TL;DR: Is it shameful for an autistic person to receive disability benefits (in my case the Ontario Disability Support Program, ODSP)? I know it’s more ethical for me to not accept the help, but I can’t afford my medication, and crisis center staff always say I really need to apply. Do I have a moral responsibility to not go ahead with my application?
27M in Ontario, Canada here. I’m diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and despite the fact that I ALWAYS try my best and put in 110% effort in my work, I’ve never been able to hold down a full-time job for more than a few months. I end up having meltdowns where I’m so afraid of going back to work that I end up screaming and hitting myself in the head while on the floor in the fetal position.
It is so hard to constantly monitor my facial expression, tone of voice, words I’m saying, etc. to ensure that I am behaving in an adequately professional way. Similarly, when speaking to someone casually in the workplace, it is beyond exhausting to mimic the way they speak and act in order to not make them uncomfortable with my natural awkwardness. I also struggle to keep my attention on the same thing for that many hours at a time.
PLEASE understand that I am beyond disgusted by myself for having these difficulties. I would NEVER choose to be autistic and I can’t explain how sorry I am that the world around me has to tolerate my existence.
I am SO SORRY that I am like this. The fact that I even exist is disgusting when I struggle to tolerate being at a job for 8 to 9 hours a day, five consecutive days a week, every week for decades. I honestly have NO IDEA how people tolerate working full-time well enough to not want to end things, and my difficulty in tolerating full-time jobs disgusts me.
I go to the mental health crisis centre regularly, and they have always practically begged me to apply for ODSP. I started an application last year, but I never went through with it as I felt I was too privileged/not disabled enough to deserve it. I can’t afford the medication that I need so my parents pay for it (I’m SO sorry for that), and that was the thing that inspired me to apply again. I can’t ever get myself to want to help myself as I’ve hated myself since childhood, but I always want to help others. I feel so terrible that my parents have to pay for my medication, but it would be completely covered by ODSP.
This week I’m seeing a CHMA case worker to help me with my ODSP application, and to help me going forward in finding work. I DO want to work, and I AM DISGUSTED by the prospect of me being a parasite, but I’ve also been told countless times that being as hard on myself as possible is bad for me, and that accepting help isn’t a bad thing.
What do you think? Would it be shameful for me to receive ODSP benefits? I know I would be stealing money from the people who are in my exact situation but refuse to give up, and obviously those people are morally superior to me, so I don’t know if I should go forward with this. I will see the CMHA case worker this week, and I will ask their opinion on this whole matter as well. Thanks so much for reading, and I’m so sorry that I struggle to maintain a full-time job.
EDIT: Most comments I’ve received are encouraging me to apply, but I’m still not sure. I need to keep in mind that working full-time sucks for everyone, and I don’t deserve anything extra just because I have a condition. I’m not saying I will or won’t apply, but I’m still unsure.
Comments
no, that’s what those benefits are there for. that’s the whole reason they exist. the whole point of having a society is to ensure that folks have their needs met, and that includes folks like you, and me, and so many others.
you don’t need to apologize, i’m so sorry society makes you feel like you have to.
I’m a social worker who works with the disabled. I don’t think there is anything wrong with collecting benefits. Some of the most amazing people I know collect benefits. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. I can tell you want to work. In the US, where I’m from, people can sometimes work partial and collect partial benefits. Maybe you can do that too. Or perhaps working with a “job coach” as well call them to help you find a job that suits your needs. Hope this helps.
If your disability prevents you from affording life, then yes, you should accept disability benefits.
no
The experts helping you are telling you to apply for benefits, so you should apply. They know what’s going on better than Reddit strangers do. If your application is accepted, that means you are a person they want to help, and you shouldn’t feel like it’s unethical to accept that help.
You should not feel ashamed for having autism. It is a part of you and not in your control. Taking some financial pressure off may help you better come to terms with it, because you seem to have a lot of internalized anger.
A disability is anything that prevents you from ‘normal’ activities, like work or taking care of yourself. I’m on disability for a physical issue, but mental health issues are just as valid as physical ones. Asking for or receiving help is not something you should be ashamed of. If you need it, you need it – there’s no reason that you should suffer when you have an illness that you can’t control. Look up internalized ableism, because I think that’s something that’s preventing you from getting help. Its something that many disabled people, including myself, struggle with.
If you honestly qualify for them, there’s no shame in taking them. It would only be wrong/shameful if you lied about your situation or health issues in order to qualify (which isn’t the case here).
Autism is a spectrum. No one on Reddit is going to be able to tell from a post whether your particular case means you should be on disability benefits. That’s between you, your doctor, and the Canadian government. Certainly, there are cases where disability benefits are warranted, just as there are cases where they aren’t.
If you qualify for the benefits, it’s not unethical to accept them. You qualify for a reason and you need them for a reason, don’t let anyone shame you about it
If you didn’t need them, you wouldn’t qualify
No, there is no shame in accepting government help for something that prevents you from otherwise living a normal life. You can’t control that you’re autistic, you can’t control that it takes you every fiber of being and then some to do something basic like hold a conversation, and you can’t control that the working world doesn’t accommodate your condition to allow you to afford basic things like the medication that makes your whole life easier. Your frustrations are valid and you’ve done well to last so long without help, but the program is there to make your life easier, because you have a right to live like everyone else. There is nothing immoral about accepting help from the very thing that exists to help you.
