Are there men who have never engaged in Hookups n all despite having opportunities? & why?
Are there men who have never engaged in Hookups n all despite having opportunities? & why?
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Are there men who have never engaged in Hookups n all despite having opportunities? & why?
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They make those kinds?? Where can I find one of thems?? 🤣
Maybe people who are religious and waiting for marriage.
My old roommate, girls would hook up with me in hopes of getting to him, then he’d reject them lol
I can’t say “never”. But I’m certainly one the doesn’t enjoy awkward throwaway sex with a stranger.
I might be a man, but I’m also a delicate flower. I need time to open up. Sex is already pretty complicated without adding in bad communication.
Yes,but mostly in 3rd world countries.
Not for any religious or moral reasons tbh.
I’ve tried it and I just don’t find it enjoyable. The emotion of a romantic connection is what heightens it beyond just sensory pleasure, and for me that’s the most enjoyable part.
I have never hooked up just to hook up and leave. I have, however, hooked up and sprouted a relationship about 3 or 4 times from it…
The why? I’m more interested in the deeper connection and a relationship.
I was sexually abused as a kid, I despise the idea of a damn near stranger touching me. Romance and even a little time are a must.
28M here. I dont hookup despite having multiple opportunity (15+ times). I don’t do it so I can look in the mirror and be a decent human being and model for people around me.
Well… first define “hookup”. Are you talking “No Premarital Sex EVER?” because that’s going to be really hard to find. Or are you talking “no anonymous one night stands”?
I know of guys who have turned down one night stands because they A) are religious B) didn’t want to take the risk (Google “Duke lacrosse rape hoax” ) C) didn’t want to sleep with a close friend or co-worker because of how that would change the relationship D) were already in a relationship and didn’t want to cheat E) knew that the girl offering was in a marriage/relationship and didn’t want to mess that up for her F) Didn’t want to take advantage of a drunk person or G) Were interested but didn’t read the signals right…
Of course there are. Some only have interest in something long term. That’s how my fiancé always has been.
Just had a threesome with 2 hookers last night AMA
I’m sure there are men out there like that, more than people acknowledge. I don’t think it has much to do with the lack of confidence, some people have trauma or a different upbringing. I wasn’t into the hookup culture for personal reasons. I used to think I was asexual actually. I also went through childhood abuse. I know I have intimacy issues, mostly emotionally and mentally. Doesn’t mean the opportunity of a hookup hasn’t come up, it certainly has.
Yes, to the point I’ve been accused of being gay, asexual or racist if they were a minority. I like to have sex with people I know and care about. Likely being molested and later sexually assaulted when I was a kid has something to do with it. I’ve also experienced every thing I want to with girlfriends so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
I wouldn’t say never, but it’s not on the priority list. I find fucking around is kinda shallow and would rather a have a real connection than ONS. Feels wierd going to someone’s house, banging them and leaving…
Edit: spelling
No unfortunately I’m a slut 😔
I have, just because I heard people saying that man will get with anyone, so I denied just to spite those people( they didn’t know I denied , so in the end it didn’t matter
I wouldn’t say never engage, but it’s not a priority and has never been high on my agenda. I find fucking around is kinda swallow and would rather a have a real connection than ONS. Feels wierd going to someone’s house, banging them and leaving…
My girlfriend would not like if i did. So I didn’t.
For me, sex is a romantic act and always has been. I don’t think that I have had casual sex since college. I just enjoy it enough to bother anymore.
Bros before hoes
Can’t say I’ve never engaged, but for sure never engaged in every opportunity (including the girl who said I could do whatever I wanted).
Yes because not every man wants sex at all times
Yes never have. I honestly don’t understand the appeal. For me there has to be a connection before I have intimacy.
I’ve tried it for 6 months as part of self exploration. Definitely not for me. Each time felt hollow. I don’t think ill of anyone who does is consensually, just definitely not for me.
I still have many opportunities today and turn them down explaining I can only with someone I trust and care for and most respect that.
Hookups are just masturbating with more steps.
If I dont plan on being with them long term I dont have the desire to seduce or entertain a person I wouldnt date just to get laid.
Maybe im weird, it was always awkward the couple times I did it and was never as exciting or pleasurable as I made it out to be in my head.
Yeah, I mean, I’ve mostly only ever done this while in a relationship because I find cheating to be pretty abhorrent behavior.
When single? I have to admit I didn’t turn down a lot 😂.
