i am f22 , every since i was a little kid i have felt like life is too much and since i have turned 20 it has gotten harder, i really wish i could die in my 20s or 30s but i have this gut feeling that i will die at like 100 or maybe 120, my paternal grandparents died in their 80s , maternal ones in their 50s and 60s but i feel like becayse i rarely get sick and want death so much it will take me last. and it depresses me i wanted to leave this world myself but i am scared of being disabled or living with permanant consequences to my body. any insight
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If you cant die early try and just make the best of living long if you always think negatively thats all youll experience.
Oh man. That’s pretty heavy. Why did you feel like life was too much as a kid?
Um, butter is your friend, then?
Sometimes I feel the same way, as if life were a sentence rather than an opportunity. As if the more you wanted it to end, the more it would insist on continuing.
I’ve also thought that I’m going to last a hundred years, just for the sake of it. Because there is something cruel in this world that leaves you just enough to continue existing, but not enough to live.
And I understand the fear of doing it yourself and being trapped in a body that hurts more than your mind.
That has stopped me many times. That and the thought that maybe, just maybe, at some point, there might be a respite. A second of calm.
I don’t have solutions. But I read you, and I see myself.
And believe it or not, that, sometimes, is the only thing that makes this place less cold.
20 is sooo young, if you live to a hundred you will have lived 5x the life you lived until now, things can change so much in just one year so it’s impossible to imagine how you will feel at 80, maybe you’ll find the love of your life, your best friends, a job you love that makes you feel fulfilled, projects you never even thought about, etc. Also being 20 kinda sucks, of course nobody would want to be 20 for 80 years, but hopefully you’re not a vampire so you probably can’t even imagine who that person is going to be, maybe your 50 years old self is a real badass that can’t believe you’re even thinking about this. When I was 20 I was thinking something pretty similar to this and now I’m just a few years older and my life drastically changer, for the better! Things change, you just have to recenter your life around what you really want out of life, appreciate the good moments, let go of things out of your control, care for the relationships that matter to you and put time into your dreams, you got this 💖
Okay, so take this with a grain of salt. My 20th birthday was my hardest birthday. I cried endlessly and was kicked out of the club I was at. I was so devastated that I wasn’t this child prodigy that had managed to have my life sorted and was a millionaire already. I was DUMB. I’m now in my late 30s, and I’m just getting my life together. Finally starting my career after several failed starts. And I’m happier and most importantly more content than I’ve ever been. And my life is NOTHING like I envisioned it.
Life is very much a journey. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Manage your expectations for yourself a bit. I don’t want to say lower them, but put forth some achievable goals. Rather than a grandiose idea, just a regular old goal. Set out a plan and do it. It doesn’t have to be something crazy. Just a hobby of some sort that gives you enjoyment. Learning a language or an instrument or whatever it is. And say I’m going to spend half an hour 5x a week doing this thing. Having goal oriented activities has helped me a lot in adulthood. Keeps me motivated.