No one deserves a second chance; if the partner being cheated decides to stay and work things out, that’s their decision, but in no way is the partner obligated to give the cheater a second chance.
I’ve seen a lot of people get cheated on, and its an awful thing to do to someone. Moving on and learning to trust again is hard, and learning to trust the cheater again even harder. There has only been one Time I have known where someone was considered ‘deserving’ of a second chance, and that was an extreme workoholic situation..
In all my relationships, the only thing I consider cheating is deception. If your partner is actively lying to you, on purpose, for malicious/selfish reasons… that’s a hell no.
That’s supposed to be your ride or die. The one person you tell everything to. If you can’t do that with this person, they aren’t the one.
I would say its never a matter of deserving one, there’s a problem with the idea someone could deserve one because it says one can deserve a chance in a relationship. You never deserve a chance in one, its if someone wants to give you one
Rather, the appropriate time for a second chance is if the aggrieved party still has an attachment and thinks it could be fixed. The best the cheater can do is show remorse and that they are willing to do what it takes to fix things and the rest from there is their partner’s choice on what is best for them
Everyone has to be able to face themselves in the mirror at the end of the day. Trust is harder to rebuild after it’s damaged, but it’s not impossible. Can you both grow past it?
There was an early transgression in my relationship with my then girlfriend, now wife. We worked past it with communication and openness, and have been together happily for 17 years, married for 12. Not everyone can move past it—but for me, I love my wife and trust her completely.
In my opinion (im just a random stranger online, so take my advice with a grain of salt) it depends on the situation, like, we’re you guys in a rough spot and they cheated out of spit etc. Yk what im saying, under what circumstances did they cheat?
It depends on a lot of things. Can it be truly let go? If it is brought up every fight then the relationship is not built on sustainable and healthy factors. Was it a matter of a deeper connection or plain carnal lust? If it was the former, the relationship should be ended, if it’s the latter, considering this as an ongoing problem should be mentioned. Can the person control themself, can they from that one experience learn or are they even understanding why it’s bad in itself rather than if they get caught.
Monogamy I think is largely a social construct that some people naturally feel the most comfortable in, while others abide by it due to initial expectations that fade over time. Once that has faded and the person no longer constrains themselves to monogamy, for you in particular or in general, I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to accept it as a “one time” mistake.
Based on the few people I know who have given second chances only to be betrayed again, and wider observations about human nature. Not an expert opinion by any stretch.
I downloaded a dating app after my wife told me I wasn’t attractive multiple times. Told the person I wasn’t looking for anything and just wanted to have some validation for once. Talked for like ten minutes. Cancelled and deleted. Idk if that is considered cheating. But even then it felt awful and makes me want to throw up.
Generally with cheating the person is cheating due to some underlying issue in the relationship.
If the issue can be addressed and both parties can agree to resolving it and the cheating ends then some people feel like it’s okay giving that person a second chance.
Really though it’s something that’s a case by case basis and no right answer is for everyone. Even if the person changes completely the resentment may never go away
i gave 2 different women a second chance after they cheated. Guess what i caught them doing within 1-3 months both times? cheating or at the very least flirting with other dudes.
So from now on, you cheat, its done. i dont care how much you beg or promise to change. find someone else. i would never cheat on someone i claim to care about, why should i not set that same standard for my partner? its a reasonable one lol
I suggest reframing this away from “cheating” to communication and trust.
Your partner broke your trust. Can you regain that trust?
Your partner did not communicate with you something that you would have wanted to know about. Has the communication improved? Have they effectively communicated why it happened? Do you believe they will communicate better in the future?
In my experience (obviously subjective), it really comes down to these two points for pretty much everything, not just cheating. There should not be a topic you can’t talk about with your partner. I know not everyone would agree with me on that, but I really believe that any topic you can’t discuss with a partner is a landmine.
When both of you mature enough to know
That sex is just sex, friends are just friends
And guys think with their dicks and girls think with their hearts
Until then its not worth it. You will resent each other if you stay together because you are both immature and imperfect
It depends on the relationship. If we’re talking married with kids, there may be some room to work something out, but it depends on the situation. If we’re talking just dating – I’m out.
I think it’s a nuanced situation that varies depending on the people in the relationship.
I know people who are still in relationships with someone who have cheated on them, and they’ve worked through it and are happy, years later.
And it’s easy for me to say right now that I could forgive the love of my life that transgression if they were to cheat on me.
But (to my knowledge and I don’t even have an inkling of a suspicion otherwise) they haven’t cheated on me.
So despite the amount of self reflection and thought I’ve given the topic; I really don’t know how I’d feel should such a thing come to pass.
For me I’d have to know the who, the what, the why, the when. Did they use protection? That sort of thing.
Depending on those variables depends on whether I could give them a second chance or not.