Sure, but I grew up full on touch adverse. I didn’t touch other people and they most certainly didn’t touch me till I was in my thirties.
not never but i’ve declined the opportunity a few times before
My husband never did. He’s only ever been with me. We were friends first, and I know he had opportunities. But he was firm in his decision to wait for the right person. I still feel honored that he chose me.
I’ve turned down quite a bit of potential hookups for multitude of reasons. I wasn’t interested in the girl really, I didn’t want to get involved with them like that to make things complicated or hurt them, they were sloppy. For sure, I’ve turned down hookups or straight up didn’t pursue.
Yeah. It doesn’t appeal to me. Too risky. And I’m not looking for women who have hookups so it would be hypocritical of me to do so myself.
Would rather find someone to build a life with, go syeady for a couple years, get married, buy a house together, then have kids.
I have no interest in hookups. I have only been with women I thought I wanted something steady with. I have had opportunities, but never wanted sex for sex if I didn’t want the woman. And if I wanted her, I wanted a meaningful, deeper, relationship with her
No, there are no men that have turned down the change to go up ever. It’s a law that you must and there is no way to town the other person down.
I hope this answered your question.
Of course there are guys who have said no, not every guy is out there looking to hump anyone that moves and offers him the chance.
Yes I’ve never been into the hookup scene. I’m not a 10/10 by any means, have had opportunities but not interested in hooking up with kind of scary women.
A couple of times. Only cause they weren’t attractive.
I never have. I just don’t feel comfortable. I have had long term partners most of my life so there hasn’t been much need.
It’s kind of awkward. One night stands feel kinda weird going from 0-100 immediately. Never had an opportunity that felt right. I avoided casual hook ups cuz feelings always get involved and at some point you’re either going to escalate the relationship, or break it off, id rather just not start up with that in the first place.
Idk if i really believe all of that but whenever ive been presented with these situations, they boil down to the two above feelings resulting in not engaging in hook ups
I am terrible as subtle cues. So much I’ve realized I had a lot of women making passes. I am also quite introverted so I don’t really do small talk. That being said I’ve done it once and didn’t really like the feeling the next morning. It’s to cold
Few and far between.
I have had some hot encounters, but I’ve walked away from many more. At the time I just wasn’t ready for sex with a stranger. I guess I just wanted the experience to be something shared, something special, and I didn’t know how to do that with somebody I didn’t know. I was repressed, maybe not so body confident, so many things went into it. Now, however, I am more accepting of myself and willing to take a chance with others who I seem to get along with.
I had one , one time . I didn’t enjoy it . I couldn’t finish.
I need to be into someone to enjoy the sex / finish.
Not everything is about sex.
Nope, never. Only had a couple of chances, and I dodged them with very lame excuses.
The one time I said I needed the toilet and started to walk away. She took my hand and started to come with me, and I near about crapped my pants, realising she probably thought I wanted to go somewhere with privacy and do it right there and then. I bloody well ran!
Definitely not now because I’m married. But even before then I’d have to know the person very well, for months at least.
Religious reasons
yes there are many of us. The internet just acts like everyone loves hookup culture but thats not true. There are plenty of us that are completely against it
I married my girlfriend from middle school, she passed away in 2017 at 25. Now I’m 34 and engaged again. In the interim between my late wife and my fiance, I was looking for a real connection and not for casual sex. No judgement on anyone’s approach to sex, I had a different experience than many people in having the fortune of having an amazing connection with someone while I was still a kid, and then again with basically my 3rd romantic partner in life (I dated another woman for a few months but we didn’t really click). I had a few obvious opportunities while I was single but it didn’t feel like me.
Yes because I quickly learned that going for the flesh is not a great way to fill the holes in my heart.
Not never. Had my fair share until realising how shallow and vane it all is. Plus the fact that you can never really go about it without hurting other people or being indirectly involved in hurting others (people feeling rejected etc).
My personal experience was that most hookups are for validation. I wish people who are in that phase the best and the last thing I want is take advantage of that weak position.
Am still open for a fwb situation since i can’t focus on building a relationship/family for the next 3-4 years. But if and only if all those criteria are checked out.  I’d imagine I would wanna be atleast good friends with that person in that case Â
Never in my life have I done hook ups. To me it feels meaningless without the romantic connection.
Because I’m married and even if I could somehow be 100% sure she would never find out, it would still weigh on my conscience. I could never live with that guilt. It would eat at me every time I looked at her or my kids. It’s a line I wont cross.
Tried hookups once, found out really quick that they weren’t for me. I don’t like having sex with a woman I just met with whom I have no emotional stakes or ties. Making love feels a lot better than fucking.
