My co-worker was hitting on me. Before he had a chance to confess his feelings, I texted him to say I wasn’t interested in him that way and wanted to keep things strictly professional. I was direct—no hints, no mixed signals.
I thought he’d respect that and back off, but He kept making moves on me. I got fed up and confronted him in person after work. I made it crystal clear that I didn’t even want a friendship with him.
To finally make him stop, I lied and told him I was into someone else. That’s what finally worked. But afterward, he and his friend told me I was ‘100% wrong’—that I should’ve said I liked someone else from the beginning and things wouldn’t have gotten so bad.
thoughts?
EDIT: thank you so much for support 🙂 you guys are awesome!
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You are not wrong at all, he was wrong for continuing to push the issue.
Absolutely not. Someone should have taught those men that no is a full sentence. They can want a reason all day, we all want stuff. That doesn’t mean they’re entitled to it.
No. You don’t owe someone a fucking excuse for why you don’t want to go out on a date. Guy and his friend can eat shit.
He doesn’t respect your feelings or autonomy as a fellow human being of equal say and of equal value. He only backed off when there was a supposed other man who “already had claim”. Which is utter bs. You saying NO should be enough.
You don’t owe anyone a reason for not being interested. No means no, and is a complete sentence.
“No” is a complete sentence. He should’ve respected you enough to not continue his advances, regardless if you were interested in someone else or not.
Not wrong. He’s not owed an explanation. He’s lucky you didn’t report him to HR. If it happens again, you should.
No, you’re not wrong. You don’t owe him anything. If he continues to behave like this, report him to HR. You deserve to work in a healthy environment. His behaviour is weird and uncalled for.
Tell him the truth. And I’d say its also weird that’s what worked. I assume a girl has other options at the time, so idk why that would dissuade. What should have made him stop is that you told him to.
So the fact this worked just seems like coincidence or illogical. Either way moving forward talk to HR, don’t lie.
Are they 12? How did they get a job if they’re still getting dressed by their mothers?
This type of man believes you are property. The only thing that stopped him was the belief that you were in fact, someone else’s property. The only one getting his respect is the imaginary other guy you’re into. You are not wrong.
Nah, the fella should just accept the no and move on. Your reason for rejecting him is irrelevant.
This feels like an HR thing. If someone at work asks you out once and you say no; that’s fine. If they then don’t take no for an answer and keep asking you then that’s harassment.
“No” does not require an explanation.
(Obviously subject to your workplaces rules but “you can ask once” is a fairly typical rule)
Nope, he was the one in the wrong from your very first no.
“If you would have just told him you liked someone else he’d have stopped..”
BS
You told him you didn’t want a relationship with him, he continued.
You told him you DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HIM, and he continued.
You didn’t even lead him on… YOU TOLD HIM, straight up, no… and he continued.
Who the heck would even think him hearing “i like someone else” would have magically made him suddenly respect your boundaries???
Take it to HR.
Men who will only listen when they think you are another man’s ‘property’ are dangerous.
also, his friend came up to me and told me if i gave him enough time, i’d change my mind and start liking him back :))) + he told me i was being dumb to set strict boundaries with a guy and that i should let others “fight for me”
Uh no. When someone says they don’t want to date you that doesn’t mean keep trying until they either give in or lie to you to make you go away. This guy is a creep. His friend can fuck off too.
men are stupid. sometimes you really do have to make it hurt for us to get it. don’t be afraid to go to HR either.
You made the right move
kinda interesting that the man doesn’t respect you when you say no, but does respect another imaginary man enough to stop then
Who gives a shit what his friends think?
He’s going to present the story to them in his favor.
No. It’s none of his damn business. Guy sounds entitled as hell.
You are not wrong. You should have told him if he didn’t stop, you were going to hr or if you felt uncomfortable, you should have gone to hr. If he and his buddy keep harassing you go to hr and let them know the situation. You should not have to deal with that crap. To many guys think not taking no for an answer just shows your committed thanks to media, but it’s harassment and can get to be frightening. Do not let him keep trying to force you on a date.
The fact that a lot of men won’t leave you alone until you tell them you’re involved is annoying.
I’ve had guys argue with me when I’ve said “no thank you, I’m not interested” and start interrogating me “oh, are you seeing somebody?” “oh, well you aren’t married”
It’s like…back off when somebody says they’re not interested.
You don’t owe him an explanation. He was wrong to keep pursuing.
I swear, if guys would learn to read attraction signals from the opposite sex, a lot of of this crap would go away. It’s Attraction 101.
A man who doesn’t respect no is the worst type of man. I’m sorry you have to work with him.