Cheating is never just “a single mistake”. It is a series of concious choices made in order to lead into emotional and sexual cheating on a commited partner or spouse.
Forgiving a person who cheated on you is not kindness, but allowance for them to cheat on you again.
Take this with a grain of salt. A co-worker of mine went to Vegas for a bachelor party and cheated, I think it was paid sex but not sure exactly. At the time, he kind of just got caught up in the craziness of it all, but he told me he regretted it every single day ever since it happened. He told me he ruined his life, it was the worst poor decision he ever made, and that he would never fuck around on any woman ever again. She ended up forgiving him, they have a great marriage, he supported her through a horrible bout with cancer, and they have a beautiful family together.
Actions have consequences, but people can also learn from mistakes. He underestimated how much he valued the relationship until after he almost fucked it up.
On the other side, the problem with dating a cheater is you don’t ever truly know if they regret it or if they are happy they got away with it.
They shouldn’t be forgiven at the end of the day if we put all the emotional turmoil and self-esteem issues that cheating can bring on someone and just talk about the fact that you don’t care about my health your health you out here probably raw doging and then coming home to Raw Dog me it’s too much I’m leaving every time
Conventional wisdom is that there are only those who don’t cheat, and those who will always cheat. Never say never, but I am doubtful that someone who would only cheat in a relationship once would exist.
If you catch them instead of them telling you what happened, never. Because they don’t feel guilty about their actions, they feel upset that they’re caught. They’ll do it again every time.
Now if they come to you, that depends on a lot of things. How long is the relationship. Who was it with? What were the circumstances? Are they going to make changes to ensure it never happens again (e.g. they were very drunk and couldn’t control themself so they’re gonna stop drinking)? Do they have a history of lying or was this a very unusual circumstance?
On top of that, it depends on who you are as well. Some people could never move on. Could you ever learn to trust them again? Would you always be paranoid or anxious when they’re out?
I don’t think that a person should be required to self pleasure for months to years while their partner goes through serious health issues. If they choose to stay in the relationship and be supportive, I think it’s forgivable if they step out once or twice.
I forgave a cheater. But I never forgave myself for forgiving them. And they cheated again.
Cheaters don’t deserve second chances. I’ve ever once heard of someone cheating just the one time, realizing the horrible mistake they made and then never cheating again. I’d wager a bet that a VERY low number of people don’t cheat again. This is something that only happens in the movies.
Be careful with reddit suggestions. Most people in here are lying to themselves when they say they’ll leave. It’s a monumental task to uproot your life (assuming marriage and children are involved).
A lot of work has been done on this subject and the evidence says that a majority of people stay and try and work it out.
I cant speak for women on this subject. But for men, cheating is a young man’s game. Most of us age out of it, maturity sets in and we start to see things differently.
Most men stop this behavior as they age. But not all, some men are born dogs and will die that way. It’s up to you to identify which kind you have.
IMO never. It was a series of decisions to harm the person they claim to love in the deepest way. From my POV it’s a matter of self respect and preservation.
Never. There’s no excuse for it, it’s a conscious decision you chose to make. If somebody betrays you like that, there’s no reason you should ever give them your time, trust and love again. They chose to betray you, they can make all the excuses they want, “oh I was drunk” “I wasn’t thinking straight” “it was just a stupid mistake” “you didn’t do X, y and z”.
Nope, doesn’t matter. If your relationship has problems you fix them together or go your seperate ways. You never cheat on somebody. That pain is unbelievable and hard to overcome, leaves the victim damaged, fractured, hurt, and with trust issues. If you cheat, you’re a POS and should stay alone. I’ll never accept anyone’s BS justification for cheating, and I’ll never forgive it.
I’ve never had it happen to me, knock on wood. And mostly I don’t think I could forgive. But I’m sure there’s a scenario out there where I could. They’d have to start by coming clean right away.
I tried. I even filed for a divorce and had her served… rescinded the first divorce. Tried counseling and whatnot. She did some questionable stuff a 2nd time and tried to hide it from me that time too… had to file a 2nd divorce. Haven’t been able to trust anyone since. Thought she was the love of my life.
I guess MAYBE if it was a single instance, if they volunteered the information before being caught, were immediately truthful about everything, and tried to make amends.
That’s hardly ever how it goes down, though. Generally they cheat until they get caught then have to have the truth dragged out of them a little at a time about stuff they can’t lie about any more.
Comments
I would say never
I never had a girlfriend so I never had someone cheating on me but I cant imagine how horroble that must be .
Maybe they can learn that lesson and maybe they can’t, but if they can, they’ll have to learn it for someone else because my ass is out the door. Forgiving a cheater is a clown shoes worthy decision.