Plenty, there are a lot of guys who have standards and values and aren’t hoes lol.
Just never felt comfortable with the actual act of being intimate with someone I wasn’t close to. Don’t get me wrong, in my 20s I was horny as heck and pursued hookups. However, any time things started moving in that direction, I would feel uncomfortable and shy away. I probably left a couple of women very confused.
At some point, I just accepted that I wasn’t a hookup person.
This was me after some years after college.
It was very easy for me to find hookups and ons all through my early adult years. I inevitably realized I couldn’t have sex with my love because I used sex as an incentive to hang out with girls with no emotional attachment to them to the point where it was hard for me to have sex with someone meaningful because it felt like I was degrading them due to my perspective of sex at that time.
This made me go abstinence for about 5 years. I didn’t talk to females but I would Masterbate to get it out every once in a while .
The part I wasn’t prepared for was once I finally ended my abstinence, I felt like a virgin. My sex game was still the same but my confidence in making the first move or even reaching out to a booth call were gon. I felt like I lost all my game but once I met the love of my life ,going abstinence for the 5 years prior was the best decision for me sex addict self
Well what was supposed to be a simple hookup for a night in Florence ended up to be one date that turned into several dates and now I have moved to a different continent so yeah apperantly I sure suck at this thing called hookups.
I never engaged because I never had occasions, and I don’t know how to create them.
Not since I met my wife
Yes bad vibes
I have in the past but now for the first time I feel amazing with the person I’m with. Right before her I honestly stopped finding satisfaction in women. Not to count cheesy, I just started working on myself and funny enough, I found the woman that checked all of my boxes. I don’t find most women I engage with very interesting if I’m being honest.
Yes.
The thought of being with a girl that is hooking up with other guys 🤮🤢🤮
I’m too damn nice of a guy and I hate it. My greatest strength and weakness.
I turned down plenty of hookups if I wasn’t into the girl, she was too drunk, we didn’t have protection, I had a bad vibe, etc.
I did a few times. Before I was married, I was too anxious and had too low of self-esteem to realize I was being hit on. After I got married, well, I’m just not into sex with others when I’m in a committed relationship. I’d like to believe I just have high morals, but the truth is it’s not that big an interest for me. If it was, I would probably have weakened and given in to it.
Yeah, it doesn’t interest me at all. My sex drive is weird, while I could do it, my interest in doing it is non existent. I only feel genuine sexual desire when it’s somebody I have a deep emotional connection with, and even then it’s mostly reactionary. Do hook ups have zero interest for me, though I wish they did because I’d have far more success in that. Trying to find a woman who’s willing to take things slow feels impossible.
I’ve had one “one night stand” in my life and it was actually with a person I know. Main thing for me personally is I just don’t really think sex is that great so it’s not something I seek out regularly.
I have never taken someone home from a bar or some random encounter.
I was always worri3d about disease or fatherhood.
Also, when my friends got hammered, they all wanted an easy lay.
Me? Nachos.
I hooked up a bunch (which is relative, to me it’s a bunch) during high school until I got into a relationship senior year until near the end of Uni.
To be honest I have the opportunity if I still want to hook up but just to me, it now feels gross. I don’t want to say regret out of respect for the girls that I shared those experiences when I was young but if I could take it back I would.
After I graduated I did hook up a few times. I guess something I did to try to get over my ex. And yea it just wasn’t for me anymore.
It does suck as I’m very busy with job and life in general that even though I want to have sex life, I don’t want to hook up and it feel weird to TRY to get into a relationship just for sex. I kinda want it to naturally occur, granted I’m still in my early 20s so I have time. I’m sure older (late 20 to 30s) people would have differing opinions lol
Did it once, found it very dehumanising, and didn’t go for it again.
Because just knowing I could was enough for me. Left me feeling plenty good about myself and guaranteed none of the unpleasant possibilities afterwards
I’m 39, married with two kids. I regret not trying a hookup in college. I know it probably wouldn’t have been meaningful or memorable but it’s just something that I kinda feel like I missed.
Yea. I guess I just don’t see the majority of women worth the hassle that comes with it
Yes there are. From what I can tell it’s almost always because of religious beliefs or a taboo regarding hookups. Knew a guy that quite literally had a few girls throw themselves at him on several occasions but he never budged.
It became quite impressive really.
I’ve never had a one night stand, if that is what you are asking
Sex was always something meaningful after the relationship was solid.