Um, sexual harassment in the workplace and now his friend is involved?
You can turn down allies giu for any reason you like. It’s a him problem if another guy having a claim to you is the only reason he’d accept. Super ultra scummy of him.
Just tell him you do not date at work and then stick to it.
As a guy, not at all. In fact I’d much rather be told there is no interest so I stop wasting my time.
I think you know tge answer. You’re not wrong. A firm ‘I’m not interested’ should be enough!
No? To be quite honest it’s none of his damn business. You don’t need to justify your decision, and if they bring that up again that’s exactly what I’d say, is something along the lines of not owing him an explanation at all. He and his friend pushed and pushed until they got an answer they didn’t like, then played the victim. You are not responsible for his happiness, but he is 100% responsible for respect he gives and receives.
Men like this make me so cross! No means no! We shouldn’t have to tell you more than once. This will be the same man who is posting, ‘I don’t know why women are scared of men’. I would definitely have reported him when he ignored the first ‘no’ .
That’s stupid. Ignore the person and the friends. You didn’t like them if you recall
His feelings aren’t your problem.
You are not responsible for him being an asshole that can’t take no for an answer.
Nope, he and his friend are assholes.
You handled it exactly as you should have the first time. You were up front and left no room for misinterpretation, and THAT should have been enough.
You don’t owe him an explanation, you can simply not be into someone. The reason it “got so bad” is entirely on him, because he didn’t respect you.
No. Are they saying they will only respect your clear “no” if it’s because you’re interested in someone else? Simply respecting your clear boundary isn’t enough? Crazy talk.
No one needs to justify why they’re not into someone. He should’ve respected “no” the first time he heard it
You handled it correctly. Apparently, he feels that unless you’re othgerwise attached, he can continue to badger you until you “give in.”
No means no.
So…. He kept harassing you at work until you finally had to tell him you were interested in someone else, and somehow YOU are the asshole in this situation? Hell no. Dude is a fucking creep and you should talk to your immediate supervisor before he does and twists this around to get you in trouble
No is a fucking sentence! The entitlement of that asshole! Sorry you went through that
You did the right thing and owe him nothing
That man needs a sit down with hr
Don’t date where you work is a common and sensible philosophy. If he pushed, that was harrassment.
YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT. point blank
You tried being nice and he didn’t respect that. No still means no weather it’s just going out or sex. . He sounds like he is obsessed almost stalker like . I didn’t respect a simple no, what else would he not listen to. So you had to get a bit harsh and hurt his feelings. Too bad. He should have listened the first time. Some guys don’t understand ir accept rejection. She is just playing hard to get.
If he keeps pushing the issue after a clear no then you have every right to go to your boss and explain the issue to them. Once you have a person of authority tell him to back off that should usually solve your issue. But no, you’re not in the wrong here. He can disagree and be disappointed with the no but he has to respect it and at least remain civil with you
If you were hinting at him and he’s not getting the hint then I’d tell you to be straight up with him. But at this point the dude is well into talk with boss territory. If he’s in good standing, the boss should be able to give him the kick in the ass and tell him to knock it off
Doesnt matter what you do. This guy will gaslight himself into finding some problem for you.
Dont give in to his delusions, its just a self defense mechanism for his ego
I had a coworker years ago that I was interested in dating. She wasn’t. That was the end of it. It’s not that hard to respect someone’s boundaries, even if you work with them. Why some people can’t respect a no, especially with someone you work with, is crazy to me, because it will negatively effect both lives.
He shouldn’t need a reason why, but if he won’t respect the no, tell him anything you want.
I remember another coworker who was into me, but didn’t want me to come over to her house. Turns out, she was still living with her ex. I told her I’m not comfortable with that because if she is living with an ex, they will probably get back together. Well… they got back together not long after.
Life should be more full of direct, honest, boundary respecting people, especially in the workplace, but that isn’t always the case and sometimes you have to come up with a reason to get them to back off, and that’s fine. Really, that guy needs to hear the real truth so he doesn’t have a huge ego and thinks he can do this to other women. Imagine how much it would sting, knowing it wasn’t about some other guy, but you just don’t like him. The way you handled it was more of protecting his feelings, but he didn’t learn anything.
In the future, be more direct, and if things continue, go to HR and file a complaint for harassment. That will stop things real quick. And you shouldn’t feel guilty about it, it’s what people like that deserve.
You don’t owe him, or anyone else, any explanation.
If it happens again, HR…
Some guys have the mantra of “keep asking her till she says yes,” which I 100% disagree with because is psycho and creepy, and just plain fucking wrong. You did the right thing. You were not fucking around. Crystal fuckin clear and direct.