Never, absolutely never.
maybe they had a bad day at work, or maybe they have traumatic memories of losing at games when they were a kid… but ultimately i would realize that yahtzee is just a game, in the grand scheme of things it’s insignificant, and a partner’s loaded dice can be forgiven
I think it depends on the severity of the cheating, relationship dynamics, etc. Dating you for a year and you cheat? We’re done. Married with kids and you cheat ? Dynamic will change etc. It’s a complex question
no. and no please.
It depends if you’re willing to forgive them. They have relationships that worked through infidelity.
If you can’t then move on.
never.
Never
a cheater deserves a second chance if they’ve genuinely owned up to what they did, shown real remorse, and are ACTIVELY WORKING to rebuild trust. but that’s not something you just give easily tho. it takes time, effort, and a complete change of behavior. if you’re considering it, it’s about whether you can see them as trustworthy again, not just for what they did, but for what they’ll do going FORWARD.
moving on from it? that’s the toughest part. you need space to process the hurt and decide if you’re ready to let go of the past or if it’ll always be in your head. healing is personal, but trust is something that’s earned again, not assumed.
Personally I wouldn’t give a second.
unfortunately i think cheating immediately implies a lack of value seen in the relationship by the cheater. they may make efforts to repair the damage to the trust, but the lack of value to me is the real telling part.
I think there are two ways to look at this. In one kind of relationship, love is based on mutual respect and freedom, where neither partner treats the other as their possession. In that case, while cheating is still painful, it can be understood, addressed, and possibly forgiven if both people truly want to move forward together. In the other kind of relationship, where one partner views the other as their property or expects control, betrayal becomes unforgivable, because it breaks a sense of ownership rather than trust. In those cases, a second chance might not be meaningful.
If you are married to someone and have kids I’d say it’s a consideration. If you’re just dating then hell no I’m out
You accept the love you think you deserve. Treat yourself with respect when making this decision.
For me it’s a hard no. If someone cheats on me I’d never be able to trust them again. Without trust you really can’t have a relationship.
They better not fuck up again…fool me once…
If you love someone I can see forgiving them once
A cheater might deserve a second chance if they take full accountability, show real remorse, and consistently work to rebuild trust without pressuring you to “get over it.” But moving on takes time—it means processing the betrayal, setting new boundaries, and choosing yourself first, whether you stay or walk away.
I don’t think second chances are ever deserved.
I believe second chances are born from sheer mercy, not merit.
Second chances are a gift, not a right. And I believe this applies to everything, not just major betrayals such as cheating in a relationship.
A cheater’s second chance comes with their next relationship where they can choose to be faithful instead of a selfish asshole. No one should put up with a cheater.
A cheater never DESERVES a second chance. As a betrayed partner, you get to decide if you’re willing to offer the gift of reconciliation and what boundaries, consequences, and expectations you require for that to happen. They should include professional counseling.
It’s not anyone else’s decision but yours.
Very few exceptions. Id say a few:
-Maybe during a LTR where your apart more than 6 months.
-High stress: Example, death in the family, Getting fired (unemployment), devistating economic issues.
I’m sure there are others but these are two I could think of.
They don’t. I’m very open-minded, meaning that I’ll love to be in an open relationship, but if they cheat (they don’t tell me beforehand), that’s it. I’ve been through that before. It didn’t end well.
I have been on both ends.
Rebuilding trust is serious work. Only 20% of relationships survive after cheating. There is a reason.
Feeling safe and secure in relationships, I would say now at 32, is the foundation. It is impossible to have the same relationship. It is going to be a new one based on new and acknowledged terms.
You cannot just take someone back who doesn’t want to change because the old one didn’t work, apparently.
They don’t. They always cheat again
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Cheaters cheat that’s what they do. Taken
A cheater back just tells them it’s ok to cheat.
In my opinion, you can’t repair monogamy after a breach in trust like infidelity. Whatever trust you think you built after the breach, it’s substantively little different than the trust that was there before the breach–if one led to cheating, the other can, too. I don’t see how it’s possible to find true trust after cheating; doubt will always be there, and it’ll probably go both ways (A wondering if B would do it again, and B wondering if A might do it to try to get even or some such).
It’s an end to the monogamous relationship; if both partners are capable of ethically continuing in non-monogamy, maybe that’s a potential path forward (assuming the partner who was cheated on would ever even want such a thing with someone who broke their trust). But to answer your question, there is no real way to ‘move on’ from something so fundamentally violating to the covenant of the relationship itself
Honestly I don’t understand how you can mend that broken trust.
Cheat back
When they walk through every single argument and every difference that they ever had with the person that they cheated on. Everything has to be dug up, remembered, and reconciled. And even after all that, they have to earn trust. All the while the person that was cheated on has to be willing to maintain patience and certain amount of humility despite having the “moral upper hand”. If someone is willing to go through all that for you, then maybe they actually love you. Given that it normally happens late in a relationship, it’s virtually always impossible.