50 yrs old
I’ve always had long term relationships. I’ve had many opportunities for hookups but I’m particular with who I have sex with. Many of them were not particularly attractive, seemed skanky, or seemed to have mental issues. There may be some I have misjudged but I’m happy to not have any crazy women in my life and no STDs that I know of.
It’s always been as simple as not wanting to hurt anybody and not wanting to get hurt either.
If I’ve been in relationships at the time, I just said no to not hurt my partner, and also because I’d hate myself for being unfaithful.
If I’ve been single, it’s just been about avoiding hooking up with a chick who’s in some sort of relarionship. I don’t wanna be ‘the other guy’ who ends up destroying somebody’s life. No punani’s good enough to take that risk.
Yes, lots of men have had the opportunity and never have. I had offers several times, even drove a drunk girl home and put her on the couch and left.
I don’t like the idea of casual sex, I think it’s gross, spreads diseases, messes with a person’s emotional health all and more.
Yes, never felt the urge to have sex with a random woman just because she’s keen. Also STD’s are real and why risk it?
Yes, because of their morals and beliefs.Some guys wait and reserve themselves. It’s also how they were raised, and their experiences that impacted them that made those decisions. It’s who they are as people. That veil that lands on like in this example of this situation men as a certain thing is not everyone, it may be a lot of them, but not all of them.
How they were raised impacts their morals, reactions, responses and perspective.
Had to give it a shot one time to realize hookup lacks substance. It really didn’t feel great
I never seem to catch the signals until 3 to 10 years later
Yes there 100% is
Only had 1 one night stand. It was completely unexpected and I discovered I wasn’t missing anything.
I just can’t, I need an emotional connection and want to be in love with a woman to share myself like that. Definitely sucks cause it’s hard to get laid with this mentality but at least I don’t feel disgusted with myself.
I have never done/wanted anything casual, even when given the opportunity. I feel like it’s a special bond and I honestly can’t get into it unless I’m with that special person.
Well, I didn’t have the opportunity (or if I had I never saw it), but I would not have engaged in a hookup if it ever presented itself.
It just isn’t my conception of relationships. I don’t necessarily want to be in love or in a relationship to have sex, but at least I need some level of emotionnal intimacy, and I’m not sure I could get it during a hookup.
When you chase sex with woman to validate your self worth you have bigger issues. Sex needs to be more than just friction. There has to be some kind of long term goals or at least the intent to follow something long term.
The more people you sleep with the less likely you are to find a lasting relationship. Say what you will about sex positivity. But there is a reason relationships lasted longer back in the day.
If I’m going to expect my wife to have a low body count. I have to hold myself to the same set of standards. It can’t be this I was sowing my wild oats nonsense.
thatisall
I can count on one hand the number of hookups I’ve had in my life. Prefer quality relationships. Now with my life partner.
You walk away from hookups feeling empty and I also felt gross. How can you share such intimacy and then act like complete strangers after. It’s sociopathic.
Just doesn’t feel good. It feels better with your partner or someone you have mutual chemistry
Sex without love seems very “meh”.
I used to try hooking up. I had the opportunity once, but when it came to taking it further, I rejected it because it didn’t feel right. Some sort of pre nut clarity. I told myself, “What are you even doing?” It was not that I wasn’t attracted physically, but even kissing felt very artificial. I felt like I was going to use someone else as a tool to get me off, and that turned me off immediately.
The one time I ended up “hooking up” with someone, we became long-term partners the same week since we loved each other anyway (but hadn’t started dating due to other circumstances. We said fuck it and dated anyway despite it).
Lack of confidence
Believe it or not some men want to wait until marriage and/or aren’t interested in having sex at all/until they find the right person.
I’ve had opportunities but always declined. Not interested in being intimate with someone I don’t really know. There has to be an emotional connection.
Honestly, when I was single, I wasn’t clued in when some girl was hitting on me. Years later, on like all of them, my mind just flashes back to something she might have said or done which was clearly an invitation but I didn’t get it. Welp, been married since I was 23 after college and now I’m 63, and perfectly happy. Always sort of wondered what I missed – but tbh, when I was single, I caught feelings too easily. I think anyone I took home or who took me home – I’d start to immediately like them. I think I’m the odd man out on this one
Sex without love is just sex and not necessary for me. I’ve had opportunities arise when sex was propositioned to me but I politely declined. Hookups are like masturbation with extra steps included. I don’t want to have to put in extra effort to masturbate.
I’ve had someone i considered the pinnacle of sexy, ask me to take her home, and i stood up and left without saying a word. I panicked because I’m too afraid of doing something wrong.