If you qualify then you qualify and that’s all there is to it. It’s only shameful if you lie.
I don’t know who put such wrong ideas in your head but benefits are made to help people like us who need them.
If you are capable of working, yes. If you are incapable of working, no.
That is the answer despite the specific disability.
If you qualify, it would seem the officials agree that you are incapable of working. So, i wouldn’t worry about it.
I want to say right out of the gate that you do not have to apologize for existing. I know there are those who despise the idea of government assistance, and it sounds like you either are one of those people, or know many people who think that way – but your value as a person is not determined by how productive you are. Being here, surviving, caring about one another – that says so much more to me about a person’s worth than how much they add to a company’s bottom line.
To your question specifically – is it unethical for someone to access and use ODSP, at all? I do not believe the existence of the program is unethical in the slightest. In fact, I think having a strong social safety net to help support people who cannot work, or who struggle with maintaining a full-time position is extremely ethical. I don’t like the idea of a society that has so little compassion for one another that we will willingly abandon those who do not fit neatly into our capitalistic mold.
I believe that all people should be able to have access to the bare necessities – food, shelter, etc. ODSP can help provide that for you, if you are ultimately accepted. Some people seem to think that those accessing support like ODSP are living some kind of high roller life, but the reality is that an individual would earn more working a minimum wage, full-time job. ODSP isn’t a luxurious handout, it’s a lifeline that helps people survive, and hopefully find some level of stability in their life. If you do get ODSP and are able to work part-time hours, I believe you can earn up to $1000 a month before they begin to claw back your ODSP support.
All of this being said – filling out the application does not automatically mean you will be accepted – I also understand that sometimes people do not get accepted on the first go-around and need to resubmit the application. I wouldn’t get too bogged down in those details, I’m just letting you know that upfront now.
I know it is not necessarily easy to find and access, but it sounds like you should try to seek some sort of free counselling supports to help you with how you see yourself and the world, because it seems like you have a lot of negative feelings about yourself.
Good luck friend. I hope you find compassion and support from others, but especially from yourself. You’re not alone in this.
This is heartbreaking to read. There is nothing wrong with you. You need to work with your brain, not against it. You need to accept the help the system is giving you. Use it for medication, therapy, whatever makes you able to live your best life and be your best self. You deserve to be as much a part of this world as anyone else. You are not stealing other people’s money. Your struggles are very real and very valid, and you do not have to apologize for them all of the time. You are unhappy because you are trying to force yourself to function exactly the way a neurotypical person does, and because you’re convinced you are inferior. You have to work on self-acceptance. You have to find the things that work for you. Yes, it is very frustrating to struggle with social interactions that seem so simple to everyone else. The thing is, there’s more than one acceptable way to behave. Just because people don’t accept you, doesn’t mean you’re wrong or lesser. I really hope this is something you can work on for yourself. It will be easier to function in society when you’re not always assuming you’re in the wrong.
Hiiii fellow Ontario resident!! Go apply please!! You’re in the exact situation the program was designed for. Please, please also look into the disability tax credit. You might be able to receive back pay for it going back 10 years (I think?). Just make sure to go through your Dr and not some scummy agency who is just going to take a chunk of your money. My sister worked at one, it’s a rip off.
I wouldn’t bother.
Didn’t you hear? It’ll be cured by september.
I’m gonna go against the grain and say yes. It’s shameful.
But my logic is different.
The thing is, it’s not okay for ANYONE to have to accept horrible conditions to afford the basic necessities.
And since 97% of us have to, no, you shouldn’t get a free pass.
Many of us cry, self harm, drink, commit suicide, because we can’t take this. You don’t deserve free money because you have a condition.
But to be clear. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be taken care of. I’m saying we ALL should be. But because none of us are, you shouldn’t get a free pass
OP, I live in Ontario. I pay taxes into the Ontario healthcare system so that anyone, and everyone, can access the medical care that you need.
ODSP exists so that you’re able to afford the medication that you need. Get the damn benefits, get the medication, and use it to build a life that’s better for you and for the people around you.
Whilst reading this post, I can very much see that you’ve got some rigorous beliefs. OP am I a parasite too because I’m on DSP? I spend a couple hundred a month on medicine and I don’t work anymore and the government pays for it. If your answer is ‘no you obviously need it’ then I suggest you tell yourself that in the mirror.
You can also one day get a job! This doesn’t have to be a forever thing. Why not take a little bit of money to help yourself reset and rekindle your health? Have you seen the way autistic people are being oppressed by certain governments? Take their money! Why not? You can always work in the future and also your value isn’t solely dependant on your work. Why not volunteer and take DSP?
Why would you believe reddit over people who know your situation
I want you to google Lime Connect and see if it’s in your area. It’s an agency that connects neurodiverse people with jobs in a way that they can be more successful than just walking in off the street getting a job.
It’s not shameful to apply for disability, not in the least. It’s what disability is for. You have to support yourself.
Best of luck