Doesn’t deserve a second chance take ur time but leave
A cheaters second chance can be with someone else, ain’t no way I’m letting them back.
I cheated on a ex but she took me back but then literally any time we got into a argument she would mention it. She said she forgave me and moved past it but her actions didnt suggest that. I ended up breaking things off because yes I was in the wrong but clearly our relationship can’t be salvaged as we thought but I’m the only one who is willing to admit it.
Literally never. There can never be a scenario.
I don’t think they ever deserve a second chance. They did it once what’s to stop them from doing it again when something goes wrong?
Never. They only do it again, cheaters always think they’re justified in their choice.
IMO, never. Personally, that is not something I could ever get past. BUT, Everyone is different! For me, cheating is not something that happens on accident and there are several steps that lead to that and you can stop at anytime. You are making a conscious decision to cheat on your partner, when you could just end it and move on.
i cant even comprehend cheating on a loved one, so its literally never for me
i cant see how someone can cheat “just once”. i genuinelly think its just something you either do or will never do
A cheater is always gonna cheat
There is no real generally applicable answer to your question. It really comes down to their actions and your relationship. Its really up to both parties how to proceed.
When a guy was possibly raped. I went to college with a guy, he went to a party, got black out drunk, woke up naked next to a girl. She confirmed they had sex, he told his GF immediately, and she dumped him. Through the grapevine, we heard she was feeding him drinks the whole night and she began to stalk him after to date him. A couple of us think she got him drunk to have sex with him, but I’m not sure how because I get whiskey dick after 3 or 4 drinks alone.
Very strange situation, this was 20 years ago, he moved on and is married with kids. He stopped drinking and going to parties for a while after that
It is easy when you get over yourself. Are you really that perfect? I am not.
They can have a second chance by being faithful, with their next partner. Move on by finding someone else who values trusting, and loving relationships.
Never. There is no excuse for infidelity. If You are that unhappy, that unsatisfied, leave
There’s only one correct answer: never
If there’s a valid marriage, depending on what second chance means
Well, depends on how serious, if they just shared a kiss I would perhaps allow a last chance, but if it was more then you should stop seeing the person. Also, just block the person if they keep annoying you
I’d give a second chance, but they would have to make their rolls in the open and use virtual tabletop platforms so i can see if they used a resource.
Oh, you mean in a relationship…
Once a cheater always a cheater. It’s up to you to decide if you love them enough to live with it. Walking away from someone you love is earth shattering but I value my self respect more than anything. Speaking from personal experience here.
If staying with a cheater makes it hard for you to love yourself how in the hell are you gonna love someone else? Can I get an Amen up in hurr?!
I could never give a cheater a second chance, my trust issues are too severe for that to be any kind of a healthy relationship for either of us afterwards.
No. They don’t value relationships.
The thing with cheating is that it rarely happens out of nowhere. It’s the end result of countless poor decisions leading up to it.
For example texting someone who you know is flirting or expressing interest is not outright cheating. Thus many people feel safe doing it. However, engaging in that type of behavior makes it that more likely to happen.
It’s like the classic girls trip to Miami. It’s not cheating, but there is a high likelihood that it could occur. We shouldn’t be foolish in thinking nothing would happen.
If my partner would start exhibiting behavior that could lead to cheating I’d talk to them about that first. There are boundaries and signs of respect in a relationship. If those are crossed and they end up cheating then sorry there is no second chance to that.
In my opinion, never. We all deserve someone who doesn’t cheat (unless you’re a cheater as well).
When they take full accountability without making excuses and alter the behaviour, or when they get a massive pay raise, or when they get breast implants.
Only if they’ve done the work on themselves. If not, you find someone else who wants to treat you with the respect that you deserve.
Because people have their own self worth tied to their relationship and to throw that away would be more painful than to forgive the cheating.
Everybody deserves at least one fuck up
Anything more than you’re a fool
They don’t
Once a cheater always a cheater
A person is either loyal or they aren’t
There is no in between or exceptions
People can end a relationship and then hook up with someone else
But cheaters are fundamentally selfish people
If it helps, I was a piece of shit while dating my now wife. Cheated numerous times. Broke up and got back together a few times. The last time we decided to get married. We have been married for 14 years and I haven’t cheated one time since. She luckily gave me a chance I did not deserve and it worked out.
>When does a cheater deserve a second chance? How can you move on from something like that?
You move on by accepting and appreciating reality as it is.
This is something many people just aren’t willing to do. They’re fixated on a version of reality which is different, on reality as it should be, as they want it to be, but struggle embrace reality as it actually is.
