I’ve never said this out loud. Not to friends. Not to family. Not even anonymously until now.
I’m biologically male, but I’ve known deep down since I was a kid that I’m not supposed to be. For 25 years, I’ve lived a life that doesn’t feel like mine. Every single day I wake up and I feel this deep, gnawing discomfort with who I’m “supposed” to be. I look in the mirror and see a stranger. It’s exhausting, painful, and it’s wearing me down in ways I can’t even explain properly.
I live in India, where talking about this is almost impossible. People here still treat this like a joke or a mental illness. I feel completely alone. I can’t come out. I can’t express how I feel to anyone around me. Every conversation I have feels fake, like I’m acting a part in someone else’s life.
I want to transition. I want to live the life I feel was meant for me. But I can’t afford it. Gender-affirming surgery, hormone therapy, all of it is so far out of reach financially. I don’t even know where to start, and the hopelessness eats at me.
So I stay silent. I smile when I need to. I nod when people call me “sir” or “bro.” And I keep dying a little inside every time I do.
This might get buried in the feed, but I just needed to say it. Somewhere. Anywhere. I’ve carried this weight alone for too long.
Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. That alone means more than you know.