If everything was pretty inexpensive, I’d see this differently, but it isn’t. Life is very expensive right now. It’s expensive for people to even just take care of themselves.
There are certainly people whose goal it is to be the breadwinner, take care of someone else financially, all that. If you find one of those, great! If you’re one of those, great!
However, if you find someone you really like, and that person really likes you to or is figuring out if they want to be with you, and they come to the determination that they don’t want to pursue anything further with you because your job isn’t good enough, then I sincerely believe that it’s most likely that that person simply doesn’t want to end up having to take care of you financially due to you being unable to afford to take care of yourself.
Of course, there are people that only want people who make tons and tons of money. That will always be the case. Of course. But, I really don’t think that’s what everyone expects. I think most people are pretty realistic, meaning that they just want to know that you’re not content stocking shelves at a gas station and living at your parents’ place forever, because that means that at some point you may reasonably come across hard financial times, and they can’t be financially responsible for you.
Yes, there are self-absorbed, materialistic people, who just “play into the system” or whatever. Since most people don’t become incredibly wealthy, I really don’t think that this is actually most people. I think most people just want to know that if worse comes to worst, they’re not going to have to deal with a conversation that goes something like “but you’re doing so well, please help me out,” when they’re just scraping by themselves, despite their salary looking like it’s impressive on paper.
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No one thinks that is a problem. People don’t like when others have a ridiculous standard that they themselves don’t even meet.
If you are a doctor and want to date someone on your own socioeconomic level, that’s not unreasonable. If you have some $40k a year job and expect your future partner to make at least $100k you are a shallow stuck up person.
I care more about dating someone with a good level of education and a career they care about
I think it’s reasonable to not want to be solely financially responsible for another person. To some people too It’s simply not attractive if the other person lacks any type of ambition.
It is superficial. Jobs can be lost, people change their mind and want to do something else. What are we going to do then? You gonna leave cause you don’t like my new job? Such a relationship is worthless and based on fed up values.
Better be honest upfront and say: “I will not going to sustain you financially”. That’s totally okay and one of the reasons why I don’t date traditional women, I just couldn’t care less sustaining an adult financially.
But when someone can sustain her/himself, why tf do you need to have an opinion about the job?
It would be more important to me dating someone with actual personality and an interest in me as a person. Transactional BS is a turn-off from the start.
LOL, it’s materialistic by definition. literally materialistic.
I don’t think this is actually an unpopular opinion.
Typically the reason people have issue with someone wanting a partner with a “decent job” is because that person doesn’t want someone stable, they want someone who is making double or triple what they make and want that person to take care of them. Which is fine if that’s what you both want but there are plenty of people who date others without telling them that’s what they need or they are “hobosexual” aka someone who works a decent job and then quits after moving in with a partner and then expects that partner to take care of them 100% without any prior agreement.
As long as they can live I guess it isn’t an issue. But given the rising cost of living, how long before things like romantic relationships and families are considered a privilege of the wealthy?
Its funny how men will determine a woman’s worth by her physical beauty – but that isn’t seen by society as a negative. Maybe by women, but not by society as a whole.
Meanwhile, these poor baby boys are being “victimized” by evil women who only like them for the money. The double standard is real.
You can rule if something is materialistic/self-absorbed without knowing the intention of the person with those standards.
People have those standards for very different reasons. There are absolutely cases where it is self-absorbed and materialistic. There are absolutely cases where someone has a realistic and practical stance.
Caring about finances when it comes to people you date is one of the least shallow things you can possibly care about. Wealth has a bigger influence on quality of life than almost anything else.
Of course not, but it makes those with shitty jobs feel bad, so many of them lash out about it being unfair. I don’t have a fruitful career so I too wish it weren’t something people considered when dating, but to judge someone for it is just a projection of your own envy. And because it’s something primarily women care about, throw in some added misogyny and you get men who think it’s more shallow than any of the reasons they might not want to date someone.
“You can fall in love with the CEO just as easily as with the janitor.”
Valuing security isn’t materialistic or self absorbed at all. There’s tons of people of all socio economic statuses who would make a great partner but it’s important to remember that love doesn’t pay the bills and love doesn’t feed you. I mean it might feed your soul but that won’t be much comfort when you starve to death. I think it’s great that some people don’t value their security and are willing to date anyone, but I really don’t think that that should be held up as any sort of ideal standard. Sure it’s romantic, but it’s also foolish.
As someone who is an immigrant who grew up poor with parents constantly fighting about money, yeah I agree. It’s just about being pragmatic and surviving in today’s world. I don’t want my daughter to grow up with the same issues I had. I wouldn’t put it as the top trait for a partner but it’s definitely top 3.
It rings a little hollow to claim it’s not materialistic to concern yourself with the material circumstances of others, imo. It is materialistic. Maybe just accept that it’s also pretty reasonable/practical and that you don’t have to present as peak morality at all times.
It’s sad that money fucks human relationships up in such a variety of ways. *Shrug*
In this world I would never date a man earning below 100k. If that makes me materialistic than so be it. On that same note, I have never encountered a man making that level of money who had any concerns about the amount of money I make.
As long as it’s always equal, perhaps. Definitely unpopular but maybe I guess, the real issue is usually people saying this are transparently looking to freeload and take advantage of someone else. They’re literally looking for a victim to attach to who will put up a one sided relationship. When people say they wanna be with a billionaire super model who spoils them, they hate being asked how that’s close to a fair or healthy relationship
that’s just prostitution, it’s a fact at this point
It is materialistic. But we live in an extremely materialistic society, so it’s kind of forced.
People will try to argue this then complain five to ten years later that their partner is cheating on them.
Totally agree. I live in Korea and a lot of westerners will look down on people here for wanting to be with someone that has their shit together but like come on. You seriously want to risk a life of scrimping and saving because you’re “in loooooove”?
You don’t need to be with someone you hate just because they’re wealthy, but at least be with someone who can hold down a stable job.
Your thinking about it wrong, the general thought is i want to be with someone who can support me/my family through any financial needs/ emergencies which is a very normal thought, nothing wrong with that, it’s to ve encouraged.
What is wrong and inherently negative is the idea “decent enough” jobs exist,
I’m lucky enough to be from Australia where it’s pretty good in terms of having less of a class divide than most OECD countries but the idea there a jobs that are inherently better than others is a classiest idea which is frankly detrimental to society, I objectively spend a lot more money/time on people in minimum wage jobs one they add significantly more comfort to my life than a surgeon,
I’m assuming you’re American where this issue is severely exacerbated by minimum wage not even close to covering cost of living, but the problem lies with society not individuals thoughts, however obviously people’s opinions dictate society as well
Just FYI before anyone assumes, im an engineer and don’t think my job is “more decent” than anyone else’s
Sometimes it is not even about necessarily the pay. A good job also comes with a good schedule, sick time, benefits and vacation time. As you get older these things matter more.