Let’s say I have bad diabetes and have to have my leg amputated. Should I forgive my leg and give it a second chance? Or should I accept the fact that I have lost a leg, embrace the disability, and get either a prosthetic leg or wheelchair and learn to live with a disability?
You’re not the first person to be cheated on and you certainly won’t be the last. But see the more you personalize it as this person cheated on ME, the more you’re going to be hurt and suffer, maybe even dipping into self-pity.
Get this…
You have no true friends
People come into your life for different reasons. They’re seeking fun, pleasure, they have needs, expectations, desires, they want you to be a part of their life. This is what makes many friendships and relationships symbiotic and transactional. You have something I need and want and I have something you need and want.
But see nobody else is you. Nobody else is walking through your life along your path or going through the same experiences with the same perspective as you. It’s both unrealistic and naive to expect another to walk the same path as you in life throughout and stay with you. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, but such relationships are the exception.
See you can be around many people and feel lonely. You can be alone and feel complete. The difference is awareness.
Most of the relationships you become involved in, whether you call them friendships, partnerships, situationships, whatever, are based on symbiosis and transactions. It’s all well and good when expectations are being fulfilled and needs are being met, but when that ceases to happen many people will move on and leave.
This is essentially what happens when you get cheated on, right? You had something with someone, they had the opportunity of something with someone else, and they chose them. See the other thing to keep in mind is that someone’s word is only as good as their actions. What is the value of any sort of relationship with someone who’s thoughts, words and actions don’t match up or align? How can you trust such a person?
I’m not suggesting being bitter, cynical, hateful, or foolish. I’m suggesting being aware and also the fact that acceptance and appreciation usually gets you further than forgiveness and setting yourself up for more deception by giving second chances to the wrong people.
ETA: All cheating scenarios involve three people lying either to themselves or each other. Keep in mind that any lie needs two people to exist, a teller and a believer.
So first you’ve got the person who cheated who lies to both the original partner and the affair partner. Then you’ve got the affair partner who is participating in the deception by believing that the relationship is honest and legitimate when it isn’t. Then you’ve got the person being cheated on, who believes that they can give someone a second chance and lies to themselves that the relationship is exactly the same. It’s not. In cheating on someone the whole relationship becomes a lie.
Now you can give someone a second chance if you’re prepared to make believe that you have the same relationship as before when it isn’t. It’s a make believe version of the previous relationship. You might think this is acceptable for you. I don’t.
Relationships are like mirrors. Cheating breaks the glass. You may try to glue some pieces of the glass back together, but it remains cracked. At some point, you forget what you looked (and felt) like in a clean mirror.
It’s tough to undo what’s been done. Guilt and anger from bother parties never truly go away completely.
Never and you can’t ever get past it. Ever! I tried for a decade and couldn’t. Once the divorce was final, all that went away.
No, because they wouldn’t have cheated if they valued you.
If you cheat, you have already decided that the relationship is worth losing if you get caught.
Forgiveness depends on your own self-worth and boundaries. However, you also don’t know if you move on and will pick up another cheater. It’s not like someone new is going to tell you they were a previous cheater.
There are many factors to consider, like divorce, custody, division of assets, splitting friend groups, etc. Some consider a major divide of lifestyle to be just as damaging as the cheating itself.
The burning question later on is, why did they cheat? Is the relationship already fundamentally broken? How long have you been together, and do they agree that you were committed? Do they have a long line of selfish actions? Did they crave something the relationship didn’t offer? If you had a dead bedroom and refused to be intimate, the cheater might have been trying to fulfill unmet needs.
Anyone who thinks a single one-line answer is sufficient to cover the complexities of the situation doesn’t understand the depth that can lead to the problem. My parents stopped having sex and after a few years, cheated. He still loved my Mom and the kids, but she lost interest in anything physical. This all came out years later, but they both admitted the relationship was over when the intimacy ended, but were trying to stay together for the kids.
Cheaters don’t deserve another chance. Period. You need to realize that you’re worth more than settling for someone who viewed you as a second option.
I don’t think a cheater does deserve a second chance. They have a chance to find someone else and make a relationship work in the future…and that’s their chance.
The reason? Their presence in my life would turn me into a paranoid fool.
Second chances are always a disaster. Trust cannot be repaired. You breakup and take 10-15 years to regain trust with someone else.
Deserve? Never. If someone chooses to forgive then that’s on them. I’d never be able to get the vision of the girl who’s supposed to be faithful getting railed by some dude out of my head. Even worse if I know the guy.
I wouldn’t give them that chance, but I know some people who have gotten through it. People make mistakes. Too much for me though
You deserve what you tolerate
This will probably get downvoted but the truth is, a cheater only deserves a 2nd chance if them cheating turns you on. It’s rare but happens.
Only an idiot allows a cheater back into their lives.
