I was hired by my cousin to shoot her wedding (I was confirmed since August of last year, wedding is in may of this year). Now as we are weeks away from her wedding she informs me she has hired another photographer from another company and she would love for me and my team to work beside them and hopefully understand their vibe. This all started when the guest count for her ceremony and reception went up to number that would require me to bring someone from my team. When she informed me the guest count went up I told her I’d find a second photographer to assist me. She instead found another photographer (who is the main photographer of their respected company). I tried to explain to her hows it’s my responsibility to find a second photographer to shoot under me. Her response was “that’s fine, I’d now have 2 different types of edits for my wedding, 2 different styles”. I didn’t agree with that and tried to explain the difference of hiring 2 separate companies for the same purpose as opposed to 1 company with 2 photographers. I backed out and told her to stick to the other company she booked. Given my frustration I have decided to not attend the wedding at all. (My cousin doesn’t know this part). If you’re hiring me and my services you should trust me to handle the sourcing of a second photographer and be happy with my colors and style…
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I was hired by my cousin to shoot her wedding (I was confirmed since August of last year, wedding is in may of this year). Now as we are weeks away from her wedding she informs me she has hired another photographer from another company and she would love for me and my team to work beside them and hopefully understand their vibe. This all started when the guest count for her ceremony and reception went up to number that would require me to bring someone from my team. When she informed me the guest count went up I told her I’d find a second photographer to assist me. She instead found another photographer (who is the main photographer of their respected company). I tried to explain to her hows it’s my responsibility to find a second photographer to shoot under me. Her response was “that’s fine, I’d now have 2 different types of edits for my wedding, 2 different styles”. I didn’t agree with that and tried to explain the difference of hiring 2 separate companies for the same purpose as opposed to 1 company with 2 photographers. I backed out and told her to stick to the other company she booked. Given my frustration I have decided to not attend the wedding at all. (My cousin doesn’t know this part). If you’re hiring me and my services you should trust me to handle the sourcing of a second photographer and be happy with my colors and style…
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Action I took was backing out and not attending as a guest (she expects me to attend)
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I got married in Dec 2023 and it was in my contract that I couldn’t hire another (2nd) photographer. When I first read it, I thought to myself “there’s no way people actually do that” but alas, I clearly was wrong.
I would say, I completely understand your grief… HOWEVER, I do want to point something out here… Now I can’t tell how close you two are from this story- but she will probably never forgive you for not attending, or it will at least permanently damage your relationship. So if you’re not okay with that, I would reconsider attending.
My older brother did not attend my wedding, nor would he allow his daughters to be part of it because he is nocontact with my mom and other brother. And I’m not going to lie, we will never be friends like we were prior. So just something to think about.
Not going at all does put you in the YTA zone, sadly.
NTA for backing out as the photographer, but if that aspect was a business decision, which is how you framed it above, then it should not affect your wedding attendance. I still won’t give you the A-hole here, because your cousin/client is out of line for booking the second company before consulting you, and you have every right to be offended by that. But I also don’t think skipping the wedding is the right choice here unless you are intending to burn bridges.
It is still your call whether to go or not, but this is just a great case study in why having professional client relationships with family and friends is generally a bad idea. She sees you as family first and photographer second (or fifth), so you get less respect than an unrelated professional, both in terms of practice and time. Also, money, since a deposit is not mentioned, so I assume one was not collected here.
If you don’t think you could stand to see her, then skip the wedding, but if you’re not intending to pick a fight here, I would go and enjoy myself. Say some pleasantries, enjoy the dinner, revel in the fact that you don’t have to lug camera equipment around and can actually spend a few minutes talking to the aunts and cousins and nephews who haven’t recently offended you.
NTA as not being the photographer…how close are you to this cousin? Is their work style different from yours? You’ll be the Asshole for not attending…but at least you’ll save money on a wedding gift too.
YTA: You told your cousin the wedding had grown big enough to need a second photographer, so she took action and found someone. As a professional, you know that’s not the best way to handle it, but from her side, it probably felt like she was helping solve the problem.
You’ve got to remember, most people don’t know how photography teams work.
By the time you explained why that wasn’t the right move, she’d probably already signed a contract with the other photographer. At that point, what could she really do?
Backing out of the professional job is one thing. That’s fair if you’re not comfortable. But deciding not to go to the wedding at all? That’s where it crosses into asshole territory.
Your cousin didn’t try to disrespect you or your work. She just didn’t know how this stuff works. She probably thought she was making things easier, not harder.
You’re kind of letting a professional misunderstanding (likely caused by the bride’s stress and confusion) blow up into family drama, something way bigger than it needs to be.
Why let a simple misunderstanding turn into a family rift?
NTA. She never should have hired another photographer without consulting you. If you stayed, you’d be competing for the standard wedding shots rather than coordinating with a photographer you added. It’s easy to see why you’d wish to remove yourself entirely from this clusterf.
Do let her know in advance that you find yourself unable to attend due to a replacement and conflicting photo shoot.
It doesn’t sound as though she doesn’t trust you, she doesn’t trust the assistant and I can understand that. I didn’t see mention of her paying you less because she hired a second photographer. It sounds like she is covering both your bases and I can respect that. This is a big day for her.
If she wants to pay 2 photographers to shoot the entire wedding, that’s her choice. She’s only going to buy final product from one, so make sure your photographer’s fee takes that into account. If you don’t want to compete, say no.
Nothing like looking through wedding photos and seeing another photographer taking photos in the background.
Nta. What does your contract state?
She simply doesn’t understand or care to understand the dynamics. You’ve made the right decision to not be involved in the photography. Are you sure you really won’t attend? You might feel more generous come May
This is absolutely insane for her to expect you to do this! I’m not a photographer, but this is just sheer disrespect to think you would have 2 main photographers from 2 different companies. I think she took a look at their style and liked their style as well. And somehow thought you could work together. Of course you’d be competing with the same shots. That sounds like a logistical nightmare. She had no idea what hell that would be for her as a bride. You did the honorable and respectable thing by backing out.
And I too would be turned off from going to the wedding after all this mayhem. This is not ok.
NTA. I think.
You told her that you would find a second photographer to help you and your team, she should have left it to you.
Not everyone meshes well together and not all photographers think alike. You can’t just throw in a bunch and hope for the best.
I do think not going at all is extreme since it was you who technically backed out and you weren’t fired. Did you sign a contract at least since you’ve been booked so long? Are you getting compensated for the planning and the time spent mapping out everything?
YTA for backing out as a guest and potentially creating a family problem. It doesn’t sound like she has any issues with you or your work. She just doesn’t understand the logistics of wedding photography.
Yta-you were getting paid.
Nta. Rude of her to hire someone you compete with instead of let you bring a co worker. She obviously doesn’t understand or care how that works. But I think you should still go to the wedding. There needs to be a professional divide between your frustration as her would be photographer and your support of her as a family member.