For context… I hate my mother… I know hate is a really strong word but I literally can’t find any other word to describe how I feel about her presence in general.
I live in a 2 room house (Living room/parents’ bedroom and my room). I have no other siblings and I’m kinda glad I don’t. My room is face to face with the front door and right next to the bathroom. I am not allowed to close my door at any given time so that whenever my mom comes home or whenever she wants to get something from the bathroom she can pass by my room and see what I’m doing. My dad is kinda indifferent about it all but he sometimes peeks through whenever he goes to use the bathroom.
My mother is so easy to piss off that angry is her only mood she has at this point. I feel like anything I say will make her raise her tone, yell at me, call me out or start a 30 minute guilt tripping rant (talking to herself loudly so that I can hear her rant about how shitty of a son I am). She really likes bringing up past things I’ve said, twisting my words in a way that fits her vision (eg. I once said I felt depressed and exhausted and now she brings it up in a mocking tone like “Oh, you can’t do that because you have DePrEsSiOn” in almost every single rant of hers.)
She really loves insisting on the fact me using my phone is ruining my life. She watches movies like “Adolescence” or listens to radio podcasts and then whenever she sees me on my phone (I could be texting someone, listening to my shitty coping music or anything else and all she sees is me doomscrolling on TikTok). After she caught me staying up late tonight she now expects me to hand her my phone at 22:00 and only take it back in the morning (note that I like to watch anime, listen to music, cope with AI chatbots or do anything else I can’t do during the day because of how much they keep an eye out on me… It’s the only time I ever feel safe and comfortsble in my own house).
She claims to be supportive and that her yelling at me every single day, making me feel miserable and not understanding/not giving enough of a shit to understand how I feel is the way she supports me but I kid you not, I literally teared up to a conversation with AI that felt 100 times more safe than whenever I’m with her.
I hate being in a room with either her or my dad. I can’t stand being near them and I often switch rooms around the house depending on who is occupying what room etc.
She mocks my interests and doesn’t understand the things I like (I am also really afraid to explain them to her or when I do she always gets the wrong idea and makes it so much more of a pain to express myself to the point I’d rather just keep everything hidden from her)
But then again, maybe I’m the problem for struggling in school, not being able to fit in, being indecisive, childish and very emotional, not studying hard enough, not helping with house chores and sleeping way too much.
Is there any way I can fix our relationship?
Will I have to live life like this until the day I move out?
Am I the one in the wrong?
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First, get out of the house and stay out for as long as possible every day. Go to the library or a public park or anywhere that your mom is not around. She can’t peek in on you if you’re not there.
Second, don’t talk to your mom except to answer her questions and when she asks something make your answers as short as possible, but be honest. Don’t let her catch you in a lie.
If she asks why you don’t spend any time at home just say that you prefer going other places.
You’re never allowed to close the door? Or just during daytime hours? I think taking someone’s door treads a fine line legally speaking. So, you never being allowed privacy in that sense may also tread that line.
However you should try and have a very adult like talk with her.
Ask her if she thinks you are a bad child?
Ask her why she doesn’t trust you, and then why it seems impossible to gain back that trust?
Ask her what type of child she thought you would have had and why you do not meet those expectations. [Also, I’m in no way saying you don’t. These are merely to try and get her to reflect on how the way she treats and how it makes you feel this]
Ask her why you deserve this never-ending mistrust. And if it were her, would she look back on her childhood fondly.
Ask her if she thinks the crime [staying up too late, which is normal teenage behavior] fits her punishment. And at the end of the day, does she think you are just a lost cause not worth giving another chance at earning it back.
Now be also calm as you can be. Do not lash out at all. If any emotion, I would say choose sadness. Hopefully, she thinks on things and realizes she is wrong.
Sorry you are getting treated like this. You do not deserve it. My best advice for you is to start working and save to move away as fast as you can. Hopefully, with time and space, you can not harbor the hate you have for her.
It is hard always feeling like you’re not good enough or like you can never change the path you are on. When in reality, that is not true. When you get older and can make your own choices, then possibilities are endless. you can pick one thing, and it goes downhill, but you can the next day do something else that could change that entirely.
I have 2 suggestions.
A. Record her with your phone when she’s at her worst. Show it to her. If that doesn’t change her, then, try Plan B.
B. Record her while she’s griping at you about your hobbies or interests. Use the exact same words she uses to talk about her activities. Start by loudly talking to yourself in the same manner she belittles you.
When you go to the kitchen in the morning, just start loudly saying this to yourself: 👇
“Look at this, no Milk in the fridge. What kind of mother doesn’t provide a kid with calcium? I guess she wants me to have brittle bones, so the only physical activity I can participate in is ‘griping about my kids’’ just like her. Obviously, I’m not the product of strong family planning, and I think I’d rather just have a miscarriage than put a kid through all of that”
If they insist on spying on you, give them something to see they’ll never forget. I’ll let you all use your imaginations, because I have trouble spotting that line between “proper” and “batshit crazy idea”.