Edit: just to clarify, I’m talking about superficial icks like the way they laugh or walk or something – Not things that reflect profound values, beliefs or behaviours
Those of you who had an ick with someone you were dating and pushed past it, how did it turn out?
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It eventually didn’t work out for other reasons.
It reappears as an ick again when they piss you off
It didn’t work out eventually, but for entirely different reasons. Learned to push it aside in the beginning and focus on the other good things, after some time didn’t even noticed the ick at all.
Lots of wasted time and hurt feelings that probably wouldn’t have been half as bad if I had just ended it earlier.
I have learned to trust the ick as a bodily signal that I’m just not super into that person, even when my brain hasn’t caught up yet.
It never worked out
It didn’t
Pushed past it, yes, but it still resurfaced every now and then (especially when fighting or on bad days). When the relationship ended I realized the ‘icks’ had actually built up. Obviously it depends on the ick and how major it is (in lack of better words), but I think it’s hard to let go if it’s something the person regularly does
I won’t say what the ick was, but it actually several SIGNIFICANT and not trivial things. Anyway, I ignored them for MONTHS, and those icks kept getting worse, until they were overwhelming. If they are minor icks, or a one time thing, you can learn to ignore or accept them most of the time. If they are significant, it just gets worse. Trust me.
We done.
I stuck it out another 3 years. Regret
I still have the ick and I borderline resent him rn
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Didn’t work out. Definitely a sign that they aren’t right for you because it crossed the subconscious line of your morals/ interests/ beliefs/ etc.
Minor ick – pushed past it and it’s fine. Major ick… didn’t bode well.
It does not turn out well. When I was a few months into my past relationship (of 4 years), my partner accidentally sent me a text he intended for a male friend. He told his friend that he couldn’t hang out with him that night because “his hoe” (me) was coming over. I was furious but let it go after he apologized profusely and said he didn’t mean anything by it. But it stayed with me. A couple months ago, after getting house together and planning a future, I got sick and lost my job. He dumped me like yesterday’s leftovers and left me with nothing. Trust your instincts! People will show us who they are early on, but we have to listen sooner than later
We really should listen to our intuitions.
It lead to me dealing with a lot of stress and difficulties that I wish I saved myself from.
Tried to push past them, never worked. Always resurfaced. Turned into disgust and resentment.
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Ended up divorcing him.
it depends on what you consider to be an ick.
I saw an ex’s boogers once and like yeah that was gross but it’s a normal bodily function.
on the other hand, I’ve also gotten the ick when someone can’t plan something on their own (even like a date/party or something) and that’s more of a personality trait that is harder to move past.
Regretted it. In hindsight I always should’ve ended things the minute I felt that ick but I felt like I needed to be fair and give them a chance in order to be a nice person.
When I met my ex husband my first impression was he’s a player. After 17 yrs of marriage, turns out I was right. He was having one night stands on business trips, while telling all his coworkers how in love he was with me.
Broke up with them. The ick was so bad with one that intimacy felt like rape and the other one when he cried he looked like a bum/crackhead begging for change 😂I’ll just resent and grow to hate them
Registered counsellor here – the “ick” is usually a gut instinct that should be listened to. I say usually, because there can be times where trauma finds healthy relationships or commitment scary. But even clients I have supported with a very strong “ick” reflex tend to be more correct than not. From what i’ve seen, it’s not just X gives me the ick, it’s a pattern recognition that if a person does X they usually have beliefs or values or other behaviours that aren’t compatible with what they want from a partner.
I tried to push past it but ultimately couldn’t so I broke up with him (there were many reasons but it was definitely one, I was no longer attracted to him)
He ate gas station food for every meal and he had 5 meals a day. And he did gain quite a bit of weight but that was not what was so unattractive to me, a little chub does not deter me, but gas station food is just so gross and like can you not get food that actually has nutrients??? Like not taking good care of himself and not eating healthy food ever was the ick
It totally depends upon the ick. When I was younger, I had a thing where when the initial crush stage ended around three months in, I would start to notice all of the negative things about them and move on. I had to grow the hell up and realize that I was just starting to see the actual person. That’s young love, though.
