So me and my man were having a hypothetical conversation and we were talking about cheating. We were talking about lots of different situations , not just cheating but other scenarios of people acting out of character and he mentioned something along the lines of what if it was “only a one night stand”. For context we often have thought provoking conversations similar to this. I gave my opinion that you can look at it like one night stands are purely physical or that they are worse as they are reckless and meaningless, whereas affairs could be sometimes that a relationship might be lacking which is why people seek out external things like emotional connection. The initial wording for what I said probably sounded like I was blaming the person who was cheated on and quite a superficial statement definitely open to be misinterpreted.
So…
I then tried to clarify what I meant and use an example of a person who talked to me about being in a physically / emotionally abusive relationship for decades and started falling for a man she worked with. I am able to understand how this could happen as I know in certain circumstances people have their confidence destroyed over time and it is elevated by another person which is where an emotional connection outside a relationship can form. I said sometimes one night stands are purely driven by sexual gratification and ego- I was purely stating that cheating is cheating but it can derive from different places. It’s always a choice and having being cheated on before I would NEVER condone it regardless of the circumstances. He’s saying I doubled down but I was just trying to add clarity to my statement. He had just stopped listening to me at this point.
He’s now twisted what I’ve said and said I’ve basically said cheating is justifiable and it’s concerning to him. I have always had such a strong stance on cheating and how much it affects the person beyond the end of that relationship. I would know, I’m still living with the betrayal trauma. I then got upset and tried to explain further to which it was met with “you said what you said” and “I don’t want to talk about this anymore” and “why are you getting so defensive”. I’m getting defensive because you are calling into question my morals, I’ve said over and over again I would NEVER cheat.
He then also mentioned how before I’ve discussed emotional distance in our relationship and how he’s been less communicative and he then said that’s what’s concerning him. I raised those things to help our connection. I just feel really hurt that what I’ve said has been twisted and used against me. What are your opinions? Is what I said wrong? He is now not talking to me at all
TL;DR- had hypothetical discussion about cheating. I raised that I never agree with cheating but mentioned that sometimes sustained emotional neglect/narc abuse can cause a person to look for eternal connection outside a relationship and used an example of a someone who told me about their abusive marriage. Now it’s been twisted to say I condone cheating and he’s concerned. I’ve been cheated on and under no circumstances condone cheating, I can just see there are many variables involved in human behaviour. Was I wrong?