So my family was not so perfect by all means but we were a decent dysfunctional family. My dad always provided us everything we needed but was a lousy husband to my mother. Basically at age 17, he cheated on my mom with another woman who lived in Mexico. He married her and gave her papers and left our family to be with her. I resented him for what he did to our family & especially me. This happened back in 2014 and 2 years into his new life, he was diagnosed with kidney disease. He has been on dialysis for about 9 years now and had some scary hospitalizations but has been ok until now. He and I did not have a good relationship after what he did and I have expressed that to him before maybe 5-6 years ago and never spoke about it again but has always lingered in my mind. I have two beautiful boys (5 and now a 4 month old) and he’s met the older one a few times and the little one maybe once or twice. My dad was never brought up to being affectionate so sometimes it was hard for him to express himself. My dad would text me now and then to see how I was and sometimes but not so often go visit him but only to give him an opportunity to see his grandchildren. Anyways fast forward to today, I received a call from my brother who he lived with that my dad was having trouble breathing and was coughing blood so they took him to the hospital and told me that he was going to be intubated and that the doctor stated that he might not wake up again. I’m at a loss, I don’t know how to feel. He has had two opportunities for a lung transplant but something always happened and he never got those transplants. The last time which was recently back in February seemed like a miracle and it turned that he had a leaky valve so like always, it never worked out. Now, I’m here laying in bed, with my two babies, with mixed emotions of how this is going to turn out. I have not cried a tear yet but I feel like its gonna hit me like a ton of bricks if he dies. Despite what my dad did, I still love him. He gave me a good childhood. Yes, he was a horrible husband, but he was such a good dad. Does anyone have any advice? I think I’m about to lose my dad and seeing his name not appear on my phone anymore is giving me so much anxiety and fear that I have never experienced before. 💔🥺
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He was a good dad up until he wasn’t a good dad… I think you are going to feel conflicted about what’s happening no matter what as you have a complex relationship with him. What I would suggest is trying to see him so you can at least not end up thinking what if… Think about getting some councilling for complex grief as well. Good luck OP
It’s hard. I had a complicated relationship with my father as well. He just passed away at the end of 2024. I still have voicemails that I listen to. I miss his gravelly laugh, and his infectious smile.
Say the things you want to say now. Forgive what you can of the past. Say I love you. My dad was in a coma and intubated. I called, and my stepmom held the phone to his ear. I told him I love you, no hard feelings, and to save me a seat at the bar.
Sending hugs. It’s hard