Really looking for advice from single mothers about how it’s truly been for you?? I’m 8w FTM 35F from a hook up, the FOB doesn’t want a kid and lives in another state.
What do you recommend for getting through it alone?
Do you regret having to go it alone?
What’s the good and bad of it all? Obviously will vary with each person. I’m just still really trying to think through all options here…
How has it been with trying to date with a kid or is that not even a priority?
Comments
I was in same situation and it ended up being best thing that ever happened to me. The guy doesn’t have to be in her life but he doesn’t have a choice about child support. He will have to pay.
I am a single mom by choice. I opted in to having a baby solo via a donor. I did a lot of research and therapy before pursuing this path. It is hard. A solid support system has been critical for me – we live near my parents who help out and we have a wonderful nanny. Do you have family nearby you can count on? A good daycare or nanny?
I dipped my toes in the dating water earlier this year but I took them right back out. My two priorities are my daughter and my career and I don’t have the mental bandwidth to explore relationships. Perhaps when she is of school age I will be open to it. That’s just my personal experience.
No regrets. As tired as I can be these days, I feel fulfilled and our household is peaceful and stable, and that matters most to me.
Can you financially afford childcare, and all of the things that go along with a child? Do you have a great support system of family and friends close by? Are you absolutely sure you want a child? These things will absolutely affect how hard it is. I have an education and decent job. I receive child support. I have a pretty great support system. I wouldn’t have chosen this, but this is the life my kids and I have. It is hard, very hard. I am nervous about dating because of all of the horror stories about abuse.
Hangout with friends and family with your baby as much as you can. As for dating, the right man won’t care if you have a kid or not. If he doesn’t want kids, he’s not for you. They are out there
Hi, solo mom that was widowed when I was 6 months pregnant thanks to a rare cancer, a little over 3 years ago. My late partner and I were together for 13 years. I never thought I’d be a solo mom, or grieving so much in my 30s either.
I don’t regret having our baby, but it’s definitely hard. Since his dad isn’t here, I can’t relate to many single parents that have half time custody. Making every decision and having all responsibilities solo is really exhausting. I didn’t have the space or energy or headspace to even think about dating for the first year, but it’s been something I’ve been trying to do in the last year. I’ve never dated as a non-solo parent, really (his dad and I met when we were 21) so it’s hard to compare, but it’s not easy either.
I’ve been lucky to have met mostly nice men, just unfortunately not quite what I’m looking mg for so far. I’m not meeting anyone who doesn’t want to date a single mom, so I don’t know how much of the dating pool is not accessible to me.
I don’t know if there’s advice….but it definitely helps to have people in your life that you can relate to. I think the first year or so you probably won’t have time or energy to think about dating- you’ll probably be just tired. But as baby gets older, there are more and more moments of fun with them as you see them grow into a person. I miss his dad a lot and it’s nice to see bits of his dad’s personality in him.
I’m just an average woman not like a super mom and honestly I don’t think it’s that hard. I mean parenting is hard but I honestly don’t think single parenting is any more difficult than what I see my coupled mom friends experience. The trade off is I don’t have a second income or a second set of hands but I also don’t have to balance a relationship on top of parenting.
Dating has sort of dropped in priority. Baby sitters are like $25 an hour and I’d honestly rather spend my time with my kid. I’m open to meeting someone in real life but the apps and small talk and first dates just sounds exhausting.
Right now life is toy trucks and cheerios and bubbles and laughter and yes, the occasional tantrum in the grocery store. It’s good, no regrets here.
Assemble the village
I’ve been a single mom since my kiddo was 6 months. It’s hard and lonely while also being rewarding an amazing. When it’s just us – it’s cool because it’s just us. I can do / what I need without asking someone else. But when it’s just us – that also means it’s just us – for all the hard too. Depending on your financial situation, it could be enjoyable. If you’re paycheck to paycheck it could be stressful. I don’t regret my choice – I do pray for a partner. Dating is hard due to having limited availability but as I said – I’m still praying for a partner. You got this mama!!!
Get a “toolbox” of what brings you comfort & use it when you need it 💕
The hardest situations I’ve seen are where the mom develops a health issue, making it hard for them to balance parenting and work, or where the child has a health or other issue that makes their attendance in childcare/school difficult to impossible at times. Like child full out refusing to go to school or getting kicked out.
Build your village and think about how you’ll handle childcare issues. Ideally you can make some friends who are supportive or fellow parents – having one child can be hard if you have a very social or active kid to keep busy on your own so having a bestie for your kid will help.
Lots of men are willing to date single moms (contrary to the threads on reddit), and no/limited dad in the picture would be a bonus for most, excepting that it means less/no childfree time.
As a solo mom, it is extremely hard, but worth it. Having the full weight of responsibility is empowering in many ways, but it is also emotional/physically demanding. Some times I cry from pure exhaustion, but I laugh and smile most days. Not having to share your baby is actually kind of nice, as the bond becomes extremely strong and you can parent anyway you see fit without argument.
Having to navigate childcare, safe transportation, sick days and doctor’s appointments as a single parent were the biggest stressors. Especially as a single breadwinner. I remember late nights staying awake chronically worrying how I’m going to manage responsibility A when B was going on (whatever the scenario). Having children is rewarding, and I love being a mother, but I never want to be a single parent again.
I am a single mom by choice and, when I head my friends talking about their husbands, I often think I have it much easier. There are no unfulfilled expectations since it is just me. There’s no one needing me to be a partner.
Granted, I do everything: every school and daycare drop off and pick up (I have 2 children, a toddler and an 8 month old), every night feed, every cry. But I also get every kiss, everry cuddle, every book to read, every bottle to feed, every chuckle in the bathtub, everything they discover.
I get all the lows (that aren’t that many) but I get all the highs. And those are many.
Parenthood has been wonderful for me. Children have to discover the world and they see the magic of it. It is such a joy to see these little helpless humans grow into independent little people. And it goed in the blink of an eye. (It is often said that the days are long but the years are short. And my, my is that true)
My baby is now 8 months. He holds his little hands out to me when he wants me to pick him up. My heart explodes each time he opens and closes his hands.
My toddler is 3 and hear his little voice sign songs all day long is heavenly, even if he can’t keep a tune. Through his play, I learn so much of what is going on in his life.
I will say: I live in a country with affordable daycare. I have an above average paying job. I think it helps when you have a few ducks in order. My life outside my children does not give me extra stress.
It’s so hard to date but I’m also biracial black and white so that’s another huge issue for men and then you mix in my twin boys that are 9. I’m convinced no man will ever love me. I’m literally just living for these kids. I hate it. I really just want to die, but I can’t. I gotta keep going.