Well, he shouldn’t have insisted so much in the first place.
If I made a move on someone I liked, and they said they are not interested, that’s it. Direct hit, ship has crashed, no survivors. Moving on.
You ask me, you could’ve gone to HR with a harassment claim he could’ve lost his job. You were nice in how you handled it.
No. He didn’t respect your boundaries. You are not required to tell people personal things especially your coworkers. The reason why he and his friend are saying what they’re saying is because they’re trying to remove his lack of accountability from the scenario.
Fuck the both of them. Their feelings aren’t your problem.
I hate it when guys only back up when there’s competition or someone else you’re interested in because the thought that you might not find them cute is insulting to them. I’ve not met many like this, but it’s a weird thing you have to lie about if they keep coming at you. You said you weren’t interested. That should’ve been the nail in the coffin, not lying about it after he kept pushing the issue. I wouldn’t even want to date a coworker so I can avoid the awkwardness if it didn’t work out.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Saying you’re not interested is more than enough. And for future reference, continuing to pursue you after the initial rejection is considered sexual harassment in the workplace and you can report him to HR.
I thought I was aromantic as a teenager. Didn’t like anyone, but my male friend would not stop hitting on me no matter what. I broke that friendship after years of endless pain from him over feelings I didn’t think I’d ever have for anyone. I met a guy who I did get feelings and am now engaged.
No amount of pressure from the first guy made me like him. If he just shut up and let us be strictly friends, maybe we would be friends to this day. But he wouldn’t stop, so I cut him out completely because he made me feel so inadequate for not liking him back. It’s not your job to make men feel comfortable by pretending.
You don’t own him any explanations. He should have gotten the message the first time.
No, you aren’t wrong, and it wouldn’t be wrong to turn him down without any other prospects or interests.
No one is obligated to date or reciprocate interest in anyone else, single or not. He’s a creep for not taking no for an answer. It doesn’t matter why, it just matters you said no.
Ew. He and his friend should be banned from your life. Forthwith.
TLDR. NTA. You owe no one an explanation
You don’t owe anyone an explanation, but unfortunately a lot of people can’t take no for an answer unless they’re told they’re stepping on someone else’s territory. That’s very sexist in itself, because they basically only respect the other man and not the woman’s wishes, just as it is sexist to just ignore polite and honest rejection, but it is what it is and anything that works is good.
You didn’t do anything wrong. A lot of guys take “I have a boyfriend” to mean “so if you didn’t have one we’d hook up so you are into me”. There is no right and wrong.
You don’t need to justify your lack of desire to be with anybody. Just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re available to anyone who is interested. People who pressure you like that are in the wrong, and you don’t owe them a reason.
Yes, you are wrong. You shouldn’t have lied to him. He clearly has boundary issues and needs to learn about it. You should have went to HR and report him after he failed to understand the second rejection.
You have set yourself up for further harassment. It’s most likely not over. He will eventually notice you are still single and will approach you again.
It should have ended when you said no the first time. With or without a reason.
No is a complete sentence.
You shouldn’t have to lie. Women are generally not this direct, preferring to drop hints, whether negative or affirmative. If he’s still hitting on you after you clearly stated you’re not interested and want to be left alone, that’s on him.
He didn’t respect that you simply wasn’t interested in him and felt like you have to give yourself to him, only because there isn’t somebody else you like/date.
He’s despicable human being, good you cut him off completely, not just romantically, it’s never good for a girl to keep this kind of guys around.
One day you could find yourself alone with him and he would clearly be willing to cross your boundaries. Because according to his twisted mind, you have no right to not give yourself to him, when you are not taken by another man.
Not wrong
Once the answer was no the first time (with any reason or no reason given) he should have dropped it. Harassing you is not ok.
You should only have to say no once and that should be the end of it.
You weren’t wrong.
You get to reject people for any reason.
He was wrong to be such a pest.
Nah. No means no—doesn’t need any kind of qualifier. You weren’t wrong, he was.
No is a complete sentence. F**k him for not respecting that.
No means no. Especially in the workplace where persistence may make things very uncomfortable and be harassing.
You did nothing wrong. He’s an ass who won’t respect a No, no matter how firm and clear. But when he thought you were ‘taken’, he finally backed off. Plain and simple, he doesn’t respect women.
Regulating someone else’s emotions is never your responsibility.
sexual harassment should stop him, but keep a journal of these incounters, because even though your in the right they may let u go and keep him, then you can have proof of whats going on if you have to file a lawsuit
Its none of his business if you are into someone else. No means no. If you told him you are not interested and to stop and he didn’t you should have reported him to HR.