Usually they don’t. Unless they genuinely show remorse and are willing to change.
when it’s me, anyone else never
I’m about to get downvoted to hades, but I think it depends. I have been cheated on and while it does suck, there is always 2 sides to the story. People who cheat likely are either not meeting their own needs or there is some kind of inefficiency in the relationship. This doesn’t excuse infidelity, but merely understanding it can provide a lot of relief and sometimes compassion.
Whether or not the other person is willing to also take accountability and also do the work is their own right and choice to do so
Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater
Nah we done done. Trust was broken.
IMO, it depends on the reason why they did it, and whether or not they take accountability for it.
cheating is often the result of some inner trauma that has been buried deep within and a lot of times people are unable to take a look in the mirror and accept the reality. Rather than address the issues and work on themselves, they’ll blame everything else for their actions which is why you’ll often see the behavior get repeated. Not always, but often. I think the “once a cheater always a cheater” saying is a reasonable defense mechanism, but is not always true. People can change, but that comes down to whether you believe them, and you can move past their mistakes.
You don’t. It’s not the first time… it’s just the first time you’ve caught them.
Well, as with most things, there’s a spectrum. Did the cheating involve watching porn one time (some people count this), a drunken snog with a stranger followed by immediate admission and remorse, or a three year long physical and emotional affair with a secret baby?
A cheater NEVER deserves a second chance. Get rid of that trash and move on!
You’re going to get a lot of “Once a cheater; always a cheater.” here. There is a large portion of reddit that doesn’t do nuance in relationships well.
If it was a one-time, drunken or high occurrence and the cheater immediately shows real remorse and change without getting caught, it’s possible to rebuild the trust. Difficult but not impossible.
But the important bit is the “without getting caught.” That can be the first step in rebuilding trust. They could have gotten away with it but confessed first. That shows real remorse over the act and not for just getting caught.
And the behaviour that led to the drunk/high one night stand needs to change. That’s the thing reddit seems to ignore. “Cheating is always a choice.” Yeah, but drugs and alcohol impair decision making. So the bad decision was going partying with the wrong people which led to the sex.
All that being said, if it was an ongoing affair or they show no growth or don’t change the behavior that led to the cheating, it will never work. Just walk.
People might “work through” cheating in a relationship.
But the trust is gone forever. There is no getting it back. Every time that person does or says something out of character , the cheating memory will rear its ugly head.
Maybe I’m crazy in my thoughts, but I have a unique view of it. Taking them back is a separate answer but how can you move on – that’s where I’ve had the realization.
Unless the person who cheated on you is some kind of psycho or wants to hurt you – if you are dating someone, they care about you and don’t want to hurt you. It’s important to understand that.
Something was missing from the relationship. If they could fill that missing thing without hurting you, they would have chosen that. Every time. A lot of relationships don’t have the language to address what is coming up. Cheating often follows that.
So, I’ve forgiven my ex’s that cheated. I haven’t gotten back with them. But, in my heart, I understand that if there was an option to do what they did without hurting me, they would always choose to not hurt me.
That and realizing I didn’t lose a partner who wouldn’t cheat on me, I lost a partner who would cheat on me. So, in the end, I’m better off – I’ve found peace in those of the past.
No one deserves a second chance; if the partner being cheated decides to stay and work things out, that’s their decision, but in no way is the partner obligated to give the cheater a second chance.
My opinion on that if the partner cheated (means had sex with someone else ) they don’t deserve any second chance
I’ve seen a lot of people get cheated on, and its an awful thing to do to someone. Moving on and learning to trust again is hard, and learning to trust the cheater again even harder. There has only been one Time I have known where someone was considered ‘deserving’ of a second chance, and that was an extreme workoholic situation..
In all my relationships, the only thing I consider cheating is deception. If your partner is actively lying to you, on purpose, for malicious/selfish reasons… that’s a hell no.
That’s supposed to be your ride or die. The one person you tell everything to. If you can’t do that with this person, they aren’t the one.
I would say its never a matter of deserving one, there’s a problem with the idea someone could deserve one because it says one can deserve a chance in a relationship. You never deserve a chance in one, its if someone wants to give you one
Rather, the appropriate time for a second chance is if the aggrieved party still has an attachment and thinks it could be fixed. The best the cheater can do is show remorse and that they are willing to do what it takes to fix things and the rest from there is their partner’s choice on what is best for them
Everyone has to be able to face themselves in the mirror at the end of the day. Trust is harder to rebuild after it’s damaged, but it’s not impossible. Can you both grow past it?
There was an early transgression in my relationship with my then girlfriend, now wife. We worked past it with communication and openness, and have been together happily for 17 years, married for 12. Not everyone can move past it—but for me, I love my wife and trust her completely.
No. They don’t.
They deserve a second chance in their NEXT relationship, once they cheat it’s over already there’s not really a repairing that
Poly communication issues, maybe if they go to a kink event but do something their partner wasn’t OK with n whatnot.
