Background: My sister is in the ninth grade at a private school. She is at a private school because she just wasn’t doing well in public school. She’s going to be there all four years, and they don’t have a prom.
So my mom said she wanted me to take my sister to my senior prom. I told her she wouldn’t know anyone and it wouldn’t be very fun for her. My mom just told me that she’ll know me, and I better stick with her and not go off anywhere without her. But it’s my senior prom. It’s not just any old dance. I don’t want to have to look after my sister the whole night. And I don’t think my friends will really want a 14 year old around the whole time either. We’re all 17 and 18. I’m afraid no one will want to hang out with us.
Even though my sister won’t have a prom, I don’t think this will make up for it. She won’t know anybody, and her friends certainly won’t be there. She’ll also be 14 at a dance with 16, 17, and 18 year olds. I don’t know. Am I being petty?
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Background: My sister is in the ninth grade at a private school. She is at a private school because she just wasn’t doing well in public school. She’s going to be there all four years, and they don’t have a prom.
So my mom said she wanted me to take her to my senior prom. I told her she wouldn’t know anyone and it wouldn’t be very fun for her. My mom just told me that she’ll know me, and I better stick with her and not go off anywhere without her. But it’s my senior prom. It’s not just any old dance. I don’t want to have to look after my sister the whole night. And I don’t think my friends will really want a 14 year old around the whole time either. We’re all 17 and 18. I’m afraid no one will want to hang out with us.
Even though my sister won’t have a prom, I don’t think this will make up for it. She won’t know anybody, and her friends certainly won’t be there. She’ll also be 14 at a dance with 16, 17, and 18 year olds. I don’t know. Am I being petty?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am angry at my mom for making me take my little sister to my senior prom. I’d be the asshole because this might be the only formal dance she’ll get to attend.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your prom is for your, your Mum is invalidating that to make your sister feel better. How about in a few years your sister moves to a school with a prom, if getting one is important to her?
NTA, it’s your prom, and it wouldn’t be fair to you if you have to take her while watching her the whole time. It sounds odd to me your mom is encouraging her to be there with a bunch of 17/18-year-olds that she won’t know besides you.
You’re NTA. Your sister’s school not having a prom is not your problem. Forcing you to allow your 14 year old sister to chaperone you to yours is a terrible idea.
NTA.
A 14 year old has no business being at a senior prom.
Your senior prom is about you, not your sister.
NTA. No way your school will allow it – a 14 year old guest that doesn’t attend the school would probably cause their insurance policy to explode. Your mother is entirely in the wrong here.
NTA:
Your senior prom is a special night for you. You only get one, and your mother is silly as fuck for expecting you to sacrifice that so your sister gets an awkward night with no one she knows, making it an awkward night for you as well.
Absolutely silly, and she should read these comments. You’re not the asshole here. She is. Your sister can make her own friends and do her own thing. She still has 4 years ahead of her. This is your last year. Make the best of it. You’ll remember it for the rest of your life! 🙂
NTA
NTA.
Here is a note to your mom for when you show her this thread:
>Hi, I’m a mother too. I understand you feel bad for your daughter missing out on experiences she (and you) expected her to have. I get it sucks, and I get the desire to fix it.
However, what you are suggesting isn’t a good idea and isn’t actually kind to your daughter or your son (older child?).
The experience of going to prom with her own peers, her friends, and maybe a date can’t be replaced by awkwardly being your older sibling’s “date” with a bunch of other older teenagers who don’t know you and probably won’t want to talk to you. This will not be a good experience for your daughter. It’s going to be clear she’s there as a pity “date” or that you forced OP to invite her to your daughter and everyone else. It’s not normal to take your younger sibling to prom, it’s weird, and they might get teased for incest. While to adults like us 14 and 17 might seem really close in age, to kids that age it’s a huge difference. The seniors are not going to want to hang out with younger kid on the night they want to feel like grown ups. They also don’t know her, have nothing to say to her, and no real reason to want to get to know some kid who is weirdly their as their sibling’s date. This is not going to be the memory she missed out on, if anything it’s just going to show her other people having fun with their actual friends while dosen’t.
It’s also not nice to your son (or older daughter?). Do you care about their feelings? Having them tow a younger sibling along as their date to prom is really weird and embarrassing. Especially with your requirement that they never separate. It will also make any romance hard for your older kid, if you care about that. You will absolutely ruin their prom, and now you’ll just have two kids who didn’t get a normal prom.