I also do not have the emotional openness to deal with such a situation pleasantly, and people who do, are always excluding people like me.
Last time i tried i felt like i had been molested.
The time before that i got reported to the police because i made a mistake and the person was influenced by the internet to see that as a sign of me being a molester. I wasn’t convicted, but 6 months of waiting to hear you’re not a criminal is enough to damage you permanently.
So here i am. Life sucks. I’m alone. and this situation had other consequences i do not want to get into.
I’d like to thank all the emotionally open people for systematically excluding those like me, without being able to provide even 5% of an explanation for what behavior i’m missing.
I learned it from a therapist now. People have mostly stopped treating me like shit. But my life is already half over, and it’s too late for many things.
I’d say yes. I consider myself a Christian and I care more about intimacy when it comes to sex. I remember making a dating post once, and a few ladies reached out looking for a hookup. While it’s flattering, it’s void of any real intimacy or feelings. That’s why paying for escorts or going to a gentleman’s club seems so depressing. There’s nothing behind the action other than scratching the itch.
Not always but there are some key moments that stand out.
Two women from my past were notorious for sending mixed signals to people. To the point I confronted both of them calling them out. They both would deny it.
In both cases I ended up in circumstances where we were in the same bed, once while traveling and once when the other needed a place to stay. At that point in my life it wasn’t uncommon to platonically sleep with other people. Kind of a weird concept to most people but pretty common for people in the rave/party scene.
Each of them went back on denying the mixed signals and expressed sexual interest. I pretended to be asleep both times.
Moral of the story don’t engage with people who give you wishy washy bullshit. It’s much healthier to have a partner who is direct and honest about their attraction than plays games out of insecurity and lust.
Can’t say I haven’t, but I lived a pretty mellow youth. The reason? I guess I was a “hopeless romantic” when young and got it crushed out of my system by a couple of relationships. I thread dating very lightly after that and was very cautious about hookups. Had a few but was never confortable with them.
For me at least I never thought I had sex with anyone,but I did and it was with my ex best friend at the and i genuinely didn’t know what to do and hell I don’t think I wanted to.I really only did it for the person who I was doing it with.but after all that I was kinda numb to it and silent thinking what to do or say,she was a lovely individual did so much tho I just don’t know what to do.
Yeah. Serial monogamist.
Yeaaah idk just I haven’t known them for so long and stuff
Couldn’t tell if she was into me
I’ve had the opportunity quite a few times, Some with attractive women, Some with not so attractive women but I just can’t do it. Not sure why.
Not me. When I was younger, manwhore. There, I said it!
I was raised right
I am too nervous with someone I don’t know
Hi.
I’ve always been a bit… dense. It was just last year that I realized a woman called me to her house as a booty call when I was 19. I’m 33 now…
Also a woman had been all but r@ping me when I’d gone to her home to hang out once. I thought she was playing around… I was wrong. When I’d finally realized, it made sense as to why she stopped talking to me after that. She thought I was blowing her off but really, I had 0 clue.
I also realized that a woman who was very aggressive in trying to date me, was actually not messing with me, she legitimately wanted to date me… she even came to my job by herself and when no one was around, asked for my number. I just laughed and gave her, her total without realizing. I still feel bad over that one. She was a really nice lady. I Wish I could go back. Or atleast apologize.
After it all, though… I’m just not “hookup material.” I’m a slut but I’m a slut for ppl that I’m comfortable with. I’m scared of germs and std’s so I dont kiss ppl or even like getting too close to ppl. Which is really ironic because when I’m comfortable with someone in that way, the amount of ho sh!t I do for and to them is insane.
So… yea. I’m just hardwired not to be that way. I hope this helps.
Because I fumble at the goal line.
It really depends on what we think about the woman, I have definitely told women no
Its a vulnerability for anyone. Men don’t just hook up with whoever and women have sex drives too.
With me it was my anxiety. I would worry, will I be able to perform , will I satisfy her. Really messed me up in the head . Still affects me now not as bad though.
I want to actually be loved, not just a one time thing. I need the connection, the relationship, and the lifetime commitment before having sex.
I had one ONS. Left me feeling so hollow and unfulfilled after I swore off them. I was in my 30s already by then. Was between wife #1 and #2, didn’t want to get super involved with anyone and hooked up with her. Wouldn’t say I regret it, but it’s not something I want to repeat. Someone described me as demisexual because I need to feel some kind of connection to my partner to enjoy it. Which sucks when you’re high libido, single, and not looking for a relationship.