Especially if the cheater is not under the impression that what they’re doing may be considered cheating by their partner, things can get complicated.
it really depends on the situation
edit: it’d help if my partner admitted to it rather than me finding out about it later
In my opinion (im just a random stranger online, so take my advice with a grain of salt) it depends on the situation, like, we’re you guys in a rough spot and they cheated out of spit etc. Yk what im saying, under what circumstances did they cheat?
You can’t!
It depends on a lot of things. Can it be truly let go? If it is brought up every fight then the relationship is not built on sustainable and healthy factors. Was it a matter of a deeper connection or plain carnal lust? If it was the former, the relationship should be ended, if it’s the latter, considering this as an ongoing problem should be mentioned. Can the person control themself, can they from that one experience learn or are they even understanding why it’s bad in itself rather than if they get caught.
Get re-key locks, re-key locks yourself in just a few seconds.
Then, toss their shit out and turn up the music.
Monogamy I think is largely a social construct that some people naturally feel the most comfortable in, while others abide by it due to initial expectations that fade over time. Once that has faded and the person no longer constrains themselves to monogamy, for you in particular or in general, I personally don’t think it’s a good idea to accept it as a “one time” mistake.
Based on the few people I know who have given second chances only to be betrayed again, and wider observations about human nature. Not an expert opinion by any stretch.
The act of cheating already defies the logic of a “second-chance”.
The act of cheating is a culmination of decisions that ultimately led up to cheating (texting, flirting, meeting up, etc.)
You have to do what’s best for yourself and decide what you deserve
Na, move on from the relationship
Unless they were having a manic episode or some sort of psychotic break, or brain tumor, the answer is never.
I downloaded a dating app after my wife told me I wasn’t attractive multiple times. Told the person I wasn’t looking for anything and just wanted to have some validation for once. Talked for like ten minutes. Cancelled and deleted. Idk if that is considered cheating. But even then it felt awful and makes me want to throw up.
They don’t. 😳
Generally with cheating the person is cheating due to some underlying issue in the relationship.
If the issue can be addressed and both parties can agree to resolving it and the cheating ends then some people feel like it’s okay giving that person a second chance.
Really though it’s something that’s a case by case basis and no right answer is for everyone. Even if the person changes completely the resentment may never go away
Everyone deserves a second chance so hope can remain alive. So they can think they may come back from the darkness
i gave 2 different women a second chance after they cheated. Guess what i caught them doing within 1-3 months both times? cheating or at the very least flirting with other dudes.
So from now on, you cheat, its done. i dont care how much you beg or promise to change. find someone else. i would never cheat on someone i claim to care about, why should i not set that same standard for my partner? its a reasonable one lol
I suggest reframing this away from “cheating” to communication and trust.
In my experience (obviously subjective), it really comes down to these two points for pretty much everything, not just cheating. There should not be a topic you can’t talk about with your partner. I know not everyone would agree with me on that, but I really believe that any topic you can’t discuss with a partner is a landmine.
When both of you mature enough to know
That sex is just sex, friends are just friends
And guys think with their dicks and girls think with their hearts
Until then its not worth it. You will resent each other if you stay together because you are both immature and imperfect
It depends on the relationship. If we’re talking married with kids, there may be some room to work something out, but it depends on the situation. If we’re talking just dating – I’m out.
Because Warzone is just a game
They don’t.
I think it’s a nuanced situation that varies depending on the people in the relationship.
I know people who are still in relationships with someone who have cheated on them, and they’ve worked through it and are happy, years later.
And it’s easy for me to say right now that I could forgive the love of my life that transgression if they were to cheat on me.
But (to my knowledge and I don’t even have an inkling of a suspicion otherwise) they haven’t cheated on me.
So despite the amount of self reflection and thought I’ve given the topic; I really don’t know how I’d feel should such a thing come to pass.
For me I’d have to know the who, the what, the why, the when. Did they use protection? That sort of thing.
Depending on those variables depends on whether I could give them a second chance or not.
NEVER!!!!!!!!
Cheating is never just “a single mistake”. It is a series of concious choices made in order to lead into emotional and sexual cheating on a commited partner or spouse.
Forgiving a person who cheated on you is not kindness, but allowance for them to cheat on you again.
Take this with a grain of salt. A co-worker of mine went to Vegas for a bachelor party and cheated, I think it was paid sex but not sure exactly. At the time, he kind of just got caught up in the craziness of it all, but he told me he regretted it every single day ever since it happened. He told me he ruined his life, it was the worst poor decision he ever made, and that he would never fuck around on any woman ever again. She ended up forgiving him, they have a great marriage, he supported her through a horrible bout with cancer, and they have a beautiful family together.