Look, going to prom really isn’t that big of a deal. I know plenty of people who didn’t go to their senior proms and it’s just not a big deal to them in adulthood. But having the memory of your mom ruining your senior prom, or your mom forcing your big sibling to drag you around a party you are too young for that nobody wants you at, those memories will last and not be fun. Think about all the other kids at the private school without the prom. Are their parents going to have all their siblings take them on dates too? I assume they are just going to not have a prom and be totally fine like millions of other people.
That said, if this is an experience that you want your daughter to have, try to replicate it in a way that will actually be a good experience for your kids. Maybe you can join the private school’s PTA equivalent and see about volunteering to help set up some sort of dance? Or you could host a party yourself senior year for your daughter and her friends? Do something with your daughter’s actual peers, as that is what will make it a good experience for her.
NTA. “Mother, it is my senior prom. I, and I ALONE, will decide who goes with me. And if you should attempt any sort of emotional blackmail against me, then I will not be going. And I will resent you for the rest of your life for making this the necessary decision.”
Your mom is so wrong for even asking. Please don’t cave on this. Go have fun with your friends!!
NTA
also I highly doubt your school is gonna let her go to prom any way since you’ve said she’s had issues at public schools, so she’s probably already had a record there, she doesn’t go to that school and is only 14.
What’s next? Your honeymoon?
Oh no! NTA. Yikes.
When your little sister is a senior in high school, your mom can either work with the PTA to suggest a formal dance or even host a formal party at her house with all of the girls in nice dresses and the boys in at least collared shirts. But crashing your prom? Nope.
NTA. My kid transferred to a school with no prom; she made friends at the public HS and was able to go to their prom. This is your event not hers.
Nta Don’t flat out say no find an alternative or have a plan cause ur sis might not even want to go cause like u said she doesn’t know anyone so it might not be fun anyway or ur mom can just throw a dance at home for her and her friends she’s not even old enough to drive let alone go to a senior prom so like I said nta.
Just say no. That’s so unfair of your mother. This is your last big event of high school. You deserve to do it with your friends, not a tag-a-long. Perhaps your school has a rule for who can attend?? (Hopefully).
NTA. This is a very unfair thing for your mom to ask you to do. I’m sorry she’s even putting you in this situation.
There’s only one senior prom. It’s a special right of passage for you. You should not have to babysit your sister at it. This is totally unfair to you. You should refuse and get dad and every family member on your side about this.
NTA. If she socializes outside her school, she can be invited to someone else’s prom.
Is your li’l sis going to put out after the dance?
Your mom is not being fair to you. Say no.
no ur not overreacting i’d be so pissed this is literally our last prom (im a senior too) and she wants u to waste one of ur memories on taking ur sister??
NTA
Your mom is prioritizing you sister’s happiness over yours.
Tell your mom that if you take your sister to your senior prom, then you won’t have a senior prom, because it’s not really a prom if you take your sister. And your sister has three more years to date people from schools that do have proms.
Also, does your school by any chance have rules about students from other schools attending, or minimum age requirements for a senior prom? Are you friendly with an administrator who would be willing to enforce such a rule, just for you?
Goodness me ! Your mother is being entirely unreasonable and you can tell her that I said so. If she wants to take it up with me, I’ll be happy to discuss it with her
NTA.
Your mom has 3 years to contact parents at your sister’s school to arrange a prom for them. That is certainly an alternative.
Second, your sister could be dating someone at a different school in three years and actually go to a prom.
Your mom is sacrificing your prom for something your sister hasn’t even missed yet, and she still has open options.
Absolutely not
She doesn’t belong there because you don’t want her there and it’s your prom
NTA.
I wonder if your mom wants you to take your sister with you so that you won’t be on a date with someone else? I knew people in high school with parents who tried to make them go with a sibling or cousin so that they wouldn’t have a real date and maybe have sex.
NTA at all. Your prom is a reward for all the hard work you’ve put into studying and doing well at school. Your sister’s inability to work hard, resulting in her having to move school, is not your problem. She shouldn’t be rewarded for her failures. If she wants a proper prom experience, then she can make an agreement with your mother to study extra hard, put in the effort and if she does well, she can move back to her old public school and enjoy the rewards of prom when she reaches your current age. Nobody is “entitled” to a prom- it’s a nice thing to have but if someone hasn’t worked hard at school, they shouldn’t reap the same rewards as those who have worked hard to keep their grades up.
Also to add… prom is that last experience to enjoy with your peers, who have faced that journey together alongside you- that final collective experience before you part ways and embark upon your next chapters, separately. It’s about spending time together, and relaxing. Your sister would require your attention to be elsewhere, and also you wouldn’t be able to truly relax because of the fear that she might tell on you for behaving differently. Keep family and friends separately.