As an older adult, I have learned that almost everyone has something that will give the ick if you hang around long enough. If everything else about the person checks the right boxes, it’s entirely possible to get over most icks. You just have to decide which types of icks are deal breakers for you and which ones you can live with.
My husband is an extremely gassy man, and I have a very sensitive smell. The first time he spent the night at my house, I was convinced I had managed to give him food poisoning because of the horrible sounds coming from my bathroom. We are still together over ten years later. It took me a couple of years, but I finally managed to convince him that he was lactose intolerant. It took a while because he was nearly forty years old, and everyone had just been acting like that was a normal thing his entire life.
Superficial icks, in my experience, are signs of much deeper icks. Sometimes you can’t see the bigger ick at the time but you see it in retrospect or sometimes you never see it until the big reveal. Either way, if your body is saying ick, believe it, even if it seems superficial.
My husband gave me the ick, I tried to push past it for 2-3 years. We’re currently divorcing.
Not well. What I thought was just a minor thing grew bigger and bigger(in my head). Not that she in any way changed it’s just that something that I didn’t really like in the beginning I began to absolutely detest. And the more it bothered me the more I found other flaws with her. And it was not something that I had any right to complain to her about or ask her to change. So it was on me to deal with it. But it did end up being a valuable learning lesson.
My husband was a bad speller and often used “u” etc and made typos a lot when texting. I HATE that so much but I think I somehow casually mentioned how I hate that in context of someone else typing like that on Facebook or something and he picked up on it and stopped. He also knows I’m really good with words, spelling, reading etc whereas that is not his strong suit so he made the effort to stop doing it
On the plus side he was a fantastic texter in terms of effort! Never just one word casual responses so I looked passed it and now we’re married and have a son so clearly I got over it 🙂
I used to ignore all the red flags. Those relationships never worked out regardless. I openly communicate now. I find I have better results just being honest, even if I hurt peoples’ feelings.
I realized I was just afraid of a healthy relationship. My “ick” was how nice and communicative he was lol. We were together for a few years, I learned a lot, and we’re still friends.
Ok controversial take here maybe – we got married and I’m super duper happy now! My husband and I met pretty young and he was really shy and hadn’t had much experience with girls and life in general and I found it quite icky to have to almost be his mom sometimes to show him how to navigate adult life and make every freaking decision for us. He had this specific unsure look that he would give me which was my cue to take over and handle whatever it was and man I did not find that attractive!
I wasn’t sure if I could handle it for a while, but he was so sweet and kind in other ways that I stuck with it. 8 years later he’s grown and matured SO MUCH and has really blossomed into a confident and strong personality and it’s been great 🙂
Sometimes when he’s stressed (like when he got bad news about his dad’s health) he regresses back to being passive and indecisive and I feel it again, but I’m really glad I stuck it out!
It’s better. I realized I use it as a defense mechanism as reasons why things can’t work with a man. Except it was every man. Yes I still have impossibly high standards. I know I’m a handful. I dated other people twice, and I’m really thankful that we’re together. This man would take a bullet for me, makes my life so easy, treats me like a goddess, but omg he can’t spell some words and he makes fart noises.
What helps is friends reminding me how bad things were with the emotionally unavailable “sexy” men and let me vent and laugh about it.
I’ve had an ick with just about everyone I have been with. I tell myself to ignore it, whether that’s right or wrong.
The ick never disappears. You try to get over it but it just doesn’t go away. I had to leave. The ick was the way he talked like he had something in his mouth and the way he said “yeah” after every single sentence. Every. Single. Sentence.
Minor ick— we’re happily married with kids now. Had it been major I would’ve had to leave
He lied about a small thing- agreed to come with me to an event I could easily have brought someone else too. Then at the last minute he bailed, saying I should have known he wouldn’t go. I ignored it and I shouldn’t have. Turns out he was lying about wanting marriage and children too,but he figured I’d get over it. We broke up.
My wife didn’t want to go out with me because I had just met her in her clothes store. Not necessarily an ick, but she didn’t want to go out with guys from work because she was hit on so much at her store by customers. She’s would not give me her number. It was a total coincidence, but she knew a friend of mine and he vouched for me and he gave her my number. We’ve been happily married for years.