Actions have consequences, but people can also learn from mistakes. He underestimated how much he valued the relationship until after he almost fucked it up.
On the other side, the problem with dating a cheater is you don’t ever truly know if they regret it or if they are happy they got away with it.
You can forgive them. Eventually. Probably on your deathbed if they bother showing up.
You will never forget it though and make your decisions accordingly.
I think it requires really understanding the underlying motivations. It’s not generally just about sex. Watch Esther Perel’s TED talk about infidelity
They shouldn’t be forgiven at the end of the day if we put all the emotional turmoil and self-esteem issues that cheating can bring on someone and just talk about the fact that you don’t care about my health your health you out here probably raw doging and then coming home to Raw Dog me it’s too much I’m leaving every time
Conventional wisdom is that there are only those who don’t cheat, and those who will always cheat. Never say never, but I am doubtful that someone who would only cheat in a relationship once would exist.
Depends on your personal values.
If you catch them instead of them telling you what happened, never. Because they don’t feel guilty about their actions, they feel upset that they’re caught. They’ll do it again every time.
Now if they come to you, that depends on a lot of things. How long is the relationship. Who was it with? What were the circumstances? Are they going to make changes to ensure it never happens again (e.g. they were very drunk and couldn’t control themself so they’re gonna stop drinking)? Do they have a history of lying or was this a very unusual circumstance?
On top of that, it depends on who you are as well. Some people could never move on. Could you ever learn to trust them again? Would you always be paranoid or anxious when they’re out?
Most scenarios, just drop a cheater.
Cheating is often a side effect of an issue.
I don’t think that a person should be required to self pleasure for months to years while their partner goes through serious health issues. If they choose to stay in the relationship and be supportive, I think it’s forgivable if they step out once or twice.
When they stop their current relationship and then find someone else that they haven’t cheated on and start a new one.
That person needs to know the truth too though before the accept that person.
There is no other option.
if you are both young/naive. that’s it.
Never.
In my experience, both being the cheater, being cheated on, and seeing it in other relationships I’m not involved in, nobody deserves a second chance.
Are we talking about cheating in the game of UNO here or….?
I forgave a cheater. But I never forgave myself for forgiving them. And they cheated again.
Cheaters don’t deserve second chances. I’ve ever once heard of someone cheating just the one time, realizing the horrible mistake they made and then never cheating again. I’d wager a bet that a VERY low number of people don’t cheat again. This is something that only happens in the movies.
Be careful with reddit suggestions. Most people in here are lying to themselves when they say they’ll leave. It’s a monumental task to uproot your life (assuming marriage and children are involved).
A lot of work has been done on this subject and the evidence says that a majority of people stay and try and work it out.
I cant speak for women on this subject. But for men, cheating is a young man’s game. Most of us age out of it, maturity sets in and we start to see things differently.
Most men stop this behavior as they age. But not all, some men are born dogs and will die that way. It’s up to you to identify which kind you have.
I can understand people who do this out of desperation, poverty or an illness they can’t afford to treat. but greed.. No dude
IMO never. It was a series of decisions to harm the person they claim to love in the deepest way. From my POV it’s a matter of self respect and preservation.
I don’t think cheating is something that can be forgiven. I think it’s utterly selfish and scummy behavior. It absolutely destroys people
Never. There’s no excuse for it, it’s a conscious decision you chose to make. If somebody betrays you like that, there’s no reason you should ever give them your time, trust and love again. They chose to betray you, they can make all the excuses they want, “oh I was drunk” “I wasn’t thinking straight” “it was just a stupid mistake” “you didn’t do X, y and z”.
Nope, doesn’t matter. If your relationship has problems you fix them together or go your seperate ways. You never cheat on somebody. That pain is unbelievable and hard to overcome, leaves the victim damaged, fractured, hurt, and with trust issues. If you cheat, you’re a POS and should stay alone. I’ll never accept anyone’s BS justification for cheating, and I’ll never forgive it.
Even if the person changed their behavior, there is a complete loss of trust that can never be repaired.
I’ve never had it happen to me, knock on wood. And mostly I don’t think I could forgive. But I’m sure there’s a scenario out there where I could. They’d have to start by coming clean right away.
I tried. I even filed for a divorce and had her served… rescinded the first divorce. Tried counseling and whatnot. She did some questionable stuff a 2nd time and tried to hide it from me that time too… had to file a 2nd divorce. Haven’t been able to trust anyone since. Thought she was the love of my life.
Good luck. I still haven’t gotten over it.
I guess MAYBE if it was a single instance, if they volunteered the information before being caught, were immediately truthful about everything, and tried to make amends.
That’s hardly ever how it goes down, though. Generally they cheat until they get caught then have to have the truth dragged out of them a little at a time about stuff they can’t lie about any more.